Parents Would You Be Annoyed? Nannies..have you been in this situation?

[SuperNanny20]

I started my job in July and said I would stay a year..
They have had a few nannies before and really wanted someone to stay long term.

I just feel really unhappy there..I posted before regarding 4 yr old DC not sleeping..well nothing has changed still waking 3 or 4 times a night since July..I feel very sleep deprived..spoke to MB and she says " thats part of the bargin, when you live in".

Also DC grandma comes from 7.30am to 2pm..Ive said to mum maybe she could come later..as its a little to early..and maybe she could take 1yr DC while i do nursery duties..she said she would rather i went out with granny even though she is very capable.

Also, I have told her more than 5 times how the cleaners are rude and do not do a good clean..she hasnt listened when previous nannies also told her..

I just feel she doesnt listen unless she wants to listen but when im working 70 hours a week its grating on me, to the point where i just cant take it anymore as there are things that are unchangeable for example child sleeping..I ask her if she hears and she says " no, we dont hear a thing" .. I know i made a rod for my own back going into DC but it takes me 0.20 seconds to get child to settle...where it takes her 2 hours..

Also i cant choose any holiday days..at the time i didnt think of it too much but now its also a problem.

Also..finding it hard adapting to a new area..

So anyway the big question..what should i say in my notice letter and would you be annoyed..if nanny said she would stay a year? And she left 9months later (12 week notice period)

Sorry if its confusing im pretty confused myself..

Thanks for advice guys!

Dearie me no wonder they can't keep a nanny! I have difficulty actually believeing this!! You are working a 70 hour week?? You are also doing the night shifts? Is this every night as if it is you are doing more than 70 hours.

Live in does not mean doing night shifts unless that is specifically negotiated - it is certainly not automatic. I have had live ins for 14 years on and off and they have n3ever ever done night shifts - when babies were very young and I needed a break I hired and paid separately for maternity nurses.

I think this family are really taking advantage of you.

12 week's notice is quite a lot. Although I'm a lawyer I'm not an emplyment lawyer so can't advise on that but you've only been there 4 months so maybe you are not even obliged to give that much notice>

If you do have to stay the 12 weeks that may make things a bit awkward as its live in so I wouldn't be too specific in the notice letter - just concentrate on non fault grounds that you aremissing family and friends too much as you are out of area etc etc. You could try putting in hte letter that the working hours in reality are longer than you had htought and see if that moves them to change your hours but quite honestly this family souns like they are taking the mickey.

Thank you so much for your reply.

They never asked me to do nights its just im on the same floor as the children and its EASIER for me to go in..For example one weekend i decided to let child cry and mum was in there for 1 hour trying to stop child crying at 4.30am!! in the end i got out of bed and said to her to go back to bed and i went in he was sleeping within 5 minutes..

They dont like to be firm because they feel guilty about not seeing them in the week..fair enough but its not doing them no good..

At my 3month review they said how much they loved me etc..no complaints.

Also cooking..i have to cook everything from scratch every single day..children are not aloud baked beans or home made pizzas..its just..i have never experienced this. I make ALOT from scratch but previous families didnt mind some prepared food like garlic bread or soups..

12 weeks notice becuase they are both working parents.

I recently found out last nanny ended up sleeping on sofa for 3 months to get a good nights sleep..!

I would just say you feel you are incompatible on various levels (maybe elaborate verbally if necessary). These are things you were't aware you were going to feel whereas the missing friends thing is something you should have thought about/known would have been difficult but prepared to face that if you accepted job. That is in case the reference might say you didn't consider implications of position before you started.

Long notice period means they might give you shorted counter notice. Would this be okay for you?

Better to have an indifferent reference from a shorter position than have people say 'if it really was that bad why didn't you leave sooner?'

Life is too short. You sound like you've tried to communicate and the responses haven't been compatible with what you would reasonably expect/your happiness. Be polite and just give min. notice but say could consider slightly longer to show goodwill.

You're not working my last perm job are you? There are starling similarities.
I agreed to do the year and was determined for some reason to stick to that despite mb being absolutely foul the whole time.
Believe me it just gets worse and like Oligo said it's easier to explain an indifferent ref from a short position than a long one.
There are usually very good reasons why people get through nannies. It's difficult to get across to some people if they want long term then they need to evaluate their attitude rather than blaming it all on the nanny. Don't go for a year of misery please. I did and it nearly finished me

If it says 12 weeks..I would be paid for 12 weeks regardless if they get rid of me before?

You are a slave to them, run for the hills! Not worth it. If you came through an agency, tell them what they are doing.
My god! They don't look after their own kids ALL week long day and night!!

In my last position I gave the required amount of notice. She was peeved that I had control of the situation (in her eyes) so decided to shorten the notice period. I said that was fine but by law she had to pay me for the whole notice period. That definitely did not happen. She hit the roof when I said that. What was really funny was when she realised she'd acted in haste and had a whole month with no childcare and heaven forbid she'd have to do it herself and tried to rope me into working my full notice. She'd already given me my shortened notice in writing so I didn't.
Might have been why she refused to pay me. I must have shown my amusement.
Twelve weeks is a LONG notice period. Whatever happened to four?

As an employer I wouldn't be put off employing you(ie indifferent refs)- This sounds a big ask. 12 weeks is a long time...

Give notice and go.

They are taking the piss and by you staying there you are letting them. I would send your cv off to agencies now. Lots of jobs start inthe new year with all the antipodean nannies having left.

If they want you to go then go but make sure they pay you out everything and I mean everything they owe. Calculate how many holidays you are owed etc.

Remember it is a job. If you worked in an office you would not stand for this nonsense so why let it happen becuase you live in and look after their kids?

Yes the next 12 weeks will be hell after you have given notice but it will be worth it. And yes some agencies will meet with you on weekends.

Good luck!

Poor kids having a new nanny every year or more!

Not hat its your faut, your employer sounds like a complete nightmare. Get out!

I'm pretty sure the law stipulates one weeks notice per year worked and contracts of employment cannot override the law. So in theory you could give a weeks notice.

You might try posting this in employment or legal though to get people who know the law better than me.

I am not surprised they are happy with you they are taking the piss! Please make plans to get out of this situation.

Can I ask, completley irrelevantly, what your salary is please? Am curious to know what these people think is a fair wage for someone providing the service that you are providing.

Thank you so much for your help - means alot to me..feel very emotional right now.

Just to add..I borought some food and when she saw it in the fridge she sent a text "ASLONG AS XYZ ARE NOT FOR THE CHILDREN AND FOR YOU"

It was like fruit and nut chocolate lol..like im stupid..

Yes it is through an agency.

I signed to 12 weeks..so i should be paid 12 weeks if they want me to go sooner right?

£400npw.

Hmm... just under £6 an hour after tax then. Sounds like youre worth your weight in gold!

I feel so sad because I love the children so much but for once i have to do whats going to make me happy! :( not easy.

If the contract says 12 weeks then best to give that, suggest you are happy to take any accrued holidays during that time rather than be paid for them at the end. I thought 12 weeks was just what you wanted to give, being nice. If in contract they should pay you for that yes.

Get some ear plugs and suggest if they can't hear the child they might like to get an intercom for their bedroom or would they mind if you fetched them in the night. i.e stop getting up in the night; the children need to get used to you not being there anyway.

If you want to leave, you want to leave... so if your employer invites you to leave earlier - would you take less money just to be out of the situation? Between you and your employer you could negotiate a shorter notice period... something to consider as working those 12 weeks may be worse than things are now.

Try to get some legal advice with regard to contract law. Nanny insurance provides a legal helpline, though try posting in Mumsnet Legal first.

Well ideally I'm looking for a job from February time as that is when notice period is up.. If I was to find a job to start sooner then yes, I would negotiate. But other than that I'd rather complete the notice period. As I really will miss the children very much!

Well ideally I'm looking for a job from February time as that is when notice period is up.. If I was to find a job to start sooner then yes, I would negotiate. But other than that I'd rather complete the notice period. As I really will miss the children very much!

I think if they have 12 weeks in the contract then they're unlikely to negotiate shorter probably because they feel it will be 12 weeks to find a new nanny. Next time go for 6 or 8! Definitely call your insurance for advice - it's what it's there for.

If you are unbearably unhappy and you think it can't be fixed then leave. Are your bosses the sort who would respond to being sat down and told 'look I can't work like this, xyz needs to change or I'm going to have to consider handing in my notice?'? It's worth a try, for continuity for the children and your own sanity. I would document that meeting in writing though, as backup if you do leave and they cause hassle.

I employ a nanny. You should definitely look for another job. Sounds like you are being exploited to be honest.

Sorry I re read my contract and its 8weeks!! Sorry for confusion.

The main reason is I haven't slept a full night since July unless I leave at weekends. I can't function on 8hours broken sleep at least twice a night!

Even if she could hear..she would take a long long time to settle him.

Also no appreciation for ANYtHING! I went out my way to buy a summmer clothes for winter holiday.. All I got was " are they the only ones they had"..

She only listens if she wants to listen..somethings I suggest get ignored.. And somethings she would find something similar like she doesn't want to take me up on anything?

I just don't want to sound petty and say I haven't slept properly and I've given it 4months!
How should I word it? As you can probably tell I'm not the best with words get them all mixed up, when I'm trying to get my point across.

I have sent my CV off.. So let's hope for something soon. Thank you so much for your help ladies + nick :)

Sorry I re read my contract and its 8weeks!! Sorry for confusion.

Gosh, I'm not surprised you want to leave!

Just a few things you might be interested in from a legal viewpoint. Might help you realise that you are not being demanding, the mother is being totally unrealistic.

There is legislation on working time and rest breaks. It is there to protect people's health and safety. It says normally that you should not work more than an 13 hour day (i.e. you should have 11 clear hours off each day). If you were, for example, a carer in a home for disabled people, if you were regularly (rather than once in a blue moon) expected to get up in the night, you would be on rotating 24 hour shifts so that you get a good chunk of uninqterupted sleep in between.

Now, I'm not an expert on the rules for employing someone in your own home as a nanny. There may well be slightly different rules. But my point is that the law recognises that people need sleep and uninterupted rest from their jobs. It's a health and safety issue not to do so.

Also, if someone was regularly getting up multiple times in the night, the law would normally treat the whole shift as work time and pay them accordingly.

I'd strongly suggest that you get onto your helpline about the specific rights for nannies. If nothing else, it might help to combat the mother's point that it's normal to do this - I don't think it is.

As a final point, if you can, I'd be polite but reasonably frank about why you're going. the mother needs a bit of a jolt if she's ever going to hang onto a nanny, and the children get a bit of continuity.