Nanny behaving weird before starting - what to do

[ishika]

Hi,

Its long. I just need to write the circumstances so i can get unbiased advices to tell me what i am thinking is right or wrong.

Background - Our 2 year old son goes to nursery 2 days a week and is looked after by nanny for 2 full days of the week. His current nanny's (bless her) last day is today and she had given us two months notice so we had more than enough time to find the right replacement for her. My son has been quite sick almost every week since last year winter and its only now that he has been showing signs of improvement and we have hope that with right care he should be ok. Its been quite stress full for mine and my husband's jobs managing our sons sickness over the last year.

Nanny to be - A girl from my son's nursery approached us a month and 3 weeks ago and wanted to nanny for him. She had been his key worker last year and we thought that it will be good for our son to have a known person. He is a shy child who gets quite attached to people and any change is hard for him. Hence, we agreed to go ahead with this girl - agreed to her higher rate, offered her more hours (she preferres more days and was ready to do housekeeping and pick up/ drop off to nursery).

We met her twice in middle of August and agreed hours, days, rate and duties. After the last meeting,she was supposed to come back to us with the date she can start as she had to give notice to the nursery. It took 3 text messages, 3 voice mails over course of the week and finally a text from DH asking whether she was still interested in nannnying for us or not - for her to text back and tell us the start date. The start date was first week of oct as nursery wouldnt let her off earlier.
She told us she had a very bad throat on Sunday and hence cant talk or meet up for contract. I bumped into her in the nursery next day and her throat was fine and she said somethign about sore throat gone suddenly- weird thing etc. Then i found out from another mum from nursery for whom she is going to do one day a week that the girl has already given notice to the nursery a while ago and would be leaving anyways at end of sep. So she has been fibbing to us about nursery not letting her go earlier - she never told us that she had already given the notice to the nursery.

Since then, we have tried to contact her several times via text and voice mail regarding clarifications about the contract -managed to catch hold of her only once 3 weeks ago for few mins over the phone. She refuses to talk in the nursery as she has not told anyone that she will be nannying for us. Doesnt reply to text messages etc.
Last weekend my patience ran out thin and i texted her on Fri, Sat and Sun to come and meet us and clarify everythign before starting.
I recvd a txt msg from her on Sunday that she is having a hard time as her partner has just been told he has cancer and she is not thinking straight.I felt really guilty for chasing and txted that we will talk later in the week and to rest.
Yest, i texted her with one ques - will she want to do the contract after she start as i dont want to make it hard for her. I didnt want to put her under pressure when she was dealing with her personal situation.
And no reply at all. Left a voice msg in the evening - no reply.

I feel like i am between rock and hard place. i have taken leave for rest of this week and next week to cover off till she starts. I dont have much leave left and neither does DH. Our city jobs are just delicately balanced with flexibility we have asked from our employers for our son. I feel for her - all i need is for her to communicate clearly to me. Her lack of response has been worrying me quite a lot before she told us about her partner. And i am getting more and more concerned now.

I need to know if she wants to work for us or not. or she wants more time to deal with what she is going through. I dont have family here to fall back on and i dont want to leave my son with a temporary nanny considering his health and shy nature.

I am aware that she works 7 days of the week - 5 days at nursery, babysits in the evening and works somehwere else during the weekend, so is hard on time. I am now without a nanny, limited leave, no fall back and nanny to be who doesnt respond. Feel like crying. Am i over reacting or is this cause for worry.
I am also conerned - what will happen if she does start if this is how she is now in terms of communication.
I dont want to be hard on her either considering her situation but what should we do. Our jobs are on the line and our sons care is on the line.

Please please advice.

HHello there,
I have read your terrible experineces and would love to work for you if still looking. I am 30 years old Bulgarian with a residence permit visa and have been doing Nanning for nearly 8 years with a pause to have my own child for the past 2 years .I have looked after 2 babies (as twins in shared care) at one time and three children in a family, as well as a single child care and mostly babies and toddlers! I have vast experience, a large heart for kids, healthy attitude to life and eating, would be happy to prepare nutritious meals for your little ones and put them in routine and help with story reading, play dates and outings and homework if needed. I have ?Child development ?completed course from The Open Uni in London as well as a deep interest in how to raise happy and confident children! I would love to work any three or four days in a week, 10 pounds an hour rate, while our little girl is at nursery. The dates can be arranged upon request, since we are off on holidays and looking where to relocate after coming back to UK, and will return 09/10/10to start! Available for interviews and reviews immediately after that!
-CRP check
-First Aid a few years old, but can be obtained a new
-Psychology and child psychology courses completed in London in the past 7 years
-refs available for all the work positions held by me dating back in year 2000
-Indefinite leave to remain in the country (residence permit)
-no restrictions to either be employee or self-employed and save you taxes (paid by me)
Kind regards;
Tanya Yovcheva
07963116291(after 09/10/2010 due to travelling)
[email protected]

DH met the nursery key worker when she was opening the gates to the nursery. She said hi to him without meeting the eyes and couldn't run away fast enough. Still in the avoiding phase. We have just given up on her.

The hunt seems never ending. Met one girl we liked and she was so keen to meet and everything first time around. And then when i called her to come around for a afternoon to play with my son for us to take it forward - she said she needs to think about it. When asked, what exactly?. She wasn't sure if the rate she has suggested earlier wis good enough anymore and other things. hmmm... so am not sure whether she rushed in too early to reply to us or whether she doesn't want to work for us.
Met another girl who we like as well - waiting to hear from her references. They are away till today afternoon. So hopefully they may have some good things to say about her. So still carrying on with the search.

tanyatais a nanny in a perm job can NOT be self employed and if you were a professional nanny you should know that - so you cant offer to be se to save taxes

ishika - sorry you are still searching - dont give up hope - your mary poppins will be out there :)

ishika, are you concurrently making arrangements for a temp to come in? I think you should not bank on getting a permanent installed in on time and just bite the temp bullet first.

That buys you more time to get the right candidate for the job, rather than the candidate who can start asap, which drastically narrows your market.

Nothing more timewasting and disruptive than to get the wrong perm nanny and having to move her on and find a replacement again.

Wishing you all the best in your search. I think finding reliable childcare is one of the most difficult parts of WOHM but when it works, it works very well. Good luck!

ishika - have you considered fixing a pay rate. Then applicants either do decide to apply at that rate, or else don't apply at all thus not wasting your (or their) time.

blueshoes - i have found a temp who can be with us till end of Feb. She is lovely and has great references. If i cant find anyone by end of this week, we will go with her.

Nanny nick - i followed the advice on this forum and did tell the girls the range we can offer before they come over to meet us. Just that she had asked for the lower part of the range earlier and now she wants the max we are offering. So its all within our range - she says she just rushed to reply to us because the days we need suited her and she was feeling desperate. And now i think when she had a bit of time, she wants the higher rate. I am not sure what to think of her now.

You all are so helpful. if it wasnt for the forum and your advices, i would have felt quite desperate. Since i know i can come here and share, i dont feel bad about having no family around in this country.

Well, you have got some time now and can afford to be a bit more relaxed with the recruitment process. If you still like the permanent nanny candidate, I would hold firm on the amount you are willing to pay (assuming that is what you want to pay her) and say that considering her experience/age/qualifications that is what you think is a fair rate. You could always promise a review after 6 months assuming that things go well.

On the other hand, if you actually think she might be worth towards the higher end of your salary range, then offer her more. Don't automatically discount her because she is negotiating on salary (although she has done it in a rather amateur fashion), we all like to try and get a good deal when moving jobs!

Maybe she's done a budget and worked out what she needs to earn and won't be earning enough... but if the top of your range is now what meets that budget, then what happens when say interest rates change (or anything else happens which affects her financial position), will she then want an increase. Hard to know but if she came in at the bottom of the range and now wants the top, that could be quite a jump in annual salary terms.
Is the range fairly big?

So would make me wonder how financially aware the nanny was... the "feeling desperate" is also worrying. Why was she feeling desperate, could be numerous reasons but someone desperate for a job may not be the ideal candidate. They may be desperate for ANY job... so start off with you, then look for something better. Tricky to establish but looking at work history may give some clues... such as being out of work for a while.

You have a temp who you are happy with, so you can slow down on the recruitment and wait for the right person to come along.

i would hire the temp - i did several long term 2/3/4mths temp positions and all asked me to stay on permanently tho i declined

a good temp is worth her weight in gold, but a bad temp is better than a quickly hired bad perm nanny iyswim

I agree 100% with blondes - get the temp and that gives you time.

Don't feel pressured into negotiating with this perm nanny if you don't think she's worth more (assuming that on your pay scale it's realistic she's at the lower end). Find out what her reasons are - nick gives good advice

The temp does not sound entirely convincing to me, but I go with what the others are saying about good temps being better than bad quick hires. We had two excellent temps (and a bonkers princessy one From The Place We Do Not Name, but we won't go into that), and the kids loved them both and still talk about them. But it did not come cheap.

@ the place we don't name

boffy - why do you think the op's temps no good?

Op says she is lovely and has good refs

On the salary we are offering, we are offering 8-10£nph. The girl is looking for 9.5/hr from 8/hr initially when she replied. She says she had forgotten that this is the new arte she gets at her other job. She was desperate as she alreday has a part time job for other days. And our days would have fitted perfectly.

As for the temp, she yesterday called up to say she wouldnt be able to start next week as planned. Becoz she has done her maths and realised that number of hours will not be enough to sustain herself. I felt arghhhhhhhhhhh.... why couldnt she do her maths beforehand. Its not like we changed hours/ days or the money.

So i am back to square one again - seriously i cannot figure out whats wrong with us. this cant be normal. In my really dark mood - i think it must be the colour of our skin. But i guess, everybody is looking for full time and we cant offer full time.
I guess i am back to feeling desperate now.

What a pain, Ishika! Yes, you would think that someone who is presumably mature enough to hold down a job and look after children would be able to work out a budget before accepting a role.

How could someone "forget" what they are being paid in their new job? You are stuck for help so I might be tempted to meet the temp half-way on salary if you think she will do a good job. However, she does not have to be paid the same rate in different jobs and if she needs to find a job which fits around her other job, she must realise that this limits her opportunities so should be more willing to compromise?

I also noticed that you are offering a net rate, MN nanny employers are not big fans of offering net salaries! Particularly as you are looking at a nanny who has another job, you should offer in gross and speak to the nanny about whether she is using up her entire tax-free allowance with the other family or if you will be sharing some of that.

annh - I think for lack of choice, i may give the girl looking for perm what she is asking, though it does erk me that she is using our desperation to demand a higher rate. I have called her around tomorrow and we will see how it goes.

I know i shouldn't suggest a net rate but i have no idea how to work out the relevant gross figures for the net rates. I roughly know that 10nphr will come to be around 13£gross. Is that about right?
Is there anywhere i can check these things.

For my last nanny, we were the only employers so never had these kind of issues of tax code being split between two employers.

Because she talks about being desparate.

Never have a horsey nanny, btw. They are only interested in how many hours riding they are missing whilst takingyourmoney looking after your children.

calculator.kistax.com/

647L is the normal tax rate, so if you get all their tax free allowance. Plug it in with BR in the tax code box.

Just plain don't offer a net rate, state it in gross and say they can google gross-net calculators. For your hours £8 net on a BR tax code is going to cost you £10.72 an hour, £9.50 will cost you £12.89 an hour, then factor in employers NI.

So assuming that they take your 2 days, 10 hours a day, over the year:

£8 net costs you a total of £11,880
£9.50 net costs you £14,437

That's without student loan calculations if they have one.

That is a big, big leap she wants.

I wish I could come and help you out! A year ago I would have...

how annoying grrrrrrrrrrrr for you, yes you would think she would have thought about her budget, its not as if you have lowered the salary

boffy, my guys would prob love a horsey nanny, both eldest and mb ride and sure one day they will get a horse, know mb would love to make the shed by the garage into stables

out of interest which area do you live in because i am a nanny looking for work highly qualified and experience with all ages from birth to teens if you are not too far away maybe i could help?

morgan, think you need to check the dates on the posts, this thread is from last sep/oct!