terrified of giving birth...anyone else?

[missytequila]

I am so not looking forward to giving birth, its keeping me up at night. Midwives don't seem to care/take me seriously when I tell them I am worried. Obviously its my first, am 36 weeks...

all I hear is horror stories...

forceps that make you incontinent for life, no sex for a year, traumatic emergency sections, third degree tears, people telling me how painful it really is...

I cant bear it al all... is anyone else as scared as me? I am secretly praying to be put asleep and baby delivered by section...

Anyone else feel this way?
Can anyone offer advice?

i rememeber when i was expecting my first i thought i was going to die ! i think your fears are normal.Try not to take notice of any horror stories.Every person has a different account of their birth.Yes it is painful,but the prize at the end makes everything worthwhile.Good luck.

This is what the midwife at ante-natal classes told me - 'Yes it does hurt but we have various ways of managing the pain'. MOST births turn out just fine, it hurts a bit, or a fair bit at times, but you have pain relief, then at the end you have a lovely baby. Yes, sometimes things go wrong but mostly they don't. I'm sure other MNers will be along with lots of useful tips and info for making it as good an experience as possible. Best of luck.

I think your feelings are quite common - it's what you see on TV all the time that shapes your feeligns and it's always disaster and emergency.

Have you been to any antenatal classes? Sounds like you need to talk to reassuring antenatal teachers or midwives. No one should dismiss your fears, but they can tell you how to cope better with labour.

Horror stories are always big news, but women who have had a great birth tend to be quiet about it and just get on! Yes it does hurt, but women manage the pain and come through labour just fine. [and the shouting/ roaring/ groaning is just a way of coping with the pain]

A few good books may help you. I can recommend Birthing from WIthin and anything by Ina May Gaskin. Books which normalise childbirth.

Also stay far, far from horror stories. It's the biggest thing most women have ever been through and experienced. Horror stories are a way of articulating how huge it is. No two labours are the same.

Remember that your body has amazing capabilities to deal with labour. The hormone interactions are incredible. You're pumping out all these endorphins and oxytocin which are very positive, strong, loving chemicals.

You can do it. If it was that bad, women would never have more than one baby.

Oh, and look into hypnobirthing, even if you just get a book or cd.

helenwombat and missytequila - I was in your shoes a year ago. I was so terrified at the thought of childbirth I thought I may never have children, but decided to get pregnant and take it one step at a time.

I kept trying to get reassurance from people that it wasn't that bad but people love to tell you their horror stories.

Now, I can honestly say to you - IT'S FINE! I don't know what the fuss is about either, it really doesn't hurt that much it's just flippin' hard work.

I had a 5 hour labour with just a bit of gas and air, no tears, no stitches, came home a few hours later...

It's just an amazing experience, I can't wait to do it again.

oh you poor thing no wonder you are scared. You have to remmember that most of the things you mention (and certainly not all of them!) don't happen to the vast majority of people. I have had 2dc and the only thing I recognise on your list is the pain - it is painful, but not constanly and you can get through it - you could always opt for an epidural and not have much as all apparently remember. If you are very scared have you considered using a doula, birth centre etc - because in my experience, the care, or lack of it, in a busy NHS hospital is the scariest thing. Even that is luck of the draw as well. If I had my time again for the first time I would think about trying to minimise that uncertainty. The actual birth part is fine! You'll be fine!

missytequila, you will be fine, it is normal to be terrified but the major part of labour will done and dusted in a matter of hours, you do what you need to to feel in control, if thats using breathing then great, if its taking an epidural great, whatever you need to do to cope do it. Every birth is different, I have 3 dc and was back in the saddle with all 3 within a month, no one can tell you how painful it is for you because it will be completely different for you, the main thing you can do though is keep calm, stay at home as long as possible, breathe and write a birth plan stating how scared you feel.

Wel, I was until I did it, and then it was so easy I was terrified it coudn´t possibly be that easy again-but it was.

I am small & with 1st MW mentioned an epidural, and with 2nd there was a time when I might have needed csection & tbh, both of those scenarios scared the sh!t out of me much more than the thought of giving birth myself.

In the end I had no stitches or tears, no pain relief with first & gas & air with second.

First was born 1hr after first painful contraction, with second I had no pains at all until I was 8cm.

see: www.hypnobirthing.co.uk/hypnobirthing_in_the_news.shtml

I had my 1st child 18 days ago and prior to giving birth I used to be such a wuss with any pain; I used to cry when I got a papercut!

Honestly, labour and birth wasn't as scary as I imagined. Yes it was long and was painful at times, but one day after it I'd forgotten what the pain was like as I was so loved up looking at my son!

I had a 17 hour labour, but did it all with gas&air and sheer determination! I knew the baby had to come out so I had to push him out.

It was all worth it and I'm so happy to be a new mum.

One good thing, which I'd been fretting about before he was born.... I have pretty much lost all my baby weight already and am wearing pre-pregnancy clothes Before I had DS I was worried that I'd never shed the weight.

You will be fine.

its not a bag of laughs, its true...but the gas and air is a great trip

ok, seriously i had quite a long labour and my pain threshold is pretty low, but i look back on the whole experience with fond memories and today caught myself thinking about having another one (dd is only 4.5 months!)

think of it as an empowering experience - you will be so proud of yourself afterwards!!

Wow go TLC for losing all your baby weight! Congrats again!

I was beyond terrified before my first and too embarrassed to tell anyone how much sleep I was losing over it.

I was induced due to slow rupture of membranes so was on a drip and monitored. Went for an epidural as I couldn't be mobile. It was all over in under 7 hours and I didn't feel a thing. Had a couple of tears which were sore afterwards but I've recovered with no pelvic floor probs (do lots of exercises before and after).

I'm actually looking forward to a homebirth this time. This will be my second and last and I can't wait to go into labour and meet my baby.

Labour does not have to be a horror story. If you want pain relief then have it, it doesn't make you a failure or make it any less special.

I'd agree about how empowered it will make you feel. I felt such a rush when dd popped out.

I want to add to the list of others saying it is not all bad,

and even the bad is good, because you get a baby at the end.

So try not to worry, and be positive

minutes after my first labour (12 hrs) I knew that I would do it all again immediately if someone said I had to, because seeing my baby made it all worthwhile.

and my pelvic floor is better now after my second baby than it was after the first, if only I could say the same for the spare tyre around my middle (but that could be due to cake rather than babies!)

Thank you all for finally sharing some positive experiences.
I am trying to think positively that I will not be a 'horror' story. But I suppose that because it is my first I am still not seeing the 'meeting your baby makes it all worth it'...

Maybe its because the pregnancy is unplanned. I am secretly not very excited, or at least not as excited as everyone around me seems to be. I don't consider myself very maternal, I don't know how I will handle it all...baby and birth!

I want the epidural, but have heard that makes tearing and forceps more likely??? I have no desire to prove anything or feel empowered, I wish I could be completely knocked out. I do not see what is so beautiful/amazing about pooing on yourself and all the blood,sweat and pain.

I thought about a doula, but honestly I do not want anyone seeing me like that, I do not want anyone 'coaching' me at the birth. I am afraid I would just tell her to 'shove it'...would hate to pay for someone and then just be rude to her.

I can't say it does hurt a bit as for me it hurt A LOT but I am one of those women who agrees it is worth it!!

Induced both times, very long with dd, forceps, torn swore never ever to do it again. Caught with ds and terrified more than before as I knew what to expect. Induced again but honestly my body just sort of knew what to do.

It was very very painful it really was and I was not given any pain relief (don't ask) bad tear again. I've had big babies and am not big myself and they were both OP/face up. I do not want any more children yet straight after I turned into 'I would do that again' not that I will iykwim!!

I PROMISE you it is all worth it, it may really hurt, it may be not bad, it may be ok, but it IS worth everything

its so good to read some nice things about it, i've spent most of my pregnancy just terrified. people keep saying 'women have been doing it for thousands of years' (if i hear that one more time! and i just think well i havn't!

Being rude to people/making as much noise as you like are two of the best things about labour

Labour was not something I'd choose to do every 2 mins, but I can tell you that about half an hour after my son was born I strolled down the corridor feeling bright as a button - and sex has actually been better since.

There are lots of interesting things that can happen during childbirth, but it's pretty rare to have them all IYSWIM. the only drama I had really was a post-partum haemorrhage, and tbh I've had scarier nosebleeds...

Now I'm sounding as if I'm dismissing it, which I'm not. Having a baby is a huge deal, and labour is part of that, it's no joke. However, in about 4 weeks you are likely to be saying 'Bring it on' because late pregnancy tbh is a true bore and not something to be prolonged. It will be over v soon and your baby will be living with you. You don't have to be maternal, just like you don't have to be good at childbirth... your body will do what it has to do, your baby will arrive and start working away at its own development, and you will just get on with it. The matter-of-factness of children is one of the greatest things about them. Best of luck.

Hi,

Well what can I say my story sounds just like yours! I did not plan to get pregnant, it was totally unexpected and heaven knows I did not want to go through the experience of childbirth. The entire idea of it kept me awake at night, gave me panic attacks and physically ill at the thought. I could think of nothing worse happening to my body let alone let anyone else witnessing it. I expressed my feelings to very unsympathetic midwives, went to see a consultant and a psychologist who were very understanding and helpful. I ended up booking in for an elective c-section, however I went into spontaneous labour 4 weeks before I was booked in for my section. I laboured for 9-hours (which was painful but mostly I could not get comfortable in any position and I could not stand the constant leak of fluid from my body (TMI Yuck)). I then ended up having an emergency section.

Perhaps you have a genuine phobia as I did and should speak to a consultant or GP or have someone refer you to a psycholgist to work through you phobia and find a solution prior to your labour.

Good Luck!

Your fears are perfectly normal. You're bound to be scared, especially if you listen to other people's horror stories. But every birth is different and women cope in different ways.

If you want to give yourself the best odds for a good labour, I'd really recommend hypnobirthing, even at this late stage. Check out the positive birth stories at www.hypnobirthing.co.uk and watch some hynobirthing videos on YouTube. That should help reassure you that labour doesn't have to be a frightening experience.

The pain felt during labour is manageable if you stay relaxed and take long deep breathes. Panicking and going rigid just makes it worse. Hypnobirthing teaches relaxation and breathing techniques to stay in control.

I agree with other posters that you should seek help to work through your issues. Having your baby will be the best day of your life and you'll feel much better about it if you are positive and looking forward to meeting your DC. I hope you find a way to overcome your fears.

Totally normal to feel scared especially as your due date approaches. I've given birth twice and loved it both times. I did have an epidural and I didn't have any intervention. I had shortish labours (7 and 5 hours) and pushed them out quite easily with just a few pushes. Totally addicted to One Born Every Minute, but have to say that nothing I have seen on there so far ressembles my own experience. I was very calm and relaxed and up and about soon after. If you want an epidural I would say go for it - I let mine wear off a bit towards the end so I could feel everything, but it wasn't painful iyswim. I would echo those who say it will be the best day of your life - look forward to it I wish I had!

The best thing someone told me when I was pregnant with no.1 was 'yes it hurts, but it's a different kind of pain - not like the pain if you broke your leg or something. Also it only really, really hurts at the peak of the contraction, then it tails off, and the contractions come and go so it's not a constant pain. Plus, you know it will end!'

I think that was the best way to describe it for someone who's not been through it. The best thing to do is read up on positive birth experiences, like in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and if you can stomach it watch some birth videos online. And remember it looks worse than it is, I cringe at the noises the women make on One Born Every Minute and I was sure I didn't sound like that, but according to DH I did!

Hi there

I'm new to mumsnet and this is only my second post (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be introducing myself somewhere or if I just jump in and comment - although I appear to be doing that anyway .

There have been some great books mentioned but I thought you might be interested in having a read of this

Also take the great advice of not listening to or watching horror stories. Put HypnoBirthing into You Tube and you'll see some fab ones instead

missytequila "I am afraid I would just tell her to 'shove it'...would hate to pay for someone and then just be rude to her." My fear too!

Am 34 weeks and utterly terrified, too. Am wuss deluxe. Cry when I burn my finger on stove. Threw up watching OBEM. Hearing another person in pain makes me go all shakey and horrified.

But am DETERMINED that when I look back on this it will be as a positive experience and not a traumatic horror hell thing. So I am doing everything I can possibly do to prepare - yoga, doula, hypnobirthing CD, practicing breathing, blah blah etc etc. Fully expect agony and will have epidural ++ all drugs possible if want it. Do not care how baby comes out. Am doing everything I can, can't do more, so sod it.