How many...

[JosieSmith1]

How many people wanted a lovely calm birth but had to go into hospital and have interventions/caesarean once their labour started?

(I'm not yet pregnant by the way but the fear of labour is puting me off the whole idea!)

I have just been chatting to some women at work and they all planned lovely calm births but ended up having to go into hospital and were actually quite traumatised! Out of 5 births, 2 went to plan, which I find quite startling, but when I think about, out of 5 neices and nephews, only 2 were born to plan, the other 3 were emergency caesareans.

So now my plans of a lovely calm home birth have been thrown into disarray and although I was coming aruond to the idea and thought I could cope with a home birth with hypnotherapy, I am now terrified all over again that something will go wrong and I will end up going into hospital and having to have forceps/vonteuse etc.

So I wondered how many of you got the births that you'd planned and how many didn't.

I did and I didn't. I thought I'd try a hospital birth for my first, then if things went well, I'd do a homebirth for subsequent babies.
My labour was awesome, had lovely reflexology and aromatherapy from my trainee midwife then managed on swearing, cocodamol tablets being as active as possible and an amazing birthing pool til 7cms. Then I added in gas and air - and much mooing.
Unfortunately when it came to pushing the little bugger wouldn't shift, as I kept trying to explain to my new not so amazing midwife, I had no urge to push - baby felt jammed. Nonsense she said you're not pushing right and she took my gas and air off me to help me concentrate (cow). After 19 hours turns out I was right after all DS (who turned out to have been huge at 9lb 6oz and 55cms long!) was occiput transverse and unbirthable. So I ended up with a c section and then a big bleed, thus ending up in high dependency overnight.
But you know what? It was still probably the most amazing day of my life. I'm so proud of how I laboured, and so proud of my body, and so in LOVE with a birth pool for next time. By the time things were going a bit wrong I was so tired I was pretty sanguine about it all, and you accept the next step without any panic whatsoever. It's just 'okay you need to do that? Fine, where do I sign'. And as for the bleed, well I was the last to know, although it was disconcerting waking up surrounded by lots of machines going beep.
I've decided to ensure future births are in close proximity to lovely hospital blood banks but can't wait to have another go with a VBAC. I just need to pursuade my slightly traumatised husband first... and maybe get a full night's sleep too though, haven't had one of those for, oooh if I include the rubbish sleep at the end of pregnancy, probably coming up for a year now!
You can do it. And if even you don't end up with the 'birth' you wanted, you'll end up with the perfect baby you never knew you could love so much. Even if they don't sleep much! Good luck.

Oh and out of our NCT class of eight I was the only c-section - emergency or otherwise. We had two women with no interventions and just gas and air, three with forceps/ventouse and me - the drama queen so those are pretty good odds.

Hmm I can't count can I?

I planned the opposite. If I had been offered a section I'd have grabbed it with both hands. I wanted all the drugs offered and preferably an epidural a week beforehand.

When it came down to it though labour went smothly and quickly and popped out the DDs easily on a whiff of entonox.

You have to look at the reasons why the labours did not go to plan. Generally there is a reason and sometimes that reason can be avoided. Of course sometimes it is just bad luck!

I've had three perfectly fine vaginal births. dd1 was induced and I've had three episiotomys ( a cut to help the baby deliver - stitched up fine) but otherwise I'm pretty text book
You plan on a baby not a birth - it really is the means to an end.

I think you need to talk to your GP about this. The birth is such a small part of having a baby.

FWIW my friend had similar fears to you and ended up have a planned cesearian.

out of the 9 gran kids in my family - and Im expecting the 10th at the moment, only one has been born by C section, this was due to preeclampsia at 38 weeks. My sister was very ill.

So.... relax

i planned 3 calm births

the first did end up with intervention in hospital, and while it was not the best of birth experiences it wasn't really traumatic or anything

my next 2 were perfect

oh and i meet up with 6 friends regularly. between us we have 14 children. all have been normal vaginal births, some in hospital some at home
no c-sections at all

I feel much better now thanks!

I agree when you say the baby is the most important part, I'm just a big wimp, but if anyone hasn't seen any of my other posts, I am trying to get over this fear using counselling and hypnotherapy as I really am terrified that I'll not be able to cope!

I think if I can get over my fear of labour and birth, then I will be able to cope if things do go wrong

I planned 3 calm home births.
I got 3 calm home births.

I bought the natal hypnotherapy cds and did antenatal classes throughout all pregnancies to prepare mentally and keep my nerves in check.

I planned to give birth in the community midwife unit with a midwife only birth. I did not have a consultant all through my my pregnancy and my plan was to only use gas and air.

I had a great pregnancy until 37 weeks when I started to get an awful itch. Was diagnosed with Obstetric cholestasis and was induced at 40+3. In the end I had gas and air, diamorphine and then an emergency c-section.

I ended up getting an emergency c-section because my baby was showing signs of distress and also because I was not progressing fast enough.

Despite the birth being so different from my initial plan, I have to stress that it was still a brilliant experience and it was still very calm and relaxed throughout. The induction process requires alot of intervention however, I felt very calm and relaxed and was encouraged to continue to use natural birthing techniques - I was on my birthing ball and used my tens machine. I declined an epidural and the pain was bearable.

I think that most women are nervous about child birth. I certainly was beforehand. I think one thing that helped was attending all the classes and reading lots of magazines and books. It meant that I knew what was going on throughout - this really made me feel more in control. I can honest;y say that any anxiety I had left me once the labour process started. You just focus on your labour and the birth of your baby.

I know some people might think that Im crazy but I really enjoyed labour. It was a wonderful experience - sore of course, but bearable.

I think the best thing to do is to keep an open mind. That way you cant be too disappointed if things dont go to plan.

Wow, sorry for the long post!

Me!

With my first I planned a home birth, with nothing but TENS, aromatherapy oils and homeopathic remedies to help me through...

I ended up with an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic, so about as far removed as you can get!

At the time I was very upset, but now (he is nearly 8) I can put it into context and realise that it doesn't really matter.

I think you're doing completely the right thing OP. I was woefully unprepared for birth and my recovery by the "its the baby that's the important thing" attitude. I really wish I'd have done my research into what it's actually like. That might not be what you want to hear, but hopefully the counselling will help you confront and cope with the reality, rather than trying to deal with it by pretending its not there.

FWIW in my NCT group of 7:

2 c-sections, due to breech presentation and gestational diabetes
2 forceps + 1 ventouse as they couldn't be pushed out
2 "natural"

Ironically the c-section mums all recovered much better (quicker and in less pain), although struggled with breastfeeding. The only mums with ongoing problems are the 2 who delivered naturally. One is having treatment/help with incontinence problems and the other for a nasty 3rd/4th degree tear that required surgery under spinal block after labouring for 50 hours with only a pool and gas and air.

It's also important that your partner is prepared. Mine had no idea what it would be like (I was one of the forceps deliveries) nor how poorly I would feel afterwards.

I had a hospital birth with first and it was great - no problems. hoping to use the birth centre this time as I want to be in a hospital but this is more homely (it's like a hotel in fact so quite excited!!)

I was the first of all my friends to have a baby and I always said to them that by the time you get to 36 weeks you are so een to get the baby out you stop worrying about the birth! And you forget so quickly! People would only have one if it was so bad!!

And as a straw poll, of around 10 people I know 1 had n emergency cs but she had other issues, and another had a cs because baby was breech. Can't think of any who had a traumatic vaginal birth.

Bear in mind that giving birth is a major thing to have happened to someone and they want to talk about it. Often people end up telling you more than you need to hear but may also be exaggerated

Well I imagined an empowering natural water birth and an easy ride after a perfect (until the end) pregnancy and being young/fit/exercising/massaging perenium etc.

In the end I ended up in a high dependency room with every drug/ drip going monitoring and I only somehow suddenly squeezed him out as they prepared me for c-section (suddenly came unstuck after 35 hours and popped out pretty fast, think it was sheer desperation to avoid theatre).

However, I DID have the amazing birth I wanted, it was just different. I felt a huge sense of achievement in beating the odds after being induced, suffering fever and infection and with a baby in the wrong position that I did it. I would have felt a huge sense of empowerment and achievement too if I'd had the c-section. I made a beautiful healthy little boy and I found a huge inner-strength inside myself that I didn't know I had and bore a difficult situation in a way I've become proud of. I honestly didn't feel as bad as I'd feared and found I coped very well, despite my fears before it all started.

Just bear in mind, just because you don't get the birth you imagined doesn't mean that you won't be proud of it/ treasure the experience later. Many women have had a easy ride after needing/wanting an epidural or have felt relief for a c-section. It'll all make more sense what we're saying after the birth.
Btw almost all the mums I met met up on the postnatal ward for women staying longer periods, so a straw poll of us would be pointless!

Well, dd1 clearly missed the 'straitforward hospital birth' memo with attached birth plan. Was breech and delivered by el section. Not too bad, didn't enjoy it much but got to see dh in scrubs & a pink hat

Dd2 saw the 'straightforward home VBAC' memo, then deleted it, rescued it from trash, printed it out, tore it up & danced on the pieces. I'm being flippant, but seriously her birth was an all singing all dancing nightmare - 8 week stay in hospital followed by The Worst Day of my Life, where I nearly died & she, born prematurely, scraped pretty closed to it too. Long-term result? No more children for me, no big family as I planned.

You know what? (after 6 months of therapy) I realise, it doesn't matter. Please god, I have these two beautiful precious children for the rest of my life. It's easy to get caught up in obsessing over the birth, I certainly did, but the sum of my relationship with my children is infinitely more that.

Btw, I'm not belittling birth trauma, my feelings about my daughters' births will always be, er, complicated. But they don't need to know that. They just need me to be their mum.

I planned for two calm natural water births in Midwife led units. This is what I got. Used tens, and hypnotherapy and obviously the pool. Never needed gas and air. I did lots of reading and research but also had a good dollop of lady luck. I just have loved giving birth.

I am feeling bnetter and better about it with every post!

I have also bought a hypnotherapy cd for home birth from Natal Hypnotherapy and it seems to be really helping. It talks you through the contractions and when it gets to that bit I get all excited, and I've got a few phrases that dh can say to make me feel better, like it'll be over soon, or it'll pass, cause when you think about it, you just have to get over each contraction and they don't last forever, so bear it, and it'll be worth it in the end. The more I listen to the cd the more excited I feel about it and the more I can concentrate on the after part, where I have a brand new baby!

I had 3 normal natural VBs wuth just G&A and tens. I was very prepared eg read lots about active birth and attended course at the active birth centre.

HOWEVER...

with my first, DD, she was stuck for a while and midwifes said she only came out without assistance as I was upright, and able to push (ie no epidural). I don't know whether it would have been a CS or forceps/episiotomy. I am guessing the later, as I was fully dilated, but she was stuck quite high up.

I didn't want an epidural and I managed without, but my labour was relatively short (12 hours, of which 8-9 were painful and 5 spend in hospital) - I am guessing had it lasted a lot longer I might have asked for an epiural.

OP: Read Ina May Gaskin's spiritual midwifery and don't worry about it for now.

My calmest birth experience was actually an emergency section. When you hear the phrase, it makes you think of ambulances with flashing lights, and trolleys rushed up corridors with staff shouting frantically, terrible stress, mother knocked out by general anaesthetic and unable to bond with her baby for days- that would have been my mental vision.

What actually happened was I was taken along to theatre by a cheery porter, a wonderful team of surgeons and anaesthetists talked to me as the epidural went in, dh sat by my side, the surgeon explained everything that was happening and the baby was delivered straight onto my stomach, and I was able to breastfeed him shortly afterwards.

I know that you want a natural birth and posts on here are great support in that regard but PLEASE keep your mind open regarding medical assistance, interventions, epidural etc. That is not failure, not what you "end up" with because you didn't get what you want. I know that the Marie Mongan hypnobirthing has a chapter on this and I expect the courses/counselling you are following will help this too. Of course you will do what you can to get the birth you want but please see any advised assistance as a necessary way to keep you and your LO safe.

Sometimes the safest option for you and your LO is induction, constant monitoring, epidural, episiotomy, forceps, CS. It doesn't sit well with those fortunate enough to have birthed without, but it is fact. I'm still recovering 8 months on and DD will be scarred for life (thankfully only minor but it is on her face ) but we are both alive and well. I have friends who weren't so lucky.

I am totally keeping my mind open, I hope to have a calm water home birth but am fully aware that it might not happen this way, and as much as it scares me, if intervention/hospital/caesarean is necessary for either of our sakes I will of course go with it, I just want to be mentally prepared so that if it does happen I am calm and can deal with it