Do you/did you have an emotional feeling of needing a vaginal birth to feel happy?

[GhoulsAreLoud]

Apologies to MarineIguana for quoting you directly from another thread.

This isn't a thread about a thread, it's just that this has just been said on another thread and really pins down for me how I feel about vaginal birth and I just wondered how others felt?

For me, I have never, ever felt the desire to have a vaginal birth. I was told quite late on with my DD that she may well be breech, although I was very stressed because the hospital took ages to scan me and I was very late in pregnancy I can honestly say I would have been happy with a c-section and would absolutely not have felt robbed of the experience of vb.

I just wondered how other people feel about this - I'm not talking about the risk levels/health implications/recovery times of vb over cs - rather, did you feel that having a vb would make you feel personally happy and fulfilled?

I did plan a homebirth with minimal intervention but ended up in hospital with a spinal block and forceps (they were concerned I would ultimately need a CS as DD was stuck quite high up).

I must admit to a feeling of huge relief when they told me what they were going to do even though I know (and agree with) all the reasons why unassisted VB is better.

Next time(ha!) I am up for a better run at it (I was even dreaming about it last night, weird!)but if I had to have a CS then I would accept that on the grounds of clear medical need and I wouldn't dwell on it.

Think I need to see someone (maybe pregnancy yoga or hypnobirthing or something)to get over a fear of something that large coming out! I know I had a VB this time but I couldn't feel a thing so I still don't really feel like it happened(although my pelvic floor would say otherwise).

yeah, that's kind of how i feel/felt
i can just about look at and touch my c section scar now but still feel 'violated' by it. the vbacs were v healing. I don't think i needed it to be happy - I am happy day to day in any case - but to think about my children's births, yes I did need a vbac to be able to 'reminisce' about their births.

Good question, OP. Of course, everyone has their own desires and expectations but maybe we should concnetrate more on raising the child rather than how they pop out?

No. I had a homebirth and delivered naturally but if I had been in hospital I'd have taken anything they offered me to get the baby out - including a c-section.

I'd prefer a vb only because a c-section for me would probably mean there was a problem and I'd rather not have a problem.

I had an EMCS with DS1. I remember being really upset on about day 3/4 when the MW visited - feeling I hadn't done enough to deliver myself/hadn't questioned the doctor enough about ''really needing'' an EMCS. The MW went through my notes and explained that because he was a face presentation, there was just no way he would come out by himself, therefore I didn't really have a choice. That made me feel better at the time, and looking back, I do feel a lot of that reaction was based on the NCT view of the world...which really painted CS as a very last resort procedure, and something to be avoided.

I did not especially feel that I had missed out though.

I managed a VBAC with DS2, but my desire for that was more about avoiding serious surgery/prolonged recovery time especially with another DS at home. I don't now feel any more fulfilled having had a VB - but there are other things that are different this time, and I would be curious to know if there is any cause/effect relationship because of the delivery method - BF has been more successful (although not perfect, see my other thread!); I am up and about much sooner, and feel more able to manage things.
But there are of course other variables in the mix, so who knows.
I am waffling now, so time for bed!

one weird thing is that I bonded immediately and strongly with ds1 (c section) but was very distant from ds2 (vbac) for a few weeks after he was born. I kind of thought it might work the other way round if there was going to be any link to emotional bonding etc

I feel more violated by the huge tears from my vaginal tbh.

No.

After my first section (emergency) I realised pretty sharpish that it didn't matter a jot to me. I was truly just happy and relieved to have a healthy baby and to have come through the birth myself reasonably unscathed. I never felt 'cheated' or 'disappointed' or any of the other things people often say they feel. Ione way or another felt like a bit of a fraud, actually, as I felt like other people expected me to be grieving for this mythical natural birth I was cheated out of , when actually I was feeling pretty bloody chuffed it was all over with it and I had a beautiful baby.

I considered a VBAC with no.2 just because I wanted to give my body a chance to do it 'naturally', but in the end I became ill and elected for a c-section.

Second section was fab, and maybe because it was such a lovely experience, I haven't given it a moment's thought since. I suppos eif you have a very traumatic crash section it must be completely different.

Absolutely not. Never. In fact I have the 'Meatloaf' view of natural childbirth - I'll do anything for love, but I won't do THAT.

No doubt someone will come along to tell me I have deep psychological traumas but I am entirely happy to have had two sections.

my first birth was an em c.s that triggered a really awful few years of hideous PND

for me, a lot of it was tied to feeling i had failed and that my baby had been surgically removed from me, i did not feel involved in his birth and i found it really distressing

that was my expereince, and i know a lot of women find C.s really postiive

i needed a VBAC or at least to try for a VBAC to prove to myself i could do it and i really wanted to experience giving birth. being involved in the process and being the first to hold and touch my baby and not have a washed , dressed baby handed to me like with DS.

it was a deeply emotional and personal thing for me, and yes I needed it, and i did it, and it changed my life

however, i know it is not the same for everyone and it is such a personal thing

but i knew if i did not try for a VBAC i would alwyas wonder

With my DD I wanted to try for a VB, there were worries that she was breech and I was told that I might possibly end up with a CS, and I was surprised to find that I was happy with the idea as I just focused on the end result.

As it turned out, she wasn't breech and I did have a VB. A long second stage, failed ventouse and then forceps left me with a fourth degree tear. Fortunately, I've had no problems from the tear so far - but know I may have later in life.

I'm pregnant again and am being advised to have an Elective CS. I feel a bit sad but am trying to be practical about it. Perhaps the fact that I've had a VB makes it easier for me. It's a very personal thing.

I'm a bit of a control freak, and I take a lot of things to heart, and in my head birth is done vaginally and so I think I would have a huge sense of failure if I had a CS because that is my personality. On top of that I had a rough time with DS which has made vaginal delivery even more important to me.

I had 43 hours of labour, with 24 hours of contractions 1 min long every 2 mins which clearly had minimal impact. Consequently I had an epidural at some point due to complete exhaustion rather than pain per se but this didn't work - I still had considerable pain on my left side but couldn't move as the epi did all sorts of weird things to my heart rate so I was effectively fainting and getting icy cold every time they topped it up which was often because of the limited pain relief I was getting from it. DS was in some distress so was on continual monitoring and they could only monitor him in a position that was incredibly uncomfortable for me. In addition they were treating me with IV antibiotics because of worries over an infection. Doctors kept coming and muttering to midwives about a CS but the midwives kept them at bay for a while. It came to delivery and the doctors agreed to give me 1 hour to get him out before I would be taken for CS. I delivered him naturally without any assistance in 52 mins (I had a clock opposite me so could see the countdown!) And then I had a huge hemmorhage, lost 1.5l of blood and was on HDU overnight.

The only thing that went right in my labour was the vaginal delivery. In the midst of all that chaos it was a wonderful thing and an amazing moment to have my DH encouraging me so much, seeing his face as he saw his son being born, and feeling like I had complete control of the situation and was able to actively give birth. I think it is the only thing that has prevented me from being traumatised about the rest of my labour. I can happily witter on about what is a pretty horrid labour story purely because I had that one thing that went so deliciously right.

All being well, I'm due DC2 in Sept. Because the vaginal delivery was the only thing that redeemed the experience for me with DS, I'm now even more worried than with DS that if I don't have a vaginal delivery then the whole birth will be ruined for me. So yes I do think now it is fundamental to how I'll feel about the birth.

My DD3 and DD4 are twins. When I tell people one was born vaginally and one by section, they often say 'Going all through labour just to have an operation anyway - I bet you wish you'd just had the section at the start' - but I don't. It was an easy labour and I am glad to have given birth to DD3, though I don't have any regrets about DD4 either - she was transverse, she wouldn't turn, she could not exit sideways. I am happy about the whole thing.

DD5 was a VBAC. I wasn't too upset at the idea she might be another section, but of course I'm glad it wasn't necessary in the end.

DD4 was born under general anaesthetic so the difference between her and the vaginal births was much greater, I suppose, than for example a vaginal birth under epidural and a section under epidural? Do you still get the rush of relief and wellbeing afterwards with an epidural? The lack of that feeling is my only regret about DD4 (instead I was woozy and out of it until the next day).

I had a cx with my dd. I was deadset on a vb. There was nothing 'complicated' about my cx and I healed well physically. It was an elective of sorts as I had high blood pressure and I was awake during the op.

However I contine to have recurring unpleasant thoughts about my cx for months afterwards- they still havent gone away. I felt violated and humiliated and ashamed.

I was really looking forward to a vb and I was convinced of my bodys ability to do it. I feel as if I have let myself down. Everytime I talk or write about it - I start crying-as I am now.

I am now 37 weeks pregnant and desperate for a VBAC-who knows

Evan as a small child I was intrigued by stories of labour and birth and I remember being disappointed that my mum had a planned c section so no exciting story of going into labour etc. Even before I got pregnant I loved watching birth programmes on TV and reading birth stories. I couldn't wait to have my own labour "story".

With DD1 I was induced and had a long hard labour with forceps followed by a massive bleed and blood transfusions. I knew I did not want that to be my story and so despite the offer declind a c-section for DD2. I remember being so shocked when my second labour started and it really hurt! I realised I had convinced myself the horror of my first birth was all down to the induction. However my second birth was much easier and I felt I had my story.

I am rambling a bit but basically I did feel the need to have a vaginal birth but IMO that feeling is no more valid than a feeling that you want an elective c. Everyone shld be enabled to have whatever birth they want once all the information they need has been presented.

victoria, are you getting any supoport from your MW.. do you have a doula? have you had any help re VBAC, i know oyu posted a while ago about your hospital's policy.. but have you had any practical help/ support?

No Lulu, I can't afford a Doula. The help I have has come from here and the rest of the internet (lol). Quite a few mw's on the team are supportive (I see a different one everytime) not sure what to say to them really. I don't really want to make a tit of myself in public

Like others on here I have had v different labour/delivery experiences:

DS1 induced at 42+1, ARM, epidural, synto

DS2 emCS under spinal at 31+3 due to placenta praevia and partial abruption

DS3 VBAC at 41+5

Currently 35+ weeks with DS4. I am hoping for another VBAC (simply for the quicker recovery time as I have to go home to 3 monsters DSs), but as I did not find my previous CS terribly traumatic,I hope I would be happy with any mode of delivery as long as babe and I were well afterwards.

I have fond memories of all my deliveries, I think mainly because I felt I knew what was going on, why it was happening and I felt really well looked after by people I trusted.
IME, 'talking' to people on here and in RL so very much rides on how women are being communicated with, how much they know and what their expectations are.

No, I can honestly say it has never ever been an issue.

I have had 2 emergency c-sections and was just relived we all made it in one piece.

I love my babies but now they are all at school can also honestly say I am so glad the small stage is all over and I never have to walk down that aisle of the supermarket again.

trainee doulas can well be free or expenses only, many also offer a sliding scale of fees

i do birth prep sessions for women and couples who don't use me as a birth doula, but watn some extra support/planning for the birth

don';t worry about making a tit of yourself! it is far more important you get to grips with your last birth and with this one and get the hlep you need xxx

No. As someone else said it was all going very naturally with no pain relief and much moo-ing until the em cs. I was determined to have a no fuss birth, partly because I don't like hospitals and wanted to get home, but in the end I had a fairly ok, baby saving em cs with ds and a very civilised planned cs with dd.

Sometimes I do wonder why I'm not bothered by not having a vb, but there's not an ounce of regret or 'what if's' after having cs's. We were all ok, and that's all that matters.

Yes, but I cannot justify it.

I also felt as though I had seriously 'cheated' by having an epidural in my first labour.

It's completely irrational because I was comparing my 'cheating' birth to everyone else's 'proper' births, which included all kinds of interventions, sections, everything...yet somehow they had all done it better than I had.

This is obv a deep seated insecurity in my own psyche...possibly from growing up as the youngest in a family and always being seen as the child, I didn't think I was 'allowed' to do something grown up like giving birth, and anything that made it less hardcore if you like was always going to chip away at my sense of accomplishment.

Saying that having a birth without epidural was really shitty and I will take everything offered next time thankyou!!!

I had an em cs after 20 hours of labour, and because I was kept fully informed at all times it was as positive as it could have been given that it was fairly traumatic. I am glad that I experienced labour and started on my own (not long before planned induction!) and am not too bothered by it, but I do have the occasional pang where I feel that I haven't actually 'given birth' (JMO - and weirdly enough I would truly never think this about anyone else who had had a cs!)
In fact, given that my body built and carried the baby for 9 months, then continued the hard work for years afterwards, the birth is such a small - timewise - part of this that a cs really is not a sign of failure. But this pang exists for me, especially when I think that I was not the first or even second/third person to hold my dd.
I would go for a vbac next time, but what matters most is the safety of us both. 100 years ago neither dd nor I would have made it; we are so fortunate to have the technology. Still that pang though....!