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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

What was the best thing anyone did for you in the weeks after your delivery?

26 replies

giggitygiggity · 02/07/2010 22:31

My friend has just had what sounded like a pretty traumatic delivery of her DD - 2 weeks late, induction, lots of intervention ending up with an emergency CS, and is now really struggling with feeding and feeling pretty low.

I want to be able to help her as much as possible so was wondering what the things were that people did for you that you really appreciated following your births?

I was lucky to have v. straightforward homebirth so don't really know what to say to help her come to terms with her birth experience, any advice gratefully received.

I do remember LOVING anyone who came round bearing a big dish of shepherds pie/lasagne/double cream/all of the above so am planning on stocking up her fridge and freezer at regular intervals

OP posts:

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Meglet · 02/07/2010 22:34

food, taking the baby for a short walk so she can have a shower in peace, emptying the bins, thank you cards (if she's anything like me and wants to get them out of the way), check if she needs anything before you pop round (even boring stuff like a trip to the chemists).

LadyBiscuit · 02/07/2010 22:42

My friends came round for lunch with loads of deli pots from M&S and did all the washing up and clearing up afterwards. Just having lovely people to visit and not having to make any effort for that to be a really lovely experience was brilliant.

And I agree with Meglet - ask what they need. Give her one wish and do it

Congrats to her

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 02/07/2010 22:48

I had a c-sect so I couldn't move about much but it really helped me when my Dp went to the supermarket and did a shop for me.

Things that would help:

Grocery shop
Cooked hearty, nourishing meals that only need re-heating
Help with the laundry
Tidy up a room or two such as the kitchen/livingroom

itsatiggerday · 02/07/2010 22:53

As above, anyone arriving with prepared food - and cakes actually for all the visitors. People just getting on with stuff - making cups of tea / washing up / getting out stuff for lunch since I was spending hours feeding and was v sore moving around, got a bit annoyed with the people who asked every little thing (where's the milk etc).

Oh, and my mum just doing all the ironing, hanging out finished washing and doing all their sheets etc before they left, not asking just doing. And giving us 2 sessions of a cleaner in the month after the birth. She's a bit of a legend...(the cleaner too, but my mum in this case!)

Original poster

giggitygiggity · 04/07/2010 09:03

Thanks for all the replies, I'm off round to visit next week so will be doing the shopping on the way and taking the bins out when i arrive!

OP posts:

bintofbohemia · 04/07/2010 09:14

My cousin drove miles when we weren't even home to leave a homemade curry and some rice on our doorstep after DS1 was born.

A friend made us a thai curry and delivered it after DS2.

I have some lovely people in my life and I will never forget what they did!

freelancescientist · 04/07/2010 20:28

My mum had the baby for a night when he was 4 weeks old.......bliss. He's nearly 9 now and I can remember still the feeling of having a hot bath and getting into bed at 8pm for the best 12 hours sleep EVER.

Probably a big ask for a friend though! Definitely the boring stuff like shopping and maybe a trip to chemist if her DH is too shy to buy the necessaries....

Confuzled · 05/07/2010 07:13

Offer to cuddle baby while your friend sleeps, and to wake her only for feeds, for a good chunk of hours - so you change nappies and soothe, type thing? The sleep deprivation after a CS must be absolute killer - surgery and you need sleep to recover, but newborns have other ideas... and what a nice friend you are.

QTPie · 05/07/2010 08:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Murtette · 06/07/2010 20:01

I recently did a Sainsburys online order as a gift for a friend. It included some nice ready meals (all of which could be frozen), quick, easy things like soup & pasta sauces (I presumed she'd already have pasta) and plenty of cakes, fruit and fruit juice. I know she was really grateful and I think I'll do it for other friends in the future. Its obviously not quite so loving as a home made meal but she lives miles away so that wasn't an option.

moaningminniewhingesagain · 06/07/2010 20:42

I had a friend bring me a huge carrot cake. It was fab. And lots of compliments on the beautiful baby. And pretending not to see what a bombsite the house is.

That's all, what more could you need?

TennisFan · 06/07/2010 20:49

My sister took my first child for an overnight - 2 weeks after i got home. It was great, still remember that - and wrote me a lovely note in the first few days which really helped me get over my feeling of being overwhelmed and tearful.

All I really wanted in the early days was someone to watch the baby while I showered, or washed my hair etc.

Also some company maybe, depending on her circumstances she might be a bit lonely if she is not used to being at home all day on her own.

chimchar · 06/07/2010 20:50

i remember people asking how i was, and not just the baby, and friends who listened to me have a little moan instead of relaying their own horror stories...

i think that someone to watch the baby while you haver a bath or shower is nice, but i was really wierd about people taking the baby out without me.

i valued my mum doing all the houseworky type stuff, but i really wanted was someone to talk to me abbout normal stuff, or actually just sit and be with me.....

i didn't have the best experienced post natally though(went nuts, 3 times!! )i know for many a nice meal and a spot of tidying up is all they want or need...

you are very lovely.

chimchar · 06/07/2010 20:51

jeeeez! dreadful typos....sorry!

archieballerina · 06/07/2010 20:56

Things I appreciated...and others have mentioned.
A friend came round, bought ingredients, cooked them and left. Lovely
Friends that came round and held the baby whilst they chatted. It gives you a break.
Watching the baby whilst you have a bath/doze. Newborns are exhausting and you never switch off whilst in charge so knowing someone else is looking after them is a real break.

WildSeahorses · 08/07/2010 15:30

I think the best thing that people can do is to take their cues from the new mum and ask her what she wants. What I really liked was when people just treated me like normal. I felt fine after the birth and didn't want or need "help". I resented it when people did or said things that implied that I wasn't capable of running a house normally - for instance, the thing that really drove me batshit was when people would arrive and I'd offer them a drink and they would ask for something cold, usually water, then as soon as I said I was putting the kettle on they asked for tea - why not just ask for a hot drink in the first place FGS? It's not like it's a huge hassle to flick the switch on the kettle and fish out a teabag. I hated the way it made me feel as though they thought I wasn't up to the most minor of hostess duties.

ernestbear · 09/07/2010 09:24

Hi there
I had a bit of a tough time in childbirth and was quite unwell afterwards.
Things I really appreciated:
-people coming round and saying how gorgeous baby was
-bringing cakes with them
-just carrying the cups through to the kitchen after was great

i personally didn't want to have break from the baby, but did appreciate people passing the baby to me from his moses basket as 3rd degree tear and infection made lifting and turning quite painful

-friend who arrived round with extra maternity pads and big bar of chocolate without being asked! -making themselves scarce when the midwife came round - really really didn't want others hearing such private information!

Would love it if i had had the confidence to ask a friend to hoover the lounge carpet or quickly did the bathroom as felt a bit embarrased they were messy when people coming round, and next time if i was poor;y (fingers crossed for a different experience!) i would ask and know that good friends wouldn't mind at all!

MumNWLondon · 09/07/2010 12:27

arrange a food rota for a couple of weeks with common friends?

arrange for your cleaner to go to her house to do some cleaning?

offer to come round and babysit so she can sleep?

LittleSilver · 12/07/2010 12:23

told my MIL to go away.

My church arranges a food rota after you've had a baby. Tis great.

Comewhinewithme · 12/07/2010 12:24

Food my sil fed me and it was lurvely.

JaxTellersOldLady · 12/07/2010 12:31

my friend is due a baby in the next few days, while her husband and mum and inlaws are around I shall pop in and out with food parcels, but when they have gone home/back to work I have a plan to take baby out for a walk, or to my house so that she can sleep, stick some laundry on/clean bathrooms and take some chilli/curry/lasagne round.

I was so lucky that my parents came down and stayed for a few weeks with number 1, I was so ill afterwards that my mum bathed me and DS and cooked and cleaned and generally ran the hosue for me, it was an absolute blessing. She and my Dad also took the baby into their room when he was a couple of weeks old so that I could get a good nights sleep. I remember that and it was heaven.

MrsJohnDeere · 12/07/2010 12:35

Taking the baby away for an hour or two. Allowing time to have a long soak in the bath and an uninterrupted cup of tea.

HavingAnOffDAy · 12/07/2010 12:39

My Mum came round with hot cross buns, salad ingredients & a chicken.

Then asked me how to use our grill, looked blank when I told her to use the toaster on the 'one side' toasting setting & proceeded to set my smoke alarm off by using the said grill.

Then she made a 'lovely greek salad'(v nice but my DD was born in January & I really just wanted a nice homemade sheprds pie or similar post section) & left the mess for me to clean up saying 'I know how particular you are'(erm, no I just actually wash stuff rather than 'dipping').

She also ignored my specific request to put DD in her moses basket for a nap, instead letting her sleep on her partners chest ('he never had children of his own so I'm just letting him experience it'). Cue a sleepless night for me & DH when DD wanting cuddling all night!

DO NOT DO THIS!!!!! I agree that nourishing food that can be re-heated is a total God send, as is anyone who will just get on with stuff that needs doing, and actually listens to answers if you do need to ask questions about how to use stuff etc.

You sound like a fab friend BTW

looseleaf · 12/07/2010 12:40

another enthusiast for food here. I remember getting so many beautiful flowers and wishing someone could just bring bread or something to eat (though have lasting happy memory of our flat looking like a flower shop and that was wonderful too). I do remember people dropping in to tea and leaving their dirty mugs when I already felt overwhelmed. So I'm really careful to wash up now and also check I'm not tiring friends with too much chat as friends stayed an hour day after my delivery and I had to ask them to leave I was so tired

catinthehat2 · 12/07/2010 12:54

Elderly people politely fighting amongst themsleves to get first invite to see the baby and being absolutely thrilled to see the newborn.

Not being that interested in babies myself at the time, was very flattered that mine was regarded as very normal and indeed gorgeous.

So I found that very comforting when these knowledgeable grannies & great grannies thought this baby was thoroughly up to scratch, quite a relief if you are inexperienced and haven't a clue.

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