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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

I don't know if DS likes this nursery; he's only 6mo though... am I jumping the gun?

34 replies

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 18:25

DS has been gradually increasing his time with a local nursery in preparation for me going back to work. He seems to enjoy it; smiles when we get there etc and I've never picked him up and he's been upset or anything.

He has been in a good routine from birth, and at the start he was napping pretty well, sleeping pretty well etc. However, during the past week it's all gone to pot. The nursery are saying he won't sleep, and will barely take any food (only his milk). He is currently in 2 days a week; Tuesday and Thursday. The day after nursery, he is sleeping well and eating lots. Then he goes back the next day and won't eat or sleep for them.

I don't know whatg to do. Will he get into it when he goes full time, or should I just withdraw him? I need to re - iterate his routine to them though, because they aren't following it to the letter. Last week, he slept for 1.5 hours in the morning; he normally only has 30 minutes so no wonder he wouldn't sleep at lunch! Please help, I'm on the verge of withdrawing him. I have to go back to work after Easter; I thought this was sorted and now I'm scared I'm damaging him or something.

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moogster1a · 14/04/2011 18:33

I'm very biased! but I'd say a childminder is a better option for such a little one. CM's will have only your baby ( at the very most 2 if they have a variation ) and will be able to accommodate individual needs much better in a home environment.

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 18:35

Yep, I've been leaning towards at CM. Can't really afford a nanny; it'd be a real push

I'm just worried he's trying to tell us he's unhappy through not sleeping/eating when he's there...

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Littlefish · 14/04/2011 18:39

I'm afraid that they won't follow his routine "to the letter". They are unlikely to wake him up if he's fast asleep. Part of their responsibility is to respond to the needs of each child. If he's asleep, then he needs sleep.

I think that if you may need to consider a nanny if you need/want childcare in which you stipulate the exact terms of his routine.

Littlefish · 14/04/2011 18:40

Sorry - cross posted. I agree with the idea of looking for a childminder.

drinkyourmilk · 14/04/2011 18:44

Find a childminder before you withdraw him. Otherwise you may end up with no childcare when you are due to return to work. A nanny share may be another option- though it's still more expensive than a childminder I should think.

alarkaspree · 14/04/2011 18:44

If you were happy with the nursery before and he seemed to be settling, I would give it more than a week before pulling your ds out. He could be unsettled for any number of reasons - teething, weaning, growth spurt...

When you use a nursery they do have their own schedules and whilst they may try to fit around your baby's existing routine as much as they can, in the long run he's likely to end up being adapted to theirs. That may not be a problem if he is going there full time and obviously his routine will change as he gets older anyway.

If things don't settle down you might want to look at childminders, as moogster says.

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:02

Thanks everyone... He seemed totally fine up until last week I'd say. He comes home and the next day eats and sleeps like a loon, so I don't know whether he's being fussy for them because he wants me to do it, and when he goes full time he'll have to eat/sleep because there's no other option i.e. he doesn't have the next day off to 'catch up'?

I know that they'll have a routine that they'll follow etc but I suppose I'm just concerned that he'll be home as of a weekend and he won't sleep/nap at all. He's a great little sleeper at home. He came back tonight and was starving and raced down (and I've never seen a baby eat THAT fast) a huge bowl of cauliflower cheese. He was so hungry. He is utterly exhausted when he gets home too and sleeps as soon as we can physically get him into his cot after his bath; so about 6pm-7:30/8am the next day.

I know I'm being a bit pfb but I feel bad enough about going back to work

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Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:04

I have emailed a couple of childminders locally, so I'll see how I get on. I really wanted this nursery to work out because it's on the base where I work, so I would be able to spend my lunchbreaks with him.

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RitaMorgan · 14/04/2011 19:10

I doubt it would be a good idea to visit him at lunchtime - it'll just mean you leaving him twice! It'll be upsetting for him for you to arrive and leave again without taking him.

For full time care, I'd look for a childminder - I just don't think nurseries are good places for babies. Having said that, lots of babies don't eat or sleep at nursery at first, or as well as they do at home, so that is quite "normal".

iwantavuvezela · 14/04/2011 19:22

For what its worth my dd went to nursery when she was about a year - she never slept as long as she did at home (I think the environment is probably more stimulating, more noise etc,) and on her days with me slept longer and that was fine. But as she got used to her carers, the routines etc it also got better, so as he is only there two days a week you will need to give it some time>
I dont think you are damaging him. Trust your instincts, do you like the nursery, do you like his main carer, do you think that he will be happy there .... to be honest when i took my dd to nursery for the first week, i was really depressed and thought i had made a mistake .... we moved, and my dd is in a new nursery, she speaks longingly of her old one, and misses it terribly!

You can of course speak to the staff about his routine, and see if they can compromise, its early days and maybe they are just happy he is settling and letting him lead the way ...
hugs to you, its hard leaving your baby ....

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:24

He was eating and sleeping well at first; a bit less than at home bit still doing it.

He's now not doing either; I know what people are saying about routine but they're pushing some of his naps 2 hours right... and then saying he won't sleep or eat. Probably because he's overtired! There's got to be a limit. He's not a difficult baby. He has 30 minutes nap in the morning and about 1.5 hours at lunchtime. I can't honestly see why that's so hard. I usually goes to sleep at 11:30/12 noon. They're not putting him down until 1:30pm. I guess this is to fit in with their routine, but why can't they just give him his bottle and food at 11am before the other babies and then put him in his cot to sleep whilst they deal with the rest?

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Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:27

Thanks iwant he was poorly last week and I know his teeth are coming throughy; but this does not bother him at home. He is happy to sleep.

I just feel like they're making him out to be difficult with his lack of sleep/food, but he really isn't that hard work! I put him down at home; he sleeps. I feed him; he eats it.

I'm just getting mega stressed over this. I thought it was all ok but with 2 weeks left before I return to work, I'm getting concerned.

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RitaMorgan · 14/04/2011 19:31

Not usually possible to give food at a different time, but they should be able to accomodate his naps a bit better. What time do they have lunch? Maybe ask them to put him down straight after.

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:33

Well I think they're having it about midday rita. Should I go along for a day just to observe/put him down/feed him myself?

I just feel like they're knocking him right out of kilter with all this. He is only 6 months old; he has been in this routine from when he was really little and that's why he's such a happy little chap. I really think it helps him feel safe.

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RitaMorgan · 14/04/2011 19:35

I think you have to accept with a nursery that children have to fit into nursery routines to an extent. With babies under 12 months they should try as far as possible to stick to their sleep times though.

If lunch is at 12, practically they won't be able to get him into bed before 12.30.

I think the best thing to do would be to find out what the nursery routine is and then replicate it at home, so he only has one routine.

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:41

For sure; I'd be happy to shift his nap time to 12 noon if the nursery would put him down as close to 12:30 as possible; then that's only a 30 minute difference and not hurting him. I feel that would be a good compromise?

I do feel a little bit as though they've just cracked on and not even really bothered with his nap times. I feel like if they would just bend a little bit (and I will too) then he will feel safe enough (and awake enough) to eat.

How do I bring it up though? And when? I want to sound calm and measured, not unreasonable, even though I really feel like it. (Getting it all out on here instead!) How would you like to be approached by a client? I find it really hard anyway to leave my son, without complications. I know this is only a small part of his life in the long run, but to me at the moment it feels huge!

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nannynick · 14/04/2011 19:45

Have you talked with his keyworker and made sure they have a written copy of his routine?

Ask them how bottles are prepared and establish if it could be offered to him as per the routine.
Food may be done by the kitchen staff, so may need to be at a time suitable to the nursery. If food is supplied by you and prepared by babyroom staff, then it could be given as per the routine I would have thought - or at least close to the routine. Talk with the roomleader about timings of things - babies in my view would usually be fed milk on demand, solids may be more at a scheduled time.

RitaMorgan · 14/04/2011 19:48

Ask to see his keyworker to discuss how it's going so far - find out from her what is practical/possible to them to do in terms of routine. Then I would try to match it as closely as possible at home - if he's going to be spending most of him time at nursery then it makes sense to make that his routine.

If you want a bit more compromise then I think a childminder will be the way to go - they have fewer children and only one under 12 months at a time, so are better able to accomodate individual needs.

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 19:57

I think to be honest my mind is made up. I'm going to get him to a childminder. We worked hard with him to establish a routine and I feel like they've looked at the routine I gave them and gone 'whatever'. He's in for 3 days next week, but I'm withdrawing him after that. Putting him to bed 2 hours late isn't fair on him. We currently supply his food as well. I'm just really cross now. I feel like they've done the easiest thing; then they come back to me and say 'oh, he's not eaten or slept today'. Grrr! You wonder why?! He hasn't got a clue what's coming next! All I want is for him to feel happy and safe

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RitaMorgan · 14/04/2011 20:05

If you are supplying food then they should be able to feed him earlier. Is it a big/busy baby room?

Original poster

JazzieJeff · 14/04/2011 20:14

It has 9 babies on the books, about 3 of those are full time and the rest do half days a few times a week.

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eastmidlandsnightnanny · 14/04/2011 21:08

I have a amlost 8mth old and was looking for childcare a few mths ago ready for when he is 9mths old and I go back to work I looked at both nurseries and childminders and chose a childminder for these exact reasons and my baby doesnt have a set nap routine other than a 45mins nap in morning some time and a 2hr hap around 1/2pm but happy for childminder to fit his naps into their current routine and I will continue at home, but wanted a home environment for him however we have chosen 3 days childminder then he will do 1 day at nusery also from when he is 1yr old.

good luck with childminder hunt.

Chica1912 · 15/04/2011 09:59

Jazzie I agree that if you're not happy with the nursery a cm would be a much better option. It's so important that you feel that your childcarer is making every effort to meet your child's needs but I also feel that it is unrealistic to expect that a nursery will be able to stick to a strict routine- I'm a cm and all my mindees have started with me as babies 4mths- 9 mths and although I make every effort to maintain a routine even cm's can't guarantee it. For example I'm out on the school run 8.30-9.45 (2 separate school drops) then usually at playgroup/ park/stay and play till 11.30 when we have lunch then naps 12-2 ( not all the children sleep for the full 2 hrs obviously). My own baby is 7 mths old and sleeps in his sling or buggy in the morning then cot for lunchtime nap and is a happy, contented little baby without a strict routine. At 6 mths old they can adapt and I think you may need to accept that whoever you choose to care for your baby may not be able to stick to your routine as we have to take all the childrens needs into account. Hopefully you'll find a cm who only has school age children and so can devote all their time to your baby but otherwise I think only a nanny would be able to guarantee it! Don't mean to be harsh or dismiss your established routine as you obviously want the very best for your baby and not eating or sleeping at nursery is not good at all!

shaunwinonaandsue · 15/04/2011 10:11

You need to swap to CM I think. My DD has gone to nursery since she was about your DS's age but she did not have a rigid routine and I swapped her to something approximating the nursery routine before she started. Nursery can be great for little babies but not ones who need to eat/sleep at exact times, too much disruption/distraction for the baby who thrives on routine. As the PP says though, you may have to unbend a little as the CM will have to accomodate other children too and might need to tweak baby's routine.
Good luck finding a CM your DS loves. You will relax loads once he is settled and you're back at work a few weeks though, it's just a very anxious time thinking about leaving your precious baby isn't it? I used to cry on the way home from dropping DD at nursery, now I take her when I'm on annual leave cos she loves it so much!

stealthsquirrelsawaytheeggs · 15/04/2011 10:25

Sounds like there is a fundamental mismatch here - you have a baby with a very set routine and they don't "do" set routines. Was this not apparent before now?

Are they really making him out to be difficult, or just letting you know that he is taking a little while to settle in? IME most babies don't sleep or eat well at nursery at first - mine certainly didn't - they adjusted quickly though and were soon settled and happy (and loved), but we never really had routines at home anyway - they slept/woke/ate as they wanted to. If you want to keep him in a very set routine that is never going to work.

CM would be a better bet, but as others have said, even that will involve compromise. If you want someone to follow your routine for DS "to the letter" then I think a nanny would be the only option.

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