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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Is it normal for an au pair to go to bed and sleep when on babysitting duties?

54 replies

MGMidget · 14/01/2012 00:42

Just wondered what you think about this? Our new au pair is in a room that is a long way from our DS's room. I don't think she would hear him crying when she was asleep. After she babysat the first time and had clearly gone to bed when we returned at 10pm I had a word. I made it clear I didn't want her to go to sleep when babysitting and explained why, giving examples of what could happen (eg DS recently had a bad vomiting bug when last au pair was babysitting. Goodness knows what would have happened if our previous au pair hadn't been awake to deal with it and call us to come home immediately! Also DS suffers from asthma and croup sometimes and the attacks happen at night.). Au pair seemed happy to stay awake and explained she just didn't know what was expected and now she did. All seemed fine and she did her second night's babysitting tonight. We got home at about 11.15 and realised she had gone to bed again. Now I am really concerned. Should I be or am I the only one who thinks she should be awake and listening out for DS when babysitting?

OP posts:

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spottydogpencilcase · 14/01/2012 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 14/01/2012 11:51

If your AP could hear him if she was awake with her door open, of course a monitor is going to work. How odd to think it wont. As for the excuse it might wake her in the night - do as others have suggested and get her to put it at full volume outside her door when she goes to bed and you pick it up when you come in.

I think it's ridiculous to make her stay awake 'just in case' but IF you pay her by the hour and she chooses to babysit then fair enough, if it's just expected as she's 'live-in' then no, part of that expectation is to be able to go to bed and if you want someone to stay up then pay her or someone else to babysit would be my suggestion.

However the only think I don't think you are being unreasonable about is the fact that she said she understood what you wanted & agreed to it, then did as she wanted. If it's a language problem fine - if it's a 'fuck you' problem - not fine.

FreckledLeopard · 14/01/2012 12:35

How old is your DS? Au pairs aren't supposed to have sole charge of a child under three. If your DS is older than three, could he not go to the AP's room if he needed something?

catepilarr · 14/01/2012 13:12

of course a live in nanny or an ap can go to bed when babysitting!!! that why you get a two nights of free babysitting as they can carry on as normal while you go out.

savoycabbage · 14/01/2012 13:19

My baby monitor used to pick up the noise of my friends baby down the street so I think you should be fine.

MrAnchovy · 14/01/2012 13:23

Au pairs aren't supposed to have sole charge of a child under three.

This is not true in the UK - there is no official definition of an 'au pair' and no restriction on what anyone employed in your home can do.

But there is a restriction on rest periods between working days. You are supposed to give at least 11 hours break between shifts. Now babysitting for a live-in is a grey area - is being in the place you live, doing your own thing working? Probably not. But if you insist that the au pair stays awake actively monitoring your child it probably is work and you are in breach of the Working Time Regulations.

Let her sleep (I wish our current one would - never goes to bed before 2am, is rubbish in the morning and sleeps during the day) and get a monitor.

Not following your explicit instruction is not on though - do you think there was a language or other communication hitch?

Original poster

MGMidget · 14/01/2012 23:37

Not following my explicit instruction is my main worry (apart from the safety of my son) as it raises a question of trust. Her English is very good and she definitely understood the conversation judging by her response and the whole conversation we had. If she had a problem with the issue she could have discussed it in the first place but she didn't have a problem when we talked about it. I would point out that we weren't out that late (11.15) and she has been going to bed later on the nights she wasn't babysitting. Also, I calculated her total working time that day was 5 hours including the time she babysat. She is employed as an au pair plus on an above average rate with some generous perks so she does OK by us. However, I'm interested to see the overwhelming vote for getting a monitor and we're going to give her one! It is interesting to see how speculation develops on these threads - 'in breach of working time regulations', 'getting an au pair to look after a child under 3' for example...I don't have a child under 3 and haven't breached the working time regulations.

OP posts:

Original poster

MGMidget · 14/01/2012 23:44

PS - I would also like to say thanks to everyone for the comments. It is very helpful to get a good level of responses on this as I want to be fair to her and keep her for the full length of her contract (assuming she turns out to be good at the job!).

OP posts:

Oneofthechildlessones · 15/01/2012 09:04

So DS is older than 3 and you still think she should be awake. Sometimes when I think my boss is being petty over something it's nice to read things like this which make me see I am very lucky to have her as my employer. TBH I think she'd find it odd if I was sat downstairs waiting for her to come home.

On another note - are you sure she was asleep and not just reading, on her computer etc.

OhFraktiousTree · 15/01/2012 09:39

I would expect a child over 3 to get out of bed and go find the a parent/the AP if something was wrong.

catchafallingstar · 15/01/2012 13:27

Do you sit by your Childs bed every night in case he vomits/ has an asthma attack/ croup occurs?

Can't believe the child is older than 3! I would also expect them to go get help from whatever adult was in the house.

StillSquiffy · 15/01/2012 15:33

But. Mr A, aren't domestic workers living in homes specifically exempt from WTR?

Flisspaps · 15/01/2012 15:42

If you are concerned about her being woken up with every little cough and moan your DS has through the night, you can turn the monitor off in his room once you get in - just switch it off at the wall.

NickNacks · 15/01/2012 15:51

Turning the Childs end of the monitor off creates loud interference on the parents speaker ime.

Flisspaps · 15/01/2012 15:55

Which will wake her up long enough to turn her end off too, without the OP having to go into the AP's room to do it

HavePatience · 15/01/2012 16:10

I agree about the monitor and that the Ap should be able to sleep. However, I also agree that if you talked with her about it and said you'd like her to stay awake and she agreed then she should do it!

It is an unreasonable demand, but if my employer made an unreasonable demand, and I agreed to it, I'd do it! If I didn't agree, I would say so.

confusedpixie · 15/01/2012 16:19

I'd call 11:15 'that late' I go to bed by then! When I lived in I had a baby monitor and went to bed. The parents would check to see if I was up to give it back to them but if not they'd leave me with it. I was on the floor above the girls and the monitor worked fine.

Maybe she thought you'd be home by 10 again and was getting tired when it got to 11 and you weren't back?

Spero · 15/01/2012 16:20

If you have to get up early and look after young children 11.15 pm is late to go to bed!

OhFraktiousTree · 15/01/2012 16:28

squiffy I think only part of the WTR applies - maximum weekly hours and breaks.

MrAnchovy · 15/01/2012 17:10

squiffy I think only part of the WTR applies
Thats right

- maximum weekly hours
... but that's not

The provisions from which domestic workers are exempt concern the following:
Maximum weekly working time, night work and pattern of work

Leaving the remaining provisions which still apply:
Daily rest (at least 11 hours between shifts); weekly rest (at least 24 hours in every 7 days, or 48 in every 14) and rest breaks (20 minutes in a shift longer than 6 hours). In each case workers under 18 are entitled to more than these minima. Plus of course 5.6 weeks annual leave!

MrAnchovy · 15/01/2012 17:26

... and the only time living in (as 'part of the family') makes a difference is exemption from the National Minimum Wage.

RitaMorgan · 15/01/2012 19:07

If you want someone to sit up awake listening out for a potentially unwell baby then I think you need to get a night nanny and pay for those hours.

An au pair babysitting for an average 3 year old should be free to go to her room and chill out or sleep though. Put a monitor outside her door that you can grab when you get home - or tell your child to go to her room if he wakes and needs something.

Original poster

MGMidget · 15/01/2012 19:53

Ok! As I said we are giving her a monitor! I don't agree that a child over 3 can always go to the au pair room though. My child is 4 and when he gets an asthma or croup attack or indeed a severe vomiting bug he is unlikely to be fit to walk to her room. Just my observation from experience! However, if the au pair hears him on the monitor and responds it won't be a problem. Thanks for all your comments. It is good to get everyone's perspective on this.

OP posts:

longjane · 15/01/2012 20:26

if you child is ill with a vomiting bug why are going out?

If you child asthma is that bad why have you au pair and not a first aid train nanny?

Original poster

MGMidget · 15/01/2012 22:32

He got the vomit bug while we were out and we came straight home when we got the call. Our son's asthma is mild in that he doesn't get attacks often but I think any attack of asthma or croup in a young child somewhat disables them at the time. Our au pair has the necessary training to deal with our son as long as she hears and responds when something happens.

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