Michel Odent 'Birth is no place for a Father'?

[joyfull]

Hi everyone,

Have you seen this?

www.rcm.org.uk/college/media-centre/press-releases/fatherhood-debate-birth-is-no-place-for-a-father/

I'm curious to hear people's thoughts/experiences... I'll be hearing him speak in Bristol soon. Not 100% sure I'll agree with everything he has to say, but it sounds really interesting.

I heard him on radio 4.

He is talking crap.

Dh wanted to be with me when I was giving birth to our children and I wouldn't have wanted to do it alone.

He didn't make me inhibited, he was a huge support and I couldn't have done it without him.

I would have hated anyone to be with me during the birth - I definitely didn't want DP there!

Michel Odent, for example, is a twat.
He really winds me up.

I think that you need to hear everything he has to say before you dismiss him out of hand. I think it needs saying that it isn't inevitable that the father needs to be present. Some fathers don't want to be there. Some mothers don't want them. Sometimes someone else is a better birth companion. He is only saying that in his (fairly wide experience) fathers contribute little.

I did 90% of my third birth without DH. I didn't miss him. I concentrated on me and the baby.

I had dp at dd's birth and wish I hadnt.

He was useless and I hate the thought of what he saw. He will not be there for dc2's birth in January.

On the other hand, friends have had their dh's with them and found it a great experience - Both them and dh. Its very much up to the individual.

My husband was pretty useless at my first son's birth - but that's fair enough. I didn't have a clue what was going on either and God knows there wasn't a midwife around to patronise me ask.

He has got progressively better through the past two births and I am expecting an Olympic performance from him this time round.

I've always wanted him there, helpful or not, because we're in this together. His feelings are a little more mixed, I would say.

I see my strike out didn't work. Bah!

Also on this thread

I think it's important there's a voice for those Dads who don't want to be there...

"The presence of men during their partner's labour produce adrenaline, which makes the woman tense and slows her production of the hormone oxytocin, which is vital for birth,"

But you could argue that about irritating midwives and obstetricians. How much choice are women offered about anybody attending at the birth? Not much considering how badly funded and staffed maternity services are at the moment.

Very fair point TheCrackFox - the NCT are campaigning on this at the moment. I think it's a shame that these issues aren't taken more seriously - it become a real issue when you're pregnant and in the situation, but it seems that when people aren't it's not considered.

I'm a member of a local feminist group and the subject doesn't seem to be of interest... I cannot understand why (although I'm not young and single anymore!)

I heard him briefly on the radio yesterday.

The point I found interesting was that related to the primal nature of childbirth and that care should be taken by ANY birth partner not to overstimulate the thinking parts of the brain. I often wonder if the reason that women feel such rage in labour is because they are trying to focus and some 'coaching' - 'you're doing great', 'you're nearly there' - etc just gets in the way.

I was in the maternity assessment centre a few weeks back and I could hear a woman in labour.. the midwife kept saying 'this is what you want, this is what you wanted' when she complained about the pain. I think it would be better to be quiet.. I would have screamed!

I overload quite quickly when people talk at me if I'm in pain or feeling poorly, always have.. I feel this tension rise inside me.. I've had it in the past when I've had asthma attacks and I want to focus on my breath and people are hyped and firing questions at me when I OBVIOUSLY can't talk.I've often told dh to 'sssh' if I, say, stub my toe and he is asking about it? Have no idea if I'll be like that in labour too (am 41+2 today! ) but I can identify with the principles underlying it? I can imagine my dh will feel very tense too and I can see how I'd pick up on it.. but time will tell!

interesting

DH has been at the births of both of our children and TBH i can't rememeber what he did

i zoned out a lot and can;t remember huge chunks of my first labour

second time was so fast i was sucking on the gas and air and was somewhere on the ceiling ... again no idea what DH was doing

i was pleased he was there (concisously and unconciously) and he was too

isn't this a situation where everyone does what they think is right for them?

mrsbean78 - it sounds like you have a need for quiet and focus. Have you told your DH/bith planned that that's what you think you'd like? Maybe if he's aware and can find ways to calm himself that'd be helpful to you. Focusing on your breath and going with what your body's telling you to do (movement wise) are great tools for labour. I hope you have a great birth.

rubyslippers - LOL at forgetting huge chunks of the labour, I've lost lots too I guess our primal brains took over. My ex was present at our son's homebirth. I remember him being on the phone, and helping me to the loo (where I ROARED at him!) other than that, I think he just made tea for the midwives while my doula and I got on with it. She was amazing.

Here's a link for the talk in Bristol if anyone's local and interested:

www.motherslove.co.uk

IME "Birth is no place for a Mother"

It is disgraceful how many women experience the process of birth negatively and and as a destructive experience with regards to their own health and well being.

That's what we need to fix.

I think it entirely depends on the couple and the circumstances. I did 2 years of midwifery training, so was present at quite a few births, and some men were absolutely fantastic, and some were absolutely rubbish. I don't think it helps anyone if he is there just because it is now the norm for dads to be present, where in fact, he is scared and worried about his partner and can't offer the kind of support he and she would like. Of course, in an ideal world, we'd be surrounded by midwives we knew well and trusted and who could support us, but sadly this rarely happens, so our partners are the ones we pick to support us even though some won't be any good at it.
I'm overdue now, and DH will be with me in labour, but I was very open minded and asked him if he felt happy about being there, and he said he really wanted to, so that's why he will be there. I would never have assumed that he wanted to be there though, and would not have thought any less of him, it is an incredibly stressful situation, particularly because they often can't 'help'. I am also a bit of a loner when I am ill/hurt, I tend to withdraw into myself, so I can't imagine noticing whether he's there or not to be honest!!

i had traumatic births and dp alleviated a lot of anxieties.couldnt have gone to theatre without him.we are a team i needed him more than ever

When DH had to leave the room during DS2 birth i found his absence awful. Everything seemd much more painful and harder work. As soon as he came back I felt better - able to 'relax' a bit and concentrate.

I agree about noisy encouagement being fucking annoying. I told midwife during 3 birth to shut up.
Having two previous births and being more confident I was able to assert what I wanted in a way I couldn't withthe first two.

DH kept telling me to breathe

WHich I found superfluous.

ime birth is no place for a mother either.

But hey ho.

at Orm.
You should have stopped just to annoy him

I did feel like telling him that until I turned blue and fell over he could be confident that I was breathing. TBH he's have been happier down the pub ]grin]

But he made up for it 100 times over after they were born. Better at it than me. Apart from the BF bit.

Yeh yeh yeh

Bit sick of hearing some jumped up bloke spouting his expertise on birth, to be honest. If the dads are leaving the building, can they take Odent with them? Ta!