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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

One for the parents - although opinions from Cms would be good to

71 replies

doonhamer · 18/03/2011 10:59

You dropped your child off at CM at 7.45 am. Child started screaming when you left. Chid has never ever done this at CM's before, child is 18 months old and has been going to CM since he was 8 months old. every day.

So CM rings you at 10 am and says "can you come and collect your child, I think child is possibly ill/teething or possibly has a bug virus working on child, child has cried and screamed since you left, and I have other children to mind, one of whom is only 14 monthsold, and your child only wants to sit on my knee. i cannot move, put child down or do anything else, we've had to leave toddler gorup today because of child'scrying"

What would you say?
What would you do?

CM's would you do this (ring parents) or would you persevere? If you would perevere, how long for?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tanith · 19/03/2011 19:10

I'm shocked that any parent would moan at all! (Trying very hard not to be judgy)

looneytune · 19/03/2011 19:23

Sadly I'm not, I'm speaking from experience :( (all my current families are fab, this is in the past and I ended up giving notice because of it!)

BradfordMum · 19/03/2011 20:50

When you care for a child, you get to know their little foibles and quirks.
We then are able to tell whether a child is not 100%.

Some things we just monitor.
Some things we have to act on.

The op was either a good childminder, or an unfit mother!

This well I had to call a parent as her dd was vomiting and had a high temp.

As she waltzed out of the door, she said ' when you've washed her sicky clothes, drop them off will you'

I handed her the bagful and said, 'erm no. I'm not a laundry'.

She wasn't happy.
Her dd then threw up all over her mum, the car seat and the floor of the car.

I turned and closed the door.

I had other kiddies to look after and wasn't going to spend my time washing her dd's clothes for her.

Original poster

doonhamer · 19/03/2011 23:10

Looneytune you know me too well, I thought I'd hidden myself. Don't out me will you?

Yes I am a CM, and parent moaned big time when I rang her, she was furious.
Just wondered if I was beign unreasonable, although knew I wasn't really

OP posts:

BooyHoo · 19/03/2011 23:18

CM absoloutely did teh right thing. i am a parent and would not A) let my child spend the day in such a state and B)expect a Cmer to have to put up with that ll day while trying to care for other mindees.

i really dont understand why you even need to ask. you go straight away and collect your child.

BooyHoo · 19/03/2011 23:23

ah right, i see you are the CMer in this case. parent was unreasonable to moan about having to care for their own child when it was clearly very out of sorts.

AllDirections · 19/03/2011 23:23

Initially I would only be worried about my DC and I would certainly want my CM to call me if my child was upset for this length of time. Once I'd sorted out the DC then I'd be worried about my childminder and I'd probably check if she was ok too.

I would never expect her to wash my DC's dirty clothes. I would hope that she would help if the DC were sick all over me but I understand why you didn't.

anewyear · 20/03/2011 07:23

For what its worth Doonhamer, I think you did the right thing,
I assume the parent picked the child up?
What did she say?

Georgimama · 20/03/2011 07:30

Of course I wouldn't have been furious; my CM knows DS very well (has had him over 2 years) and knows as well as I do that such behaviour would mean something was wrong, possibly very wrong.

The mother sounds like an idiot who gives working parents a bad name.

Nor would I ever expect CM to wash DS's clothes, although angel that she is, she has done so in the past.

mousymouse · 20/03/2011 07:56

as a parent I would be happy that the cm informed me and I would go to pick up dc as soon as possible.

I would be annoyed too, mainly because I it is stressfull for me to rearrange work/brief a cover at such short notice. but the cm is absolutely right and I would want to be with dc when he/she is not feeling right.

firsttimemama · 20/03/2011 08:40

I think calling the parents was completely appropriate. However "can you come and collect your child, I think child is possibly ill/teething or possibly has a bug virus working on child, child has cried and screamed since you left. " was explanation enough. The next bit would have wound mne up a bit "and I have other children to mind, one of whom is only 14 monthsold, and your child only wants to sit on my knee. i cannot move, put child down or do anything else, we've had to leave toddler gorup today because of child's crying"

ragged · 20/03/2011 10:10

Ime, CM would ring as soon as an hour elapsed, so 2 hours of dealing with inconsolable child is pretty salwartworthy, really!

DS was happy at nursery and started acting up at 19 months, could never settle him again, he was bored with the place.

I had a CM who gave up (asked to terminate the contract) after 7 hours (over 4 sessions) of trying to mind 15m old DS, who was asleep most of that time, but crying every second he was awake otherwise. Her work environment was becoming intolerable.

StillSquiffy · 20/03/2011 13:36

As a parent I would be fuming.

I would have expected a call at 9 asking if I minded if CM gave a dose of calpol, followed by an update at 10.00
I would not have expected the CM to have gone to toddler's club with a child that was obv very unhappy (either mine or another child). I would have expected the CM to have changed plans to see if the child responded to calpol first
I would not expect a CM to phone me up telling me how much my child had inconvenienced her; I would expect her to be focusing on the wellbeing of her charges.
If a CM turned my child away because she thought he was 'teething' she would not remain my CM for very long.

It's a job like any other - it has rough days and good days. I would want to collect a child who was poorly/distressed and not responding to cuddles/calpol, but I would not want to collect my child because the CM implies that he is inconveniencing her normal routine. Which, to be honest, was how I would have read the situation from the way the OP describes it. 2 hours of crying sounds awful and I would want to know, but talking about the other charges and toddler group being spoilt sounds as if I would be collecting my child because it was best for the CM, not for the child itself. And I would have been furious if any child this unhappy was allowed to cry for 2 hours without a does of calpol being tried.

Saying that, I have never worked as a CM; I guess that with a clutch of children this kind of situation must be hell.

edam · 20/03/2011 13:44

If you'd called me and said the first bit, right up to 'since you left', I'd have been concerned and come straight back to get ds. And only wanting to sit on your knee. The stuff about other charges is a bit irritating although appreciate it is true (and as a mother, I'd realise it must be difficult with the other ones to look after as well, I wouldn't need it spelling out).

Would also wonder why you hadn't called me earlier, tbh.

Sorry the parent was pissed off - maybe you caught them on a bad day at work and this was the last straw or something (not that that's an excuse but you know what I mean).

Original poster

doonhamer · 20/03/2011 13:44

Stillsquiffy - but that's what you would want to do, so perfectly reasonable.

I did ask parent if I could give calpol and she'd already said no. parent's stock answer to everything is give him warm milk, it helps.
I'd tried that, it didn't work.
As for the t toddler group thing, well I had initially thought that midnee was , for want of a better word, playing up. he has started to have the most awful tantrums,a nd bits and throws things if he doesn't get his own way, so i thought that
A) going out he might fall asleep, as he wakens at 4am every day.
B) he might calm down if he is "playing up". Which ahs happened before. It didn't work so i took him home.

OP posts:

Original poster

doonhamer · 20/03/2011 13:45

Oh, and for the record, parent didn't come and collect child.

OP posts:

mranchovy · 20/03/2011 13:55

I agree with Squiffy - yes I would want to come and pick my child up if they were obviously unwell, but I would not expect to be told about it in this way, particularly not with 'can you come and collect your child' as the opening words or any information about the CMs other charges. I am not surprised the parent was furious.

This is how I would handle the situation (I am not a CM, I am a parent who has been very effectively managed in this way ):

CM: 'I am worried about X, he hasn't stopped crying since you droppeed him/her and I just don't seem to be able to help him'

Parent: 'What do you think is wrong'?

CM: 'He might be teething, or perhaps he is coming down with something?'

Parent: 'Have you given him Calpol?'

CM: 'Yes, an hour ago and it made no difference'

Parent: 'What do you think we should do?'

CM: 'I don't think there is anything more I can do to settle him, can you come and pick him up?'

edam · 20/03/2011 13:59

Can't believe they didn't come to get the poor child! What on earth happened? Did the poor sausage cry all day?

chabbychic · 20/03/2011 14:00

The parent didn't collect?

Blimey.

This doesn't bode well for future situations op, and I'd pull out.

sheeplikessleep · 20/03/2011 14:03

agree with mranchovy.

i've had a similar situation, not when ds1 was screaming, but he wasn't himself. his cm phoned me up, said about how he doesn't seem quite right, bit of explanation as to how he wasn't joining in as usual etc. i then said i'd come and collect him.

to be honest, cm just needs to say how the child isn't well. not about having to leave playgroup / managing other childrens' needs / ages of other mindees etc.

sheeplikessleep · 20/03/2011 14:05

and i find it shocking the parent didn't collect their child.

Tanith · 20/03/2011 15:02

In your situation, I would give notice. In fact, I have once given notice to a parent who refused to come out - happened very early on in my childminding career and the child was older.

I am disgusted that this parent didn't come out for such a young child. She has shown that she is not prepared to consider her child, you or the other children.
You absolutely must be able to trust that a parent will come and collect a child if it's necessary.

At the very least, I would be having very strong words with her and impressing on her that this situation must never happen again.

I do wonder if the information regarding the other children and your general situation came to light because the parent was arguing with you and you were trying to justify why you couldn't keep the child that day.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 20/03/2011 15:11

Yes I would give notice too

The relationship between you and the parent has broken down if the parent does not trust your judgement

Original poster

doonhamer · 20/03/2011 15:13

I am working a notice period.

OP posts:

Hatesponge · 20/03/2011 15:28

I do agree with those who say that they would be unhappy with being told that their child had inconvenienced the CM...

I dont know what the parent's situation is in this case, but in fairness not everyone has the sort of job where they can drop everything to rush home to pick up their child, however much they might want to. If this happened to me, I wouldn't be refusing to pick up, but I would be saying that I might not be able to do so for a couple of hours.

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