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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny's trips to cafe with DCs - no drinks for DCs!

50 replies

travellingtime · 24/11/2011 21:41

Our nanny, we realise (thought chatting to DS), sometimes takes the DCs to Costa (or similar) with her mother after school
In principal i have no objection to this. however, she doesnt buy a drink for them. I do not routinely leave money out for these type of trips. It tends to operate more on the basis that nanny uses her cash for play groups etc and submits an expense claim each month.
DS tells me she wont buy him a drink cos i dont leave money out.
Several issues - trips to cafe now and then ok for kids as its a pleasant outing and good experience for them. but, seems unkind for them to sit there with nothing whilst nanny and mum have a nice drink and a chat.
the trip is clearly more for the benefit of nanny than the kids. we do allow a lot of freedom for her to do her own thing, but this feels like a bit of a bridge too far.
we do plan to raise the issue but am curious for other's thoughts on this

OP posts:

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NickNacks · 24/11/2011 21:46

I think you should leave money in a kitty for her to use in advance.

I don't think she should have to dig into her own pocket all the time for whatever the expense is.

I do agree though that it is not kind for her to sit and enjoy a drink without your DC's but easily sorted by you if you left money for them.

Iggly · 24/11/2011 21:47

Yes why not have a kitty? Having to claim for expenses seems a bit much really. We have a kitty for our nanny.

Original poster

travellingtime · 24/11/2011 21:49

her choice to do it this way, she is happy with the arrangement. claims each month along with mileage. if they are going for a planned 'big' day out or trip i leave cash

OP posts:

WonderingMama · 24/11/2011 21:49

So why don't you leave the money for her and mention she can use the money for refreshments for children?You say you don't lave the money for these kind of trips but you have a problem that she doesn't get a drink for them.
I leave the cash for our nanny and generally she spends the same amount of money every month(apart from half term) and I don't require the receipts as I trust her.

QuintessentialMercury · 24/11/2011 21:50

I agree about Kitty.
Tell her it is so that she can buy your children a fruit salad, and a drink.

Iggly · 24/11/2011 21:52

Her choice? Am surprised. I can understand mileage claims but not for outings. I'd say you'd prefer a kitty so she can do things at short notice.

MogandMe · 24/11/2011 21:52

Yes have a kitty.

I take my DC 4.2 to Costa for a hot chocolate and cake every so often - in fact he has often asked if we can go. I feel that part of my job is to give him a wide range of opportunities to see what the world is like and how to act in different situations. I know my boss enjoys a starbucks on a weekend so I take him so he knows how to sit nicely, he gets to count out money to buy things, make polite conversation with staff etc.

I also meet up with other nannies and their charges in Starbucks and again the children have fun whilst we get to drink a hot drink

NickNacks · 24/11/2011 21:53

So if she's broke then they don't do anything?

longjane · 24/11/2011 22:06

In fact in my book when going on outings with kids my expensive are met too so you should be paying for my coffee too.

nbee84 · 24/11/2011 22:30

longjane - but in this case the nanny is meeting her mother so I would expect nanny to pay for herself (though if an outing is for the benefit of the children then nanny should not be paying for her own drink), but agree a kitty should be available upfront for expenses of this kind for the children.

HSMM · 24/11/2011 22:49

Does she take some water for the children?

nannynick · 24/11/2011 23:10

It seems very unfair not to get the children anything. When we go to a cafe, the children get something - well baby might not (take her food/drink with us) but those old enough get something, often something they choose.

Why does the nanny not put a claim in for whatever the children want to drink? Seems odd that given how you are operating expenses that your nanny isn't just adding it in to the claim.

nannynick · 24/11/2011 23:12

Would I be right in guessing that there is no mileage claim for these cafe visits either?

Maybe she does not want you to know she meets with her mum during her working time.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/11/2011 23:49

Seems weird and tbh selfish and uncaring that she doesn't buy your dc a drink

We went to costa today (feel a traitor as prefer sb lol) but needs must

Teething twins and been in house all day and we all had cabin fever

They had a baby chino which they loved and I clawed back my sanity as met a friend there

Mb paid for my and dc drinks - saying that baby chinos are free

Don't understand why you don't supply a kitty upfront as makes things much easier but if that's what your nanny wants ........

Maybe just mention that if she goes out that you don't mind paying for drinks etc - though if it is a regular jaunt then maybe set a budget for costa

ohnoshedittant · 25/11/2011 02:18

We do expenses this way. I pay for everything (I'm a nanny) and put in an expenses claim at the end of each month. This was at my request, they'd provide a kitty if I asked.

I find this way easier as I don't have to worry about keeping my money seperate from their money/putting correct change back/remembering to take money out/reminding them to top up kitty etc etc. I'm not organised enough and neither are MB/DB.

NickNacks I make sure I'm not broke, always money in the account.

I wouldn't insist on a kitty if your nanny is happy this way. I'd be really peed off if MB announced we'll be changing the way we do things because someone on mumsnet does things differently!!

With regard to not getting them a drink, that does seem odd. How old is DS? Could he be confused e.g. he means they don't get a hot drink/coffee or she takes drinks for them? Any chance he's just lying?

I'd tell the nanny what DS said and ask her to explain.

cupcakecastles · 25/11/2011 08:21

Weather you leave money out or not I would be worried as its very uncaring.

As I see it - a nanny is supposed to be like a mum while she is not there - and you would never leave the children out!

Poor children sitting waiting quietely while people drink and chat.

Original poster

travellingtime · 25/11/2011 09:13

I knew everyone would get upset about the kitty thing but thats not the real issue.
I think nanny must on some level think that what she is doing is not 100% appropriate or she would ask for money for the cafe trips or claim it back.
we have always said we dont mind her having seeing her mum (within reason) during work time.
I have also always said that if she is planning anything particular that requires more than a few quid, she should let us know, so we make sure she is not left out of pocket whilst waiting for expenses back
DS is almost 5, DD 20months. DS would happily have a hot choc or juice or babychino, DD prob would have babychino or juice. She does usually take water with her for them but if it was ME, I would not go to a cafe with my kids and have a nice frothy coffee and let them sit there with water - doesnt seem fair.

Agree with comment that trips to cafes are educational in their own way - as I said in my OP, I have no issue at all with trips to cafes. We would sometimes do the same ourselves on a weekend.
Also as I said in OP, we do plan to raise with nanny, have to try and do so in non-accusing way, as dont want to offend and it could be that DS has the wrong end of the stick.
My plan is to conversationally ask her what she does about drinks for the kdis when they go to cafes as she never claims it back and i would hate her to be out of pocket and see what the reaction is

OP posts:

Swedes2 · 25/11/2011 09:25

There are far too many nannies on this thread. :)

Surely it's not OK for her to conduct her social/family life during working hours? She's at work. She's being paid to look after your children. Not to sit in Costa gassing to her mother.

Swedes2 · 25/11/2011 09:34

Trips to the park, going on the bus from one end of town to the other, and then back again and taking it in turns to be the person to buy the ticket, going to the library, going to the supermarket and naming all the vegetables in the vegetable aisle and naming the fish at the fish counter, watching the butcher put the mince in the mincing machine and discussing it. These things are educational.

Sitting in a cafe with a cup of water listening to the person who's supposed to be looking after you gas on to her mother is NOT educational. It's a bore. It's one of the things that children sometimes have to endure because the parents want to do it. It isn't something the nanny should be doing while she's at work.

ScroobiousPip · 25/11/2011 09:52

An occasional trip to a cafe is fine if your budget can stretch to it, but not all parents have a bottomless bank account.

If your nanny wants to go and meet her mum regularly she really needs to do it in her own time or have her mum join in with an activity which is fun for the children. If they really want to meet at a cafe then, as it's a trip which is entirely for your nanny and her mum's benefit, I think they should pay for the children's drinks.

redglow · 25/11/2011 10:33

My last boss never left me any kitty money so if the kids had something I would pay for it she had 4 Dcs so I did not do it that often if they asked for something I would say no mummy did not leave any money hopeing it would get back and she would get the hint, she never did so ended up buying it myself. However no way would I sit in front of a child and have a nice coffee we would all have nothing what a horrible mean thing to do.

OP why do you allow your nanny to meet her mum in a coffee? shop why cant she do this in her own time her mother sounds as bad as her not getting them anything.

redglow · 25/11/2011 10:41

Blondes how come your babychinos are free when I have to pay in costa? Is it coz your blonde???

becstarsky · 25/11/2011 10:45

Can't you just say 'By the way, when you meet your Mum at Costa, do feel free to buy the kids a drink and put it on your expenses. We're happy to pay for it. Or would you prefer me to give you a bit of money each week to cover the kids' drinks when you're out?' Then just ask how often she is likely to be meeting her Mum during working hours, so that you can budget for the money in advance.

That would tell her that you know that she meets her Mum and that she hasn't been buying your kids a drink, and she has had to tell you how often she's going to do it in future. But it won't create a big fall out, which I presume you don't want, because it's more about keeping everything in the open if I've understood you correctly.

Original poster

travellingtime · 25/11/2011 10:46

We let her see her mum and always have, didnt see it as a problem.
Sometimes she takes them to her house (she does live with her mum), and they all do treat the children nicely, and play with them or involve them in whatever they are doing.

OP posts:

Sandalwood · 25/11/2011 10:50

I just want to know what a babychino is.

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