terrified of giving birth...anyone else?

[missytequila]

I am so not looking forward to giving birth, its keeping me up at night. Midwives don't seem to care/take me seriously when I tell them I am worried. Obviously its my first, am 36 weeks...

all I hear is horror stories...

forceps that make you incontinent for life, no sex for a year, traumatic emergency sections, third degree tears, people telling me how painful it really is...

I cant bear it al all... is anyone else as scared as me? I am secretly praying to be put asleep and baby delivered by section...

Anyone else feel this way?
Can anyone offer advice?

Hello, missytequila and everybody else worried about their first delivery!

Several points I'd like to make:

• people love a good horror story and are only too glad to share, so take things you hear with a pinch of salt (particularly it they happened to a 'friend of a friend'

• it really really helped me to remind myself that women have given birth since the beginning of time - and most woman more than once, even nowadays when we have v good contraception

• by all means have all the painrelief you feel you need, but keep an open mind about how you'll actually feel when you are in labour

• I can honsetly say that giving birth (4 times: induced, emCS, VBAC x2) has been the MOST exciting thing in my entire life - it is such a physical challenge, but it is just SO satisfying to have done it.

V v best of luck, to all of you. Hope you'll all have deliveries you will look back on fondly.

Oh, and a lot of the noise I made during labour (mainly humming ) was kind of a way of giving myself painrelief, it was noisy, but not shouts of agony, more a way to help me focus. Labour pains take concentration - another thing nobody told me before the fact !

Really, try not to have any preconceived ideas about what it is going to be like; there is NO way anybody could totally prepare you for it...

You'll be fine. I think the really key thing is not to be afraid if when it hurts.

We're conditioned to think if something hurts then we have done ourselves an injury. Not like that with childbirth - if it hurts it means it is all happening as it should!

When you get to the stage that the contractions start getting properly ouchy, try and remember that. The temptation is to think "OMG, it really hurts now and I am only x cms dilated, OMG what is it going to be like later on, ahh I can't cope" and to actually be afraid of how much worse the pain will get.

Try not to do this - it doesn't necessarily get much much worse the further on you go - its more that its more intense and you are more tired.

Instead just try and think "great - another contraction and properly ouchy now - that means its all happening and we're another 5 mins closer to it all being over". Just deal with each contraction at a time and don't torment yourself with speculating about how much "worse" it might get or how much longer it might take. Just live in the moment.

Easier said than done of course but I am sure this is the way to manage it. Being afraid of the pain and being afraid of the pain getting worse really makes the whole thing much harder.

You could also try and think about your little baby and the fact that you're going to meet them soon - I imagined I was starting a train journey and that when I got to the end station DD would be there under the clock to meet me! Mad, but it helped me remember what the whole thing was all about.

Although I also found if I thought about DD too much I got v sobby and weepy and emotional about the whole thing (in between the contractions that is!)

Will join the people saying it is really not that bad. I had my DD 8 weeks ago and I can honestly say I am already looking forward to having another. In fact within an hour of having her I turned to DP and said "wow what an amazing experience, can't wait to do it again!" I had a 'normal' delivery with a 1st degree tear.

I think a lot of the groaning sounds you sometimes hear are more to do with the effort involved that pain as such. I found that apart from the very last bit (the ring of fire ) it really wasn't that painful, just hard work. And that very last bit is over so quickly - just a few minutes of your life - that it isn't worth panicking yourself about it for months beforehand.

I also found my body and mind seemed to have instinctive ways of coping with what was happening so it was a completely different experience to how I imagined before I went into labour. Plus the baby at the end is wonderful

i just wanted to say that there is a huge difference between the fearful anticipation you feel now, that this thing is going to happen TO you, and your feelings once the actual process is underway, when you are much more involved that you might imagine.

If you can think of any other situation in your life where you dreaded something but once it was happening, it was not so bad, well...birth's a bit like that.

First of all, your fears are normal.

Then:

Yes, there's pain, but it's not like stubbing your toe or going to the dentist. It's hard to explain, but it's a kind of 'clean' pain. Once you're in labour, you deal with it. Also if you want epidural, then it's just the beginning and it's totally doable.

Nothing wrong with epidural if you're giving birth in a good hospital. You have it from 3 cm dilation til almost the end of labour, then they cut it down/ off so you can push the baby out. I had it with both of my dcs ang it was great. No side effects and putting it in doesn't hurt.

Most births go fine, and the ones that don't are dealt with by doctors. Serious problems are rare.

Relax.

Missytequila, I just wanted to add my little bit because I've been thinking about this myself as I head into labour for the 2nd time. I think the most important thing is to be prepared without being scared.

So don't listen to scary stories, but at the same time do try to prepare yourself. Things I did this time I didn't do last time are: natal hypnotherapy CDS, practising breathing exercises, lots of reading up on active labour, baby positioning and what to do in labour to help yourself if your progress stalls at any point (I've looked at Spinningbabies, Back Labour no more, and Ina May Gaskin). I thought about getting a doula too, but in the end couldn't find one that was free for my dates - but you could look at this if you're scared. There is lots you can do to prepare yourself for labour (although ultimately nothing can prepare you for the adventure that is motherhood! and I mean that in a good way!)

I would also say, for some women labour is harder than others and if in the end you don't find it 'doable' it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, your labour or your body. And as others have said, there is nothing wrong with epidural!

Finally, as someone who got pgt by accident first time and found getting that positive pgy test a total shock, I'd say try to work through your feelings now - have a good cry if you need to. It's true, parenting can be tough, especially the first few weeks and months - but honestly, honestly and this is isn't just a cliche - you will never regret becoming a mum. And you'll still be you afterwards. And after the first steep bit of the learning curve, you can begin to 'get your life back' in terms of having time for yourself etc.

You'll be fine, good luck!

It is painful, of course it it, but I can honestly say having my second son was one of THE best experiences of my life! With my first I had every drug under the sun, was totally overwhelmed and really immobile (because I had an early epidural).

The second time the midwives around me were amazing. They explained to me that the gas and air takes the top off the 'peak' of the pain, so you need to breath it in and out slowly as soon as a contraction started. I can't tell you how much that helped me - just knowing how it worked, rather than panicking, taking short sharp breaths and wondering why it didn't do anything!

It also prevented me from getting any other pain relief because I was managing ok.

State of mind is also really important. I had a few false starts with my second so by the time my waters broke I took every contraction as a step closer to meeting my baby. I know it sounds crazy but I imagined myself climbing a mountain on every one, knowing when I reached the peak I'd have a bit of time to recover before the next one and I was that bit closer to giving birth.