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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

"well. You can take them with you can't you?"

74 replies

Saltire · 07/12/2010 23:25

FFS, am so angry/upset/pissed off/rsentful/annoyed*

*delete where applicable.

DS2's play is tomorrow. it has been moved, it was supposed to be Thursday pm 9as in after 6pm). its been moved to 6pm tomorrow. I rang mindee s mum and said, really nicely "any chance you could pick the mindees up tomorrow at 1pm, I know its short notice blah blah"

and told her why.

her reply was " can't you take them with you"

With no car or even if there was a car, noc ar seats. No ability to push buggy in snow and ice covered paths. almost 2 mile walk to school.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChildrenAtHeart · 07/12/2010 23:30

What time they s'posed to go home?

Original poster

Saltire · 07/12/2010 23:32

They are supposed to go home at 5pm. However, i know mum and dad are off this week and will be (in the mums case) probably until 5th january. So neither of them has to take time off work and it is purely as favour to me. Which i don't ask for very often.

Anyway have decided I am not going to watch. Dh is going instead

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 08/12/2010 08:41

Bad luck Saltire, I really do feel for you with this family.

FakePlasticTrees · 08/12/2010 08:47

could you not get there for 6 if they pick up at 5pm? What about a 4:30pm pick up? that wouldn't seem so bad...

Original poster

Saltire · 08/12/2010 08:50

Have jsut noticed I put wrong time in.

It's been moved to 2pm today, instead of 6pm Thursday. I cannot go now, DH is going to watch.

OP posts:

StarExpat · 08/12/2010 09:43

Give this family notice, Saltire.
That is my advice.

mrsthomsontobe · 08/12/2010 09:47

i would just give them any refund due for cutting there hours short from 5 till 1 and drop the children off. if there off for christmas thats suppose to be family time so they should spend time as a family. i wouldnt take no for an answer just refund them. dont miss your sons play because of this family.

StarExpat · 08/12/2010 10:08

Some people will say, since they are paying for it and it's in their contract to have them, they will use the childcare, just like people often do with a nursery (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. I know people who do it and it's their choice, no judgement here).

However, when using a cm, I think it's important to remember that the cm isn't a full nursery staff, she's/he's one person and this requires a bit of flexibility, understanding and care on the part of both parties. This is a small favour asked only once and for a very good reason.

:( that the family can't be flexible with you on this one occasion.

Can you tell them "I'm closing at 1pm today. I will refund you the money you have paid as my service is not available today".

It is quite late notice if they needed to find alternate childcare (it would be very difficult for me!) but as they are not working, they should be able to be flexible on this one occasion.

Normasnorks · 08/12/2010 10:13

"but as they are not working, they should be able to be flexible on this one occasion"

I can't say I agree with this - how do you know they haven't scheduled specific time not at work to e.g. go Christmas shopping or sort the house out pre-Christmas etc?

Obviously I don't know the history of this family (and if they're a pain?) but the fac that you know they're 'not at work' is irrelevant really IMO....

looneytune · 08/12/2010 10:18

I agree with everyone here. If it wasn't 'this' family then I'd say well you can ask but not expect (I do understand, I've had to miss things or have the nightmare of having up to 4 toddlers with me watching) BUT these people are just and considering what you put up with, I think they should definitely have been flexible!!

Can you remind me why you haven't given notice to this family?

fairimum · 08/12/2010 10:41

can you invent a family emergency? only as i know this family have caused you so many problems?

BellsaRinging · 08/12/2010 10:49

But what if they've arranged to do something? Is it fair to have to change that at the last minute? Tbh I'd be kicking off at the school. Why have they changed the time at this stage?

SparkleSoiree · 08/12/2010 10:55

I have a CM and I would be mortified if she felt that we were not accommodating her also. Even when you are employed it is a two way relationship and it is the same with a CM and the parents. The slack has to work both ways on occasion.

They sound very inflexible but the other ladies are correct, whether you are scheduled to be working or not this is a period of time that you need to take off and have given as much notice as possible.

Your children's plays are one of those things in life whereby when the time has gone you won't get it back.

Anyway if your child is anything like me when I was in those plays then I spent most of the time desperately trying to see my mum and dad in the audience...

sitdownpleasegeorge · 08/12/2010 11:20

IMHO it's just part of the price to pay if you need to earn an income/hold down a job.

I can't go to ds2's afternoon play tomorrow which has been rescheduled from last week because of the snow and now clashes with work commitments. Dh can't go either.

I'm also running very short of annual leave too due to the school being closed for 4 days last week.

You can't have your cake and eat it.

Lots of working parents will be missing plays this year due to rescheduled events now clashing with work commitments.

I'm guessing there might be other issues with this family however which are adding to your feelings of unfairness.

Original poster

Saltire · 08/12/2010 11:37

Normasnorks Wed 08-Dec-10 10:13:09
"but as they are not working, they should be able to be flexible on this one occasion"

I can't say I agree with this - how do you know they haven't scheduled specific time not at work to e.g. go Christmas shopping or sort the house out pre-Christmas etc?

I know they aren't because it is unscehduled days off. She is in the military,and the whole camp has been virutally shut down since Last Monday because of snow and ice. her DH is a builders labourer who hasn't been at work since last monday. She is putting on facebook that she's having fab days off work lying around watching DVds while "poor saltire gets her house wrecked by my kids and has to put up with them being stuck indoors all day cos they can't get the buggy out".
She isn't going to lose leave or pay.

So really, half a day out of watching dvds isn't really going to hurt her. is it?

Looney - DH and I are having a big discussion during my 2 week break about this family

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 08/12/2010 11:44

Well, she is paying you to be a childminder. That is your job. Asking her that you DONT mind her kids on the assumption she has time off is neither here nor there. I am sorry, but I would think that rather unprofessional.

It is nothing to you what she does when you perform a service she is paying you to do. For all you know, she could be on sick leave due to stress, or some other medical problem she has not told you about. And it would be none of your business. She may SAY it is holiday, but maybe it isnt, she may simply be safeguarding her privacy.

Most people are not able to leave work to go to their child's school play. My husband has never been able to do that.

Earthymama · 08/12/2010 11:45

That facebook post would be printed out and handed to her with an agreed period of notice warning.

Why people disrespect the people they choose to care for their children is beyond me!!

I am SO lucky with my families and I have turned away those who I had a bad feeling about. When you work at home it is vital you respect and trust those who you welcome in.

I am horrified on your behalf!

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/12/2010 12:07

knowing what i know of this family, my heart bleeds for you :(

but unfortunally coz the snow, many things got cancelled, including 2 of my nanny nights out as just couldnt get there :( as well as both schools xmas fairs and have been reschudelled at a very inconvientant time

its annoying that it has been moved but i dont understand why you dont take the kids with you, im assuming you would take them on a normal school run/pick up at 3ish

how is dh getting there? can he not help push buggy or drive you there?

why do you not have car seats for them? or dont you drive?

surely you dont walk 2 miles every day there and back to school?

sitdownpleasegeorge · 08/12/2010 12:28

That facebook status update changes everything.

If you can afford it, give notice, although it is still none of your business what she does with the time whilst you are paid to mind her children and it seems a bit petty/obsessive to be checking up on her in this manner, hence this seems to be a toxic working relationship best terminated.

I use a nursery and fortunately I am thick-skinned enough to ignore the questions asked if, very rarely, I turn up in casual (non-work) clothes. If I want to blitz my house cleaning and tidying/go horseriding (in my dreams)/ catch up on sleep (if only) /watch crap TV for an afternoon whilst waiting in for the repair man, I'm simply paying for childcare to allow me to do that. They possibly consider me to be a selfish and uncaring parent because I don't rush to pick my child up any time I am not actually working, but then many of them are young with no children of their own and have no idea how precious such child-free periods of time are. We get no refunds/reductions even if we let them have 6 months notice of a 2 week holiday and we have very limited evening/weekend childcare, I simply don't get nights out with dh or weekends away with just the 2 of us.

If she is paying for childcare and would still have to pay you whether or not the kids came to you this week, then in her shoes I too would be tempted to have a bit of quiet peaceful time watching dvds or whatever uninterrupted. Facebook isn't a good place to boast about being able to afford such a luxury though (but we all know facebook is the work of the devil as far as
friendships/relationships are concerned).

I would however happily collect my child early so that you could go to the play.

Would you have charged her the afternoon session or do you consider her only entitled to a refund if it was preventing her from going to work herself?

mrsthomsontobe · 08/12/2010 12:39

why dont you close a few days because of snow if the whole camp if shut why is it fair that you are the only working person on the camp just because you work from home shouldnt make any difference tell her due to snow you cant get out to get food supplies ect for the children.

StarExpat · 08/12/2010 12:40

Normasnorks Wed 08-Dec-10 10:13:09
"but as they are not working, they should be able to be flexible on this one occasion"

I can't say I agree with this - how do you know they haven't scheduled specific time not at work to e.g. go Christmas shopping or sort the house out pre-Christmas etc?

Ok, I see your point. I suppose I just think that if my cm had something like this to do and I wasn't working that day, even if I had shopping or cleaning or a coffee or lunch or whatever planned, I would be flexible and keep DS with me. None of those things are that important. And he's fine going to dr appointments with me... can't see any reason that I'd be unable to take him in this case, tbh unless I had to work.

As it is, I never send him when I'm off work for any reason - and I'm off work a lot, we are off 21 weeks of the year and he's home for every one of them or if one of us is sick(rare). The only reason I'd send DS is if I had a course or an unexpected work day. I know cm would happily take him and I'm paying for the time so the option is there and who knows, I may need to use it sometime. But if at all possible, I'd take him so cm could do this thing so special to her.

I would do this because she is super flexible as well. We have a balanced and friendly working relationship.

ssd · 08/12/2010 12:55

and I bet she appreciates you starexpat

op, try to get rid of this family, or do you have to keep them moneywise?

Normasnorks · 08/12/2010 12:58

"We have a balanced and friendly working relationship."

That's the difference here, isn't it, and since posting I see that you've been having other problems with this particular family?

If you had a good working relationship, then you would feel OK about asking for this flexibility, and the family would probably do their best to help you, by accommodating your request if it was possible for them to do so.

As it is, "Irretrievable Breakdown" is the expression that comes to mind for me I'm afraid...

Pretty silly of her to post that on her FB, but do you always stalk her on FB?

Can't see a way out for you other than to get rid really.....

StarExpat · 08/12/2010 12:58

Please give them notice!

looneytune · 08/12/2010 13:46

I think the stalking on facebook comment is a bit harsh - if you use facebook often then you see all sorts of status updates as they are on the newsfeed and there for all to see. You don't have to go looking up a person to see what they've put on Facebook!

I can see to anyone who doesn't know the history of this particular family, it would appear you're being unreasonable in expecting time off Saltire although I'm guessing you just wanted another vent and I can't blame you. I honestly honestly hope that you decide to give notice. I worry about you suddenly collapsing in a heap one day from everything you've had to deal with.

Blondes - I'm guessing she won't go with the mindees as she knows how they'll behave if expected to sit still and try and watch something (been there, done that with 4 aged 19 months and under......I TRIED to watch ds1 but had to leave in the end as wasn't fair to everyone else).

Saltire - I just want to give you a big hug :( It's bad enough what you've had to deal with but being stuck in with the snow must be making it sooooooo much harder! xx

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