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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

"well. You can take them with you can't you?"

74 replies

Saltire · 07/12/2010 23:25

FFS, am so angry/upset/pissed off/rsentful/annoyed*

*delete where applicable.

DS2's play is tomorrow. it has been moved, it was supposed to be Thursday pm 9as in after 6pm). its been moved to 6pm tomorrow. I rang mindee s mum and said, really nicely "any chance you could pick the mindees up tomorrow at 1pm, I know its short notice blah blah"

and told her why.

her reply was " can't you take them with you"

With no car or even if there was a car, noc ar seats. No ability to push buggy in snow and ice covered paths. almost 2 mile walk to school.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/12/2010 19:38

true looney tho 4 under 19mths

'blondes passes nutty award to looney'

i go with many bribes, tho tbh my babs is perfectly behaved and its usually the screaming babies or the talking 3yrs who ruin it all

i can understand why some schools ban under 5's as children do put a lot of effort into a play and it is ruined/not heard by screaming child whose parents doesnt take them out

looneytune · 08/12/2010 20:33

LOL, they are all aged between 2 and 3 now :) They are now challenging in 'different' ways lol.

Original poster

Saltire · 08/12/2010 20:33

Quint - she didn't say it was a holiday. She has said she is off work because the camp is shut down. I know it's shut down because I live there too. My DH works there and he is only working part time. My whole street is full of military personnel.

Also I wasn't stalking her on facebook, she is on ym friends lsit and there are status updates.

I have a current contract with them, the details of which I don't want to go into, then another contract due to start on 17th january, because the DH is rejoining the military too. Under the terms of the current contract I am only supposed to have the mindees when their dad is at work, . The reasons for this i don't want to go into.
So saying that they won't want to pay for me to not have the children is wrong. The dad hasn't been at work for more than 2 weeks now

OP posts:

thebody · 08/12/2010 20:56

so sorry for you.. I understand the view from some posters that its your job and it goes with the territory but its essential imo for BOTH the cm and the parent to be flexible..

you seem to have run around for this particular family enough and understand that now you ask them a small favour,, and lets face it you wont be charging them.. you are understandably angry and hurt thaty they wont accommadate you.

i will say it.. mum sounds like a complete cow to me.. your relationship is over anyway because of past problems and this resentment isnt healthy for you to have to swallow..

give notice...

StarExpat · 08/12/2010 20:57

:( This sounds sad and quite loaded. Is it something you need to report to NSPCC (not sure if I got that acronymn right).

lisa1968 · 09/12/2010 22:57

A bit of give and take goes a long way-but it sounds like shes doing all the taking.

underpaidandoverworked · 10/12/2010 09:58

I missed my sons play this week because I had to take 2 mindees with me - even though one set of parents were off work the same day for THEIR DCs nativity - both kicked off and I had to go to the creche with them .

DS hasnt let me forget it since.....

Agree about give and take - unfortunately it doesnt often happen!

OhMylanta · 10/12/2010 10:49

Why not just say that you are unavailable for work and go for your DC's play? Whether the mum is home or not is not the issue.

You wish to do something else with your day = you can simply say that you are unavailable = she keeps the kids home = you don't get paid = you get to see your DC's play.

Or am I missing something else here?

thebody · 10/12/2010 10:58

but its very hard to let parents down.. its not the money. cms dont expect to get paid for not being available..

its simply that give and take should work both ways and usually doesnt...

of course though as working parents (as cms are) and working full time. (unlike all of mindees parents who all work part time) you will miss things like school plays e.t.c..

it goes with the territory but its still a bummer.

i missed my dd running in the county sports and coming first.. another parent/BITCH /sahm pointed out the fact that it was a shame i wasnt there...

cumbria81 · 10/12/2010 12:14

Am i missing something? They're paying you to look after their child as that's your job. It's of no concern what they do when you're childminding and whether they use the time to work or not.

I agree, the FB status was in poor taste, but apart from that I don't see what they have done wrong.

stropicana · 10/12/2010 12:24

Sorry but you have agreed ti have the children at that time. Frankly it is nothing to do with you what the parents choose to do when they are paying you to mind their DCs.

It is a shame though for you but as another pposter said cake and eat it.

stropicana · 10/12/2010 12:25

BTW Stories like this put me off using a chilminder, nusery would never do this.

stropicana · 10/12/2010 12:32

Having read through, prehaps i am being unfair as I have obviously missed something?

LoveMyGirls · 10/12/2010 12:47

When using a cm it does have to work both ways eg this week I have looked after a mindee extra time because his mum had a doctors appointment for no extra fee, her dh then went to work the later shift today so I could go to dd's play and I then met him and we went to the doctors about mindee and helped him get a referal to hospital, it works both ways!

As I see it we both bend a little and the relationship works well, if one expects the other to bend all the time while they don't bend at all then the one doing all the bending will eventually snap and the relationship is then irepairable ime.

thebody · 10/12/2010 12:55

understand all last 3 posts but what you also need to recognise is that most cms bend over backwards for the parents.. mine are sometimes late to collect and i dont charge them late fees or evern extra fees.. catch a nursery doing this?

often parents bring children who are clearly ill to the setting.. yes you can refuse to take them of course but its a lot harder when its just you saying no without the back up of nursery rules behind you.

many parents 'forget' to pay you and pay late or after you chase them up again and again and offer the same old excuses... carch a nursery putting up with that.. dont think so..

the original poster has had a very bad time with this family for a long time and i think this just put the tin lid on it...

please let me emphasise again on behalf of cms.. all kids are fine and most parents are fine.. just a few rotten apples and lets face it we all need to vent!!!

looneytune · 10/12/2010 13:31

Here here :)

StarExpat · 10/12/2010 14:00

Stropicana - then you should use a nursery. People who feel this way, should use a nursery.

Agree with thebody.

looneytune · 10/12/2010 14:04

I LOVE how StarExpat goes out of her way to support us CMs - you're fab

thebody · 10/12/2010 14:10

HERE HERE...

StarExpat · 10/12/2010 14:39

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/12/2010 15:10

thats coz star has a fab cm, amd she knows how hard she works

star you are lucky to have a fab cm or you would be on here moaning about your one lol

StarExpat · 10/12/2010 15:44

Ha! Probably. I'm a primary teacher and there are plenty of people on here moaning about teachers.
A friend was aghast the other day when I said I wouldn't require childcare once DS is 4 and at my school with me as we'll keep the same hours and holidays. She went on about how "unfair" that is

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/12/2010 19:48

can you legally teach your child or wouldnt he be in your class

tbh not sure i would want my mum being a techer at my school - sure a lot of piss taking will happen (sorry)

CarGirl · 10/12/2010 19:54

Saltire having read about this family before I'm not surprised, but I am on your behalf.

A CM parent relationship needs to be full of mutual respect and give & take.

Acanthus · 10/12/2010 19:59

But if the contract says you have the kids only when their dad is working, and he isn't, why are you having them now?

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