NEW nanny-but looking somewhat unreliable-opinions please.

[majorstress]

Supposed to start this week as I was trying to get new one to overlap with old to save on training time and help with settling in-so far she has changed interviews, start dates and other appointments at last minute with me at least 6 times, come late on the one day she did work (and dd2 age 2 got a minor but painful head injury, plausible but still...), called in sick the second day (also plausible, but with everything else...). My friend at work said, get out now. Is she right?

What do you think? Bad hair week on her part, or bad choice on mine?

Have you asked her why she's been unreliable?

Good idea HM, if she is behaving like that in her first week she better have a very good excuse.

well, not "behaving" that sounds as she has been rude or something, she has only been a bit "unreliable"

Have you got her previous employers name and number that you could check with. Sounds dubious to me - I can't be arsed with people mucking you around. Doesn't sound like she is very committed to the job.

Doesn't sound good, does it? My gut instinct would be to get out if you can...

Yes, did you take up references? Were they written or on the phone? Sometimes people are more open about their nanny on the phone than in a written reference.

Oooh dear, she doesn't sound very promising, I'd prob not waste my time and give her notice unless she has a valid reason for being unreliable at present. You don't want your kids getting too attached and then saying see ya later 3 months down the line.

Get out sooner rather than later. Sorry. I know that isn't what you want to hear.

HI Uwila and thanks all. I haven't asked straight out why she is "generally unreliable" but that is how she looks doesn't she. How would I phrase that without getting her back up, do you think? I am judging from the standpoint of a professional woman who has seen hard times and would die rather than be late or put out a potential employer in any way. There has been a specific and different excuse, pleasantly given on each occasion. I have had one good reference by phone, as she is still working the other days for that person, and one no-answer as everyone was on holiday including me. Maybe the part-time (2 days per week) nature of the job makes it seem unimportant? Maybe the nationality of the employee (guesses, anyone?) doesn't compute for me. Anyway, dh is in the "get out now" camp, too.

I think the phrase "see ya" will be ringing out very soon in any case from either or both sides-this is my 4th (not counting Grannies, who live abroad and are now out of the question) in one year. None has stayed (or been tolerated in one case) for more than 4.5 months. The problem is, that I have to give 1 months notice. I only have 1 day annual leave left.

Are there any agencies that cover London that have cheap fees AND are good in anyone's experience? 6 weeks pay as a fee (one local firm quoted me) for someone who only stays a few months, is out of the question.

Majorstress, how about a childminder in interim? And how much holiday does your DH have left? Could he fill in?

Or what about taking your kiddies to someone else's nanny (for a bit extra money for the nanny) whilst the next one gets sorted? I'd offer mine up (if she wanted to of course) but we live too far apart for it to be practical.

Majorstress, check your e-mail before you hire anyone!

Would agree with others that she sounds unreliable. Surely if she hasn't even properly started you don't have to give her a month's notice? Did you agree any kind of probationary period? Could you call her reference number again to check specifically re her reliability? Sorry, lots of questions and not many answers.

We haven't agreed in writing or signed anything, I just managed to hand her the contract draft as she leftlast night, to look over and discuss today-but she's off sick now. The contract has a probation period and all that stuff, maybe that put her off, or the gross pay. I am trying to get the local childminder list again now and have a few contacts left from my latest search.

I sort of don't have the courage for this anymore, I haven't slept for days. I'm not really crying out for help from mumsnet, just maybe showing what can go wrong with these arrangements-there are 1000's of people looking for work, but finding the right one is almost impossible and unaffordable.

not trying to be unhelpful here - I completely understand the stress of sorting out childcare - but have you been able to take a step back and see if there's any common themes as to why your arrangements keep falling apart?

Is it the job itself or the way you describe it or the way you choose candidates?

As I said, I'm really not trying to make anything worse so feel free to ignore this but it might just be that you are somehow attracting and attracted to the wrong sort of candidates for your family. I've always found it a real temptation to try and describe the job the way I think the interviewee wants it to be - which inevitably leads to problems when either they do they try and do the job I described, not the one I really want done or they feel that they were misled as the job isn't the one they thought.

definitely speak to her and say it sems to have been a wobbly start so far and is there anything she would like to talk to yoy about.

I started a new job once the day after some very unfortunate circumstances and was up ALL night crying but still managed to get in on time and put on a brave face for it. My new boss did ask me if i was ok, i said i had bad hayfever and thought she'd swallowed it.
Years later we talked about it and she admitted she was worried about her decision to employ me then but gave me the benefit of the doubt and was sooooo pleased she didn't react too quickly cos she got some great nannying out of me since then.

Definitely speak first though cos there may a genuine reaon for her behaviour, if not then i would maybe reconsider or sign her for e trial period although if it doesn't work i'm sure you don't want to dirupt your children too much though.

Thanks, Nannyjo, I will give her SOME benefit of the doubt surely. I planned to have a word with her, and have tried all week, tonight I had specially arranged babysitting so we could talk without the kids screaming throughout. But she isn't here again. I hope and expect she will have a lot to talk about with me after reading the very detailed contract-I made it clear it was for negotiation and only a draft.

Wobbles, I know what you mean, but having the current nanny show her HER job which is a bit harder (3 days a week not 2) I think is giving her a clear idea of what she might reasonably be expected to do. I get the feeling if anything the current one is pulling out all the stops because she genuinely cares for the dds and wants them to be taken out, and to do all their favorite things. But most of the "unreliability" pointers happened before this week. I'm sure the job itself is fair but not luxurious-the pay is average, perks are nothing and it's not an exciting part of town. I insist on paying tax etc properly and some don't like this, even asking for more pay OTQ and me to lie to the taxman (that's the end of their interview!). My last one is happy but has to leave because of family problems. The previous one was a wierd girl with an eating disorder (first and last live-in). Before that I had a good houekeeper for 18 months, who said she would do the school run but got a new job as a manager, she didn't know she had chosen a terrible time to hand in her notice (August).

On agency fees negotiate and some of them do rebates if it does not work out.

Also try gumtree.com, nannyjob.co.uk - a lot of the agencies advertise on these sites for specific jobs, interview the applicants, check qualifications, check references - all of which you can do and save the agency fees.

I saw my job advertised on gumtree by one agency and another agency try to sell me an australian nanny who had 4 months left on her visa, without telling me. Beware, its mostly a con.

I might try to negotiate the agency fees, they seem unreasonable in some cases. With all the stories about what agencies do, how do you know they have done the checking they promise, unless you repeat it all yourself? And in this case my re-checking would be happening AFTER the yet-another person started-again stressful if I have to get rid of them. I am a veteran of gumtree, greataupair etc...this one and the last one are from gumtree-it has taken up all my time, email inbox, and energy several times this year-I am only considering an agency in hopes (probably forlorn) that it will save me time, which I just don't have anymore of, to spend on this.

Get rid - fast.

If this is her effort when she starts a job, what will she be like once she feels comfortable?............................

We all have personal issues from time to time, but as a professional you have to put your job/responsabilities first. Does not sound that she can do this.

There seem to be plenty of nannies looking for various combinations of full/part-time jobs in Simply Childcare . No agency fees, just the subscription (£30 ish).

Perhaps in the future you should get a male nanny rather than a female one , might be more reliable!

Being more serious now... maybe nannies aren't the best option for you, so do get the latest list of Childminders in your area from your local council/CIS. If you don't know their contact details already, use ChildcareLink to find their phone number. It may also list some childminders.

If you are set on having a nanny and want to avoid agency fees, then a few sites I know of, not already mentioned by others are:
Greatcare
NannySelect

Thanks nannynick, I guess you are male! I tried to get a male ap once but he was not interested in care of a child still at nappy stage. Unfortunately DH won't hear of a male-though his close and surreptitious scrutiny of new lady has turned up suspicious scarring on arms so now we are very panicked. I was too busy talking and trying to sort out 3 things at once all the time, to notice things like that. (He always finds something to fret about, I assume he always looks over people like this, but usually doesn't feel the need to inform me of his findings!). Last nanny is now gone, with tearful farewells-she was good but her family circumstances destroyed that. So now I am trying to arrange to work at home this week so I can supervise new girl closely. Our local nurseries are pants, and the local childminders I have seen don't seem much better-either they open too late in the morning or are too far away for us to get to work, or are overcrowded with rough older kids-our girls are quiet and the eldest a bit of a crybaby, he and I would prefer to starve than put them in there.

I guess I will have to take a leave of absence until I find the right solution. Hope my boss can be patient with me.

So sorry majorstress... this is a rough ride for you. Hang in there.

Suspicious marks on her arms??? and

So sorry this is happening to you majorstress, we have had a similar situation with our most recent (current) nanny - sick the first week, late a lot etc and it has gone on in much the same way. In nto very many months we have seen a lot of sickness and also a lot of nanny personal problems. I am sympathetic about our nanny's problems but it has caused enormous stress to us dealing with the fallout. I now wish that we had bitten the bullet and got out at the beginning. Good luck with whatever you choose but if it doesn't improve fast, I would cut your losses...

on the plus side, finally getting through all the spam to the bottom of my email after 2 weeks on hol, I got to one who sounds like a nice "granny" type who lives in the next street! even if no good for the work side, I bet I could get some good babysitting and emergency cover if she pans out (looks like we will need that). Also good friend and neighbor across street with boy now in Reception has offered to help if delicate Florina decides she can't face the day.... Hope springs eternal, eh?

Having taken a days annual leave (v. precious now) to train and supervise new nanny (actually this was her chance to redeem herself!), after she slowly followed me (didn't even offer to push buggy)while I dropped the kids off at their 2 respective places , then stood waiting for me to open door, with her key in her hand (she's already been shown how to do this all as well for 2 days by last nanny!). I have spent the last 30 minutes waiting while she ate breakfast (at 9:45) and through 2 personal phone calls. I only got 2 word, non-committal answers when I asked if she knew what to put in a first aid kit, or how and when to phone the emergency services, after her first aid course last week. So, I have decided not to bother too hard trying to show her stuff- I'm goin to put all my energies into persuading my boss into me going part time! Local lady seemed lovely and knows what work is, but english is very rudimentary. Can't have both?!?!?