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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Reasonable requests?

36 replies

Aurora1 · 17/03/2011 12:15

Hi, just trying to understand whether what I ask of my daughter?s nanny is reasonable.
She has been with us for 2 years (the baby is 2 years old). At least once a week she does not answer her phone for the whole day while I am at work. She either forgets it at home or leaves in her pocket or it?s ?out of money? or it?s not ?working?. So I am at work for 10 hours and I cannot call and check how things are. This happened many many times. We told her many many times. She still does this saying that ?she forgot?. Yesterday she did it again and I was really pissed off and told her (politely) that next time we will fine her ? not pay her for the day that she does not have her phone with her because all other routes are not working. She became very angry and told me ?to look for someone else then? and left slamming the door. Today she came back, not apologising, just moody.
She can be moody quite often which is also annoying.
I also noticed that she does not wash her hands every time after the loo. What do I say? I find it so embarrassing to mention this?
And I told her many times not to put TV on during the day and I called her couple of days ago and heard the TV on background. I guess she does it often.
She is 52 and does not like to move very much. She would rather sit on a sofa and do puzzles with the baby than take her out. And you wouldn?t believe this but she loves doing puzzles herself and drawing in children books and she does it while the baby just watching.

But maybe my concerns are minor things? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ElsieR · 17/03/2011 12:28

YABU. At the end of the day, you are paying her and you requests are not unreasonable.
Are you really desperate to keep her?

ElsieR · 17/03/2011 12:28

meant YANBU. doh!

nbee84 · 17/03/2011 12:34

Totally unreasonable to withhold a days pay - not sure it is even legal.

But YANBU over your concerns. It doesn't sound like she is the right nanny for you. I wouldn't be happy with a nanny that didn't like to get out & about. A certain amount of homebased play is a good thing - but doing puzzles and colouring while the 2 year old watches Definitely not unreasonable to want the nanny to be contactable during the day - sometimes you may have a phone on silent (ie whilst at an activity or the library) and sometimes you might not hear it if you are somewhere noisy (ie soft play) but otherwise they should be able to hear/take a phone call.

nbee84 · 17/03/2011 12:37

And as for the hand washing - yuk! Difficult though. May be you can talk to her about the importance of hygiene for your little one and that you want to make sure that she is in the routine of washing hands before she eats/after she's been to the park etc - and hope that she takes the hint about her own hygiene.

thebody · 17/03/2011 12:38

yanbu. she should be contactable and anyway have her phone on her at all times in case of emergencies( i a cm and I do) she sounds a tad lazy and a bit childish..amazed that she is 52!!!

look around, better out there me thinks

ElsieR · 17/03/2011 12:40

Agree with nbee84. You can't withdraw a day's pay. If you do not want to get rid of this lady, have you considered supplying her with a small pay as you go phone that you will charge up etc?
Also, why not take away the lead from the TV so she does not watch it when in charge of you DD.
But quite frankly, if you have to do that sort of stuff, I'd look elsewhere.

Novstar · 17/03/2011 12:46

I think you should look for someone else... In my contract with my nanny, I explicitly state that their phone must be usable during working hours (I pay her a phone allowance). "Repeated failure to be contactable by mobile phone during working hours (eg by not turning your phone on)" is listed as a disciplinable Misconduct. I do need to contact them sometimes urgently, like ballet classes being cancelled or my DC need to be collected from school, so I think it is entirely reasonable of you.

Talk to her about the phone, TV and about doing activities properly, follow your disciplinary procedure. Hopefully she will get it.

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 17/03/2011 12:54

YANBU she should be contactable, YABU to have a financial sanction. Verbally warn her, if she does it again then issue a written warning.

The not washing hands is icky and endangering your DD. Not sure how you can deal with this tactfully though! You could warn her about this too I suppose...

Activities-wise she should be doing more but that, compared to the other things is minor. Talk to her about it but even if she improved there and didn't on the other things I'd still be looking at letting her go.

Karoleann · 17/03/2011 12:57

She doesn't sound great - get someone else!
Its not legal to withold pay - you're only allowed to may deductions from pay for reasons listed on her contract.

Karoleann · 17/03/2011 13:00

Just realised she's been with you 2 years - you'd have to go down the discliplinary route to get rid of her (or encourage her to leave). The lead away from the TV is a good idea. Maybe book her into a couple of classes (gymboree type things) that will get her out of the house.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/03/2011 13:09

why have you put up with this for 2 years?

YABU to withhold her wages, dont think this is legal

obv you need to be able to get hold of your nanny, does she ever answer the home phone, or is she out all day with no mobile as you said she doesnt go out much - so surely you can get her at home iyswim?

but seems weird she does this once a week, is it the same day each week?

what do you think she is doing?

possibly another nanny job, as one mb found out on here a few years ago after following her

can you ask your dd what she has done that day, tho at 2, you may not get much of an answer

how do you know she doesnt wash her hands, after the toilet? are you in there with her?

i think you need to give notice and find a new nanny

Original poster

Aurora1 · 17/03/2011 13:39

what is YANBU?

OP posts:

chitchatingagain · 17/03/2011 13:54

You Are Not Being Unreasonable (it's one of the other boards, not to be ventured on if you're feint hearted!!!!)

poopnscoop · 17/03/2011 14:25

The nanny is 52, her habits are ingrained and I'd think it would be hard for her to change. Her attitude says loads. I certainly would not be happy with her. Difficult to get rid of her though, after all this time :(

littlepigshavebigears · 17/03/2011 14:27

she sounds god-awful

get rid of her, I know it's hard but you will feel better, you will find someone lovely and dedicated and energetic and you will look back on this one and shudder

littlepigshavebigears · 17/03/2011 14:27

she isn't WigWamBam's MIL is she?

nannyl · 17/03/2011 14:35

If shes at your house surely you can call your landline?

If you need her to have a working mobile then provide her with one, otherwise YABU

I dont understand why you need to call her every day to tbh. My bosses certainly NEVER called me during the day unless there was something very very important. Ok my phone was always on, and with me and id answer it, but i certainly would not like to be called every day (or even every week)... Perhaps thats why she doesnt answer it... espcially after 2 years!

I dont know many nannies who are called daily. Only when there is an issue that needs resolving now.

Not washing her hands is gross, but agree a bit tricky to bring up.

As for the telly.... its ok to not want the tv on, but a bit excessive to not want it on at all ever.
Agree it should not be on all day every day, but the odd program to watch together and discuss isnt really that bad surely?

Compleltely illegal to withold pay and unreasonable. Expect her to walk with no notice if you want to do that...
You pay her to look after your child.... not to be on the end of the phone

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/03/2011 14:42

i wondered this nannyl

op says nanny doesnt go out much, so call her at home if not answering mobile

saying that, also agree with why you need to talk to nanny every day

as with nannyl, my mb rarely rings me, and if she does then normally to ask to take something out of freezer etc rather than check up on me

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 17/03/2011 14:49

OP doesn't say she's calling every day though. TBH I'd probably get 1 call or text a day from one of my old MBs asking me to do/check something or how things were going though. Never bothered me as such, just 30seconds to communicate something especially as I either didn't see her or the morning was a rush.

Suspicious if it is the same day each week...

Nanny walking wouldn't be so much of a bad thing based on what's been out here but not for withholding wages as that would be opening a big can of worms.

starfishmummy · 17/03/2011 14:51

Well I would not expect to have to use my phone for work purposes, I would expect my employer to provide one; even if it was just a cheap pay as you go. Ot use your landline as others have said.

On the other hand if you don't like the way she is looking after your child then find someone else.

HarrietTheSpook · 17/03/2011 15:40

I would be very irritated about a nanny's repeated failure to do something I asked which was not in principle at all unreasonable. - BUT

I also think in future you need to supply a pay as you go mobile with credits on it to have the most control over this.

She could be thinking this, but not know how to/not be confident about explaining herself to you. She could even not feel that confident with technology generally but doesn't want to admit this.

It's not unreasonable to call or text once a day for a child that age. I also think it's the sort of situation where one is tempted to call more to 'see' if the nanny has her phone - you feel more panicky not knowing if she has it. Whereas with a more reliable nanny in this area - someone you know you could always reach if you had to - the need to do this might be less.

The colouring/puzzles thing sounds weird and I also think that her idea of 'a little bit of TV' is probably not yours. Hearing your side of the story, I do think she is behaving overall like she intends to do what she pleases and that would piss me off.

But probably some lessons here for the new nanny, no?

HarrietTheSpook · 17/03/2011 15:41

I doubt she has another job but if it's always the same day then I might wonder.

HarrietTheSpook · 17/03/2011 15:42

One last thing - the first step in a disciplinary would be a verbal or written warning, I suspect, not docking a whole day's pay! What's in your contract?

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 17/03/2011 15:46

Starfish it's not that simple - nanny's been there over a year and has a certain amount of protection. Firstly OP needs a reason to get rid' of nanny.

Strix · 17/03/2011 15:55

You have every right to expect her to answer the phone whenever you ring it within her working hours (within reason) if you provide the phone as part of the job. I have a work mobile and a person mobile. I do not feel duty bound to use my personal mobile for work. But, if work rings me on my work mobile I am duty bound to pick it up.

You obviously can't withold pay as has already been said.

She is a terrible nanny. Get a new one. Don't look back. It is hard to say good bye. But, you must do what is best for your two year old. And I nanny who disregards your wishes every time you turn around is not contributing to a happy healthy surrounding for your daughter.

I had a nann ylike this once, and have emplyed 20-25 year olds ever since.

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