Nanny behaving weird before starting - what to do

[ishika]

Hi,

Its long. I just need to write the circumstances so i can get unbiased advices to tell me what i am thinking is right or wrong.

Background - Our 2 year old son goes to nursery 2 days a week and is looked after by nanny for 2 full days of the week. His current nanny's (bless her) last day is today and she had given us two months notice so we had more than enough time to find the right replacement for her. My son has been quite sick almost every week since last year winter and its only now that he has been showing signs of improvement and we have hope that with right care he should be ok. Its been quite stress full for mine and my husband's jobs managing our sons sickness over the last year.

Nanny to be - A girl from my son's nursery approached us a month and 3 weeks ago and wanted to nanny for him. She had been his key worker last year and we thought that it will be good for our son to have a known person. He is a shy child who gets quite attached to people and any change is hard for him. Hence, we agreed to go ahead with this girl - agreed to her higher rate, offered her more hours (she preferres more days and was ready to do housekeeping and pick up/ drop off to nursery).

We met her twice in middle of August and agreed hours, days, rate and duties. After the last meeting,she was supposed to come back to us with the date she can start as she had to give notice to the nursery. It took 3 text messages, 3 voice mails over course of the week and finally a text from DH asking whether she was still interested in nannnying for us or not - for her to text back and tell us the start date. The start date was first week of oct as nursery wouldnt let her off earlier.
She told us she had a very bad throat on Sunday and hence cant talk or meet up for contract. I bumped into her in the nursery next day and her throat was fine and she said somethign about sore throat gone suddenly- weird thing etc. Then i found out from another mum from nursery for whom she is going to do one day a week that the girl has already given notice to the nursery a while ago and would be leaving anyways at end of sep. So she has been fibbing to us about nursery not letting her go earlier - she never told us that she had already given the notice to the nursery.

Since then, we have tried to contact her several times via text and voice mail regarding clarifications about the contract -managed to catch hold of her only once 3 weeks ago for few mins over the phone. She refuses to talk in the nursery as she has not told anyone that she will be nannying for us. Doesnt reply to text messages etc.
Last weekend my patience ran out thin and i texted her on Fri, Sat and Sun to come and meet us and clarify everythign before starting.
I recvd a txt msg from her on Sunday that she is having a hard time as her partner has just been told he has cancer and she is not thinking straight.I felt really guilty for chasing and txted that we will talk later in the week and to rest.
Yest, i texted her with one ques - will she want to do the contract after she start as i dont want to make it hard for her. I didnt want to put her under pressure when she was dealing with her personal situation.
And no reply at all. Left a voice msg in the evening - no reply.

I feel like i am between rock and hard place. i have taken leave for rest of this week and next week to cover off till she starts. I dont have much leave left and neither does DH. Our city jobs are just delicately balanced with flexibility we have asked from our employers for our son. I feel for her - all i need is for her to communicate clearly to me. Her lack of response has been worrying me quite a lot before she told us about her partner. And i am getting more and more concerned now.

I need to know if she wants to work for us or not. or she wants more time to deal with what she is going through. I dont have family here to fall back on and i dont want to leave my son with a temporary nanny considering his health and shy nature.

I am aware that she works 7 days of the week - 5 days at nursery, babysits in the evening and works somehwere else during the weekend, so is hard on time. I am now without a nanny, limited leave, no fall back and nanny to be who doesnt respond. Feel like crying. Am i over reacting or is this cause for worry.
I am also conerned - what will happen if she does start if this is how she is now in terms of communication.
I dont want to be hard on her either considering her situation but what should we do. Our jobs are on the line and our sons care is on the line.

Please please advice.

Oh god that sounds awful. I think she doesn't want the job but doesn't know how to tell you so I would use this week to interview other nannies. You cannot leave your DS with someone who doesn't communicate!

Try to find someone else. I think she doesn't want to do it/ has had better offer and doesn't know how to tell you. Hope it works out, must be really stressful.

Thanks LadyBiscuit for validating my thoughts. I feel quite upset that she has left us in this situation and still no closure. We had 1.5 months to find someone if she had not done this and we could have found another nanny. I am so nervous now whether we will find the right person in a week's time.

Whats the best place to advertise for a quick response - i have used gumtree and findababysitter before. Any other ideas appreciated.

I cant tell you how close i am to breaking down.

You could ask on here? Or CAT nannynick - he is very good at advising on nannies. I've never had one so just going on what you've written which is just classic avoidance stuff.

Pauline and Stewie - i could feel that she is not interested by last weekend.

Reading your responses tell me i am not imagining it. Please ladies tell me how i can find another nanny so soon.
I am quite novice to this nanny search as we found our last nanny though a friend. So never had to go through this nanny search.

I haven't had one either sorry but try finding nannynick, put a few posts on here - mnet local etc.
You don't say what area you are in but someone is bound to be able to help you out.

We are at the border of Putney and Wimbledon Parkside.

To answer regarding nursery hours - In the past we have found that any more than 2 days at the nursery and his health deteriorates rapidly, hence cant increase his nursery hours either.

Nannynick if you are reading this thread, please advice.

You can PM nannynick - click the envelope at the top of the page next to the word 'inbox'

Do not employ this woman! She is stringing you along, for whatever reason she does not want to come and work for you. It sounds as if she has another job which she is trying to finalise and is holding yours in reserve. She may well let you down at the very last minute.

There may well also be issues with employing nursery staff, have you checked your contract to see that you are not prohibited from employing staff for a period after they leave? This is very common in nursery contracts, to prevent the best staff from constantly being poached by parents. The business about not wanting to talk as the nursery is very suspect as she has obviously already handed in her notice.

You also don't want someone looking after your son whom you say works 7 days a week. Nannying is full-on and apart from your son's health, she is going to make herself ill, particularly if she also now has an ill boyfriend to look after (although that remains to be seen). If she is this uncommunicative before she starts, how will she be when she is working for you?

I would text her and say that you can no longer offer her the position as she refuses to contact you and use your time off this week to trawl through Nannyjob, Gumtree and any other local sites to find an alternative. Don't worry about your son adapting to someone else, fat better that than being let down by this nanny in a few months time!

There is a thread here for mums looking for childcare. Also try netmums local and www.nannyjob.co.uk.

You could also place ads in your area (library, childrens shops, colleges etc)

Had chat with DH just now and mentioned what you all have said as well. We both agreed to advertise on the websites we have found.

He bumped into her this morning while dropping DS at nursery - again she refused to talk there. DH did say to her that we need to talk once and for all. And she has told us to call her after 8pm tonight.

He wants to ask her clearly if she is interested at all. He wants to tell her that unless she can explain why she has been behaving so weird, there is no job offer. I dont think i can deal with her anymore. Will let DH do the talking. I am not interested in aany more phone calls but DH wants to have the closure.

What you have said annh is exactly my thoughts and it upsets me no end that she has made a fool of us and put us in this situation.

I will try nannyjob.
What about agencies - are there any good ones that anyone has used.

did you try to advertise on gumtree?

Poor you. You sound so stressed.

I concur with others that she evidently doesn't want the job, but isn't brave enough to tell you. To be honest this is a positive thing - she sounds incredibly flakey and I am sure you would worry re her reliability. Imagine she would be the type to text you at half 8 in teh morning saying she couldn't come in.

Sorry no advice re searching for a nanny but i do wish you the best of luck.

lostFeelings - We advertised 2 months ago on gumtree and didnt find anyone good at the time. Since, we had found this girl, we closed the position. I am in the middle of re-posting on it again now.

I think you should find someone else - you don't need someone who flakes before they've even started!

Thanks GetOrfMoiLand and elctra.
I now realise that she is not reliable and may be more of a problem if she does join. I guess i was hoping that everything falls in its place automatically and i dont have to deal with this situation.

Is there any possibility that your current nanny could cover for a bit longer to give you more time to recruit? Does she have nanny friends locally who can spread the word that you are looking for someone? I am not a big fan of agencies but needs must, you are short of time and this might be a time for contacting one. I'm sorry I don't know any good ones in your area but am sure someone will be along with suggestions soon.

annh - My curreny nanny is moving away from the country and she did give us more than fair amount of time to find a replacement. So no chance of her staying any longer.

The friends she has are all employed and are mostly my friends nannies. Asked around but no one available so soon as most of them started in Sep with their new jobs.

First get a good temp - boffinmum on here knows the worlds best temp who might be available, if not try the following agencies - Wimbledon nannies, Eden nannies, imperial nannies, fulham nannies and nannies inc. All have good temp desks and should have people localish to you. It might be expensive but it covers you if you don't find something. It also gets you time to find a good perm nanny and takes the pressure off a bit.

Get ads up on gumtree, nannyjob, netmums, childcare.co.uk and with the agencies you contact for temps. You might get lucky and have a fab temp also looking for perm work or they may have immediate start people. Nannies get let down by families too so there are frantic people looking for jobs :)

Finally, very important, call, email and write to this girl saying you're withdrawing the job offer due to lack if communication and the fact she's refused to sign a contract.

Good luck!

thats the problem with communicationg through texts, you dont always get a reply, calling is better, though i see you also did that

i agree she doesnt want your job, seems weird that she wont talk to you about it at nursery (and check your contract about workers from nursery being allowed to work for a family from nursery - many dont allow it and could sue you)

you need a good temp and to give you the right time to find and check and employ the right nanny

would you consider having a nanny for 4 days, esp if you ds is poorly often - rather than 2 days at a nursery - may make your search easier for a nanny

many nannys would cut a limb off for a 4 day job

look on netmums/nannyjob/gumtree as well as contacting agencys

I forgot to add do you have local friends who have a good nanny? If so, would you considare nannyshare?

Thanks frakkinnakkerd. I am posting ads on the websites now. Will try and contact the agencies.
I was hoping to avoid a temp as didnt want too much change for DS but seems like i dont have much option.
As agreed with the girl, we will call her tonight and let her know our thoughts.

Try looking on childcare.co.uk
If the free search comes up with possibles - then pay for short membership and send messages to likely candidates. Use the advanced search to find people looking for nanny work within a small radius of your home, such as 3 miles, 5miles. Sort by newest. also try sorting by lastlogin.

Call her tonight and make it very clear that you need her to confirm right then if she wants the job or not. Tell her that you are looking at other applicants, so will offer the job to someone else if she isn't interested.

Consider using an agency, such as Wimbledon Nannies. While a temp isn't ideal, you will run out of annual leave if you don't sort out something quickly. So find out about temp nannies from the agency, costs agency fees. Also see if the agency has any nannies who may like the job permanently... though do check what fees the agency will charge.

I have offered 4 days before in our ad if the nanny was ready to do a bit of housekeeping when he goes to nursery.

DS has only since past month adjusted at the nursery and the staff are lovely there with him - his health as of now is better. Had his surgery in summer and falls occasionally sick now. The effect of sickness is more on his personality as he has become shy with all the time he had to stay away from company of other kids. Also, the nursery DS is at requires a terms notice to pull him out, so we cant just take him out.
Financially we will be stretched but i am ok to offer someone 4 days as nanny housekeeper.

I dont mind nannyshare as it will be good for DS to have company - he loves to play with other kids. All the families i know have some sort of arrangement alreay or their kids are in nursery so no hope of finding a nannyshare so soon either.