Had sudden, premature birth over weekend and feeling shell shocked

[FrozenNorth]

On Sunday morning I woke up at 8 am with mild backache. I was 35 weeks pregnant. At 8.30 am I got up and realised I was bleeding. The backache got worse. Fearing a placental abruption DH called an ambulance. It arrived at 8.50am. On the way to hospital, the pain intensified. I was pushed into the delivery room at 9.15, where I was told I was both in labour and fully dilated. I pushed DD into the world at 9.29 am. She is healthy and weighs 5lb 8oz.

I feel stunned by how things turned out - I guess it's the kind of birth story you don't hear about but maybe it's more common than I think? I can't understand how or why it happened, or what the risk of it occuring again would be. Has anyone else been through something similar i.e. a completely unexpected precipitously fast labour? I keep looking back trying to find a clue in the preceding days that it was going to happen, because I was clearly dilating prior to the onset of pain, but I just can't find any. I hadn't intended a drug-free delivery and though in retrospect I feel a sense of exhilaration at the sensation of DD being pushed out, I also feel ashamed by how much I cried out and how much the midwives told me to calm down. I had been anticipating this second labour as something reassuringly mundane after my first induced labour, but it felt everything but. I'm so very grateful for the outcome but also, psychologically speaking, rather at sea - nothing was ready, there was no hospital bag packed, DH was not present for the birth ... Anyone else feel oddly alienated from the birth that they ended up having?
At the very least, thank you for letting me type out my feeling here and, if you did, for reading.

frozen i can sympathise although my last labour was totally different.
I had 2 nornal deliveries however my 3rd birth was terribly painful, it took them 5 sweeps, 4 attempts at induction and a scary traumatic 12 hour labour before ds2 was dragged out by EMCS. (there was further drama but not relevant to this thread)

All i can say is that 9 weeks on I am still very traumatised by my experiences, I still cry about it if I think about it and although the flashbacks and nightmares have subsided Im still a bit shell shocked by it all. I also feel guilty because my previous 2 births were such lovely experineces and I feel I have let da2 down in some way by not 'enjoying' his birth and hating my scar so much that I cannot look in the mirror.

My only advice is to just try and get through it day to day at the moment, and try to think about it as little a possible, use relaxtion or breathing exercises if this helps.
Definately ask for a debriefing to go through your notes and you can also ask the questions you need to ask no matter how simple or silly they may seem. I have done this recently with a Consultant who was amazing and have a debriefing with a senior midwife in the hospital tomorrow.
Also maybe speak to you GP if you still feel like this at your post natal, I am awaiting an appointment at a PTSD clinic, there maybe something similar to help you come to terms with the birth if youre still feeling bad in a few weeks.

On a positive note, all births are shocking in one way or another, even when they go well, you may find that in a few weeks you feel much better, or you may need further help, only time will tell

I had DD1 under similar circumstances - 33+4, fast labour (2.5 hrs), and had clearly been dilating for a while before I realised. It's a huge, huge shock and you need to give yourself time to talk about it, and get over it. I think I felt that because I had had a quick birth, I should just get on with things, but only afterwards I realised that it was actually quite a big deal.

How is your DD doing? Is she in SCBU or at home? 5lb 8oz is a fantastic weight for 5 weeks.

FWIW DD2 arrived at 38+2, but even faster (1.5 hrs) so clearly I go in for fast labours.

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!

For 5 weeks?!?!? For 35 weeks clearly!!

I've just replied on your debriefing post, but would add the link to the Birth Trauma Association site here .

As I said over there, my labour was fast, agonisingly painful and I screamed blue murder. Being stuck in the pool was also horrific, as I could not tell whether or not my head was under the water or not unless I had my head over the side and could see the floor. My chin and throat were bruised from banging on the edge, and the final betrayal was one of the midwives peeling my fingers off my safe hold so she could do some monitoring.

Afterwards was surreal, I could hardly concentrate for gibbering, and I was literally terrified of the baby and how much she had hurt me. If she cried I was frightened to pick her up, and really couldn't stand her touching me, so bf was pretty traumatic too.

Needless to say this all developed into PND and PTSD, which took about 3 years to overcome, possibly because it didn't get diagnosed and treated for a long time, until it was a huge problem.

So you have my every sympathy, and with addressing it all immediately, hopefully will be able to heal from it much faster than I managed.

Best of luck with everything.

Congratulations on the safe and early arrival of your perfect little DD. And well done on managing without drugs, you should quite rightly feel very proud of yourself.

I'd echo the ealier advice and see if you can talk over your labour and birth with a MW.

My good friend had her DD three weeks early, she was visiting her parents (two hours from her home) at the time when she went into labour and had to give birth in a hospital she'd never been to before, with no notes etc, no hospital bag with her. She arrived with just a banana! Unfortunately her DH missed the birth too. She was really shocked by it all as well but came to terms with it and went on to have DD2 where DH was present.

Hopefully as time passes the shocked feeling will leave you and you'll enjoy telling the story and feel so pleased that you managed by yourself because you are a strong woman.

Be good to yourself as you heal from the birth and rest as much as you can.

My friend had her baby before Xmas.

She woke up and realised she was in labour and 5 minutes later her father delivered her baby in the living room.

it was her second, she'd gone fast with her first too but had been induced so was in hospital and expecting a baby to appear.

it's not very common but it does happen.

I know you've been though it before as this wasn't your first birth, but as may or may not remember you'll be feeling very vulnerable right now as your milk is coming in and you're experiencing a massive drop in hormones.

Take it easy.

Oh gosh you have brought back some memories.

My first labour was fine, about 8 hours, epidural etc, vaginal birth.

My second, though not premature or late or anything else really, was utterly shocking for me...I started labouring at 6.54am and from then on had Ctx every few minutes...it wasn't as quick as yours but by 10.32am I had my second child.

The pain and the fear was incredible, and I made one hell of a fuss...I really screamed and yelled.

I remember being shocked, and ashamed, and embarrassed, and very very ill at ease with how it had happened. People kept saying 'Oh you should be so proud, not to have had any pain relief' etc etc but frankly I felt terrible. It was a sense of complete violation.

Some people seem to have satisfying births and come to terms with them very quickly...others do find it throws them in a big way.
I'm glad you and your dd are fine, but please, please don't feel you are somehow wrong, or alone, in feeling like this!

Take care xx

Congratulations - Have no experience of a quick birth, except to say, re: crying out - I mooed like a cow and swore like a navvy during DS2s birth. It was just what I needed to do after my failed attempt at yogic calm of DS1s birth.

I had a debrief after DS1s birth (albeit 2 years later), and it was v v useful. Wish I had done it earlier. I can sympathise about the feeling of shock and things just not going as planned.

Although DD was 4 days overdue I can totally relate to the shock of a speedy labour. I had been getting on and off pains for about 3-4 weeks and had even been to the hospital to be monitored a couple of times because I was having strong regular contractions that would be there for 5-6 hours then stop.

When DD finally decided she was ready to come I woke at 6.15am having a huge contraction and she was born at 6.59am. She was delivered by DH on our kitchen floor.

DD is my 2nd DC my first born was DS he was also quick I arrived at hospital at 11.55pm and gave birth at 1.08am but at least I made it to hospital with him.

Congratulations on your lovely baby.

Loads of lovely advice on this thread - just one thing I wanted to add, having had my DC all a little early. I felt and I they still needed the time they were due to have had inside me and found enormous comfort in jst snuggling down in bed with them for a week or two and staying really close. I'd suggest you take to your bed with your DD and stay there until you have come to terms with this rapid experience.

Well big congratulations...but i do understand how you feel. After a very very normal pregnancy with DS my waters broke at 34.5 weeks without warning...and I was induced 5 days later because of infection risk.

It's weird not to have the birth you expect...and especially when everything has been fine. DH was also not present for DS's birth as he managed to get chicken pox which would have been fine for me and DS as I had it so we were both immune but the hospital couldn't allow him in for risks to other mothers

Everyone has an image in their mind of how it will all go...but I have to say that I think I know of only one friend out of many that had the birth she hoped for and expected....everyone else didn't.

Easy to say and I know difficult to do but try to realise that no one really has the birth they expect (well hardly anyone)...

A friend of mine has had all her 3 DSs very quickly - within a matter of a couple of hours each. Her sister is a midwife who has talked to her at length about how very quick labours can be very shocking, both psychologically and physically.

As someone further up said, slower labours can act as a buffer zone between being pregnant and having given birth, so without this you are bound to feel shocked and confused. And 5 weeks early too! I would second the advice to speak to someone about it - my story was completely different but equally shocking to me. I was advised on here to speak about it to a professional, never did and have regretted it ever since. Now pg with DC2, lots of weird emotions are bubbling up and if I'd nipped it in the bud at the time I'm sure it wouldn't be so severe.

But congratulations too! We women are flipping amazing

Congratulations on the arrival of your daughter. Giving birth is never simple!

I had mine a week early, but only because I noticed she had gone a bit quiet in my tum. Within 2 hours of being sent to hospital to be checked out, I was whisked into theatre to have an emergency C section. It was horrific. I had a totally useless anaesthetist and the Consultant had to be sent down to administer the full spinal epidural. Then when she was finally born, I couldn't see her while they were attempting to resussitate her and then finally I got to hold her after DH and everyone else in the room had. She weighed 5lb 2oz. But within 1 hour, when she latched on, she stopped breathing and went blue. It was horrific. She spent 1 month in Neo Natal being sorted out. But is now a wonderful and lively 2 year old.
The thing is, those memories never leave, so do go look at Sheila's 'Birth Crisis' website. Or ger her book, It's very good.
More importantly, take it one day at a time. xxxx

I can really understand the feeling of shock you must have experienced after such a quick unexpected birth.
With DC1,who I somehow expected to be born late,I was mucking out my horses stable until 12.30pm when I was getting some light tummy aches.Went to very nearby hospital at 3pm just to check as I thought I was leaking some drops of water. Was told I was 2cm dilated and to go home,pack a bag,pick up DH and return if I thought necesary. Did as told and can't really remember much after that as baby was born at 5.30pm. Felt completely disconnected from the whole experience.We had all the windows in our house replaced the day before and my main worry was that I hadn't hoovered the house yet.....??!!
Dc2 was even quicker.Woke at 4.30am with light tummy aches,got MIL to come over to look after Dc1,had breakfast and a cuppa.Made our way to hospital where I walked in at 6am had a huge contraction and my waters broke (still fully dressed at this point as just walked in) apologised to midwifes for creating mess,got undressed and midwife said she wanted to check how far dilated I was. I asked for some pain relief but she said no point as she could see the head and it was a matter of 1 more push.Dc2 was born at 6.05am.
Both Dh and me felt it as a huge anti climax almost as we knew this would be our last child and I had felt so much better prepared than the first time and certainly not as scared. Mind you was secretly pleased it was all over and one of my first thoughts was 'Thank God I'll never have to do this again'.Was just happy all went well and Dc where healthy.

Congratulations on your DD! I hope you are doing well, and recovering physically. Is she able to be at home with you or is she in hospital for a bit of care?

Im not surprised you feel shocked by it, I think it would be odd not to given the speed of her arrival. It sounds very scary for you, especially with your DH not being able to be with you for her birth. It sounds a very shocking experience, together with a scary ambulance ride and rush to delivery.

My experience is slightly different but I remember well the shock, and to a certain exent Im still coming to terms with what happened. We have a beautiful baby boy who is doing really well but was born at 31 weeks in an emergency C-section. I had 3 big bleeds from a placenta previa and was monitored in hospital for a week on extreeme bedrest before they decided to go for the C-section because they couldnt stop the final bleed. I was rushed to theatre and my DH wasnt with me until I they started cutting. I was extreemly scared and Im ashamed to say pretty hysterical. Earlier in the day they had been talking about sending me home! Even though I knew I had a serious problem I was extreemly surprised by the speed of the EMC - he was out in less than 40 mins (of course, luckily for the health of both of us).

I think the advice above given about talking to a midwife about your experience is a v good idea. Also try to take things gently and be kind to yourself - expect to be vulerable. I had huge baby blues around day 5/6/7 and couldnt stop crying which was really wierd (but I expect partly shock). Silly to say but try to rest as much as poss and take all those offers of help!

I hope you feel better, and you and your baby go from strength to strength.

ah Frozen, CONGRATULATIONS

how is the baby doing? is she home?

firstly dont underestimate the baby blues and hormones and how this will impact the mood

This may sound weird, but I am a bit envious of your birth, it was fast!!!! I am so scared second time around, and I really would not mind a fast one like that. I am dreading the hours of writhing about.

I totally get the shock and distance you fell. But maybe knowing someone is a teensy bit envious might help put in a different perspective?

Not as quick as yours, but I was working one day, gave birth the next a week or so early after a 2 hour labour, on phone next morning trying to sort out who would take over unfinished work. Very surreal even though it was second baby, but focus on the outcome and think how horrible a long labour could have been. Congratulations !

Congratulations on your new baby! I can totally relate to the 'Anyone else feel oddly alienated from the birth that they ended up having?' Especially with the second birth, I think, you have certain expectations because of how your first birth went. I know I cried for days after DD2's birth last April, because it hadn't been 'right'. But then she's lovely, and very much 'right' in very other respect so I have started to get over it.

Oh FrozenNorth, can totally relate to what you say - there is a such a widely held misconception that fast labours are easy & long slow labours are difficult, but it's not so straightforward at all. What people don't understand is that a wildly increasing pain coupled with fear & terror just totally messes you up psychologically.

After 4 births I've had various speeds, even my first 2 slower ones had continual horrendous pain due to undiagnosed SPD, but mainly I veer towards fast, my last baby being only 25mins of contractions before he arrived. And it was by far the worst labour yet, truely awful. Even 2 years on I feel it was more than I could mentally endure. I cried for about 3 months & kept re-living it all the time, & it definately took me longer to really bond with baby because of it.

Try to ignore/not see the people who tell you how lucky you were speed-wise, and how they've heard subsequent labours are easier - (EASIER?? I completely broke contact with a former friend who said that to me!). I found there was nothing I could do but wait until I managed to blot out the memory in my mental bunker of 'yet-another-traumatic-labour-experience'. Ditto for feeling shame re midwifes comments - I'm still grappling with those, and feel absolute impotent rage and humiliation when I think of things that were said/done to me & way I was treated. Unfortunately knowing their behaviour was utterly uncalled for, callous even, doesn't make you feel any better.

I wish I had more constructive things to say to you to help you through this, but all I can offer is to wait, and let time diminish some of the horror. You could try talking, but I found people understandably glaze over when you're fixated on one topic with tears streaming down your face. Some of the posts suggested on here will help you KNOW you're not alone though, & that lots of us feel like this after similar experiences.

There's a lot of studies about how EVERYONE finds it easier to cope with a pain that increases gradually rather than one that increases rapidly, (think these were the studies that finally put the myth of 'high pain thresholds for some' to bed) & when you add that to the certain knowledge that pain is easier to bear when you're relaxed & feel (even slightly) in control, than when you're tense & terrified - well, it's hardly surprising you feel so shell-shocked, it would be very peculiar if you could just shrug this awfully traumatic experience.

Be as kind to yourself as possible, you're in shock. It's perfectly acceptable to be distraught & unhinged after, say, a sudden car crash, so try to think of yourself in that light (IYKWIM). You've lived through a sudden, deeply shocking, traumatic event where you were in uncontrollable agony whilst others stood by - think that's the official definition of Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.

Love & best wishes, & hope some of this helps.

I really echo the above post, especially the bit about "wildly increasing pain"- this is very hard to cope with and utterly terrifying. I would add to the "try talking" comment- friends are good, if you can find ones that listen rather than one-up you with horror stories or glaze over. A counsellor or even psychotherapist might be the better (or indeed for your sanity, only, option). It took a few years to do, but it was the only way I was going to sort out the aftermath.

Good luck

I'd just like to say a massive THANK YOU for everyone who's posted here. I feel a lot less alone in my experience now and the kindness of your comments really has brought tears to my eyes. Bless you for all the support and empathy you've expressed - it really has made more of a difference than you'll ever know.

Yes I screamed and and no I was not embarresed.

DS1 was born at 35 weeks, he was 6 pounds 14 ounces, so big. He was born in 5 hours, I went from 3-10 cm in 45 mins, I was about to have an epidural and kept being told to sit still but I said "I want to push" and they said no you were only 3cms last time, but I insisted, the looked and there was the head, 2 pushes later and there he was. I was freaking out when I was told I had to push and the midwives were very firm and told me very nicely to get a grip for a safe delivery, it dick the trick, as I concentrated and did what they said.

I was shocked beyond beleif, I was shaking and convulsing afterwards, I could not even hold my new baby as I was still reeling from what had gone on. I felt that it was not really me and my first birth experience as not as it should have been.

All I have taken to hospital was my handbag, my waters had broken and I went straight to the hospital as advised.

I very very ill prepared during the first few weeks, I had lots of family and DH help, but I some how felt that I had let myself down, by being unprepared, and I had caused it some how. It only lat a 2-3 months and I was so delighted with DS1, we definately did not bond straight away, I was coming to terms with it all.

But now DS1 is 8 at the end of April I feel so differently about it now, I feel proud of myself of what I did in such difficult and shocking circumstances. He is (of course) of fabulous son, showing no signs of such and early quick birth, we just watched Up together cuddled on the sofa under a blanket.

DS2 was 3 weeks early and born in 7 hours, 3 - 10 cms in 55 mins, midwife said I had a cervix like a Ferarri! I was prepared this time, bag packed, nursery done and everything, I actually though it was taking a long time! He was 8 pounds 14 ounces, funnily enough he ended up in the special care baby unit for 5 days to low blood sugar.

So I can really understand what you are saying and how you are feeling. It's will make a great story in years to come, both my DS's love to hear about how they were born, DS1 says 'I wanted to come out quick and kiss you Mummy' Now that always makes me weep with joy!

You and I prove the point that you can have a baby without a pefectly packed bag and painted nursery!

Also never let any diminish your birth story, some people have said to me things like 'you got away easy, I was in labour for 40 hours etc etc' No no no no! My consultant who came to see me after said some of the toughest births are the quickest. No please bear that in mind when you a gazing at your new born bundle of joy and feel proud of yourself for what you have acheived.

Where in the frozen north are you? I am in the North West.