Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Other child's dad spending time with DD at childminders - is this acceptable?

45 replies

reddaisy · 17/02/2011 21:11

DP collected DD from the childminder today and he said he was a bit concerned because the childminder said that one of the babies dad spent some time at the house today and read a lot of books to our DD.

We were both a bit bemused by this, is this usual? I know the childminder's DP had to have a CRB check when she became a childminder because he would also be around the children.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

harecare · 17/02/2011 22:13

When I was childminding sometimes visitors would come to the house. Maybe a grandparent of my children or their aunty or a new parent or a tradesman.
I would note it in the visitors book, write it in the child's daily record and not let the visitor be alone with a minded child. My parents trusted me and wanted me to be the one looking after their children so it was never an issue.
Your CM is doing nothing wrong and is letting you know. If it bothers you, maybe you could have a chat with her about it and ask what her policy is on visitors.

Original poster

reddaisy · 17/02/2011 22:17

HSMM, DD is the CM's first ever child on her books and she is younger than me and genuinely very lovely and warm with children (which is why we picked her) but I trust my judgement more than hers.

Thanks for all the views. Night!

OP posts:

somersetmum · 17/02/2011 22:17

*permission

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 22:20

when i used to collect my dses at their CM i would often be offered a cup of tea as ds was sucha slow eater and it gave him a chance to finish his dinner. there was another little girl tehre who always brought me books and i was more than happy to read to her for as long as she was interested. there was no ulterior motive, teh child wanted someone to read to her so i did.

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 22:25

"BTW - I don't rate CRBs for every little thing tbh anyway. All they show is someone hasn;t been caught doing anything wrong, and they are out of date the minute they have finished being written anyway. Reckon too much weight is put on them. Common sense is far better."

totally agree.

OP even if you do meet the parents of your DD's friends, you still wont be any the wiser as to whether they have commited any crimes. unless you are going to ask them all?

Original poster

reddaisy · 17/02/2011 22:25

Tanith - I have never heard anything like that happened at DD's nursery. And I have never seen any parent do much more than have a quick chat, collect child, bag, shoes etc and hurry off like I do.

I really must stop mnetting now but I do appreciate all the replies.

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 17/02/2011 22:31

What are we saying is 'extended time' though? An hour or two isn't a lot really, and reading is pretty harmless I would've thought? My father came over for a couple of hours the other week, he'd just had an op on his hand and thinking back he read to mindee and also let them play 'doctors and nurses', kids dressed up and 'examined' his arm, they loved it, i put pics in their diaries, didn't think anything of it tbh but I wouldn't have minded if a patent had asked why I'd let their child interact with him so if you are worried (which you are) you should just bite the bullet and ask, better to get it off your chest as I'm sure CM won't mind explaining her reasons. You might find that actually this chap wasn't around for long, or that he actually read to all the mindees as a group etc, maybe that'd make you feel less concerned??

lollipopmother · 17/02/2011 22:32

Wouldn't have minded if a PARENT had asked .... Typo!!

Hulababy · 17/02/2011 22:35

"However, I can't imagine any parent picking a childcare provider where staff weren't CRB checked over one where they are if that was an option."

Well, yes - of course. However, this man was one of the other children's daddy, not staff.

lollipopmother · 17/02/2011 22:36

Ah, just seen your reply above. If you trust your judgement more than hers then this cm is not for you, you have to trust her with your child and you dont so I would move elsewhere and find a nursery as cm'ing doesn't sound like it's the place for you.

PinkChick · 17/02/2011 22:38

Crbs are only required if someone over 16 is living or regular visitor to house, this sounds like a one off?, even so , they are a parent, they wouldnt warrant a crb check.
From your op i was going to say poss new baby so parent stayed OR they have issues/concerns which cm about baby and dad are working together on?

Ive had dads come to pick up that always end up sitting for at least 1/2 hr afterwards?!?, other mindees think nothing of involving them in our game or taking a toy/book to them.

I would still enquire.. Along lines of x said y's dad was reading her books yesterday, that was nice, is his dd/ds ok, i thought maybe he was there cos li not settling or something to that effect?, it will lead into convo anyway!

DerangedSibyl · 17/02/2011 22:39

Pointless him having a CRB check.

If he'd ever been caught abusing children, he would not have significant contact with his own children.

If he has never been caught abusing children, but has abused them, a CRB check will show nothing.

the 99.99999% chance is that he has simply never abused a child.

StarExpat · 17/02/2011 23:14

Oh I have stayed and chatted at cm's and played with the other children there (and DS of course!). I am crb checked due to my job, but maybe I shouldn't play with other kids < worried>

seeker · 17/02/2011 23:21

What was her reading to her! It must have beens oemthing pretty racy for you to be so worried!

PinkCanary · 17/02/2011 23:48

At a recent Partnership With Parents workshop we were advised to encourage parents to come and spend extended time involved in our Childminding settings because of blah blah blah research. Apparently it's what Ofsted inspectors currently look for.

We laughed. And said 'how ridiculous. Parents use us because they have other places to be." But perhaps this is exactly what you saw. In which case this is, in Ofsteds eyes, outstanding practice.

RosieGirl · 18/02/2011 07:55

Agree with many of the replies on this subject. As well as the "mundane" things that children do with childminders, it's also part of life that children get used to other adults, my parents sometimes stay with me as they live in Spain, they are never left alone with any children, but they all gravitate towards my dad, calling him grandad (because my children do) because he is such a lovely, warm and kind man.

Our local pre-school had a rota, where we went in to do some craft or reading for an hour, I'm sure not everyone was CRB checked, and our local school is always asking for volunteers to help with reading and craft stuff, for short periods of time.

anewyear · 18/02/2011 07:58

IMO if his visit was a one off, I personally cant see a problem with it,
If however you see him there 3 or 4 times a week I would mention it your CM

VivaLeBeaver · 18/02/2011 07:59

Plus the fact that the CM didn't leave him alone with the kids so even in the unlikely event he is a paedophile he wouldn't have had any opportunity.

Now if your CM starts leaving your DD alone with her un CRB checked lodger for hours on end like my ex-CM did then you have grounds for complaint.

Tanith · 18/02/2011 09:09

Then perhaps you should be looking at your nursery, Reddaisy, not the childminder.
PinkCanary is right - parents are actively encouraged to come into settings. I'm just finishing a degree in Early Years and in nearly every module, there is something about how it's good practice to involve parents.

Regardless of what both your current settings do, you will have to get used to this. A parent reading to a child is nothing compared to the army of parent volunteers in the average infant school.

underpaidandoverworked · 18/02/2011 18:06

A CM's job can become very lonely - I regularly have friends with young children, or my own in-laws dropping in, and they haven't been crb checked beacuase they aren't 'frequent' visitors who have loads of interraction with my mindees.

It's all part oif the life experience for the children in my care, and it helps to keep me sane!!! Agree, if you want total control over who your child is in contact with then you should be looking at a nursery setting, not a CM. I would refuse to let my parents tell me who I could and couldn't see in the course of my job (obviously people I considered suitable) - if they didnt trust my judgemant about who was and wasnt suitable to meet their child then it just wouldnt work.

Flip

1 2