elcs unkind comments

[FatSeal]

I know it's not much, and I should just shrug it off, but I just got called a chicken for having a section booked. I wish people would think a bit about why you might be doing that before opening their big unkind mouths.

Just to top it off, she also commented on how we know not only the date of birth but also the sex of our baby, and then said "well you'd better keep the name a secret otherwise the weight'll be the only thing you find out on the day". That is entirely the point; no nasty surprises on the day in question, which I am thoroughly chuffed to have ever reached, as for a very long time I always thought I wouldn't be able to bring myself to having another child.

I suppose I am lucky to have got to 35 weeks without a similar comment, but it just confirms to me that that's what people are thinking behind my back.

What a bagface woman she sounds. Chin up fatseal - don't let her judgements spoil your day.

What an awful thing to say. Unfortunately these attitudes keep doing the rounds - I got into a tussle on another thread recently with a poster who kept using elc as a synonym for "too posh to push", no matter how often people pointed out it just mean "planned in advance" and in on the NHS this almost always means for medical reasons - pre-eclampsia, placenta praevia, tokophobia, traumatic previous VB. People like that are just twunts. As you say, best ignored, but that's difficult, I know.

I'd say something sarcastic along the lines of, 'vaginal deliveries are sooooo over rated...'

Go back and tell het to fuck off

'it just confirms to me that that's what people are thinking behind my back'

I shouldn't think so, it just sounds like one unkind or thoughtless person to me. I doubt anyone else is thinking anything of the sort. I think the great majority of women will understand that there are usually very good reasons for an elcs.

Oh the fecker. You know I can't even contemplate having another. But when I've dealt with that, I know that an elcs is the only way I could do it. I'm a dyed in the wool, hippy, lentil-weaving muesli-knitter but try for a vaginal birth again I will not. I know that I would meet these comments, just as you have, but really being firm in your own mind about why you are doing it is the best thing and all that matters. You can't change a wanker.

A simple 'please could you stop being so judgemental' will do.

And I promise you that 99% of people do not believe those terrible too posh to push lines.

that sounds awful, i think a lot of people wrongly think a cs is the easy option but i'm not one of them! ive never had one, this is my second PG but wanted you to know that not all women who havent had a cs think that way. I would love to know what day my baby is born though, im 10 days overdue and fed up! my friend is having an elcs and part of me thinks it would be great to have one but another part of me knows its just as hard as having a vaginal birth, plus the longer recovery time isnt easy.

At the end of the day, you'll have your beautiful baby in your arms which is the most important thing, right?

No, not everyone is thinking that you're chicken for choosing an elcs. There are women out there who don't want to give birth vaginally because they've been abused or raped and would find all the examinations etc a huge ordeal, people should really just mind their own business instead of assuming women who choose an elcs are too posh to push.

Saying you will have no surprises is just nasty (and anyway, going into labour is hardly a surprise) doesn't matter if you already know the sex, it's as much of a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40. None of her big fat business. Hope you told her to shut it.

Thanks everyone, the kind comments are making up for the earlier one! I am just going to look forward to the day and being pleased to meet my lovely baby, you're right BYM

You'd think the 5 year gap would have given her a clue, Mrs smugpants 2 VBs no problem at all.

Sympathy from me - I am having an elective in June after a traumatic vb with rotational forceps 16 months ago.

I keep finding myself explaining the reasons to people (far too much information of course on bladder and forceps damage, longterm issues, fears of double incontinence etc) - I feel the need to justify myself even though I know my reasons are good and the consultants involved have never tried to talk me out of it and agree I have good reason (though they would also be fine with me trying a vb again).

Be confident in your reading and reasoning, and think of a phrase maybe in case something comes up again?

'The fact that I am risking childbirth again after last time is all the courage I need to show thank you'

'If you can't imagine why a cs might be needed then you were lucky with your vb and will never understand what could have gone wrong'

I was really upset when a friend of mine suggested her pregnancy yoga was the reason her (premature and small) baby just popped out in 2 hours labour, and that she thought if people had hard labours then it was their fault for not preparing properly. Given how much I had done to prepare I felt gutted.

And obviously there are myriad valid medical reasons for a cs. Just saying that there are reasons which may not be directly obvious, too. One should never assume.

THey are not the easy option anyway. Had both emergency c section and vbac found the c section much tougher (though sure you will be fine OP . Hardly a cop out. Also hate that "too posh to push" phase - would like to push whoever coined that one into a big cold lake.

What an idiotic thing to say to you. Reckon you can save yourself some time and hassle by simply not bothering with this person or her opinions any more in the future ...

Agree with everyone who has already assured you that this is NOT what everyone else is thinking behind your back.

Good luck with the birth and enjoy meeting your baby -- and of course it'll be a surprise (in a good way)! You've never met the wee one before, so s/he'll be entirely new and exciting, regardless of whether you already know the gender or not.

Just make a rude comment about the hypothetical state of her pelvic floor... below the belt but she's asked for it.

She's an idiot
Chickens lay eggs
If she thinks they have CSs she is misinformed

I had rather a traumatic vb, but to be honest, I really hope I never have to have a CS. I would have a really hard time doing the rest required afterwards, and it is a serious operation, which no-one undertakes lightly. (Of course, if I needed it, I would have it, and would thank heaven for it, as it would be done for a reason.)

I'm not saying this to frighten or put you off, FatSeal, but this woman is an idiot is she thinks it's a "soft" option of some sort! It is intervention. It is planning and being responsible.

She sounds like an idiot, and unkind, unless she is very hung up about something herself. Maybe she had VB problems, and is still regretting not having an ELCS or even emergency CS?

FatSeal, if you would like to read some positive experiences of elective CS, I know that there have been a few very reassuring threads on that topic (at least one quite recently), so it may be worth doing a search. Would do it for you and link but I am trying to tear myself away from MN and finish my RL jobs

My sympathies. I find the response "if I'd wanted the opinion of a judgemental arsehole, I'd have asked you" often works quite well

feel for you OP, even though i had medical reasons for my ELCS whenever someone asked me why i was having it, i simply said, because i want that way. which i did, ive never wanted a VB, people think thats crazy/wrong etc, but it doesn't bother me, ive often had friends/family say they wish they had asked for one, i acutally get quite smug internaly as i really have MY perfect birth,
take heart in knowing she was either jealous or a very uneducated stupid person. her comments mean nothing.
Ive also been asked this by pregnant women and i often ask in return why are you choosing to squeeze your baby out of your fanjo! - i don't care that they do, its none of my business and im not interested, but they get the point that its not right to ask a woman why she is have a section either.

having

Ceasnake

OTTMumma - feel totally th same way you do. Had ELCS with my first by choice and am quite happy to tell people that when they ask why - never had any wish for a VB for me also my ELCS was my perfect birh. Funny quite a few of my friends who did have VBs often comment that given the choice again they wished they'd taken the CS route!

Why on earth would you be a "chicken" for having a C-section?

I was offered one, but was too scared, and opted for a vaginal birth.

I already knew the sex, and they date I was going to be induced.

Stay away from this toxic person, is my advice.

FatSeal, that was a horrible, goading comment you were on the receiving end of. As if birth was a competition! What an awful attitude.

It's easy to say, oh, ignore it, but that sort of thing can really hurt, especially if it catches one at a bad moment. I admit, I've wondered myself how much attitudes like that are at the heart of a lot of vehement conversations about CS and VB, tbh. Hmm. However, there are plenty of women as has been said on this thread who aren't judgemental like that, or into 'one-up-mum-ship', so I'm just adding myself on!

(I hope if I get any comments along those lines, I've enough guts and presence of mind to use the Ceasnake line.)

Chynah its nice to hear from someone who feels the same, i get the impression a lot of women would ask for a c section if they knew they wouldn't be judged so much.
When i found out i was pregnant i asked at my first appointment to have a ELCS and the M/W seemed bemused as i then didn't have a medical reason, i had to jump through hoops to get a consultants appointment, and low and behold I ended up with placenta previa! so i had my section booked at 34 weeks, although i was very depressed up to that point as i wasn't guarenteed a section, if they had just agreed when i asked at the beggining it would of made the pregnancy a lot more enjoyable.

next time i will also opt for a section, even if there is not medical need.