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Original poster

2 year old put in corner for 10 minutes. Right or wrong?

31 replies

chilminderdilemma · 28/09/2011 10:29

Was 2 in July. Pulled the hair of chilminders own child (aged 3). Was asked to go to the corner and say sorry. Made a noise to chilminder instead. Prompted many times to say sorry and remained there for 10 minutes until he said sorry.

Right or wrong?

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Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 28/09/2011 10:49

Please?

OP posts:
franke · 28/09/2011 10:54

Probably too long for a 2yo but then I'm no fan of naughty step/corner/whatever type discipline.

reallytired · 28/09/2011 10:57

10 minutes is way too long. Time out should be for one minute of each year of the child's life. (Ie. 2 minutes MAX) It is wrong to add extra minutes for additional wrong doings. Developmentally the child does not understand. If a child is in a stop they need two minutes to calm down. IMHO many two year olds are babies and too young for time out.

A two year old does not have the concept of saying sorry. Many two year olds tack the speech to understand an explanation. The child probably did not understand what they were saying sorry for. Making a child stay in a corner until they say sorry is frankly bullying.

Its sounds like to be the child minder does not understand basic child development.

booyhoo · 28/09/2011 10:58

it depends on how long he was there before being asked to say sorry. if it was after 2 minutes and he refused then it would be sending the wrong message to let him come out of the corner.

or it could have been a case of, "go to the corneruntil youareready to say sory" in which case itwas upto the child ho long they stood there,

how was this relayed to you? i assume the CM told you? what did they sayhappend?

zookeeper · 28/09/2011 10:59

too long - I would say a minute per year.

nickschick · 28/09/2011 11:00

Wrong,a 2 year old doesnt 'get' actions and consequences he doesnt really get sorry either all he knows is that whatever he did the cm found 'wrong' constant reminders and vigilance and if theres an incident the cm should apologise on behalf of the child and then speak to the child at an age level appropriate way.

Diversion is the key to avoding strops.

stressheaderic · 28/09/2011 11:00

Too extreme - prob because was childminder's own child. Punishment would have been less severe had it been another mindee, I'd bet.
10 mins is a lifetime when you're 2.

If it was the first time, a gentle "we don't pull hair because it hurts people and makes them feel sad" would have sufficed and the childminder should know this.

lisad123 · 28/09/2011 11:00

Well tbh, i think 1 min for every year is too long too. Young children have no conspect of time and if you were asked to sit for one mintue you would reliase how long it feels.
As for saying sorry, not sure it teaches much other than if you say it, you get to move of quicker, doesnt teach remorse, its just a word. Better to talk about the impact and how it made person feel imo.

BUT 10 is wayyy too long imo

Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 28/09/2011 11:03

This was conveyed in a matter of fact way by the childminder. I am too soft but would have done the "thats not nice, say sorry (or hug)" thing, I might push a bit for the sorry but staying with him. I don't do time out. He is not PFB, I have 2 older ones.

I am very unhappy about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 28/09/2011 11:06

Going out now. Thank you for the replies.

OP posts:
stomp · 28/09/2011 11:15

I am a cm, ?they? say (don?t know who ?they? are) that a child can be in the ?thinking corner? for 1 minutes of every year of age, so a 2 yr old it would be 2 minutes. I think you should have a conversation with your childminder about behaviour management, she will have a policy on it and should be able to tell you roughly how she deals with situations, but you should have had this conversation at the beginning anyway and agreed how you would like unwanted behaviour to be ?managed?..
Personally I do not use a naughty/quiet/thinking corner, I may suggest to a child that they might want to read a book or sit quietly for a minute while they calm down, and I do not make children say sorry, I suggest they say sorry, if they do not then I say that makes me and the other child feel a bit sad ?.but that just my idea of things. Of course its all age/stage related.
Talk to your cmer, has hair pulling been a problem before? How do you deal with it at home? if you feel 10 minutes is too long then ask her to shorten it to a couple of minutes, or manage things differently.

Mum2Luke · 28/09/2011 11:15

A swift 'NO' and get the child to perhaps say sorry or shake hands would have been more appropriate, 2 yr old simply would not understand standing in a corner Shock.

3 year olds are the ones to sit in time-out for a minute of each year of their life (3 mins). They start asserting their authority from about 2.5 and can understand that they are doing wrong.

mamamaisie · 28/09/2011 12:37

I have used a 'thinking step' for my own children and for mindees but I agree completely with the post above that a 2yr is too young. I would only start using it from about age 3 and not for such a long time.

leeloo1 · 28/09/2011 14:54

I think it depends on the 2 year old and their level of language and understanding - mine definitely understands actions and consequences - also on what their behaviour was prior to the incident. It could be the 10th time they've pulled hair over the last few days? Or it could be that they were rude to the CM when asked to apologise? I have known some children who are quick to hurt, then say sorry just as quickly as if it cancels it out and it actually means nothing, beyond that they've learnt to say sorry - eventually you have to have some consequence beyond the saying sorry and a couple of mins 'thinking time' before apologising may achieve this?!

On the supernanny shows it is 1min per year of age, but if they don't apologise then another 2 mins...

Its unlikely the CM timed the 10 mins, so it could have been 5-6, as left for 2 mins, didn't apologise, left for another 2 mins, didn't apologise, left for 2 and then apologised? I wouldn't be too cross, but if you are then talk to her about the repercussions you'd like to happen in future.

thebody · 28/09/2011 16:36

agree with a lot of what leeloo says.

it all depends on circumstances leading up to this, has she dont this before??

i do have a naughty step, i think its very important for the children to understand that an action has concequences, so biting, scratching, slapping, pullin hair etc is naughty and unacceptable

some 2 year olds are very bright and do understand that causing pain to another child hurts but obviously they cant put the brakes on actions as too young.

i would have definatly removed her from the situation and sat her on the step, 10 minutes does sound a long time and in my setting its never taken that long for an apology.

i fully accept that most apologys are a matter of form(adults do this all the time) but that doesnt mean that it shouldnt be said.

you need to chat to your cm,

you need to discipline ypour daughter if she does this again with you, pulling hair isnt nice.

to the poster who commented that this was because it was the cms own child can i politly say bollocks, in my house my dcs are always being asked to make allowances for the mindees

Rosiegirl · 28/09/2011 17:19

agree with the body about the CM children stuff.

also I have 2 two year olds and they are very capable of saying sorry. One little girl is going through a real bad scratching/hair pulling/pushing hard in chest episode (2.6y) and fully understands what she is doing (especially when she wants someone else's toy), mum is also struggling at home and so with her agreement (she is also doing it at home) immediately take her out of play, tell her that it was not nice and please say sorry. Sometimes she will straight away, but other times refuse, as she knows what it means and really doesn't want to, I don't sit her on a naughty step or anything, but she doesn't join in until she says sorry,or gives the other child a hug/kiss. I don't ignore her, but give the hurt child attention and as soon as the apology comes in whatever fashion, she is also given a big hug and welcomed back into whatever we are doing.

anewyear · 29/09/2011 13:57

As with body and Rosie, My 2 boys often take a back seat to the mindees..

redglow · 29/09/2011 19:30

Stood in a corner for 10 minutes, this is far too harsh, I would find a different childminder.

CristinadellaPizza · 29/09/2011 19:32

10 mins for a 2YO is waaaaay too long :(

CristinadellaPizza · 29/09/2011 19:35

leeloo - do you believe a child that age actually understands or remembers what they've done that was so wrong if you leave them in the corner that long? What is the point in getting them to stand there another two minutes until they say sorry, particularly as you've said that sorry actually means nothing if you don't mean it. That's just a battle of wills isn't it? And that's a pointless battle with a child of that age

HSMM · 29/09/2011 21:13

Wrong, but ... I'm thinking of Supernanny here. She says 1 min per yr of age (ie 2 mins), but that doesn't start until the child sits still and starts again if they don't apologise properly, so I suppose she could put a 2 yr old in the corner for 10 mins.

Personally, I wouldn't do it.

I put a child in time out at toddlers this week, with a "you can join in again when you're going to be nice". A parent asked me if this works. I pointed out that each child is different and different sanctions are appropriate in each case.

HSMM · 29/09/2011 21:14

Sorry ... somehow missed the bits alread said about Supernanny

Mspontipine · 30/09/2011 00:37

As for corner as well? I would not approve of anybody asking my child to sit in corner if facing the wall. I had a fit when swimming instructor had my son out of the pool facing the wall. It's damn humiliating and imo a very outdated punishment.

leeloo1 · 30/09/2011 10:22

CristinadellaPizza - I said it was a technique used on supernanny.

Actually yes my son would remember and many of his peers would too. But it depends on the level of their understanding (and language to express it). Someone upthread said that they'd use thinking time for a 3 year tld, but not a 2 year old, but where do you draw the line - there are intelligent/advanced 2 year olds and more immature 3 year olds. Or you'd not use it the day before their 3rd birthday, but would the day after? All I'm trying to say is it depends on the child - the CM obviously thought it was appropriate and she is the one who was there at the time.

I agree it can be a battle of wills, but then sometimes that is necessary to progress in the relationship - as they have to accept that you are ultimately 'the boss' and they need to respect your authority (as you respect theirs in other circumstances).

What would you recommend in this situation then?

CristinadellaPizza · 30/09/2011 10:28

I would remove from the situation for max two minutes, then explain calmly that it is unkind to pull hair and that it is important that we are kind to one another.

And leave it at that. This is not a massive transgression and making a two year old stand in a corner until they say sorry is making it into a much bigger deal than it is. However advanced a two year old, they don't have the verbal and reasoning skills necessary to communicate properly which is why they resort to physical stuff when they're frustrated.

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