AIBU to just leave NOW?

[NJE]

Just been told by the 9 year old girl I look after that I am just a stupid babysitter and that I will clean toilets until the rest of my life...

I didn' even know what to say. Luckily she is on a playdate with her friend now, so I had time for a bit of a cry...

Right now all I want is to pack my things and leave asap.

Blimey - how horrible for you. Where did she get this attitude from? How will her parents react when you tell them (and you certainly should!). My DD would be grounded for life if she said something like that.

Her mum won't say a thing. Don't know if you read my other thread from a few days ago...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childminders_nannies_au_pairs_etc/1331878-Should-I-stay-or-should-I-go

Hi NJE.

Sorry to hear what has happened.

I would have cancelled the playdate and let the child know that you would like an appology.Explain that you will be informing her parents of her behaviour and that you do not accept it.If you dont let the parents know & set no rules then she will continue to behave the way in which she has.

Let us know how you get on.

Blimey - just go. They sound vile.

SWEETY
I did let her mum know, just texted her but it won't make a difference. I set rules, I am strict but as soon as the mother comes home she says something else.

Do you need them for a reference?

If you don't, yes you could go once hte family arrived home and you knew the child was safe (obviously).

If you do need a reference...

unfortunately it's just going to reflect badly on you if you actually walk out. who knows what story the family may spin 'off the record' to someone calling for a reference. they're not supposed to say anything neg yada yada but the last thing you'd want to be is involved in some sort attempt to clear your name with people living in another country etc and who knows what the laws are there anyway.

you also dont want to be in a situation whereby you're worried about what you'd have to say for this period of time.

My concern for you is that parents may USUALLY be tempted to trust OTHER PARENTS' views on a nanny at interview stage. Remember these people conned you into taking their job, they're probably pretty charming.

If I were you I would say your circumstances have changed and you need to return to the UK immediately. What is your notice period?

I'm wondering if Frak or Blondes have been through this.

Don't say anything to them that suggests you can't cope.

Keep the discussion very short and simple.

Do you have a friend there you can leave to visit after you've resigned/someone who can help you pack and sort the admin out? It might be good to have some support.

That girl sound horrible and tbh from your other thread, I wouldn't be surprised if she was actually just repeating what her mother is saying about you behind you back. If fits in with mum not telling off the girl and actually bringing home gifts instead. Also the "Don't worry, I'll be home soon." As if she agrees that being looked after by you is a horrible experience.

I could not stay any longer if I was you tbh. Can you use anyone else as a reference when looking for a new job? You said you're moving abroad anyway...

Leave. They sound mental. The question is how...

I was in a similar situation, also in Belgium, except I knew after 2 weeks it wasn't going to work. The mother was ridiculously overprotective and wouldn't let me do anything, it was also a fully staffed house so I got told off if I wandered outside my job description and the maternity nurse was still around for the baby. One day I'd just had enough so I packed my bags, called the agency (who I'd be in touch with every day to say that it wasn't working), told them I was leaving and that I could leave quite happily on Friday and not come back, waiving the notice period and the pay for then. The mother didn't really seem too shocked. I later found out from the housekeeper that I was the 6th, yes, 6th nanny who had done something similar in the time she'd been there. The family told me I was the first nanny

Did you go through an agency or privately? Is there anyone else who could at least confirm that you worked there? Did you have wage slips or anything?

The family are to blame for this, having read your other thread. You have had to do cleaning and been treated like a skivvy, the girl is old enough to have picked up on that. I don't think there's any going back.

If you're there under an au pair agreement then shop them to the authorities for exploitation.

But pack your bags and have an escape plan.

Kids say awful things sometimes.

It was one of the reasons I stopped teaching. I had a 16 year old boy call me a "fucking slut" in front of 36 younger boys! His punishment was a 2 day exclusion.

Sorry to hear about your horrible experience.

MrsHuxtable That girl sound horrible and tbh from your other thread, I wouldn't be surprised if she was actually just repeating what her mother is saying about you behind you back.

That's what I thought at first too but I texted mum because things like that REALLY upsets me. I have chosen to leave school after my GCSE's (Well, the German equivalent) to go work in London for one year, but then decided to stay there and do my A-Levels by distance learning. I work not because I have to but because I wanna be my own person and not live off my parents (My parents are pretty well off). I choose to work as a nanny because I genuinely love children although I know I don't want to do that forever. It takes longer now as I first wanted to (I wanted to go to university this year, but I enjoy working abroad and learning languages so much, I decided to not go to university until 2012 or 2013. It is also not uncommon in Germany to work for a few years after school and then go to university.)

Anyway, long story short: Mum wasn't happy and said the girl will be in trouble once she is home tonight (She said if she doesn't behave her mum and dad won't send her to university at all and then she needs to clean toilets + she needs to learn how to behave.) So I will see what happens tonight.

LadyHarriet

No, I don't need them for a reference. I have another pt job in Brussels, looking three days after twin babies + all my other references from London are excellent. I am registered with two good agencies and I have already contacted them that I am looking for a temp job from Jan to July/August in London or anywhere else.

fraktious

Although I have to do lots of other things that weren't agreed first I wouldn't say they exploit me. For me it's not the fact that I have to do the cleaning etc. (I much rather do this than looking after the girl.) BUT the fact they treat me as someone who is less worth if that makes sense. I have worked for families before, did a bit of cleaning + ironing etc. I don't mind. But I don't serve food like a maid etc. The family offers a lot in return, so for someone who wants to learn French and live a while in Brussels it's perfect and for someone who is happy to being treated like a second class person. But for me it is just not working out.

then bin them, DEFINITELY, if you don't need a reference.

If they're not going by the terms of the agreement, assuming it calls you an au pair, then the Belgian authorities won't give 2 hoots whether you feel exploited or not. They're pretty hot on fake au pairs, probably for the tax implications given that APs manage to wriggle out of the eye watering taxes. That is one thing Belgium does very well.

Their attitude just sounds shocking.

'blondes dashes in - after being pointed to this thread'

only a quickie as need to drive the dc i have at mo

tbh i havnt been in this situation personally, but what i will say is that if you make the parents 'tell' her off then imm you have lost the fight and any respect the girl may have for you

YOU need to deal with any punishment, and tbh i would have cancelled her play date and either rang the other mum or taken her friend home there and then

this family is rude and sounds from ex nanny things were the same and wont change, so hand in notice and leave - family emergency works well in this circumstances

no point flagging a dead horse

as blonds says ,and just to add what a vile child and stupid parents, you dont need this, leave... dont take personally they sound a horrible stupid ignorant and crass family anyway.

Sounds awful.

Would you like a job ? You sound lovely. I am desprately hunting for a decent nanny! They are treating you like crap, having read your previous thread.
If you don't need the job / reference, I would just go. Vile child.

So, mum comes home... talks to the daughter. Daughter gets load, upset, starts crying. Mum stops. Is nice to the daughter. I then talked to mother afterwards when the girl was in bed. I asked her if the girl said something and she just said: No, but you know I tell her all the time, that if she doesnt learn she needs to clean toilets later. I never heard her saying that, though. I could clearly hear the conversation she had with her children. Her daughter said that she wants someone new. She then said: They will be all just as annoying as Dumbo. She calls me Dumbo. Great... Def not making something wrong when I leave... I have worked for many families before and although things not always worked out with the parents so great the chilren always loved me. Oh...

N

what a little shit and what a vile mother,I think if you start arranging a job now you can explain the situation to a new family they might take you under their wing

You ve been having problems with this lot for a while now and you have given it your best effort ,Im with everyone else that it is time for you to leave .What a little monster .

And your still there because???

If it were me, Id have been gone long ago..

anewyear

I will talk to the mother tomorrow. I will def leave but will also leave enough time for the mother to find someone else.

she can find slaves nannies easily - she just cant keep them

2weeks notice is fine

Bloody hell, it sounds like this family need to hear a few home truths

You must be a bloody saint, because I think I'd have decked the mother before now

Leave. They don't deserve you!

Your too nice me thinks..

Hi, I spoke to the mother today. I tried to make things work, but they will never work. I told her that the daughter keeps scratching me and she says: Well, if you would cut her nails every day she couldn't scratch you.

So what about the smacking and kicking bit? Shall I cut off legs and arms too so she can't hit me?

Oh, I am so angry. Have a phone interview at the weekend for a family living close to London who is looking for a German speaking nanny. Let's see how that goes. The agency told me that the family is really interested in me. Position starts in January.