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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Oh dear, i feel really bad now

56 replies

Saltire · 10/01/2011 08:21

Just had a text from my infamous mindees mum. She's actually dropping them off this week as the dad has now got a full time permanent job.
She is supposed to be dropping them off before 8.30 because I leave for school then

She has just texted me to say "please can you give x (older child) a piece of toast to eat ont eh way to schol, as we don't have time for breakfast"

So I ran gher and said that I wasn't really keen doing that. So she said that " well x is a realy slow eater, and he likes cereal in the morning but it takes ages to eat it and we don't have time even for toast, and since he goes straight to nursery he'll need something"

At this point I had a lightbulb moment and asked
"so last week when dad dropped them off, had he had breakfast?"
Answer - NO.
The reason was that the dad didn't have time

I feel really bad now, as the wee soul had nothing from getting up till snack time at nursery, which is about 10.30.
I know it's not my fault, but I feel quite distressed by it
I felt like saying "well fucking well get up 1/2 hour earlier then"
But I didn't

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thebody · 10/01/2011 17:31

shes a bitch... thats it really.. puts herself before her child.. strange..

oh and good on your dh..

try to fill that space saltire and get rid..

pippin26 · 10/01/2011 17:58

obviously there is history with this parent and it sounds like you need to kick her into touch. If its reached a point where your DH is saying something as well......

I would start recording these as incidents and getting her to sign. if she asks why you could say you are becoming concerned at her apparent lack of ability to care for the children and are recording incidents just in case you need to refer to social services. Perhaps that might give her a jolt!
Extreme perhaps. But to me what you are describing - basically can't be arsed to feed her own kids - then thats bordering neglect surely.

Failing that - give the selfish moo notice and find a family that appreciates you.

AnyFuleKno · 10/01/2011 18:17

While I sympathise with you over the mum's unreasonable requests, the fact that you are MNing while responsible for mindees I'd not brilliant. Also, why are you letting your DH get involved? That's very unprofessional.

AnyFuleKno · 10/01/2011 18:17

*is not brilliant

Pancakeflipper · 10/01/2011 18:22

You have to tell her that if there's no time at his house for breakfast there's zilch chance at yours.

They are ridiculous. It's cringing how bad they are. You need to put a stop to their piss-taking though.

Original poster

Saltire · 11/01/2011 08:01

Anyfule - as you can see, I posted that they were both asleep , 1 in the buggy the other on the sofa beside me. thats hwy was MNing when they are here. Also being a childminder, I don't have any colleagues I can moan to in the toilets at tea break time.
So I can come on here. I am not stupid enough to mn while they are runningaround the living room

OP posts:

anewyear · 11/01/2011 09:26

@I would start recording these as incidents and getting her to sign. if she asks why you could say you are becoming concerned at her apparent lack of ability to care for the children and are recording incidents just in case you need to refer to social services. Perhaps that might give her a jolt!
Extreme perhaps. But to me what you are describing - basically can't be arsed to feed her own kids - then thats bordering neglect surely.@

Brilliant idea from Pippin, also at the same time mention its time for a new contract re times and food etc etc

Oh and Im MNing coz I only have after schoolers today.......

gingernutlover · 11/01/2011 17:11

my cm provides breakfast but only for the children who are there before a certain time, the same with dinner, if i pick up early dd misses tea!

you need to have a contract which says when meals are sevred (and add a bit about when you stop serving breakfast to make it really obvious too)

but having read your other threads about this family I think I would be giving notice if I could afford it.

Littlefish · 11/01/2011 17:15

I think you just have to say no to her.

Say that it is her responsibility to give him breakfast, or give him a piece of toast in a plastic box to eat on the way to school.

If she wants you to provide breakfast, then they have to be there by 8.00am which you will obviously charge them for.

Time to get tough.

thebody · 11/01/2011 17:42

oh dear, another poster who feels cms shouldnt have a break during the day while kids are asleep!!! how is this unprofessional???

do you have a break at work Anyfuel or work straight through a ten hour shift(those are my hours 8am till 6pn)

as for the posters dh getting involved!!! my dh stepped in to back me up from an abusive mother last year.. its our house as well as a place of work and I am sure that collegues back you up in your job if needed..

saltire please give this family notice for your pwn sanity!!!

looneytune · 11/01/2011 18:10

Agree with thebody! (for everyone's information, my 7am-6pm working day is over! )

looneytune · 11/01/2011 18:13

Saltire - do you use NCMA contracts? If so, what is down on page 3 WRT meals? Unless breakfast is listed, it's not part of the contract.

I do 2 things re meals:

Note on page 3 of the contract what is to be included
Have a separate bit in my handbook which mentions the latest I will provide breakfast which for me is actually 7.45am (at the VERY latest and that wouldn't be a full on breakfast as there wouldn't be time) - we leave at 8.05am. I wouldn't allow mine to eat ON the school run due to potential choking hazards as it's more important for me to keep them safe.

I will definitely be recording these things as that huge gap from being awake to eating breakfast is a sign of neglect (especially her reasons for it i.e. NOT because the child isn't hungry!!)

Poor kids :(:(:(

thebody · 11/01/2011 18:15

lol looney

and of course dont dare do the vast amounts of paperwork involved in cming while children are playing happily /sleeping.. that has to be done in our free family time of course!!!

actually we could do with the equivelent of a teacher training day.. my dcs seem to get them all the time.. how about a campaign for a cmd day(childminder paperwork day)

paid of course ha ha ha!!!!!

looneytune · 11/01/2011 18:16

Hahahaha, love the idea Fed up of spending weekends doing it and missing my own kids :(

thebody · 11/01/2011 18:28

total agreement looney!!!!

AnyFuleKno · 11/01/2011 20:31

Saltire, you said "Mindee 1 is fast asleep on sofa now and his brother is screeching". You didn't say they were both asleep.

AnyFuleKno · 11/01/2011 20:36

thebody, you're wilfully misinterpreting. I didn't say childminders shouldn't have a break. I said MNing while (on OPs say so) a mindee was screeching wasn't brilliant.

Also, there's no indication in the posts here that the mother was abusive, so for the DH to get involved in a matter that is nothing to do with him is very very unprofessional. The fact that the childminding is taking place in OP's home should not permit the boundaries to be blurred. If the DH of a member of nursery staff got involved in an issue like this, you'd all think it was outrageous.

This whole problem is nothing that can't be solved by being assertive and setting out the terms of a contract.

Original poster

Saltire · 11/01/2011 20:54

Anyfuleknow - se my post of 14.13 yesterday

"both sleeping now" it says

OP posts:

AnyFuleKno · 11/01/2011 21:30

whatever, forget I said anything.

Original poster

Saltire · 12/01/2011 07:23

Ok, no need to take that "whatever" attitude though. i was merely pointing out what I'd said

OP posts:

AnyFuleKno · 12/01/2011 07:28

I know what you said and At least one of your posts says a mindee was awake, but Cba to argue. Do what you want. If what you want to hear is that the mum's a loon and that you're totally right then I think you got what you wanted in spades.

Original poster

Saltire · 12/01/2011 08:02

No, I never said I wanted to hear the mums a loon. I was looking for somewhere to moan with fellow CM's, as ,like I said in a ealier post,I don't have work colleagues to moan at, so where else can i go for a good moan?

OP posts:

Original poster

Saltire · 12/01/2011 08:05

Also, I don't care what anyone else thinks, to leave a 15 month from 5am(ish) till after 8.30 -(when he comes to me) without any food is awful. Add to that the fact that he then doesn't actually get anything till 9.30(through no fault of mine, BTW), well that is bordering on neglect.

She claimed last night that "we never give him breakfast before 9am at weekends, no matter what time he wakens. if we gave him it at 7/8am, we'd have to give him his lunch earlier too then his dinner ealier and that means doing to lots of meals, 1 for him and 1 for us, so we leave him till 9am so that the routine for meals during the day isn't disturbed"

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 12/01/2011 08:11

Anyfule - tbh I think you're reacting to the wrong issue here. Most mothers would mnet with small dcs nearby. I don't think Saltire is out of line there.
PLainly there is a big issue with this family - not bothering to feed a child for four hors because she assumes you will do so is very worrying. Have you thought abot calling socoal services for a chat about this? JUst to register your disquiet?

Original poster

Saltire · 12/01/2011 08:15

I did post that he was screeching- he was in the buggy screeching because he didn't want to sleep. He wasnt out int eh garden screeching, he wasn't in pain, it was pure temper because I ahd dared to try and get him to sleep - which, considering he'd been up since 5ish - I think he should have had a sleep.

OP posts:

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