Choosing a c section after a difficult birth wwyd?

[girlsyearapart]

Hi everyone

My friend is nearly 12 weeks pg with dc2.

Her first dc is 2.2.

The birth was difficult, induced way too late so placenta disintegrating, failed ventouse, forceps delivery and lots of stitches.

She wants to have a c section this time but I can't help thinking that this isn't the easy option she reckons it will be?

I can totally understand why she wants one but aren't c sections hard to recover from?

Her dd is a v lively girl and also hates to let her Mum cuddle any other children. If she has a cs won't it be hard to pick up a nearly 3 yo whose nose will probably be a bit out of joint with the new arrival.

Just want to make sure she has all the facts so any advice?

Have never had a c section myself so my perception of the recovery could be completely wrong. Although from what I have heard I would avoid unless totally necessary.

Just read about driving, I have had a number of sections and have never been able to safely drive for at least two weeks. You have to be able to do an emergency stop which does require a lot of strength...

I couldn't have picked up a toddler after my forceps delivery, btw.

Had an em cs first time. Recovery wasn't great - probably painkillers at least at night for best part of 4 weeks, but everybody a little more sympathetic & understanding so not too dreadful.

Second time round had pretty traumatic ventouse. Recovery just as long - maybe not painkillers, but so many more issues to deal with. Also, since perceived as more active, expected to cope better.

Next time - definitely elective cs!

As for c-section, planned sections of which I have had two are not so bad recovery wise. Within a week she'll feel loads better and six months is a long time for her dd to alter in her needs. I think if she's truly fearful of CB she's more likely to have a section anyway.

PS I had sex after three weeks of 3 out of four of my sections!!

And sorry, you do sound like you're trying to lecture her.

C-sections are wrong, unless for medical reasons - that's your stance and that's why you're trying to change her mind.

'I don't want to pressurise at all just want to see that she realises that it's not the easy option she's imagining.

Wanted to hear from people like you who have had cs as I've never had one.'

You said it yourself, you haven't had one so you don't know. I have had two. First em/c necessary to save life of baby and me. Second planned because of acute long lasting trauma of first.
Wouldn't have had it any other way. Healthy baby, little stress, brilliant recovery.
I think you should step back and support HER decision. That is me being very, very polite.

I had a horrific birth with DD1, then a planned section with DD2, and I honestly feel that DD2's birth "healed" my trauma. I am so glad I went for a section in the end.

16 days later, I am not taking any painkillers, my scar is just a bit stingy, and I COULD lift DD1, I just have to try not to so I heal better. I had the baby at 11.26 on the monday, I was home by 3pm on the wednesday. Most of the pain I had was from the remains of SPD.

It is not an easy option, and lots could go wrong. However, after a traumatic birth, (which ended in an emergency section anyway, with loads of problems) I felt happier with the "controlled" nature of a section. Your friend could be the same.

i found my recovery from a C-section a piece of cake compared with my forceps delivery. I honestly couldn't walk for 6 weeks and i was on pain killers for months.

Your friend needs to have a chat with her MW and go through all the options.

PS sex was also resumed within two weeks of both of my sections - that is a benefit of only having stitches in your belly!

I can totally understand where your friend is coming from with regards to her thoughts about the birth of her next child. I had a very difficult, long, badly managed (according to my current midwife) labour and have never got over the emotional effects of it. I am now pg again due in April and my fear is so bad that I am now seeing a counsellor to get over it. Anyway, I ended up having a c-s which I have to say out of everything else that happened to me, was straight forward, not frightening and the recovery was fine. Yes it hurts afterwards of course, and moving is restricted but it's fine if you take your time and manage your pain properly.

With this pg I am having an elective. Not because it is the easy option, but because it gives me certainty that I will not be treated so badly again. I feel as though I can't trust those looking after me to not allow things to go wrong again - perhaps your friend feels the same? The c-s will be hard, but it may help her to enjoy her pregnancy and not suffer any stress if she can think about a well managed, relaxed birth as the outcome rather than remembering the frightening experience first time round and thinking that the same may happen to her again?

I hope that makes sense, I don't think I've explained it very well. She does need to consider the impact on her dd, but also if she's worried, frightened and stressed throughout this pregnancy because of the last birth then perhaps the c-s is the best solution for her, her dd and the new baby.

The best thing you can do as her friend is just to help her access the information and support that she needs and perhaps encourage her to speak to the consultant midwife at the hospital who may be able to arrange extra support for her/somebody to talk to .

Hope that helps

Not read all the posts OP but I had a failed induction that ended up in an emergency cs. I was in significant pain for at least 2 weeks post-op and was in noticeable discomfort for around 16 weeks. I absolutely couldn't drive for at least 6 weeks - physically, I wasn't up to it. I couldn't even take the baby out in her pram on my own for 5 weeks, as it caused too much pain to lift the front or back end of the buggy to negotiate steps/kerbs. As for having sex - ha!

So based on my experience, I don't think a cs is an easy option.

However, if there isn't a medical reason for a particular type of delivery, none of us can know what the best thing to do will be. We have to make an educuated guess based on the information we have available and our own feelings. As long as your friend really considers the potential outcomes for each type of delivery, all you can do is support her decision.

Thanks everyone.

I spoke to her again today. She has a consultant apt at about 16 wks and will be told then whether she can choose a cs.

She says she will feel a lot better knowing she can have a section and is feeling sick at the prospect of a vaginal birth.

It doesn't help that she has the same midwife as last time- the one you see throughout not the birth one. It was the midwife's fault that she was induced so late. I know how she feels I had the same midwife with dd2 and she is awful!

Maybe better if she does have a cs but still isn't what I'd choose. I just hope she'll think about it carefully.

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that I absolutely loved my c-section (it was elective, not emergency) and I definitely did think it was the easy option!

First day afterwards was painful (but always completely manageable with painkillers) was a bit shaky for a few more days afterwards but as long as she has help she will be fine.

May not be easy compared to an easy labour but definitely preferable to a tricky labour.

And while the sex thing isn't quite right - isn't everyone too knackered to have sex with a new baby? - from personal experience, those with c-sections do tend to start having sex earlier than those who have a natural birth - unless natural birth totally straightforward, no tears etc.

I'm afraid to say I do think the 'it's a major operation' line is a bit meaningless and often trotted out by the NHS to save money. Yes, it is surgery, and she needs to be aware of the risks but a difficult and complicated labour is far, far more traumatic - and often riskier.

Gya why are you sooooo concerned with how she gives birth. She will discuss the pros and cons with the consultant and presumably do some further research before making a final decision.
You sound v judgey and not a very supportive friend tbh

I had a horrible, horrible experience with ds1's birth. With ds2 I opted for a scheduled section. It was lovely. Bfing, not a problem, picking up 3 1/2 year old ds1 not a problem after the first 2 or 3 weeks. Recovery was very quick and easy and I bonded SO much better with ds2 since I was not traumatized from the birth unlike the first time around. I even wheeled ds1 down to get his picture made in the hosptal photo studio when he was 3 days old all by myself

"Maybe better if she does have a cs but still isn't what I'd choose."

With the greatest of respect, it doesn't matter in the slightest what you'd choose.

Are you like this with all your friends when they have to make personal decisions?

Hmmm difficult.

I had a very difficult first birth - I was induced at 36 weeks due to bleeding, labour was long, hard, frightening and extremely painful. DD had to be resuscitated and I had a PPH.

When I (unexpectedly) discovered I was preganant with DS1 I was terrified. Desperately wanted CS. Moved house (and therefore HA) just before birth and ended up having early labour. Best thing that happened to me. Most wonderful birth experience: long but controlled and exorcised my demons.

however if anyone had suggested I try that before I'd done it I'd have told them to fuck right off. sometimes you just have to let people do their own thing.

Just read rest of the replies: 3 natural deliveries and sex withing the fortnight each time

Although after first delivery it was purely to prove to myself that I still could - I actually felt like my fanjo had been buldozed and then steamrollered. But I did need to know!

After second and third deliveries twas rather enjoyable!

I chose a c-section for DS2 after an absolutely horrendous birth with DS1. C-section was marvellous. Was up and about the next day dressed and showered, then home within 48 hours. I didn't do any heavy lifting or anything for a couple of weeks, although I was able to lift DS1 (2.6) on to my lap or on to the toilet very shortly afterwards. Driving not a problem - my insurance company have no restrictions.

Recovery has been very quick and easy, I have been able to bond with DS2 and take care of him myself in a way I couldn't with DS1. Scar is now just a pink line 4 weeks later.

Don't judge your friend or try to change her mind. The risks of a CS will be fully explained to her to enable her to make an informed decision.

If I wanted abuse I'd have posted in AIBU!

She asked me what I would do. And what I thought she should do. So I told her.

I'm NOT judging her at all, I am supporting her, she was obviously traumatised by the whole thing first time around but I don't think she has thought it through.

If she gets to speak to a good consultant then that will be what she needs but her midwife is a shocker.

By the way we had sex 2 weeks after each birth so it probably depends on the individual experience rather than cs v vaginal birth.

I did say I have not had a cs and would be truly petrified to have one but some of the people on here who posted rational answers have shown me they're not as bad as I'm imagining.

i had an elective cs with dd1. it was fine.

i had vbac1 (back to back, blardy hours, horrifically painful intervention whilst they tried internal rotation, eventual natural delivery but consultant was within minutes of prepping me for surgery) ds1 was fine but i wasn't fit to be discharged for a week due to mangled undercarriage.

then vbac2 (reasonably straightforwardish labour - but lack of monitoring meant that no-one noticed dd2 was being starved of oxygen until her head crowned cold - she spent 5 weeks in scbu and has a lifetime of cerebral palsy to deal with)

i now have a 'give this woman a c-section if she is stupid enough to find herself with a bun in the oven again' letter from the ob-gyn cons, which i fully intend to use should dh's vasectomy fail.

having had nothing to compare it to, i was a bit 'meh' about a c-section, and keen to give vbac a try. having had 2 vbacs, i'm darn sure i don't fancy it going through another one.

that said - it's entirely personal choice, and anyone attempting to convince me otherwise may as well bang their head against a brick wall. the flashbacks i get from my vbacs at 6 and 8 years distance are quite enough to keep me going along with. our viewpoints are coloured largely by our own experiences. you can't walk in another woman's shoes lol.

I had an emergency c-section and it was a piece of cake compared to what some women I know have gone through having vaginal births.

I was 40+12 and went for induction. I laboured for 25hrs - apparently I was 1cm dilated when I was induced, I had never felt so much as a branxton hix let alone a contraction prior to induction. As soon as they induced I began contracting every other minute, each contraction lasted a minute - for 25hrs. They didn't believe the pain I was in and therefor wouldn't provide me with pain relief as I was dilating so slowly. By the time I was throwing up green bile with each contraction they offered me an epidrual (about 16hrs in) but I had to wait several hours for the anaesthitist.

Baby was in and out of distress and despite being 9cms dilated it was decided that c-section was best option as he was lying with his spine to mine and his head felt badly positioned (according to midwife). After all that agony and waiting they whipped me in, spinal blocked things up and popped the little fella out. His forehead/face was engaged instead of the back of his head and his neck was all bent up like a swans so god only know what would have happened if I had pursued a vaginal birth.

I had the c-section at 0130am and by 0700am I was up and about shuffling around the ward cuddling my beautiful baby. I discharged msyelf two days later and the day after I came home I went for a 2mile walk with baby in pram. I certainly had to walk more slowly and with smaller steps than I usually wwould but a week later I felt back to normal. I followed the advice about lifting, driving and excercising and never looked back. I will be insisting in an elective c-section for all future children.

A friend of mine gave birth a month later, she had similar complications but pursued a vaginal birth. She had to have forceps, episitomy and a bllod transfusion the next day. SHe is still traumatised now. I on the other hand only shudder when I think of the 25hrs of labour and I feel very positive about the c-section

I had an EMCS and compared to the preceeding labour it was a dream.

Walking around the next day, home 48 hours later, being told to stop busying about and leaping up to greet visitors so much on day 3

Sex after 3wks

Stitches healed fine, pain ok with painkillers (only used a quarter of them up) and all in all I felt back to normal within weeks. Just had to stop myself from doing too much because I expected to feel terrible from all the CS scare stories. I have friends who had VB who said they didn't feel back to normal 6 mo after the birth

There will be those with great CS and VB and those with awful. Its unpredictable either way. but I do believe that you have a better chance if you get the birth you want be it VB, water birth, CS whatever. (I wanted CS beforehand but was turned down).

You could be writting about me!!!

my dd birth was horrid waters broke at 5:30am Wed didn't have dd till just after midnight on Sat!

I ended up in theatre for the birth (I didnt know that having ventouse (failed twice) and then successful forceps was normally done in the delivery room! I was prep'd for a section and in theatre incase...

I'd had 2 shots of pethadine, failed epidural and a spinal block!

I had an espotimy (SP)and the placenta broke away so that had to "scrapped out!" that took a good few weeks to recover from along with painful stitches...

Before being pregnant this time I was determined I was going to have an elective section, especially after reading up on the dangers of ventouse/forceps....

However once I got pregnant (currently 18 weeks) i've changed my mind, I am petrified of going through the same again, but have been reading up on hypnobirthing and have a good supportive midwife (for what it is worth your friend can request a different midwife). I had a SUV previous pregnancy so was referred to consultant at 16weeks and because of "traumatic" birth experience....

I didn't ask for a section but was offered a planned one if I want, I have declined for the time being but have to go back at 36 weeks with my final decision....

the things for me are driving (my mum lives 3hrs away) and having a nearly 3yr when baby arrives...

For your friend if you want to help why don't you suggest she looks at hypno birthing.....

My consultant put on my notes not keep on section....however I think my birthing plan will say no instrumental birth if intervention is needed then I want to go for a section, I've spent a long time reading the pros and cons various birth stories, everyone who has had a planned section has said its a positive experience!

I'm scared and that actually makes labour pains worse, my dd was back to back but they didn't realise that until she was crowning! at least that explains the pain I was in....

Everyones experience is different, I'm stil swaying each way....