Things that really, really annoyd you in labour?

[Disenchanted3]

Mine:

People talking, I was silent the whole time, at one point with my first another midwife came in and they were chatting. I wanted to shout 'Shut your your gobs!!!'

My DH (with DD), we went to sleep half way through labour, but I couldn't sleep so I got up and left him in bed (how good am I?!) I got my poor mum up ho ran a bath, but I hated being in it so went down stairs. By this time contactions were close and bad, I told my sister to get DH up and he wouldn't!! To be fair I don't think he knew what was going on. But about 5 mins later I roared 'will SOMEBODY get DH up!!'

Lastly, with DD again, before I went to bed my mum said she had not had tea, when I came down heavily in labour a few hours later, the place STUNK of kebab!!!

it knocked me sick! and threw me off my pace for a good hour because it as making me retch!

It sodding hurt.

My horrible midwife..

"One more push, come on just one more little push".

You can bollocks off with your one more push. I've pushed for 6 hours. Have I had a baby? No. Don't patronise me, I highly suspect that one more push will leave me in much the situation I am in now ie pregnant. Get this bloody baby out NOW.

Except I didn't say that. I said AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHGHHHHHHFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH.

with DD that I was not allowed to eat

Check this one out. My midwife said to me as I was pacing around the room 'Oooh, you're really frowning you know? You'll end up with lines on your forehead'

Bloody doctor - when I told him I needed to push he turned to my DH and said "Tell your wife not to be stupid"

I was right by the way.

Vomiting repeatedly.

with dd, dh blew his nose during a contraction and I gave him a verbal flaying

with ds, the dippy student mw tried to talk encouragingly to me through contractions and I am still slightly ashamed I told her to 'shut the fuck up'...

Having to hold on from the Monday to Wednesday to allow the drugs to work - i know it was DS's best interests but can't they make them work quicker?! I was stuck in a bed the whole time and be watched weeing in a jug.

Oh and then some stupid Dr saying i wasn't in labour after all; implying it was in my head [what about the other Drs and midwives???]] - i gave birth 4 hours later!

And breathe

With Baby no1 Dh acted like a cheerleader. I told him I needed him to be quiet because I was concentrating - he took it very well. Midwife kept going on about how it was one less contraction - I told her I knew she was trying to motivate me but it wasn't helping! With baby no2 dh was a star and asked me what I needed. Planned Homebirth and no pain relief - couldn't have done it without him!

Also with DD, the stupid german midwife that was completely useless

Throwing up non stop for 16 hours but being told I wasn't in labour

DH crushing my hand when I was trying to concentrate on pushing....

I could go on and on.

Not a great deal annoyed me with DS but then it was a very different birth

Not during...

But afterwards, the doctor gave me some drugs to bring me round so she could ask if it was ok to stitch me up. Did she honestly think I would say no?

And worse, I remember her saying "it's not symmetrical, I'll have to do it again" before I passed out again.

Anyone touching me. Lovely midwife was tring to massage my back and I screeched; 'Get Off Me! Nobody is allowed to touch me...'

anyone talking to me or asking me questions

being touched (no i do not want a fucking back massage)

the fact that the mws never believe i'm pushing til a head appears (I warn them every time i go fast but do they sodding believe me?!)

with ds2... the 2.5 hours waiting for my mother to turn up and mind the older two and then the hour long drive to hospital, thought i was going to give birth at the side of the road!

dp not being a mind reader and doing exactly what i want when i want it and having an annoying tendancy of wandering off for ages (bless him, he's great really, just has bad timing and my lack of ability to speak while in labour makes it difficult for him to figure out exactly what it is i want!)

DH asking me "Is that another one ?" repeatedly when I was having a contraction and asking louder and louder because I wasn't answering him. Had I been able to talk my response may have been along the lines of "Of course its a contraction you dopey fecker, that is why I am huffing and puffing and mooing like a sodding cow !"

He also insisted on massaging my back right where the TENS pads were, thus intensifying the shocks beyond comfort.

With DS, both DH and the midwives were desperately trying to get me to eat (I'd been having contractions for 3 days). They just kept wheeling in different food for me and coercing me to "just try a little bit, you need energy". I know they were trying to help but the last thing I wanted to do was bloody eat

my best friend was put in charge of the tens machine and she kept turning it up so i yelled at her "what the fuck are you doing, do you not think this is hard enough?" but in fact she wasn't even touching it, my pethidine had just worn off sorry bf

DH sitting in the corner of the room reading his golf magazine

Not being told what was going on.

The midwife disappearing after the birth and sending away the catering person who had come to ask if I wanted anything to eat. I hadn't had anything to eat for almost 24 hours and I was starving and unbelievably hot and thirsty. I would have killed for a glass of water and a piece of toast or even a biscuit.

Not being able to have a shower after the birth as they wanted the room for someone else and moved me out to a noisy room which already contained another woman and about a dozen of her relatives.

Had been in labour since teatime previous day, and was delirious with exhaustion. Following lunchtime after pushing for over an hour mw says 'come on, the baby's getting tired'.
Apparently my response was 'what about the fucking mother!'

Just before they wheeled me off for an emergency cs, they introduced the surgeon to me, as "Mr X, who does all our really difficult hysterectomies". Great. Thanks, that's really given me confidence!

What were they thinking to say that? No one was expecting me to need a hysterectomy.

They also told me that Mr X had left a tv Rugby match in the middle, to come in and do my surgery. I think I told them to stop talking and knock me out.

DS was about 2 pushes from being born, and I was mid-contraction. In walks a consultant with a couple of midwives and a couple of student doctors, asking if they can watch the birth.

I think I said something along the lines of "No you fucking can not - I'm fucking BUSY!!!"

Midwife (in a sweet voice): "Oooh! You're crowning! Would you like to feel baby's head?"

Me (roaring): "No I f**king well wouldn't!"

the weather!!

It was bloody boiling on 3rd July 2006. And ds was born at 13:54 in the peak of the heat, no fans available on labour ward!!!!

MWs popping in and out of my room to chat to those attending me about shift changes, what they were having for lunch etc., completely ignoring the naked sweating labouring woman walking around the room

The undertone in their voices that implied I wasn't trying hard enough to get the baby out. With the benefit of hindsight, I should have told them all to piss off and leave me alone for ten minutes, and watch my contractions speed back up.