that is it.. i am done being a childminder

[MaryPoppinsMagic]

Have started several threads over the last few weeks on here and aibu.

I've been registered since september and every parent I have had has messed me about.

The latest was - I am ending the trial because you want to take my son to the shop.

If this is the future then I don't want it. Going to have to pay back the set up grant but oh well.

That's such a shame .

Good CMs are worth their weight in gold and not all parents are unreasonable - you've been so unlucky.

Ok I'm not a childminder but it seems like you haven't given it a fair chance. You probably just need experience to spot the clients who are too much bother to take on.

You have been unlucky. I have been minding 12 yrs and most of the families are lovely. However ... it is just a job that doesn't suit everyone, so I hope you find something you are happy doing.

Think you've been unlucky tbh. When did you start advertising ? I only ask becasue if you only started in September and took whoever came along then these aren't necessarily the people who will be committed to long term childcare. Those would have researched and booked further ahead. Could you take a break, advertise for vacancies starting in the New Year and use your experience to ensure the contract is more watertight, including a typical day's routine in your literature so that the situation doesn't arise again or they can make a specific request if it doesn't suit.

let this family go, and start afresh

chalk up to experience

great post LizS

Most parents will not mess you around. Could just be teething troubles seem a real shame to give it all up so quickly. Just explain what you will be doing all day so it is really clear from the start.

I am bloody good at the job, and I totally love the children element.

Its the parents, and the way they have taken the complete piss.

liz really helpful post thank you.

I have just taken on who has come along, as I needed the business. I think I am going to have to get tough if I want to carry on.

I am in the middle of a childcare course so I will complete that. It was mentioned last night about checking over policies to make sure they are clear, I'm going to do this as well.

I started advertising just before I was registered. I even paid the ridiculous £20 a month for childcare.co.uk!

I'm just so blumming deflated by this whole situation. Yesterday was a day from hell and I just wanted to let out a huge scream!

I am bloody good at the job, and I totally love the children element.

Its the parents, and the way they have taken the complete piss.

liz really helpful post thank you.

I have just taken on who has come along, as I needed the business. I think I am going to have to get tough if I want to carry on.

I am in the middle of a childcare course so I will complete that. It was mentioned last night about checking over policies to make sure they are clear, I'm going to do this as well.

I started advertising just before I was registered. I even paid the ridiculous £20 a month for childcare.co.uk!

I'm just so blumming deflated by this whole situation. Yesterday was a day from hell and I just wanted to let out a huge scream!

awwww, scream away

we've all made mistakes, in the early stages, and looking back it's easy to say but WHY did I say yes/think that was a good idea etc

As your CMing career progresses you will develop assertiveness and find it easier to say no

Chin up, shoulders back, onwards and upwards, keep buggering on etc

We all have horrible days. There was a thread a little while ago about things we have changed since starting minding and it just shows that we have all learned from our experiences.

If you carry on, you will find plenty of people on here who have similar problems or solutions. I didn't mean to sound negative in my previous post, but I have seen several people start minding and simply decide it is not for them.

your too honest to be fair
i say to new parents we go to such and such a group were the children can mix and make new friends, i dont say also i will make new friends at these groups too and have a chat and a coffee!!

if you just say the first bit parents dont even ask what you will be doing (they dont care if you make friends or dont talk to a real person all day) they only care for their child and righly so

you dont have to say were going to the shop cause i am out of milk just go to the shop and write down you have been for a walk in the afternoon (not a lie)

Ok and breathe! I've read both your messages. Please don't give up over one overdemanding parent. It's hard to build relationships sometimes with parents, but its also vital that you both get along and it sounds like she doesn't trust your judgement so why is she leaving her child with you. Personally, I'd give notice and start again. You've got your own dc to think about and if she won't accept something as simple as not bringing her child to you when they're ill then she doesn't deserve a cm. When I first started I felt really bad when I turned someone down because I just didn't think I could work with her - too demanding, too highly strung. The initial interview was the most stressful time I've had for years (and she thought it was OK to let her son lick my windows - but that was a whole thread on its own!) Anyway, now got four sets of parents I work with who are lovely and so appreciative and the poor cm who did take her on is having a nightmare with parents and their dc.
Stick it out for at least a few more months - if it really isn't for you then you'll know, but it would be such a shame to give up now when there is probably someone lovely with great dc who'll appreciate you for the fab cm you'll be if only you're allowed to do it your way.

Thank you all for your kind words!

I have decided to vet parents as much as they vet me, go over my policies and instead of asking the parent to take them and read go through them with the parent instead.

I am going to give it a bit longer and see what happens.

your all so lovely!

Hey, you are wound up because you care which can only be a good thing as far as I am concerned. I know a childminder and when she first started and had the odd one here or there but,.. several years on she turns an awful lot of work away.
Stick at it you will be fine, just remeber its not the kids who need the guidance its invariably the parents!

MaryPoppins, I read your thread yesterday, but had nothing to add that others hadn't alread said.

Today was our last day with our lovely, lovely CM of 8 years. My DS1 was her first mindee ever aged 5 months, and she took baby after baby I produced on (4 DSs) . She was a huge part of our family live, and although our professional relationship ended today, she will hopefully remain a friend.

I totally 'get' how the parental element put you off after your experiences (it's part of what put me off doing paediatrics), but not all parents are paranoid/demanding/unreasonable.
For me the main draw towards using a CM was that my children would be in a family setting and do 'normal' kind of things like going to the shops/on a bus/do the schoolrun etc.

You are self-employed as a CM, YOU offer a service, and it's up to parents to decide whether they want to use your service.
I am sure with time, you'll find families you gel with better.

Good luck .

Now that would be a shame..
Vetting.. now thats a good idea ,
I do actually kmow a CM who also 'interveiws' the parents and child at their home, to get a feel for them IYSWIM

I am a nanny not a childminder, but the advice on here is sound. When I started out I worked for a couple of families that did'nt work out as they were not nice but you soon learn to pick out the advantage takers bad employersand now I can see them a mile off. I always state quite clearly the kind of nanny I am and what I like to do with the children. I turned a job down last year because the mum said she didn't want the child taken out of the gardenand if I wanted to be confined to the same premises all day I'd work in a babyfarm, oops! sorry I mean nursery. My neice loved the fact that her childminder took the children to the shops and let them choose fruit and pay for it under her supervision she considered it a learning experience.

You sound lovely just let the parents know you will be taking the children out for their benefit as much as yours and follow your instincts when choosing clients but please don't give up having come so far

Thank you for even more replies!

A question for you all!

I have a parent coming to see me tomorrow, child is under 2.

What should I be asking the parent, how can I spot if they will be a nightmare?

Thank you for even more replies!

A question for you all!

I have a parent coming to see me tomorrow, child is under 2.

What should I be asking the parent, how can I spot if they will be a nightmare?

Hmm I'm just a parent...

Ask what childcare they've use before?

Ask why they are considering cm over nursery/nanny?

Promote that cm is a home from home environment going everyday things although they are childcentred.

Ensure that you get a big deposit

I too would ask why they want a CM (the majority of parents will say "home like setting", "doing normal things" - don't be put off by that ridiculous woman who didn't want you to do anything outside the home, she clearly didn't understand the system and though you were a cross between a nanny and her personal slave!).

I think I would probably send parents away with your policies etc. and give them a chance to look over them, then arrange a session where you go through them together and you can answer any questions. Be very firm about payment terms and explain that this is the job you do for a living so payment MUST be on time as agreed, be very clear about things like who pays when either you or the child is sick, or either party is on holiday. If they don't like the terms and seem to be agreeing because they are desperate for childcare don't touch them!

If you really like them and they really like you and say they are definitely going to take the space, please make sure you make it clear that the space is not theirs until the contract is signed and deposit received.

When I first started, I turned people away, because someone said they wanted the space and then they changed their mind, or simply disappeared! Now I keep the space advertised until someone has signed the contract and paid their deposit.

You will discover that this is a really rewarding job when you get the right families to work with.

The benefit 25 years of experience as a cm, NEVER take a family on just because you need the business. I did that once, and regretted it.

Wait for the right families, make sure you spend more than 30 minutes interviewing them, do a home visit, it ells you a lot about the family and how they care for their child. I explain, that it gives me a good picture of their family life, and that is very good for the child to see you in their home, you are then not a stranger.

If they don't want you to visit them at hope, think carefully.

I have had a vacancy for three months, but waiting for the right family to come along, I have turned down 3, sometimes the child will change the dynamics of a setting, sometimes the parent is not easy to talk to, or you feel comfortable with having them in your home and so on.

Good luck

Hello!

Well the family came this morning and we clicked straight away, they stayed for over an hour and I asked them lots of questions.

They have the same style of parenting as me and the child has been well socialised since birth, we have agreed a few hours settling in sessions and also a 4 week settling in period where at the end of that 4 weeks we will have a meeting to decide if it is right for all of us.

I realise with this family I didn't really click with the previous families I took on. I am hoping this is a turning point.

I have another person coming tomorrow to see me, I could take both families on but want to see if they will fit properly.

Feeling more confident today!

Hello!

Well the family came this morning and we clicked straight away, they stayed for over an hour and I asked them lots of questions.

They have the same style of parenting as me and the child has been well socialised since birth, we have agreed a few hours settling in sessions and also a 4 week settling in period where at the end of that 4 weeks we will have a meeting to decide if it is right for all of us.

I realise with this family I didn't really click with the previous families I took on. I am hoping this is a turning point.

I have another person coming tomorrow to see me, I could take both families on but want to see if they will fit properly.

Feeling more confident today!