Do you/did you have an emotional feeling of needing a vaginal birth to feel happy?

[GhoulsAreLoud]

Apologies to MarineIguana for quoting you directly from another thread.

This isn't a thread about a thread, it's just that this has just been said on another thread and really pins down for me how I feel about vaginal birth and I just wondered how others felt?

For me, I have never, ever felt the desire to have a vaginal birth. I was told quite late on with my DD that she may well be breech, although I was very stressed because the hospital took ages to scan me and I was very late in pregnancy I can honestly say I would have been happy with a c-section and would absolutely not have felt robbed of the experience of vb.

I just wondered how other people feel about this - I'm not talking about the risk levels/health implications/recovery times of vb over cs - rather, did you feel that having a vb would make you feel personally happy and fulfilled?

It's weird. I can remember during the pregnancy being so sure I would have a vaginal birth, and thinking a CS was something that was 'bad' and should be avoided if at all possible.

Then I had 30 hours of labour, DS turning back to back and in distress, had all the pain relief on offer, and frankly didn't care what they did to get him out.

Out of my NCT friends, I actually recovered the more easily and quickly than a lot of those who had vaginal births. One woman was so traumatised she said she will insist on a CS if she ever has a baby again.

So I guess initially I thought I'd feel somehow 'cheated' if I didn't have a VB, but turned out absolutely not to be the case.

Didn't make any difference to me tbh. Had one vaginal birth and one caesarian. Didn't feel cheated with caesarian and didn't feel specially elated about having had a vaginal. Just not that big a deal for me. Felt good about the babies though

no not in the slightest. which is a good job really since i've never got pg again after cs.

no

I wanted one thing at the end and that was the baby OUT. I didn't care how.

Apparently I said at one stage (to the poor midwife) 'I don't care if you slice me from ear to ear, just get her out now'

I did end up with 2 vaginal births but I really wouldn't have minded how they came out

I used to think like that. REALLY wanted to avoid a CS, wanted to do it 'properly'

With DS I had a vaginal birth, straightforward, just TENS and G&A but ended up with an MROP.

If we have another child I'm much less worried about a 'natural' birth. According to my friends i had a 'perfect' birth. They have no idea how traumatic an MROP is. Epidural after delivery is pretty bloody awful as well.

Sorry.. I'm blabbering on here..
What I'm trying to say is that I was so worried about having a perfect birth, and in some ways I did, but still ended up with full epi, obs ward, horrible MW saying 'well I guess your NCT birth plan went out the window then'

I had an emerg cs with ds1 and a vb with ds2.

I totally felt that I 'needed' to have a vb as I was sure I was capable of it. I guess it's almost like a rite of passage.

I have nothing against c sections, in fact I have had an emergency one. It was necessary and I'm glad I had it.

But i didn't feel I had given birth as I had to my other child. I felt empty. To be honest it still creeps in to my mind 3 years after, that I was robbed of the birth experience. It still makes me emotional.

This is my own experience and view and in no way am I questioning others feelings or experiences.

Yes i did. I was happy to do whatever was the right thing for both babies, and would not have felt bad about having a CS, if that was what was needed, i would not have felt robbed. But, i would not 'choose' a CS if the option was available, i definitely felt i needed to have a VB if that was what my body wanted to do. If that makes sense?

Have come to see your thread ghouls!

For me I think I have felt this at certain times in the past but I think that's because of being a perfectionist and thinking I have to do everything brilliantly. But I've come to accept that physically and emotionally, I don't think vaginal birth is something I can really cope with well at all, and when I think about not having to attempt it, I feel relieved.

I had an emergency CS first time round, and I did not feel robbed of the experience of giving birth. What I felt robbed of what my dignity in the way the hospital treated me, and most importantly I felt robbed of the first 3 days of my daughter's life due to a catalogue of fock-ups by the hospital that led to me being in high dependency tied to the bed by my catheter tube (whoops, there goes my dignity again!) and daughter being in SCBU in a different building. The next few months were trickier than they should have been too, due to the length of the healing process.

Next time round I have already told my midwife that I want a VBAC, but am not so hung up on the idea that I want to get into the situation I did last time and be unable to take part in my child's birth, however they come out. I feel that a VBAC will give me a better chance of being able to take part in the beginning of my next child's life. However, if it becomes clear over the next few months that an elective CS offers a better option I will not feel that I have failed as a woman.

The single most important thing is that child and I are safe, well and together.

Well with dd I was very fearful of a vb, her being my first. As it was it ended in an emcs anyway. Although I am glad I got to experience labour and contractions.

I had elcs with both her brothers, I must admit I chickened out of VBAC although I did hold a slight hope of going into labour before the date with each.

With Ds1 I chickened out because he had a massive head and polyhydramnious, plus turned out to be 9lb10oz at 38 weeks. Obviously was never even offered vbac with ds2 although his head was much smaller, but was showing as a monster baby on scans (didn't happen).

I would have liked to experience a vb, but it didn't happen. Who the fuck cares now tbh I have 3 lovely children and their birth matters less.

I mean really, I didn't squeeze the feckers through my birth canal. I still made them and love them. Who cares, plus I do still have a pelvic floor, no matter how dodgy

not as such... if a cs was needed i could have accepted it but i did have a very strong need for a birth that was as natural as possible... no drugs, no g&a, not intervention if at all possible.

the thought of being out of it on pain relief during birth actually horrifies me.

that being said i was seconds from a crash cs with dd (trapped cord, oxygen deprived)and would have accepted that if it had been necessary but i think it was partly the fact that i was lucid and fully in control of my body that enabled me to dig deep and expel her in record time (in fact faster than the surgeon was able to run to the delivery room!)

if i hadn't managed it it was important to me to know i had tried my hardest to do it naturally.

the same visceral need for a natural birth was with me with both ds' too and i'm extremely lucky that despite none of the three of them being a completely straightfoward birth that i was able to fulfill that urge every time

I was having a very natural birth right up until the section - no drugs for pain relief, just meditation, TENS and massage. Ironically, if I had had an epidural, I would not have had the spinal, which might have meant might anaesthetic wore of part way through my 2 hours caesarean surgery!

I will still opt not to have drugs next time though, unless something goes very wrong.

No

I had a nice "normal" vaginal birth but don't think i would have felt robbed if i had had to have a c-section. Only thing is I can't have an epidural due to procedure on my back as a child so would if i had had to have an emergency c-section i would have needed a general so really didn't want that to happen.

My thought on this is that I would like to try for a VBAC next time round purely because I have been envious of seeing friends up and about a day or two after their VB. Unlike after my CS, even though I had no complications and healed well, it's still those first few weeks of having to taske it slowly that are tricky.

I'm eternally grateful that I ended up having a CS rather than a botched instrumental delivery though. I've seen an alarming proportion of friends with ongoing probs due to 3rd degree tears etc. and I do feel the CS (after 3 days of attempted induction and an 10lb 14oz baby) "spared" me that fate.

I have a huge lean towards natural vb. My first was very premature (died shortly after birth) but I did deliver him naturally with no drugs. Even though he died, part of me actually enjoyed the labour and contractions and the "primal" nature of it all.

With this one I'm in an "enforced CS" situation. They have been unable to remove my cervical stitch so there's no way out but through my abdomen!

As I lost the first one, I'm mostly just pleased to be having a baby and to not have had premature labour BUT I was booked for a home birth, had been to yoga birth rehearsals, the lot, so this turn of events is unexpected and disappointing.

I have to decide within a couple of months of this birth what to do next time and even though my consultant is keen for me to leave the stitch in place for another pregnancy and have another CS, I am sorely tempted to have it removed so I get another shot at vb. I'm not going to make that decision though until I've experienced this CS and recovery as there are strong reasons for leaving the stitch in place.

I actually have a sneaky sense of relief that I did not have to push a baby out of my vagina.

I had an emergency CS with my first baby, and a necessary planned section with my second. With my second pg I had embarked upon hypnobirthing classes in order to have the natural birth I told myself I wanted. When I found out that I couldn't go down this route I felt relieved inside.

I've had two CSs - first an emergency, second elective

I was nervous of trying for a VBAC this time, but when it looked like DD2 was transverse and I would need an elcs I was really disappointed. In the end she righted her position but I still didn't go into labour and I opted for an elcs rather than an induction.

I don't think it's quite right to say I have a feeling of "needing a vaginal birth to be happy" but if I have a third baby (and I would like to and intend to if possible) I will be hoping for a VBA2C and a spontaneous start to labour. I do wonder if my body just won't ever go into labour on its own.

When I read birth stories from women who have had successful VBs they really sound amazing to me:

stuff like this from Tulips:

"i think it was partly the fact that i was lucid and fully in control of my body that enabled me to dig deep and expel her in record time (in fact faster than the surgeon was able to run to the delivery room!"

Wow! It must feel really great to feel so strong and powerful and to have physically brought your baby into the world using your own body. The feelings of elation people describe are something I would love to experience.

I don't need it to be happy. I have two beautiful daughters and I'm very happy and feel blessed. It's far from the most important thing in the world and I totally agree that the only outcome that really matters is a healthy mum and baby

After my section I feel weak and compromised, because essentially I am - my abdomen has been sliced open and that takes healing and time to right itself. It's not a massive deal, but I wish I didn't have to go through it.

first time round I had em/cs and I spent a long long time after still feeling like I was waiting to give birth and I hadn't actually had a baby.
2 time around, had planned cs and thought bring it on! there was no way I wanted to push one out!

I have no need to experience a vb - in fact I find the thought horrific. Quite happy with cs thanks!

I has an emcs with 1st with Ga. So I just felt robbed of being awake for the birth. For my 2nd birth I just wanted to be awake. I decided on VBAC but ended up with another section. However, this time I was awake. If i had another child I would definately have a planned section.

I didn't want a CS because of the risks to future fertility and increased risk of health complications with future pregnancies. Although it is heartening to hear about all these lovely CS with no problems, statistically CS are still more dangerous to your health than VB.

I was glad that I had a VB, but if I'd needed a CS it would've been fine. If you need one (for whatever reason, emotional or physical) then you should have one IMO.

Since DD's birth and hearing other mother's stories about the births of their children, I think that often VB that go wrong can be really brutal, especially compared with a calmly planned and straightforward elective CS.