Other child's dad spending time with DD at childminders - is this acceptable?

[reddaisy]

DP collected DD from the childminder today and he said he was a bit concerned because the childminder said that one of the babies dad spent some time at the house today and read a lot of books to our DD.

We were both a bit bemused by this, is this usual? I know the childminder's DP had to have a CRB check when she became a childminder because he would also be around the children.

Maybe the baby is only just settling in so he was hanging around for a bit?

I may be wrong, but I thought CRB checks were only required if you had regular contact with a particular group of child/ren.

Is there something suspicious in another father reading books in a controlled environment that I am unaware of?

When I was a cm parents would sometimes stay at pick up time for a cuppa and a chat and the children were always happy to see another grown up to bother play with and chat to.

Is the baby new to the cm?

I really wouldn't worry about it, does cm have a safeguarding policy/ visitors policy/ some common sense?

um

I'm not sure why you are concerned

The CM will not have left the parent alone with your child, he took time to read to your DD; perhaps he called in to discuss a matter and stayed for coffee and was kind enough to interact with the children present

You need to examine whether you would feel the same if a mother had been involved; if not then consider why

CRB not needed for a visitor to the premises

What is it that is worrying or concerning you?

Maybe the dad stayed for a little while after collecting his child "for a chat" or the other child is needing some support for some reason at the moment, meaning dad needed to stay around longer.

Can't see why the dad would need to be CRB checked. Presumably he wasn't looking after your DD unsupervised?

Maybe the dad was just being nice?

The babies dad would not have been left alone with minded children, so can't see there being a problem. Would you be thinking it was so unusual if it were the babies mum?

I don't get what you concerned about? Are you thinking that this man enjoys being around children and therefore must be a paedophile, becuase that is really insulting to the vast, vast majority of men.

She definitely has common sense. The baby isn't new but her parents are friends of the childminder's which probably explains why he was there for longer than usual. DP got the impression he was there for several hours.

I never have more than a few mins at the start/end of the day to spend at the childminder's.

I don't think it is suspicious as such, just a bit strange. It is a strange situation with childcare where you often meet the children but not the adults.

And yes, I would prefer any adult who spends a significant amount of time with my child to have a CRB check.

Holly - at no point did I say he would be a padeophile. And actually it was DP (a male) who said he was concerned about it and I said I didn't know what the rules were. Hence my post.

I'm sure he is being nice, my childminder is extremely nice and I imagine her friends are too. I would always prefer to meet people (male or female) DD spends time with. I don't think that is unreasonable.

perhaps he is having relations with cm

but you meet dads in all walks of life, why be suspicious of this one

Two of my mindees often have their parents here for a bit before/after pick up, mostly it's the mums but occasionally the dads would stay, haven't thought of this being unusual-looking to other parents, after all, I do invite these people in and offer them to stay etc. Kids are never left alone with them either.

I would always prefer to meet people (male or female) DD spends time with. I don't think that is unreasonable.

That would be rather impractical - can you imagine meeting up with all the mums and dads and other childcarers that your child may have contact with such as at toddler groups, or when childcarers meet up so the children get to play together/go on outings together.

I agree that it is a bit unusual but as you now tell us that the dad is a family friend of the CM, rather than just a client, then that does explain why he stayed longer than a client would stay.

You need to be able to trust your childminder, so if it is something that really concerns you, then raise it with your childminder but you may fall out over it, so resulting in you looking for alternative care.

does your cm go to toddler groups, she will socialise with parents there as well.

Reddaisy - itd be ideal if all people in contact with kids have a CRB check I agree, however what will you do when you DD gets asked to play at a friends house one day, you'll be lucky if all her friends parents have been checked .....

I guess because I am not there. I'm sure we are just being overprotective.

We haven't mentioned anything to the CM, I did want to find out what the rules are though. She goes to nursery as well and I know all the staff there and I doubt any of the mums or dads at nursery would stick around to read to someone elses children. But maybe I wouldn't think anything of it there?! Who knows.

Lollipopmother - when she is old enough to go and play at another child's house I would make sure I had met the mum/dad involved.

I am not against her being around other adults AT ALL, she is a very sociable and friendly child, it is more that I thought it was a bit of a strange situation and wondered whether it was usual.

I certainly wouldn't pay for my child to be at the childminder's and then stick around for part of the day unless it was a settling in session which it wasn't.

well you did say the dad was cm's friend.
why shouldnt he spend time with her?

I can't see that he would need a CRB checkat all, even if there a while, as he is not unsupervised and caring for your child. He's just another dad.

BTW - I don't rate CRBs for every little thing tbh anyway. All they show is someone hasn;t been caught doing anything wrong, and they are out of date the minute they have finished being written anyway. Reckon too much weight is put on them. Common sense is far better.

My friends can't come and hang out with me at work.

I realise the CM is her own boss but I was under the impression that if people in childcare environment spend an extended amount of time with your child then they should be CRB checked.

I do not think my CM had (or should have) anything to hide or feel guilty about, she was clearly very open with DP I just think the situation is a bit unusual.

Do you consider it unacceptable for your CM to have her friends visit her then? It is her house and her life. She is paid to mind your dd, but you cannot expect her to sit in her house all day without adult contact.

Your dd will become a part of your CM's lifestyle, whether that means staying in, going to the supermarket, going clothes shopping all day, visiting her own parents for the day, going to a toddler group etc, etc. This is what you chose for your dd when you chose a CM and not a Nursery in which she would have a much more structured routine and you would be given more information about what she was doing on a daily basis.

I chose a CM for my children because I felt the continuity of normal family life was important for them while they were very small. My CM's mother, for example, spent a lot of time with my children when they were small, to the extent that they called her Gran.

If you are not happy with these relationships, maybe you need to reconsider the childcare options you have chosen for your dd, but remember that your CM is ultimately responsible for the children in her care, so she is not going to put them in a situation where they are endangered in any way.

Hulababy, I agree about CRB checks. The people I would most not want around my child are those that are unlikely to have a record of any kind. I also agree with common sense which is why I would probably feel more comfortable if I had met him.

However, I can't imagine any parent picking a childcare provider where staff weren't CRB checked over one where they are if that was an option.

Somersetmum, I am very happy with the childminder. I am happy for her to go to Tesco and do all the mundane things the CM will do day to day.

And yes that was one of the reasons I chose a childminder for part of my dd's childcare routine.

I have even provided a car seat to facilitate DD going out with the CM. To be honest that was a big deal to me to have someone I know only in a professional capacity being responsible for driving my child around.

I am not sure what I think about the friend's visiting thing, I have never really thought about it. I do trust the CM to look after DD so it is up to her. I just think/thought this was an unusual situation and I didn't know what to make of it which is why I posted to find out what the protocol is.

My DD went to a pre school where a parent was present at every session on a rota. They were not (necessarily) CRB checked, but were also not left unsupervised with children.

It would be reasonable to check with your CM that guests are not left unsupervised with your child. I am a CM and I would not mind being asked about visitors to the house.

I had a VERY strange looking man come to fix my laptop once and a parent saw him and asked about him. I could explain that he would be working alone in the other room and not have any contact with the children at all.

You should ALWAYS feel comfortable asking about any aspect of your child's care, but you might sometimes have to accept the answer I'm afraid.

Oh ... and my Mum comes over sometimes and reads to the children. She has been CRB checked, but their parents don't necessarily know that - perhaps I should tell them.

Well, I would say that the protocol for a CM would be that your child becomes a part of her family whilst in her care, and therefore befriends/comes into contact with CM's friends and family. The scenario you have described would not be unusual in these circumstances provided CM is always present and does not leave your child in someone else's care

The protocol for a Nursery would be completely different, as it would be a secure environment, staffed by a team of people rather than just one CM. In this situation, you can reasonably assume that all staff are CRB checked and that your child will not come into close contact with anyone else without your premission.

"She goes to nursery as well and I know all the staff there and I doubt any of the mums or dads at nursery would stick around to read to someone elses children."

You must be joking!

Lots of nursery and school settings encourage parents to get involved. If a parent can offer a skill or chat about their job or their new baby or do some reading help, they're welcomed with open arms.

At DS's nursery school, a parent came in to talk about her job as a doctor, a grandad who used to work in the Arctic as a harpooner told them all about the ice and cold, a farmer brought in one of their new lambs to stroke... it goes on!

I used to read to the kids at the end of the session while the staff were getting the tables ready for lunch. Mind you, I was CRB-checked!

Better get used to it