Had sudden, premature birth over weekend and feeling shell shocked

[FrozenNorth]

On Sunday morning I woke up at 8 am with mild backache. I was 35 weeks pregnant. At 8.30 am I got up and realised I was bleeding. The backache got worse. Fearing a placental abruption DH called an ambulance. It arrived at 8.50am. On the way to hospital, the pain intensified. I was pushed into the delivery room at 9.15, where I was told I was both in labour and fully dilated. I pushed DD into the world at 9.29 am. She is healthy and weighs 5lb 8oz.

I feel stunned by how things turned out - I guess it's the kind of birth story you don't hear about but maybe it's more common than I think? I can't understand how or why it happened, or what the risk of it occuring again would be. Has anyone else been through something similar i.e. a completely unexpected precipitously fast labour? I keep looking back trying to find a clue in the preceding days that it was going to happen, because I was clearly dilating prior to the onset of pain, but I just can't find any. I hadn't intended a drug-free delivery and though in retrospect I feel a sense of exhilaration at the sensation of DD being pushed out, I also feel ashamed by how much I cried out and how much the midwives told me to calm down. I had been anticipating this second labour as something reassuringly mundane after my first induced labour, but it felt everything but. I'm so very grateful for the outcome but also, psychologically speaking, rather at sea - nothing was ready, there was no hospital bag packed, DH was not present for the birth ... Anyone else feel oddly alienated from the birth that they ended up having?
At the very least, thank you for letting me type out my feeling here and, if you did, for reading.

Sorry you are feeling weird about it. Don't really have any experience of what you went through, but bumping for you!

I can't advise as I haven't had this situation (all mine were late late late) but wanted to answer - and to say "Congratulations!".

wow - frozen north, what an amazing story you will have to tell her in time

sorry to hear it was a bit scary and your dh was not present but you did get what many women dream of, a drug free, fast labour with a lovley healthy baby and healthy you at the end of it!!

Congratulations. and well done.

Firstly congratulations and secondly I'm not surprised you feel shell shocked you went from thinking that something was drastically wrong to delivering in an hour and a half. At least when you're induced you have plenty of notice that it's happening.

Hope you come to terms with it all x

Sorry that I can't offer any answers to your questions, none of my births were like that! Congratulations to you and your family.

My hospital offered a 'post match analysis' service called 'afterthoughts' where a hospital MW came to my house and talked through my medical/birth file with me. Talk to your mw about whether your hospital do that too, it was something I found v. helpful after I had an emcs with ds1. If your hospital doesn't already do that, ask if there is anyone at the hospital that you can talk the birth over with.

Wow. That is an amazing story, and I'm not surprised you feel completely discombombulated by the speed and unexpectedness with which it all happened. I am sure you will begin to make sense of it as your body and brain recover. I am not sure I am saying anything helpful here, but congratulations: you did amazingly well :-)

Congratulations! It does help to type your birth story doesn't it, or just to talk about it.
I was induced and although initially very long ,lots of walking around etc, when contractions really got going I went from 3cm to fully dilated in 30mins, which came as a shock to me and the midwife on the antenatal ward who didn't believe me when I told her I was pushing!

You certainly should not be ashamed for crying out,as everything happened so quickly for you and you had no control over what was happening.
I'm sure you are feeling very shell shocked at the moment, but in time hopefully you can look back and think of the birth in a positive way as it was drug free, quick and you and you lovely baby are both healthy and well.

I meant your lovely baby!

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your healthy daughter.

I'm not surprised you feel shell shocked by it - it must've taken you completely and utterly by surprise. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with DD2 and even though my bag is packed, etc., the thought of going into sudden labour now quite shocking.

I am not at all surprised that you panicked - I am sure most of us would in your position. Try not to dwell on the MWs telling you to calm down - after all, it was your body and your baby this happened to, not theirs.

I am sure that there will be people along shortly who have experienced something similar. And I hope you can get some sort of debrief from the hospital that will help you work through what happened.

Congratulations again

Woah I'm not surprised you are in shock, that was a speedy labour (compared with my 2 day marathon). Congratulations on delivering your healthy DD, it must have been quite terrifying especially without your DH there. I can't believe the midwives were telling you to "calm down" TBH, WTF . Do you feel OK about it all? It may help to talk it through with your MW.

Many congratulations!

If its any help to you I had similar feelings after the speedy birth of dd1. She was overdue by a day but her birth was so quick that I felt shell shocked for a good while. I remember standing in the shower the day after looking at my deflated belly and not quite believing I had given birth.

(she was my second baby btw)

My first was 4.6 weeks prem and delivered in 2 1/2 from first contraction.

My second was 9 days early and delivered in 1 1/2 hours from first contraction

My third was 4 weeks early and delivered within 1/2 an hour of my first contraction.

So all pretty fast and all with only G&A.

Oh congratulations!

Is baby home?

My first was very early & I gave birth one hr after first pain.

Blue lighted to hospital-no bag & still in my bloody nightie(and no knickers!)

awww, congratulations. Know exactly how you feel. DS came at 35 weeks with no warning. Had seen the midwife the day before and he was free floating. Woke up in the middle of the night waters broke, 4 hours later there he was. We had no bag packed (nothing to pack anyway!) and he wore hospital handouts for 2 days! (I should add he also had to have emergency surgery for a twisted bowel, which was scary and awful, but apparently not to do with his early arrival). I was in absolute shock, kind of 'oh my god what are you doing here'.... but am actauly hoping for a similar quickish birth (am currently 37 weeks and waiting ). Thing is I am now expecting this one anyday now (becasue of previous experince... and I bet it bloody hangs on until 42 weeks! After the initial shock I did calm down and all was fine. They don't know why he arrived early and I haven't been more monitered or anything, may not effect when this one arrives at all

Congratualtions on the arrival of your baby.

I think you need to talk the whole thing through with someone, and have a birth debrief.

Take a look here: www.sheilakitzinger.com/BirthCrisis.htm

xxxxx

My 1st was 18 hours, then 2nd came in 2 hours.

Even though he was only 3 days early unlike your DD, I can symapathise with the shell-shocked feeling.

Although it has faded now, I remember feeling almost traumatised. When people said I was lucky it was so quick, I answered that I'd swap it for my longer 1st birth any time.

Now add to that the fact that you were only 35 weeks with nothing ready, I can imagine how disorientated you must feel.

If it's any comfort, I too felt embarrassed about what a fuss I made when told there wouldn't be time for an epidural and how insistent I was that I could NOT do it during transition.

The midwife didn't blink though. She was too busy writing notes on a piece of toilet paper and helping me deliver in a side room!

So don't worry - all your reactions would have been totally normal - even more so considering it was such a surprise.

It's worth talking the whole experience through with someone in detail a few times. I know I had to run it through my head over and over for the first few days. I guess it's the body's way of 'catching up'.

In a different way, I felt very disconnected by my first birth too - I ended up with an em c-s under general anaesthetic, so not the same sort of birth but, I suspect, similar feelings of alienation. DH wasn't in the room for the birth, and I felt (and still do feel) that neither was I. I second what another poster said before - find out about getting a debrief from your hospital and go through your notes. It helped me so much to come to terms with not having the hippy whale-music water-birth I'd planned.

Congratulations on your baby

frozennorth, my SIL had an ecs at 32 weeks. She'd felt very little movement so thought it was wise to go and get it checked out. She was so unconcerned she planned on going out for a pizza with her DH after getting checked over. Within 30 mins of being in the hospital she had an ecs and her baby got whisked off to another hospital.

The shock she she experienced from having the baby early, the speed of it all and to have been completely unprepared stayed with her for a long time (not to mention her baby being taken away without her - she followed in another ambulance). She also felt very cheated and quite angry and couldn't understand why it had happened - nobody had any answers for her (she has just gone on to have a full term, perfectly healthy baby). It took her a while to bond with her baby but that could have also been because she was in SCBU for a couple of weeks.

I think we all underestimated how awful the whole experience was for her and it took her a while to come to terms with it. She never really talked about it though because she is quite stoic so my advie would be to try and talk through your feelings as much as possible.

I know the situtation is a bit different but however you are feeling is legitimate.

Lastly, congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

Although I haven't experienced this (am 7 weeks pg with my first!), this is EXACTLY what happened to my mother with me (I am her eldest). I was born in 2 hours, 5 weeks early (I weighed 5lb 5 and was also fine, bar mild jaundice). My Mum admits that she was in shock for the first 2 weeks but that very quickly wore off and, although the birth itself was a surprise (apparently she kept on repeating "this can't be happening, we're not ready"), she "bonded" with me without problems. My mum went on to have 3 more children, who were born (1) on the due date; (2) 2 days late; and (3) 12 days late respectively.

Enjoy the new baby!

x x

congratulations.

Yes yes yes - I do know what you mean.

My dd (number 2) came very

I arrived in hospital at 2 cm. They told me to go and have a coffee. Stood up and Bang - it all started happening. Within 40 minutes I was pushing and she came out. They just about had enough time to get me onto a bed. I felt very strange - it all happened so quickly that I sort of felt 'cheated' out of the experience. I didn't deliver my daughter - she delivered herself.

I was very frosty with the midwives while all this was happening. I swore at them and generally turned into a fishwife. I'm sure she would have pointed to one of those 'it is not appropriate to abuse our staff' signs if she could have found one. But everyone was thrilled to see a healthy baby.

I felt strange after she was born - it took me some time to compose myself - I think I was in shock. I remember worrying about how this might affect my relationship with her - this weird distance. But flash forward - she is 3 and it hasn't affected me at all.

It is very very common to have a very quick labour - to me it does feel very different to a longer labour where you maybe go at your own pace (which I had with my other children).

It is very common to feel that you didn't have the delivery your thought you might have. Whether it's a water birth, home birth, or caesarean - our babies and our bodies often have differing agendas.

I know exactly what you mean - my first was born in a couple of hours at 36 weeks. The hospital was trying to send me home because I had hours to go, but I'd gone from 1cm dilated to 10cm dilated in about 20 mins and was starting to push. In the waiting room.

I was expecting a buffer zone, a bit of time to get my head around the fact that the baby was arriving, and when it didn't happen I think that it affected my ability to bond with DC1. For the first few days anyway. I was in shock, as daytoday says.

When you have second and subsequent babies you KNOW that you are having a baby. You know the end result. You don't really the first time. You only have the idea of a baby which is very different. (Does that make sense?)

For what its worth, it didn't put me off at all. I had my second 14 months later and I'm currently expecting my 4th. My third had to be evicted at 42 weeks. But they've all been fast thus far (20 mins, the third time).

In short, you have every right to feel the way you do. It's shocking. But I'm so delighted you are both well! Congratulations. You did brilliantly.

Congrats FrozenNorth!!

Yes, quite a shocker.

I went into early labour with my DD, now almost two weeks old. 20:00, I thought I had indigestion - after all, I was only 36 weeks pg.

By 22:00 I was trying to breathe through fast and almost non-stop contractions and like you, realised I was bleeding.

DH hastily improvised a hospital bag and we went in, me assuming it would all be a false alarm.

Nope. I was dilating quickly and when the medics realised my LO was breach, I was packed off for EmCS, DH not allowed in.

DD was born 5lb 1 oz and healthy at 00:15. The total opposite of the natural birth I had envisaged.

For me, the whole experience was surreal - but I've got a beautiful DD out of it. Took a wee while for it to sink in, however!! Like you, preparations only half cock at best.

But I regret the abrupt nature of her entrance into the world and that DH couldn't be there and a host of other things (which have led to BF problems, but that's another story) and this causes me to mourn a little.

Then again, there is so much for which to be thankful and I guess the madness of the sudden birth will soon be a distant memory as the reality of rearing my beautiful newborn takes over.

I send you fellow feelings of unexpectedness!!

Enjoy your DD x

Ds3 was born at 32 weeks by emergency CS. I had started bleedhing too but very profusely, like someone emptying a bottle of wine out of my uterus ( sorry if tmi!) I remember being confused on waking up and being told "You have a little boy" because I didn't realise that it was actually all over and ds3 was in NICU. I don't know if your dd is in SCBU but that can add to the whole feeeling of alienation, ds3 was being looked after by nursing staff while I had been expected to look after ds1 and ds2 myself from the word go. I did feel useless when I went up to see him and that my only function was to express milk for him and he himself wasn't even aware I was doing that, as far as he was concerned, the nice man from the Philippines provided the food!
But I did bond with him in the end and 5 years later he is a joy and I have a secret soft spot for him that I don't have with my other 3 fullterm dc.

oh yes, i know where you're coming from. dd2 was born at 33+6 by c/s, i'd just gone in for a scan that morning and had expected to be back in the house and playing with dd1 on the afternoon when she was born.

it's a big mental readjustment, you don't get any of that time being hugely pg and having people fussing over you, and those last few weeks are so precious, having the baby all to yourself and getting ready to hand her over to the world. i felt a bit cheated, then, frankly, a bit irritated at everyone who told me that i should just be grateful she was healthy. (of course i fookin' was, honestly, what kind of a thing is that to say to someone?!)

i spoke with someone at birth crisis as i really wanted to pack up my feelings and help me move beyond being pregnant to being a new mum, and the woman was great. in half an hour on the phone and a few threads on here, i was much more sanguine about everything and on the same page as the rest of the family. but i did have to mentally ff myself through the rest of my pregnancy to get there.

and, of course, congratulations.

My friend gave birth at 35 weeks (emergency C section) having only started her maternity leave that day and was wheeled into the operating theatre yelling -

"BUT I HAVEN'T READ THIS CHAPTER OF THE BOOK YET!"

She was also shellshocked.

Sympathy and congratulations.