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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

I told a potential mum and her children to leave immediately this morning. :(

44 replies

NickNacks · 18/04/2011 12:01

I feel awful but what would you have done?

I had a mum and two children come to visit this morning about after school care. Children are 6 and 7.

So they come in and 6 yr old is happy to run off and play with my older two. The 7 yr old is a bit shyer and stays sitting next to mum whilst she browses my papers and i make tea.

We sit chatting for a while and the 7 yr old slides onto the floor to play with my baby (7 months). A few minutes later baby screams an awful piecing noise and the child runs to mum.

I pick baby up and notice a bite mark on her arm. I asked the child if they had bitten the baby (obvious that they had!!) and why? Child replies that baby had bitten first! What??? She's 7 months old and has no teeth yet! The only time she 'bites' is if you put your finger in her month and she 'gums' on you- admittedly quite hard gums atm.

Mum sort of awkwardly smiles and says 'oh I've always taught them to hurt back if they get hurt first'. I just replied 'I'm sorry i don't think i can offer you any childcare at this time. Please could you leave so i can calm and sort the baby'.

Baby has an awful mark left on her arm which has started to bruise.

I feel bad for chucking them out but I'm livid that a child of 7!! thinks it's ok to bite a baby!!

What would you have done? :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TeddyMcardle · 18/04/2011 12:03

You reacted really well, I wouldn't have been that calm so well done. You did the only thing you could do.

ChristinedePizan · 18/04/2011 12:05

Did she not chastise the child at all? FGS - that's bloody weird teaching your child that it's okay to bite a baby

I think I would have called social services!

PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 18/04/2011 12:06

You did the right thing, I'm suprised the mum didn't have anything to say to her child.

Reality · 18/04/2011 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NickNacks · 18/04/2011 12:09

She did seem very embarressed but she didn't apologise or (more importantly to me) make the child apologise.

She did say something about both of her children not being used to being around babies as if that was the excuse but tbh i was shaking so much i just wanted them out and wasn't really listening properly.

I shut the door and cried!

OP posts:

harrietthespook · 18/04/2011 12:11

She's absolutely bonkers. Poor you, having these weirdos in your home. Hope your baby is okay.

TheCrackFox · 18/04/2011 12:13

You did the right thing. 7 yr olds should definitely know that biting babies is wrong.

geordieminx · 18/04/2011 12:14

Christ I would have been tempted to do a lot more than throw them out.

Although on the flip side, see it as an unlucky escape.

Your poor baby

ladysybil · 18/04/2011 12:15

I think you acted very very calmly, and well. Id have yelled at the child. a seven year old attacking a baby like that is gbh in the making.l

ChristinedePizan · 18/04/2011 12:19

If you have other CM friends who have or care for young babies, you ought to warn them. The more I think about this, the more it's disturbing me. Even if a parent teaches a child to hit back, a child of that age should realise that it is wrong to bite a baby.

going · 18/04/2011 12:21

Well done for being so calm, you did the right thing.

Original poster

NickNacks · 18/04/2011 12:31

Thanks for the tip christine, I might do that.

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/04/2011 12:36

Well done for acting so calmly. You must have been livid.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 18/04/2011 15:02

poor you I have a 7mth old and wouldnt have been so calm its bad enough at baby groups when they poke, bite pull at each other so really feel for you.

A 7yr old should know better and her mum should have told her off.

would def let other childminders locally know as unfair on any of them that have young ones.

hope your baby is ok

TheOriginalFAB · 18/04/2011 15:05

OMG, that has to be the most shocking thing I have read on here for a long time.

I would call all my childminder mates to warn them about this woman and give names.

Ii would keep a record of her name and number in case she calls again.

I would be tempted to take a photo and make a written note of what has happened in case you are accused of hurting your baby.

Are you and the baby okay now?

Strix · 18/04/2011 15:29

OMG. That is horrible. Obviously that child behaves the way she does because the mum behaves the way she does. If my (just) 8 year old did that I would be mortified and she would be seriously punished -- which is probably why she wouldn't do that.

Blu · 18/04/2011 15:35

How horrible.
That will be one of those mothers that advocates biting a tiny child back, no doubt. And there will be endless trouble in any childcare setting because any injury, whether accidental or not, will lead to retaliation. What an awful parent.

madeindevon2 · 18/04/2011 15:43

terrible. really is.
is this common tho? hurting back?
i always told my son to walk away and tell teacher if anyone hits him and NOT to hit back....
what do you tell your children?

PoledrathePissed0ffFairy · 18/04/2011 15:45

D'you know what? My 7-yo DD1 knows that, even if her (sturdy) 2.5 yo little sister hurts her first, she does not hurt back, but tells an adult. She (and my 5-yo, TBH) know that,while hurting anyone is not right, hurting someone smaller/younger than you is even more reprehensible.

You handled it very well, well done on keeping calm.

thumbbunny · 18/04/2011 15:51

Oh Nicknacks! I wouldn't normally click on threads in this borad but something about your title made me look - and I have been sitting here with my jaw just hanging open in after reading that! Your poor baby, I hope she is all right - that's outrageous behaviour from the mother - you can't even really blame the 7yo for it, since she's been taught that it's ok! again.

I agree with the others to let all your CM friends know her name and warn them - it could get very nasty very quickly.

I also think you did absolutely the right thing and did very well to keep calm until they were out the door - I'm pretty sure I'd have been a lot less cool about it and had a go!

God, even if you do teach your children that if you get hit first, then it's ok to retaliate (which I don't necessarily agree with) they should ALWAYS be taught not to hit back at children smaller than themselves, especially babies!!

COCKadoodledooo · 18/04/2011 15:59

Blimey you reacted in a far more calm fashion than I'd have managed! Is your baby ok now?

I really dislike the hurting someone back thing (we're very much a turn the other cheek kinda family, but that doesn't make us doormats!), but really, a 7 YEAR old versus a 7 MONTH old? Surely they could know that that was wrong??!

My ds2 (7mo) can be, well, pretty violent when he chooses to be. Ds1 (7) will absolutely not hit him back. Sure he can sometimes be less than gentle when removing his brother from various parts of his person, but he'd never deliberately hurt him - he'd certainly never bite, even when ds2 has bitten him!

lifeistooshort · 18/04/2011 16:08

oh my god this is so shocking. Even my DS2 2.5 years knows not to bite/eat a baby. Even when my baby hits his head on his highchair he tells him "no baby brother, don't do that, you are fragile, you will hurt your head". Once or twice the baby hit DS2 and DS2 said to him "don't do that ever again" but that is it.

I would be quite worried that a 7 years old could be cruel enough to bite an innocent baby. I would be tempted to report it to someone but can't think whom might be appropriate. Maybe I would call my HV to ask her what she thinks and if I should contact someone

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 16:25

I'm surprised the 7YO didn't know that the hurting back thing doesn't count with a baby at least!

mollymole · 18/04/2011 16:27

wll done for remaining calm - looks like you had a lucky escape with this family

Original poster

NickNacks · 18/04/2011 16:45

Ok i've called my two local CM friends and told them what happened. They both pick up from the same school as me so i think parent might visit them too. One has her own baby and the other looks after a 5 mth old and they were both shocked.

One advised me to call our DO so I have done that as well. She's advised me to take photos and write up what happened and keep any details i have of them -just first names and a phone number.

This last point got me thinking actually- what details do you ask for when arranging a visit. It just occured to me how vunerable we are when it comes to letting strangers into our homes and how little we know about them.

DD seems ok and she's asleep right now but i just cry everytime i look at her poor arm. I wish in a way i had gone a bit mad at them and then maybe mum would see how wrong she is! Also called DH and told him and he was all for filing an assult report (he's a PC!) but i calmed him down on that one!

Thanks for all the support.

OP posts:

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