What would you do? Am annoyed, should I be?

[SuiGeneris]

I would welcome perspectives from more experienced nanny employers (and nannies).

Have recently hired a new part-time nanny. We're paying market rate and are fully above board re tax. We have also agreed to help her register with OFSTED and are paying a large proportion of the costs involved.

New nanny was in dire straits due to being paid v little by her previous employers, so we agreed to hire her earlier than we would have done otherwise and to pay her in advance for the first month. We are also abroad for the 3rd and 4th week of her employment, so she is currently on paid leave (not accrued).

Have just got a text asking whether we would mind doing a nannyshare for some of the time she is with us as she has found another job that would overlap with ours by one day. We do not know the other family and the other child would be considerably younger (about 15 and 10 months).

We hired a nanny because we want one-to-one care and flexibility, amongst other things, and I am not sure that a nanny-share
would deliver that. Also am annoyed that the nanny should think it is appropriate to ask this by text when she knows I am abroad and do not know the family prospectively involved. I do not think she realises what a nightmare these arrangements can be, especially re holidays, expenses (such as the OFSTED registration) etc.

What would you do?

I have done 2 shares in the past, one very successful, one not so much, if you want any questions answered.

It isn't a bombshell, it's a question. A bombshell would be "sorry, I can't take it any more, I won't be here when you get back" not "would you consider a nannyshare?"

Fair enough.

Of course if you don't want it, say no.

Ok well for me it would be a bombshell. It's hardly in the same league as blondes I've put some milk in the fridge

Realistically I would be seriously concerned that the nanny wouldn't stay if I refused her request. I don't know about anyone else but that would go a long way towards spoiling my holiday.

Depending on the OP's circumstances (how many days the nanny has been employed for/whether she discussed the issue of an additional job) I also think it would be fair to say it would be a shock.

That aside, regardless of semantics I would be unhappy with this question being asked by text.

Exactly, Nancy. 5am and am I sleeping? No, on this topic on MN. Says it all, really.

FourFortyFour: yes please. How do we go about it? What worked and what didn't? How long did it last? What happened when ut did not work? What happens re tax and costs oh hosting the share?

Tax you agreed a gross wage with your nanny, yes? So typically one or the other of you continues to employ her for those days, she gets a slightly higher rate (say 25% extra) and you and the other family split that cost. As long as 'the other family also agree a gross wage you have no problem.

Setup costs are usually split between the families but usually it's the families who've decided to have the share anyway so are prepared to go halves on a double buggy etc. You can often pick stuff up from freecycle or secondhand.

Often in a FT share one family hosts and provides food, the other takes on the administrative stuff and both families put into the kitty fir activities equally. Families often choose to provide their own nappies etc rather than split that cost.

If it doesn't work out and you end the share arrangement without firing the nanny one of you loses the nanny for that day and possibly full stop. If one family makes the nanny redundant the other is left with the full cost of the share (worth having a single family rate in the contract).

I'm sure your nanny didn't mean to make you worry :( but she probably needed to give the other parents an answer quickly. Can you call her in a few hours and talk it through?

Nope (nanny employer) I wouldn't want a nanny share either. I want nanny to be just with my children.

I don't think its that unreasonable to text you - she's been offered a job and is just asking if it would suit.

Just text back no, I'm sorry we wouldn't consider that and add "hope you're enjoying your leave" - just to remind her that you're paying her for 2 weeks non accrued leave.

If you haven't signed contracts yet, make sure that you have a condition in her contract that she pays back the cost of the OFSTED registration if she leaves within 6 months.

I can't believe the other family wouldn't understand the OP wanted to wait to consider a share arrangement until she returns from holiday. If they are really putting THAT much pressure on this nanny to decide (but in fact I question whether this is really the case or if it's the nanny just wanting to 'get things sorted')it doesn't sound like a good prospect. How many days are we talking about FGS?

I just can't imagine going about things this way with my employer, let alone someone I hadn't worked for very long.

it is for one day harriet

im sure the other family would happily wait for op to come back from holiday to discuss things

but if op def doesnt want to share her nanny for one day then the nanny needs to say to the other family, im sorry my boss isnt keen on this, and therefore the other family will need to continue their hunt for a nanny who can commit to those 3 days iyswim

op - you say child is considerably younger - they are 5mths apart, and yes age gap may seem huge now, but in a few months time 5mths is nothing iyswim - both children will be at roughly the same stage

obviously you have been put on the spot - but may be worth saying, you will have a think and discuss it when back from holiday unless a firm no (which is your right)

obv the nanny will need to find another 2 day job and if she doesnt then maybe, and only maybe you may find yourself looking for a new nanny if she cant find one that fits in with your days

I will PM you, OP.

I meant how many days until the OPs family actually returned from holiday, blondes, if that's what you were asking. Which was in response to why everyone was saying this girl might lose the other job if she didn't text the family on holiday and get back to the new family straight away. I just can't believe this would actually be the case.

Four days till we're back and, since many of you mentioned the costs of phonecalls, it would cost me nothing to receive a call as I have a local telephone number (cellphone) where we are.

I think the reason asking by text grates is that it shows a lack of understanding of how major a decision this is. Also, as many of you have said, it is impossible to say anything other than "Won't do it2 or "Will think about it". Can hardly say yes without having met the other family.

And no, I do not mind at all having been flexible/accomodating re work conditions: I like our nanny, think she is good and think that a good working relationship is essential. So don't regret having been flexible, but I would have hoped for a bit more tact in return- the sequence of texts went something along the lines of (this is a summary rather than a word-by-word account):
1.(N) would you consider nanny-share?

1. (MB)let's talk about it when we get back; these arrangements are generally not easy to set up and make work, especially not knowing the other family involved
2. (N) Well, I have found this potential share job and another job that also overlaps by one day with my days with you (description follows, the non-share job would be looking after children quite far from where we are and on a day the nanny works for us)
3. (MB) Well, it seems to me that you cannot take another job on the days you are contracted to work for us

5.(N) Having a part-time job does not resolve my money worries 6.(MB) I understand that, of course. Let's discuss in person when we get back.

It's the mention of a job that cannot fit with ours (suggestion she might leave?) and the emotional blackmail of 5 above that irked.

Thanks to all of those who reminded me to have a clause allowing us to recoup costs of OFSTED registration. We do have one, thankfully, and am glad I insisted in putting it in (while thinking there would be no need as this candidate seemed so sensible, grounded etc and sincere in her wish to stay long-term).

No, as an employer, I don't like that exchange at all either, especially 5, given your entirely reasonable 2. Not surprised you're ticked off.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the holiday...

hmm her reply does seem a tad brash

did you discuss at interview whether the fact she had to find another 2 day job so she could make ends meet

was she looking for a 5 day job previous and didnt find one hence why decided to work 3 days for you?

you say you really like her, but she has only worked for you for 2 weeks

fwiw, if i call another country it costs me and the caller - hence why i never answer my phone on holiday and only text

No 5 was rude.

(seems she didnot like no4)

But then again easy to misunderstand each other when using text.

Have you discussed this at the interview?

I usually text someone when i'm not sure they want to receive a call and leave it to them to suggest phone call. Why didn't you say 'you better call me or email me'?

Because she's on holiday and didn't want to think about the financial concerns of her nanny?

Mm I can see why that exchange would irritate you. Could have been handled better...

Harriet - other family might have pressing childcare needs because they've been let down, we can't know that it could have waited. Sometimes people do need childcare in a hurry or they have a preferred candidate and a good backup but might lose the backup if nanny1 dithers too long. I'm not excusing it but it's not inconceivable that nanny wouldn't be under pressure.

While it isn't really your business (and I hope my PM helped) what she does on the days she doesn't work for you, going for another job to work the days she does for you (has she actually got the job?) without asking first isn't very considerate to the other family never mind you.

Totally agree with the last post, re not considerate to the other family either. If I were in their shoes I would be asking a lot of questions too. And would also want to meet OP!

I think that a text is better than a phone call for the initial enquiry. That way you don't have to reply straight away and can think about the situation.

A phone call would be more difficult in that it might put you on the spot with no time to think.

I often text people as I find it is easier for them to say 'no' without feeling embarrassed/mean IYSWIM.

Meant to add - I think her response @ no.5 was because you had explicitly said "Well, it seems to me that you cannot take another job on the days you are contracted to work for us"

Thus effectively saying 'no' to both the nanny share and the alternative job. At least, that's how it reads to me so perhaps she took it the same way?

I think your response to no. 5 was perfectly justified- she cannot be in 2 places at once! She is contracted to work for you on that day, really she shouldn't even be considering another job on the same day unless it's after her working day with you is done.

You see, SG, alarm bells started ringing for me as soon as you wrote "New nanny was in dire straits due to being paid v little by her previous employers". I am going to generalise here, I know, but in my experience as an employer, when a nanny/au pair comes to me from "dire" circumstances, it is never entirely the responsibility of the previous employer. To add her text on top of that, and point 5 of her exchange with you, just adds to that.

I wouldn't just say no. I'd be reconsidering her employment. Difficult to justify because it is purely a gut feel, but I am only speaking for myself.

I f I am not going in I would phone as soon as I realized .I start work at seven so I would be on the phone as soon as I knew I couldn`t get in as with the snow problem.I think if a nanny is ill and not able to go in her employer needs to know in order to make other arrangements.I have a three day job,I never thought about getting another three day job.If you have never considered a nannyshare just say no.