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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

potential CM's house smelling of cigarette smoke-deal-breaker?

84 replies

CatIsSleepy · 11/03/2011 13:40

my lovely childminder of the last 4 years has had to give me her notice this week for very sad personal reasons and I have to find a new CM for dd1 (nearly 5) and 2 (2 yrs) to start in 3 weeks.
It has thrown me into a bit of a panic. However the mum of one of dd1's classmates is a CM, and she has vacancies. I went to see her today and liked her a lot.
Only problem-her house smelt very smoky. She said her husband doesn't smoke when the children are around ie only in the evenings. FWIW it sounds like she would be doing activities out of teh house with dd2 most days so she wouldn't be in the house all the time. But i feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Dh, however is less bothered. I haven't had time to see anyone else yet or even get any names of more CMs to contact so she is the only person I have seen so far.

Would a smokey house be a deal-breaker for you? am very interested in other people's opinions on this.
Have to go and do a load of boring stuff now but I will be back
Thanks in advance!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thebody · 14/03/2011 16:41

definatly not for me... am cm and its not acceptable to have house smelling of smoke.. it doesnt matter if husband smokes outside either , doesnt make a jot of difference.. look elsewhere...

Numberfour · 14/03/2011 18:55

An ex-smoker and a childminder here: it would definitely be a deal breaker. No two ways about it.

looneytune · 14/03/2011 19:18

Snap, deal breaker here. I'm a CM (also ex smoker) and my dh does smoke but it's done outside and of course the children don't ever see him. I don't even allow any stinky coats hanging up downstairs, YUCK!!

PositiveOutlook · 14/03/2011 19:44

I am going to go against the general concenus here and I know I will be shot down in flames but....here goes....

I am a registered cm, v.new only 4 months in and waiting my ofsted inspection, but hear me out...

My dh does smoke, not in the main living area of our home, not in the areas the children play or sleep, only in our bedroom (because that is where his playstation is and that is his retreat) and in our kitchen. There is no smoking in our home while minded children are present. I tell all of my parents that this is not a smoke free environment, of course they can tell that when the enter my home.

I have filled all of my spaces and have a waiting list and it is not for lack of cms in our area.

The op said that the setting she visited smelt very strongly of smoke which I completely disagree with and I have had a cm myself whose home smelt strongly of smoke and I did discontinue using her service for many reasons but this was one of them.

my mindees range from 8mo to 8yo and it has not been an issue for my parents, I ensure that my home is well ventillated and so far it has not been an issue.

I feel that I can't say anything else because as soon as smoking and children are brought up, all hell breaks loose (figuratively speaking) and i do agree with most of it. But we all make compromises when it comes to childcare and while smoking and children are like water and oil i don't agree that a completely smokefree cm is necessarily going to be the best....

i am awaiting the fury ..........

nannyl · 14/03/2011 19:55

"don't agree that a completely smokefree cm is necessarily going to be the best...."

agree with that to an extent... there are some really rubbish CM's out there (and equally terrible nannies / nurseries / au pairs / mummies before we have that arguement ) and it may be better for a child to be cared for by one of the super super CM's in a house where someone smokes sometimes, than by one of the few and far between bad CM's.

However a super super CM in a non smoking is (IMO) far far far far better still, and regardless of how fab a CM she (or he) is, I personaly would still never send my own children to a CM where smoking happens in the home (or by the door outside)

PositiveOutlook · 14/03/2011 19:58

nannyl, I do agree with you and the other posters on here. I just wanted to point out that it is not necessary to demonise a cm because there is a smoker in the home.

StarExpat · 14/03/2011 20:07

PO do you tell parents that dh smokes in kitchen and bedroom but not while mindees present? Even if this were the case, I'd want to know that there is someone who smokes in the kitchen sometimes or a smoker residing in the house - even if it's not done while mindees are there. That is not a "smoke free" environment to me... And I would be very upset if cm did not tell me this. Mostly because of ds' asthma. Doesn't matter if not done while he's there if it's in the house at other times. Sorry. I'm sure you are lovely so I don't mean to sound unkind.

PositiveOutlook · 14/03/2011 20:28

Hi StarExpat, i don't think you sound unkind and i so appreciate not being shot down in flames. I am 100% honest with parents and one of the things i tell them is that if their child is asthamtic or for any reason they need a completely smoke free environment then my setting is not for them. I have had one potential parent tell me that as my home is not smoke free then they can't consider me for their child, which i completely understand and i appreciated their honesty.

I do know where the posters on this thread are coming from I just wanted to add a little bit from the otherside iyswim

StarExpat · 14/03/2011 20:57

I also misread. I thought your post said that you tell parents it is a smoke free environment. I've just reread and see you said it was not a smoke free environment. Sorry about that.

pozzled · 14/03/2011 21:02

Deal breaker for me, definitely.

seeker · 14/03/2011 21:04

Dealbreaker for me too. I don;t think it would actually physically harm a child, but I wouldn't leave a child with anyone who thought that smoking in a house where there were children was acceptable. IYSWIM.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:06

PO - the fact you are honest about dh smoking and are full,obv mans that some parents dont mind this

so no fury from me - you are not forcing the parents to use you

though have to say, there is no way dh is allowed to smoke in our bedroom - he used to smoke in the living room,until i got fed up and banned it

out of curiosity though, if you were not getting any mindee's, would you make dh smoke outside?

ObscureReference · 14/03/2011 21:12

so cm's arent allowed to smoke? There are a few at my DCs school that I have seen smoke before they pick up their charges! :0

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:16

obscure im assuming no cm can smoke when in charge of children, but maybe if alone, ie no younger mindes;s then they can iyswim

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2011 21:16

not while children are present and the setting must be well ventilated (I cba to find the guidance on it but that's it in a nutshell)

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:17

snap balt so they could if in public and no children with them?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2011 21:19

I think so, yes; because they wouldn't have children with them

(come on Nick, where are you?)

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:31

obscure the cm you see , do they have young / any mindees with them?

If they do then they are in breech - unless their own dc

If they don't then seems they are doing nothing wrong

Original poster

CatIsSleepy · 15/03/2011 10:30

right
was away over the weekend and have only just come back to this

am getting pretty stressed tbh. I don't actually have that many options. There's a very limited pool of CMs that can pick up from dd1's school and I need to find someone FAST. I have 2 and a bit weeks and ideally that would include a settling in period for dd2

am seeing one other person on friday but i don't think she'll work out long term as she lives in the wrong area, and has a 3 year old who i guess will be going to pre-school soon and it won't be my dd1's school

so what do i do? go for a short term alternative and end up having to move them both again soon or soonish? split the girls up and send dd2 to someone else? i actually really don't want to do that. Go with someone, anyone, that i don't necessarily like very much but who has a smoke-free house? see how it goes with the CM with the smoky house on the understanding if the dds come home smelling of smoke it's all off-and risk pissing off one of the parents that i will be potentially seeing for the next 6 years? speak to this CM about the smoking business,
eg ventilation, and ask her not to let her dh smoke in the house in the mornings before dd2 gets there?

it's driving me crazy thinking about it

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2011 10:36

sounds to me you are not happy with the cm house being smoky, but you feel you have no choice as no other cm's and time is running out

obv you dont want to spilt the girls up

or use a cm you dont like but is smoke free

have you considered a nanny, or would finances not stretch, if you had nwoc it would make cost cheaper - area depending wages vary from £8gross - £15 gross for experienced nanny but not bringing her own child

Original poster

CatIsSleepy · 15/03/2011 10:46

blondes, I had a quick look on childcare.co.uk for nannies, seemed to be around twice what we're paying for CM care so from 7.50 an hour up 8 or 9 pounds an hour, which we couldn't afford (we are in london so i guess everything costs more)

OP posts:

StarExpat · 15/03/2011 11:10

Have you looked at nurseries?

Bunbaker · 15/03/2011 11:19

It is obviously a deal breaker for the majority of parents. Perhaps that is why she has vacancies?

Original poster

CatIsSleepy · 15/03/2011 12:23

star-i would rather be able to keep dd1 and dd2 together, they wouldn't see eachother all day if dd1 was in a nursery

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2011 13:36

personally i would go for the sort term solution and who knows what cms are available in a year or so, rather than have dc in a smokey atmosphere

he must smoke a lot if he only smokes in eve, obv not there during the day, and house stinks

i was paranoid my house smelt of smoke when allowed dh to smoke in living room, and had windows open and plug ins and sprays etc

so depending if you like the one on friday with 3yrs, i would go for her and maybe have name on waiting lists for the other cms

how many are in your area?

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