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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

bit odd but could do with some advice

53 replies

MilkNoSugarPlease · 15/02/2011 20:37

Right, about 7m ago I met a mum at a stay and play (am a nanny) we ended up going to various groups together etc and she said she was looking for a nanny. She then told me she had found one and mentioned a couple of things about her that would identify her if I saw her iygwim

Haven't seen her for about 2m, today me and charge were at a stay and play when her daughter (13m) came in with a young woman, who is her nanny-from what she (mum) told me.

Thus woman spent the entire time calling the baby her "daughter" and "mummys clever girl", saying "oh mummy loves you" whilst hugging her...then wad talking about her not sleeping through the night etc....and nurseries she eats her to go to....she never once said anything about the fact she's her nanny not mum, or made it seem as if she was her nanny

The whole thing made me incredibly uneasy, I bloody wish I'd said something to the nanny

Do I tell her mum?

I don't have her mums number anymore but so have her address

Tia

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SnapFrakkleAndPop · 16/02/2011 03:37

Weird, weird, weird.

I'd call up the mother, if you can get her number, and see if you can pop round on some pretext so you can double check. Are there any mums at the same group who were more friendly with the mum in question and might have her contact details?

It sounds like you're pretty sure though, and if you've seen photos and they were mummy/daddy/baby then it's more than likely this is the nanny.

SonicMiddleAge · 16/02/2011 04:48

Could you go up to the nanny in the playgroup say something like "oh it's so nice to see (baby's name) again, I lost the mum's phone number, can you please pass mine on? Or given you must only just have missed the birthday post the baby a birthday card, say you'd like to stay in touch and give your number/email address. Once you've reestablished ocntact then you can have the rest as a phone/f2f chat.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/02/2011 05:17

I think Sonic has a good idea, there. That way you're establishing that you know she's the nanny, you can see how she reacts to that, and she might just dial down the behaviour.

This is really odd, though.

Original poster
MilkNoSugarPlease · 16/02/2011 11:18

Father is around, they are married. haven't met him but seen pictures etc

Only person I reckon will have her number is someone I don't speak to anymore!

Won't go back to the stay and play-we used to go regularly until charge went to nursery but day off yesterday so we revisited our old haunts!

Think i'll so with sending a birthday card etc, thanks Sonic :)

This whole thing is creepy

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nannyl · 16/02/2011 12:13

Thats VERY odd

would never refer to my charges as mine, I always say "oh no, im the nanny".

Yes id mention it to the mum. I dont know any nannies who for a moment would refer to their charges as their own children.

VERY odd Shock

Strix · 16/02/2011 14:12

Americanisms are cool. movie!

NannyTreeSally · 16/02/2011 17:51

This is very weird!!! I think that if you know the address, maybe you're better off going to see the mum in person anyway. If it was my child, i would want to know a.s.a.p.

CameronCook · 16/02/2011 18:16

How odd - agree that if it were my child I would want to know if anyone had any concerns about the person I had entrusted to look after them.

freshmint · 16/02/2011 18:17

you have to tell the mum
sounds incredibly creepy and I'd want to know if it was my child

cinnamondanish · 16/02/2011 22:22

Did you see a dad in the photos when you went to the house ? In this day and age it could be two mummies if they are a couple. How well did you get to know her did she mention anything about her relationship ?

Orissiah · 17/02/2011 10:33

Could the mother you met originally in her house have a female partner (who you assumed was a nanny but is actually also the mummy, just not the birth mother)?

Orissiah · 17/02/2011 10:35

Photos of father you've seen in the house could be the biological father but not the parent, iyswim. My lesbian friends have photos of their children's biological father all over their house so the children know who their dad is...

If the lesbian scenario is not the case then yes, it all sounds very creepy and you should find a way to let the mother know...

Original poster
MilkNoSugarPlease · 17/02/2011 11:07

Man in photos is definitely her husband and little girls dad

I know she (mum) never works on Fridays (or at least she didn't a couple of months ago and had no plans to work on Fridays!)and I have tomorrow morning off, so will go and see her then

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Hardandsleazy · 17/02/2011 17:17

I hope it goes well

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 17/02/2011 17:24

I think going to see the mum in person is absolutely the right thing to do. Hope tomorrow goes OK. Good luck. :)

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 17:26

erm, firstly why the hell didn't you call her on it tehre and then and tell her you actually knew teh child's mother.

secondly of course you should tell the mother.

StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2011 17:49

Are you going to tlk to her?

AboardtheAxiom · 17/02/2011 21:36

How strange and very very creepy. I would want to know immediately if this was my child.

I think going round in person is the best idea, tell her what you observed and that as a mum you felt you had to tell her.

Original poster
MilkNoSugarPlease · 17/02/2011 22:12

"erm, firstly why the hell didn't you call her on it tehre and then and tell her you actually knew teh child's mother."

Because calling her on it, possibly arguing or getting myself into an odd situation, was not appropriate as I had my youngest charge with me, also I didn't know what the hell to do...not a situation I find myself in often tbh

Will talk to her tomorrow in the morning (hoping she''s there) If she's not and the nanny is I will just say "Oh hi, I think we met the other day at XXXXXX I know XXXXX's mum, I just wanted to drop this card off for her"

That sounds ok right?V (I wont have my charge with me)

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Hardandsleazy · 18/02/2011 08:19

That all sounds sensible and i also think saying something to her wasn't appropriate .

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2011 13:00

how did it go?

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2011 13:24

sounds a good plan - how did it go?

Jaffaswife · 18/02/2011 14:04

Please say something. It has an air of the Hand that Rocked the Cradle!!

Original poster
MilkNoSugarPlease · 18/02/2011 14:17

Went there this morning, nanny wasn't there, mum.was very surprised to see me.

We had a loong chat about it, she has had some concerns about het recently but was genuinely shocked and upset by this, as you.would be.

Needless to say the nanny is gone and she'll.be conyacting the agency.etc

Thank.you all!!!

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Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2011 14:19

well done for going and saying something

nutty nanny!!