Any midwives or patient people that can help me? terrified about next labour and need views and advice

[madmissy]

figured if i wrote whats going on in my head that it will clear things up for me! even better if anyone can help

ok i suppose you will need a bit of background!

dd1 and in pg was very down the birth was a 24 hr labour with a failed epidural was horrible a yr of pnd followed

dd2 was born when dd1 was 21 months pnd was well hidden and up to 7 months was ok spd was bad and depression seeped in and was induced early

the labour was about 3 hrs and went well until i had the retained placenta, pph and manual removal i remember nothing of my dd2's first moments and tbh i dont remember holding her or bonding at all

dd2 is now 2 and up until 8-10 weeks ago was stuggling badly with depression, i have however turned a huge corner and am off the tablets i am though under extra monitoring because of the depression and have been off work the last year now.

my dilema now is that i am slowly worrying more and more on the upcoming labour of my ds1

i am now 29+2wks pregnant and terrified that one i will have bad labour again with the bleeding and no bonding etc and 2 that this will happen and the depression will come back

i have only just in past 6 months felt a bond with dd2 i soooooo dont want this to happen with my ds1 and last child

i have been enjoying the pg and tbh this has been the best of the 3 (and my add this is the last!!!) spd is back with a bang but thats not what bothers me

i know that i have a 50% chance of the same happening and it terrifies me

i am under consultant care and have to be rescanned on the 19th as i have low placenta (cld this be due to scarring from the manual removal?) so will be back there again soon

but my consultant really isnt the easiest of women to talk to and is well known not to smile lol

i have been researching all angles like mad and i guess i just want advice....

i felt so out of control and the pain and panic of dd2s labour along with not remembering what happened when she was born etc and how i was after will scar me for life

please help me get things straight?!

i have been reading up on c sections... and i know i know its a major op but believe me i have been going over things over and over again.

my main concern is that i so desperately don't want to become ill and bad mum again i dont want to have this affect me badly again

and yet again i know that i cld have a norm delivery and worried about nothing but it doesnt take away how im feeling

thanks for reading if you got this far

Have mailed you missy. Bumping here to see if anyone else has some good advice...

bump again

thanks snitch
been soooo mad busy not had chance to reply again i will do tonight though! just off for a scan to check placenta
saw depression/anxiety consultant today and voiced my concerns etc and think they understood me lol

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh head is all over place

Still not got my placenta scan date from the hospital! Wondering if I should ring them...

This is where I had the 4d they offered re scan for free. Sat waiting now. Have my hosp scan and consultant on monday so will be interesting what they find out today lol

let me know what they say...

just got back ( i went watford and stopped at chippy!)

so its well comfy over uterus lol grade 4 placenta preavia (sp) so we will see from now on....

Ooh. Does that mean you'll need a section after all?

Did they tell you anything?

lol was quite funny as she wanted me back to scan again as she wanted to be 100% sure

she said just as she thought and its very low and covering the cervix, grade 4

which also explains ds's funny positions as hes across me again so done full circle

said still obv chance of it moving but the further along you are they decrease but she said i imagine that the consultant after next weeks scan will want to rescan you again at say 36 weeks to see of any improvement

if it doesnt move then yep c sec it is

At least that would make the decision for you! You wouldn't have to worry over it if it had to happen cause of the PP.

I should be getting my late (32 weks) scan in about 3 weeks to see if my placenta has moved. Not sure it has as midwife had a problem trying to hear DD whenever she tried low down when I went for my check-up last week. She also had to keep chasing her across my tummy as she kept moving

She's going crazy tonight. Feels like she's dancing in there. She hasn't been stil for a while!!

How do you feel about the whole section thing? Feels almost unfair after you'd just come to terms with the VD.

erm clueless tbh so much to take in as tbh wasnt expecting it to be on cervix so bit cuffufled lol

ds has moved across me again so thats full circle now!

Just take it easy.

When I was told my plactenta was low lying at 20 weeks, I thought nothing of it until I got home then paniced and called the midwife. She told me that if I had a bleed I should go straight to the hospital as there would be nothing she could do very reassurung - NOT! But she also said that as I hadn't bled up until that point that I should carry on as normal cause obviously whatever I was doing wasn't doing any harm.

Have avoided my antenatal workout vids since though - and sex TBH, much to DH's upset!

I'd be tempted to give the midwife or your consultant a ring tomorrow and see if you need to be rescaned a bit sooner than Monday - but then I get myself all wound up about this sort of thing.

I'm sure everything will be fine. Just a few more weeks and our bumps will be cooked and ready to come out and meet us. We've done the hardest bit...

madmissy - I'm in a similar boot to you having had an awful time with the birth of dd1 and bad pnd after. DD1 has just turned 3 and dc due in January. Have been scared silly but yesterday met with the hospital's birth discussion group (don't worry, just me, hubby and boss hw with option to meet consultant later to discuss birth plan in detail). I cannot tell you how adamant i was yesterday morning that I wanted a cs. When I got to the hospital I had a massive panic attack and literally couldn't breath... BUT, it was such a positive experience. She went through all my notes, explained how things could be done differently, exactly what my options and choices were, that they were in fact options and that I could say no (first time 'round when they said "we're just doing xyz now, okay?" i hadn't honestly realised i could say no!).

Like you I'm worried about the pnd as well, but feel that if I do all I can to prepare myself mentally and have alternatives in mind, then if I do have a natural birth that in itself could give me a massive boost. We've discussed at what point to call it quits and have a c/s and I've been assured that various people will be aware of my previous experience and won't let things simply spiral out of control again.

I'm not saying that i've had anything like as tough an experience as you and I've only had to do it once but if you can go through your previous birth notes (and be honest with them about how you felt at the time!) it has given me much more confidence to at least give a vb proper consideration...

Hope this helps a bit

xx

hiya

thanks.. i had my midwife come to the house and she brought my hospital notes with her.... was big relief to read and speak about it

now it looks like i have complete placenta previa so a whole other can of worms lol