Is it normal for an au pair to go to bed and sleep when on babysitting duties?

[MGMidget]

Just wondered what you think about this? Our new au pair is in a room that is a long way from our DS's room. I don't think she would hear him crying when she was asleep. After she babysat the first time and had clearly gone to bed when we returned at 10pm I had a word. I made it clear I didn't want her to go to sleep when babysitting and explained why, giving examples of what could happen (eg DS recently had a bad vomiting bug when last au pair was babysitting. Goodness knows what would have happened if our previous au pair hadn't been awake to deal with it and call us to come home immediately! Also DS suffers from asthma and croup sometimes and the attacks happen at night.). Au pair seemed happy to stay awake and explained she just didn't know what was expected and now she did. All seemed fine and she did her second night's babysitting tonight. We got home at about 11.15 and realised she had gone to bed again. Now I am really concerned. Should I be or am I the only one who thinks she should be awake and listening out for DS when babysitting?

I think you should probably buy a baby monitor. I think that for me it would be different if she was just a babysitter - then I'd be annoyed (to say the least) if she took herself off to bed, but as she lives with you wouldn't it make more sense to get her a listening device.

I also say get a monitor. If she needs to be up the next day then she probably want to make sure she has enough sleep

You need to get her a monitor. I assume you sleep when your DS is alseep and don't sit awake all night at his bedside? If she needs to be up in the morning then going to bed at 10:30/11:00pm seems reasonable to me.

Agree with everyone else. I used to go to sleep at 9.30 when mine were babies. They are fine, honestly. Use a moniter. It will be ok.

I'd say monitor too, as long as she'll wake up to deal with anything if she needs to.

She lives with you. Surely she can go to bed once the baby is settled, unless you are paying her a babysitting rate for the evening.

I agree with everyone, she lives with you and should be able to go to bed when she is tired if your DS is settled.
How is it different than you gong to bed? unless you sit with your DS all night.

I actively encourage my aupairs to go to bed when they are tired!! Ditto monitor. When mine was younger, and we were out late, aupair used to leave it on maximum volume just outside her door when she went to bed. That way, she'd wake up if baby cried, but we could pick up monitor and take it to our room when we got home.

I think your being very unfair expecting her to stay up until you return. Like others have said get a baby monitor

I would have no issue with someone who lives in sleeping whilst babysitting. My live in nanny does, except on the rare occasion the DC are very unsettled in which case she will stay awake until we get home.

I would have an issue if my nanny/au pair/ whoever ignored an express instruction not to do something, as in this case?

Is there perhaps a language barrier? What time do you usually onto bed? Perhaps she assumed once it was past "your bedtime" that it was ok to sleep? You do need to talk to her clearly about following instructions. Also get a monitor.

Definitely a monitor. I'm also in the actively encouraging live ins to sleep camp. Is it any nearer if she's downstairs or is it just the principle that she should be awake?

I would normally say get a monitor, but it does depend on whether your au pair is responsive when asleep. Someone who is not used to listening out for a child just doesn't hear them as quickly.

Our (live in) nanny used to get sufficiently worried about responding that she actually put DS2 in a travel cot in her room to make sure she heard him.

Does she sleep through anything and everything? If so, then I would be concerned. If she wakes to small noises, then not so concerned.

I dont know much about APs but I understood there was a limit on the hours they could work with the children.

If you are expecting her to sit up with your sleeping child until you get home do you not lose your day time hours?

Get a baby monitor.

Our room is right next to my son's and being a mum I wake easily when he makes a noise. My concern is that her room is too far away for her to wake if he cries. She would hear him if she was sitting downstairs or sitting in her room with the door open. We could give her a monitor but it would mean her sleep potentially disturbed all night if he coughs or wakes up - if she falls asleep before we get back with it switched on. That is if the monitor signal reaches her room reliably which may not be the case! So far we haven't been out past her usual bedtime. She has gone to bed earlier than usual when babysitting and didn't need to get up this morning as she has the weekend off. Anyway I can talk to her when we she emerges from her room and consider if a monitor would work!

Get a monitor - have it on whilst you are out so AP can go to bed then when you get home switch the monitor off in babys bedroom so therefore not disturbing the AP.

Unless you try it you will not know whether it works or not - buy a monitor if the signal does not reach then take it back .

I think YABU, she is an au pair, not a night nanny and like someone else said there is a limit to the hours she can work in a day. If you are expecting her to be awake whilst your son sleeps, are you letting her catch up on sleep at another time (excluding her days off which she is fully entitled to)? I am also guessing your son is your only child.
If her room is so far away, can't you move her to a closer room or swap rooms? How big is your house?
Of course buy a baby monitor and have her use it when babysitting. When not babysitting it doesn't have to be used and thus won't disturb her sleep.

Or come home earlier from nights out, safe in the knowledge that you're there on the odd occasion that your son is ill.
Simple.
Let the au pair sleep for goodness sake!

How far away is her bedroom?

I am a live in nanny and when I babysit I usually go to bed.

When my charges are younger I put the baby monitor outside my room (in a past job the babies room was at the far end of the corridor to me so although I would hear her it gave me peace of mind. Then when the parents came back they would take the monitor back. However with current charge who is 4, I just leave my door open just a crack, although again I would hear them and my boss closes my door when she gets in.

OP I think you should consider employing a nanny/night nanny if you want this level of care.

An AP isnt really appropriate.

'didn't need to get up this morning as she has the weekend off'

So she should stay up when she's tired and sleep it off in her free time? You don't own her.

Get her the monitor. And don't pretend your reluctance to get her one is about 'disturbing her sleep' once you are home.

I would never expect someone babysitting my child to sit up awake when he was asleep. Never in a million years.

I agree with everyone else, you need to get her a baby monitor. Of course the signal will reach, they have a ridiculously long range. And if it doesn't reach then you will need to move her into a room nearer the baby.

Someone I know can only keep her au pairs for three months at a time. Because she makes unreasonable demands and seems to rejoice in the fact she can pay them peanuts and treat them like crap.

It is a horrible situation for her child, and for the au pairs I would imagine.

I agree it sounds morelike you want a night nanny than an au pair. You get what you pay for.

My baby monitor signal reaches 100m. I'm sure your house isn't that big

I agree with everyone else - I think it's totally unreasonable to expect your AP to stay up when she doesn't need to. And what spero said