I don't know if DS likes this nursery; he's only 6mo though... am I jumping the gun?

[JazzieJeff]

DS has been gradually increasing his time with a local nursery in preparation for me going back to work. He seems to enjoy it; smiles when we get there etc and I've never picked him up and he's been upset or anything.

He has been in a good routine from birth, and at the start he was napping pretty well, sleeping pretty well etc. However, during the past week it's all gone to pot. The nursery are saying he won't sleep, and will barely take any food (only his milk). He is currently in 2 days a week; Tuesday and Thursday. The day after nursery, he is sleeping well and eating lots. Then he goes back the next day and won't eat or sleep for them.

I don't know whatg to do. Will he get into it when he goes full time, or should I just withdraw him? I need to re - iterate his routine to them though, because they aren't following it to the letter. Last week, he slept for 1.5 hours in the morning; he normally only has 30 minutes so no wonder he wouldn't sleep at lunch! Please help, I'm on the verge of withdrawing him. I have to go back to work after Easter; I thought this was sorted and now I'm scared I'm damaging him or something.

Just in defence of nurseries - my DD was in a small nursery and absolutely (and determinedly) set her own "routine" - and nursery were always fine with it. The only time I ever observed any of the staff stressed about babies was when they were struggling to get baby to comply with parents view of the routine they needed when the LO didn't want to co-operate - as the carers tended to be much more baby-led if left to make the decisions.

OP - if this isn't going to suit you or your LO then a CM/nanny would clearly be a better option for you.

It is a different environment for him and this might affect his routine as well- more/different stuff going on etc. Also you routine on days he goes to nursery is likely to be different than days he doesn't and this might affect him. DS (who started nursery at 7 months so similar to yours) seems to have a different routine/way of doing things at nursery than at home but I think this is fine.
We also found with DS that he found it really difficult to settle in nursery on 2 days a week. However once we did a full week (actually 4 days in a row) he was suddenly more comfortable - and now really loves it (and is only going 2 days a week).

Will just add my experiance

I worked for a family (Mummy was friends with my permenant SAH mummy boss)

Not trying to alarm you or anything, just saying as it is / was.

Babies mummy had to go back to work for 6m so as not to pay back mat pay.
Put baby in nursery 2 days a week.
At home baby was in a VERY strict routine (parents were the strictest i have EVER encountered, to them every minute counted and they revolved their whole lives around her (GF to the letter) routine) For them it worked and they were happy. Fine
At nursery, where sleep room wasnt PITCH BLACK baby didnt sleep properly.
Due to overtiredness she ended up having a fit and briefly stopped breathing

It was resolved by.... Mummy speaking to my mummy boss / me

It was agreed that for the rest of the 6 months I would pick up their baby at 11.30 and look after her until 5.30. (not a huge issue as mums were friends, and it meant my MB had more time with her children)
It meant they only paid nanny rates for 12 hours a week.

I wonder if you could have a similar arrangement so your baby has his lunch at home and sleep in cot as normal?

The nursery should be following your routine not theirs (EYFS Unique child). They should be putting your child's needs foremost. If they are not you do need to talk to them. I think considering childminders is a good option as they are better suited to provide a more individual approach. This doesn't mean nurseries can't meet babies' individual needs but yours obviously isn't.

Agree children... thats how it should be

BUT the reality is a baby who is put in a cot alone in a pitch black quiet room may not settle as well, or sleep for as long, when in a different not as dark sleep room, with staff members entering every 5 mins to 'check' on babies, especially when other babies are stirring / crying.
Some children will adapt to it fine, others might not.

The children may be more stimulated / excited than in their peaceful home, there is just so much to see and watch, and listen to, and do at nursery compared to home.... children may get tired more easily, sleep less or less well, and then get over tired, which can throw any routine the parents use at home. Thats not the nurseries fault, its just how it is.

equally when older and some nurseries use sleep mats on the floor, I cant imagine any of my ex-charges actually going to sleep on a mat (not cot) on the floor in a room, where there are toys around (even if the toys are put away!)

When nurseries serve freshly cooked home made food, lunch time / tea time etc cant be before food is ready, there has to be some structure to the day, and babies have to fit in with it, unlike in a home setting.

After doing temp work in nurseries I am amazed that children got any sleep when they are all put down together it is not a lovely peaceful envirement like babies should have.

But children - "The nursery should be following your routine not theirs (EYFS Unique child). They should be putting your child's needs foremost". I absolutely agree with the second half of your sentence, but not necessarily the first. Perhaps they were putting child's needs first re. sleep. If he stayed asleep for 2 hours or whatever, then he obviously needed the sleep. The routine they need to be following is a child's routine, which is not necessarily the same as the routine that child's parents want him/her to have.

cinpin - it depends what the baby is used to - if they are used to darkened room and hushed silence throughout the house when they are sleeping then yes, they will struggle with a shared baby room.

While I was on mat leave with each of them, my DC pretty much stayed with me - which meant they napped in bouncy chair/basket/whatever wherever I happened to be - so it was actually the quiet and the dimmed lights of baby rooms at nursery which freaked them out - to the extent that DD slept largely in pram/buggy out in the general nursery when she was little (DS just adapted)

Yes I agree my child would sleep anywhere, its just in the nurseries I worked in all the babies were put down at the same time and it was impossible to get them all down one would wake another up. they did not put babies in buggies.