What would you do? Am annoyed, should I be?

[SuiGeneris]

I would welcome perspectives from more experienced nanny employers (and nannies).

Have recently hired a new part-time nanny. We're paying market rate and are fully above board re tax. We have also agreed to help her register with OFSTED and are paying a large proportion of the costs involved.

New nanny was in dire straits due to being paid v little by her previous employers, so we agreed to hire her earlier than we would have done otherwise and to pay her in advance for the first month. We are also abroad for the 3rd and 4th week of her employment, so she is currently on paid leave (not accrued).

Have just got a text asking whether we would mind doing a nannyshare for some of the time she is with us as she has found another job that would overlap with ours by one day. We do not know the other family and the other child would be considerably younger (about 15 and 10 months).

We hired a nanny because we want one-to-one care and flexibility, amongst other things, and I am not sure that a nanny-share
would deliver that. Also am annoyed that the nanny should think it is appropriate to ask this by text when she knows I am abroad and do not know the family prospectively involved. I do not think she realises what a nightmare these arrangements can be, especially re holidays, expenses (such as the OFSTED registration) etc.

What would you do?

say no

I would say no. I see her logic, there's no harm in asking and you might have been open to the idea, and I see why by text because calling would presumably cost you money.

But you don't want it so that's the end of it.

Do you have an arrangement re: OFSTED registration for her to reimburse you for some of the costs, especially if she leaves? Whilst it's fairly standard for employers to pay the £103 registration you'd be within your rights to ask for a proportion of the 1st aid (as it's valid for 3 years so if she leaves she has a valid first aid cert at your expense) and common core which is valid pretty much for life. She, of course, must pay her insurance.

im a nanny

im very much of a if you dont ask you dont get frame of mind...
BUT, thats pushing it!!!!!

i agree to just say no. Dont discuss it or offer to meet parents or anything, just text back that it wont be possible and you want individual care on the days you employ her.

Your nanny took the part-time job knowing what the working hours/days were. So should be finding other work to fit around that, not work that overlaps.

Suppose it isn't unreasonable for her to ask about the possibility of doing it as a share for one day... but you can certainly say no.

That's what I am inclined to do. I think it would be too messy re holidays, illnesses etc and also cannot see how she could look after two young toddlers at the same time. Plus we do not have two highchairs, double buggy etc so it would be practically difficult. I do not think she has thought this through at all.

Am concerned that she will try to look for a full-time position and dump us as soon as she finds one. Annoying when we have stressed throughout that we are looking for stability etc.

Think she's got some front, although judging from your other thread you are giving it some consideration which I think is very gracious of you rather than dismissing it out of hand

If you say no will she leave?

I was a nanny and think that she is being a bit cheeky but some will say no harm in asking. 100% your decision though.

I was in a new share and said I couldn't continue with the new family but would understand if they wanted to keep the share and me leave. They chose to keep me.

If you don't want a share that's your right, especially if you don't know the other family and would need to foot the bill for additional equipment.

However I think you're right to be worried she might leave for a FT job, however dishonest/unprofessional of her that may be. How much have you paid towards the cost of OFSTED etc? And do you have an agreement which allows you to claim it back? I think you definitely need one.

i really dont see the problem (sorry)

she asked you something and you are not happy with it, so you say no

end of matter :)

you decided and agreed to pay her in advance, which tbh is very rare - so you cant moan about it iyswim

as you are the one who benfits from the nanny being ofsted registered (and tbh most nannies i know have grief with vouchers/being paid on time every month) so much easier NOT to be ofsted registered -then yes you should pay the costs apart from nanny insurance (which all nannies who consider their selves professional should have

if you did want to do it - and bth may save you some money,its for one day, and your dc will have a playmate :)

then all you really need to do it between yourself/other family get a travelcot/booster chair (from argos £15) and a cheap 2nd hand double buggy

but as you dont want to then no need :)

and i replied on your other thread, but any professional nanny worth their salt can easily look after 2 children the same age :)

I would say no because as you say that is not the arrangement you sought and why you specifically chose nanny care.

You're difficulty now is that she may leave and you have clearly invested a lot - how do you feel about that?

I think this needs to be talked about face to face and I would be furious to receive this request by text.

If there is time when you return then I would be inclined to sit down and have a very frank discussion about how she would envisage this working, reduction in pay, what would happen if either child was sick etc etc but I assume the fact that she has asked in this manner means she has been looking for an additional job to go along side yours for a while and that would irritate me if it wasn't something she made clear to you at the start.

why furious nancy?

my family are away this week and i have texted my mb when on holiday before, to ask her something - just as she has to me - we both say sorry to disturb you when away but ........

i think furious is a bit over the top - the nanny wanted to query/ask something

many know my motto is

dont ask, dont get :)

I don't get furious either.

Family are away, calling them would cost.

Nanny is PT, wants another job, has had an interview and it turns out hours overlap. Other family need to know soon so 'the logical solution is to text and see how the land lies.

blondes what sort of things do you text?

It's not that I would be furious about being contacted - that is fine but I do think a text for suchan important issue is unporofessional and (in this context) cowardly.

I would be fine with (when I had one) my nanny texting to say, eg, she had just been invited to a wedding 6mths away and could she have X date off but wanted to ask ASAP or to say that a medical appointment had come up the following week and was it ok to have the time off.

But I just don't see the nanny asking to take on a whole different job, totally altering the dynamics of the current arrangement counts as "querying" something so I would be angry at the inappropriateness.

However I also hate it when people text in sick. I guess that is just the way I am

would never text in sick - thats unprofessional - if i did need a day off and dying then would always ring :)

things mb has texted - could i find a bs as someone has let her down the day they come back from holiday/ could she have my friends tele no as phone got wet and died/can i come in 30mins earlier the day they are back etc

things ive texted - that ive popped some bread/milk in/autoglass came and replaced windscreen on their car that i drive/can i leave hr early the week they are back but happy to come in hour early etc

But Nancy if you're on holiday abroad how would you prefer to be contacted? Nanny presumably doesn't know whetger OP has email access and calling would cost the OP money.

I think it is fine her asking and it is fine asking by text since you are abroad.

There are benefits for you aswell in a nannyshare:

• You will save some money.

• Your dc will have a regular playmate.

• You will have a second house for the nanny and your dc i.e. if you are ill and take a day off work they can go to the other house so you have the place to yourself, ditto if you have guests staying or builders in the house.

• You will have a happier nanny as she will be earning more and she will be more likely to stay.

For me company for dc would be the biggest plus.

You are right there are some issues like holidays etc but that can be sorted if you want to.

Still, if you don't like the idea just say no and you will not be unreasonable at all.

I agree that it's not a problem to ASK but that it ridiculous to attempt to embark on such a discussion via text. What was she thinking? It's a big decision that you are not likely to just text back: "Yes sure super no problems." I would just say to her, I'll discuss this when we're back. You may be wise to consider it for the reasons LaQuitar mentions - although of course not obliged to do anything.

She does sound a bit flaky really.

blondes see all those examples are fine - I am certainly not saying that texting as a mode of communication is inappropriate per se BUT I do think that if you are dropping what is obviously going to be quite a bombshell then if it cannot wait until the person is in the UK then you should have the good manners to call.

In my opinion it is unfair of your nanny to think that you could (or would want to) make a decision like this whilst on holiday.

Although a nannyshare can have its benefits, lots of pieces of the puzzle need to be proven to slot into place before you can make an educated decision. This can't be established via text and will take time. Not something you want to spare whilst on holiday!

If you are not 100% sure that you would not be happy with a nannyshare, i would reply saying that it could be a possibility but you would need to look into the details further before you could commit to a ?yes or no?.

You have been very generous and flexible with your nanny so far. I hope that she recognises this and treats you with the respect you deserve.

Good luck
Sally

But surely the nanny cant stop her job searching because OP is on holiay, she is probably stressed about covering the rest of the week as OP's vacancy is only part-time. She probably found this other job, she needed to reply to the other mum asap so she texted to ask if there is there a possibility. Unfortunetely when you offer a part-time position you do face the nanny's sress over finding job for the remaining days.

If you don't want to do a nanny-share, then don't. Though there are a many benefits as outlined already (and drawbacks as well!).

I think, unless you specifically told her that you wanted a nanny because you require one-on-one care only, then it was perfectly acceptable for her to ask you about a share. Asking by text was a bit silly, but if you're abroad (calling would cost you)and she needed to know straight away then I can see why she did it.

Oh and a bit off the point but I always text if I need to be off sick and I don't know till the morning. If I realise the day/evening before that I need to be off I phone. I don't think it's unprofessional and I've never had a complaint from a parent either!

what excalty did the text say?

something along the lines of

was wondering how you feel about a nannyshare/me working for another family one day a week at the same time?

compared to

im doing a nannyshare

iyswim

she just asked you something

ohno texts can go astray/you dont know if parents got them/read them etc

far better to ring and say i cant make today imho

I always send it to both parents phones and have always had a reply (Sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon etc) so I know they've received and read it. I suppose if I didn't get a reply I'd have to call in later. I like to let them know first thing and just can't bring myself to call someone at 7am! Don't want to wake them up! Also I don't about your boss, but in my boss' house in the rush to get themselves and 3 dc's up,dressed and breakfasted the phone often goes unanswered!

I wouldn't be annoyed. In fact, I'd probably say yes (after meeting the family and finding out if my way of parenting and managing a nanny is compatible with theirs). If you really want stability, you'll at least explore this option. Much better to thoroughly consider it and then turn it down for well thought out reasons then just say no way with out ever considering the idea.

And 1o and 15 months is pretty close in age in my book.