Reasonable requests?

[Aurora1]

Hi, just trying to understand whether what I ask of my daughter?s nanny is reasonable.
She has been with us for 2 years (the baby is 2 years old). At least once a week she does not answer her phone for the whole day while I am at work. She either forgets it at home or leaves in her pocket or it?s ?out of money? or it?s not ?working?. So I am at work for 10 hours and I cannot call and check how things are. This happened many many times. We told her many many times. She still does this saying that ?she forgot?. Yesterday she did it again and I was really pissed off and told her (politely) that next time we will fine her ? not pay her for the day that she does not have her phone with her because all other routes are not working. She became very angry and told me ?to look for someone else then? and left slamming the door. Today she came back, not apologising, just moody.
She can be moody quite often which is also annoying.
I also noticed that she does not wash her hands every time after the loo. What do I say? I find it so embarrassing to mention this?
And I told her many times not to put TV on during the day and I called her couple of days ago and heard the TV on background. I guess she does it often.
She is 52 and does not like to move very much. She would rather sit on a sofa and do puzzles with the baby than take her out. And you wouldn?t believe this but she loves doing puzzles herself and drawing in children books and she does it while the baby just watching.

But maybe my concerns are minor things? Am I being unreasonable?

Oh yes, I don't mean fire her on the spot, unless your contract allows for that. For example my contract lists insubordination as grounds for immediate dismissal. Her blatant refusal to do as you instruct would cross this line for me and I would say good bye. But, assuming your contract doesn't say this, I would install immediately a weekly review, a nanny diary, I would make specific requests on thing they can do/eat/etc. A nanny who thinks she doesn't need to listen to you (which is outrageous, incidentally) will not like this and will probably pack up. But, if she doesn't, you set the ground work for:

1. verbal warning
2. written warning
3. dismissal

I also think docking pay is probably illegal, and I'd have been pretty fuming if I was her too!

You should provide a work phone, maybe kept at your house, so she is always contactable.

How do you know she doesn't wash her hands by the way? Are you in the bathroom with her?

I guess maybe she is someone who is good at cuddling little babies, but not so great at running round with active toddlers. I think in your position I would be tempted to make her redundant and switch to a nursery.

the phone - she should be contactable, if you have spoken to her about it before she should answer her phone. However, I think calling every day is unecessary and would really get on my nerves! If you trust her with your child then you need to trust that she will call you if there is any problem.

washing her hands - how do you know she doesn't wash her hands??!!

TV - If you don't want your DD to watch the TV fine. Maybe the nanny was watching a little TV while your DD had a nap after lunch or something? I don't understand why you think she does it often, because you heard it in the background once! Could it have been the radio?

doesn't take her out - she should take her out. YANBU to be annoyed by that. Maybe specify a few groups/activities you would like your DD to attend.

she loves doing puzzles/drawing - how often is she doing this? I'm guessing most of the time you're at work so don't know exactly what she's doing? She may do this for 5/10 mins to encourage your DD to join in or something? I assume the baby isn't being forced to watch? If she hasn't wandered off to play with something else maybe she's interested/enjoys watching the nanny have a go and will later try herself.

I can understand that a moody nanny can be a nightmare. However, the fact that you thought docking a days pay because she didn't answer her phone was appropriate, suggests to me you might me a PITA. Maybe that's why she's moody! Two sides to every story and all that.

What were her references like?

Do you always call to check-in at the same time, maybe you could arrange it so it would be at a time that she would be home and would be convenient for her? This was an arrangement that worked very well for myself and a previous employer and it was something that we just fell into.

As for the other stuff - if she wasn't doing her job according to her job description and contract then I would be thinking about disciplinary action.

IF I was you I'd:

1. buy a cheap pay as you go phone and keep it at your house, so its always fully charged. Say you expect it to be with her and switched on at all times and that if she can't answer immediately you expect to be called back within 15 mins to make it fair.

2. book her in to groups you want your DD to go to. Give her a timetable of what you want her to do when and make it non-negotiable. Try to make one of the groups one where you know people so you can get some feedback on how she behaved whilst there.

3. buy a week-to-view diary and ask her to write in there about what they've done, how it went etc.

4. have a contract review and say why you're not happy and that you expect her to stick to what you are now asking. You could set a date for review 2/4 weeks? Then you have the ground in place for dismissal if she doesn't get her act together.

I'd agree that nannies usually get to use their discretion over activities etc but surely they have to earn this? I have a nanny friend who has about 50:50 activities chosen by her/bosses each week - and her mummy boss rings her each day for a catch up, so its not unreasonable or unheard of. I do wonder why you've kept her for 2 years if she's this bad... has she got worse?

Alsoo agree that maybe a slightly older nanny isn't as suitable for an active toddler as a baby. We have an agency nanny around that age I use sometimes for emergencys/holiday cover and while the girls love her she's also much more in the mold of colouring, cuddles and pottering in the house than our regular nanny who is much more out an about. I always notice on days we have her that the girls (nrly 2 and 4) have an excess on energy when I get home.

Threatening to withold a day's pay is wrong and illegal though and if I ever had an empoloer who acted like that towards me would scupper any respect I had for them, and chance of a decent working relationship.

Friend of mine had an older nanny- wonderful with babies but two activie toddlers not so good - ended up cutting her hours - with her agreement - and having boys in preschool/chilminder for the other time

Formal verbal warning required. Prepare it in advance and ensure you cover:

1. contactability at all times
2. professional behaviour expected at all times. Door slamming and moodiness and answering back not acceptable under any cirs
3. Cleanliness - washing hands as soon as she arrives home from outdoors, before preparing meals and after loo visits
4. Written journal of activities undertaken each day
5. Television limited to 30 minutes per day (or whatever)
6. Child to be taken out every day for at least 2 hours, with plan prepared by nanny of a daily activity schedule.

Tell her that you will formally review the situation with her in 1 month.

TBH all of the above would be done automatically by any good nanny anyway. so you are not asking for anything unusual.

(waves to Squiffy)

OP, I agree with Squiffy. Strongly suggest that you check what you have in your contract re the definition of misconduct and gross misconduct. For example, failing to do as you request, ie insubordination would fall within the definition of misconduct and disciplinary procedures would kick in.

If you saw this kind of behaviour in your own workplace, would it be acceptable? If not, then you need to question why you ate tolerating it at home, which isn't her home, it's her workplace. Yes, she is looking after your child, but you are her boss. She is not a friend and she is not doing you a favour so you need to be more firm and if she doesn't like it she can then decide to work elsewhere. Harsh when you see it written down but those are the conditions you work under so why is it different for her?

how do you know she doesnt wash her hands after going to the loo?