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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Is it reasonable to ask a childminder for a reference? Childminder withdrew offer of a place when I did.

32 replies

BranchingOut · 02/04/2011 08:54

Hello, I am interested to know if this is unreasonable or not.

I made an initial visit to a childminder and went back so my husband could meet them. We were given the contract to look at and began to talk about settling in next week. I was planning to do the contract over the weekend and give it back to them when we were due to meet for settling in, early next week. However, I asked them if I could have a quick chat to one of their existing parents, a bit like an informal reference, as I have been offered that opportunity by other childminders i have visited. They then sent me a very annoyed email saying that they were under no obligation to do so and were withdrawing the place as I clearly was not ready to sign the contract.

WHat do you think?
Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HattiFattner · 02/04/2011 08:57

sounds like they have something to hide. If you had happy parents, you wouldnt mind letting everyone know.

Better off without them.

HSMM · 02/04/2011 08:57

Very strange.

I am always happy for parents to follow up references.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/04/2011 08:59

yes v odd

I am always happy for parents to follow up refs too

Summat to hide OR easily offended, in both cases you are well rid

washnomore · 02/04/2011 09:00

I think, whatever her motives, her behaviour would be enough to put me off. It wasn't an unreasonable request, I have done the same with a CM before, no problems. If she's that antsy about something this minor, what will she be like if you approach her with a concern about your child? And of course one does wonder what she has to hide ...

plopplopquack · 02/04/2011 09:09

Weird! Is there a rule that they HAVE to provide a reference if you ask? I'd call OFSTED and ask.

vicki2010 · 02/04/2011 09:12

I am a childminder and actually prefer the prospective family to get references from my other families so they can get a real taste of my service and what i am like as a person! serious alarm bells would ring in this situation and actually you have prob had a lucky escape!!

looneytune · 02/04/2011 09:12

Very strange that is, I'd have no problem at all with being asked this and her reaction is rude! . Think you had a lucky escape there!

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 02/04/2011 10:07

Bizarre and not doing their reputation any good. The best CMs come through word of mouth so if they don't want you talking to existing clients that strikes me as unusual. Most CMs are happy for their clients to evangelise about them!

Northernlurker · 02/04/2011 10:08

Definately a lucky escape!

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 10:10

Think a lucky escape and a bit of a worry.

Original poster

BranchingOut · 02/04/2011 10:13

Thanks for the reassurance. It was a husband and wife partnership who have not been CMing for very long - so they are definitely not doing themselves any favours.

OP posts:

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 02/04/2011 12:11

very, very odd

I would have no problems with letting new families speak with current families (with permission from the current families obviously).

They must have something to hide

underpaidandoverworked · 02/04/2011 12:17

Ii have written references off all my parents which I am proud to show to prospective parents and they are more than welcome to talk to the parents direct. Hmmmmm - strange

Rudgey · 02/04/2011 12:39

I know you can't say who these cm's are but can you say which county you are in as I am sure there are more cm's happy to let you know of their availability and to give you references. Good luck with search.

Clarnico · 02/04/2011 12:45

I'm of the 'better for both sides to get a reference' way of thinking.

You may find, from a reference, that though a CM may be utterly lovely and seem ideal, that for one or two reasons they aren't for you. We all have our dealbreakers - what's fine for most people might not be great for you.

Getting a reference from a current parent also can 'protect' the CM too - because it offers the prospective parents more info than the CM can provide, it sheds more light/adds a new angle. I think this can iron out difficulties or anticipate potentially problematic issues early on.

So I find their attitude very odd, OP. I think it sounds like they have something to hide too.

stealthcat · 02/04/2011 12:51

I agree, lucky escape. My old CM was very keen for me to check out her references. If you thought they would be positive you would be keen for people to see them wouldnt you?

NickNacks · 02/04/2011 14:33

As a CM I would be more than happy to provide references, written or verbal.

Just wish I could ask the parents for references in return!

bran · 02/04/2011 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BranchingOut · 02/04/2011 15:37

I am definitely glad to have found out now, rather than further down the line when I was depending on them for childcare.

I have not yet responded to the email.

Should I complain about this or just let it drop?

OP posts:

anewyear · 02/04/2011 15:42

Another take on this is that if theyve not be CM's long prehaps they havents got references to show you with regards to childminding?
Although saying that I dont see why, if they are minding a child/children already, they couldnt ask the other parent/s to have a quick chat wih you..
does seem a bit odd

Nick Nacks - I have refrences from parents..
I also have glowing Parent Questionaires that I can show prospective parents

SooooCynical · 02/04/2011 15:56

When I was looking for nurseries I rang the council to see if there were any complaints registered against the nursery (naively thinking there would be some sort of public record). They told me the only way to find out was to ask the nursery manager directly which I did. She was delighted (and despite it being a well established nursery) told me I was the first parent to ever have done so.

I did check the complaints book but her reaction told me more than I needed to know. I would be seriously concerned about a childminder giving this sort of reaction.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:02

I would give Ofsted a call to be honest as it makes me feel a bit uneasy the more I think about it.

unfitmother · 02/04/2011 16:06

My childminder was most insistant that I checked her references.
They sound very odd.

NickNacks · 02/04/2011 16:12

anewyear Sorry wasn't clear- I meant i wish could ask parents for references about them, to verify their good characters! I've had some dreadful ones who have been spoken abusive language to me (in front of children), not paid a left owing more than £600 (in arears too so I had actually worked it) and generally just to see if they would be the sort of people i would want to work with.

NickNacks · 02/04/2011 16:13

SooooCynical All complaints are on the insoection reports which can be found online.

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