Any midwives or patient people that can help me? terrified about next labour and need views and advice

[madmissy]

figured if i wrote whats going on in my head that it will clear things up for me! even better if anyone can help

ok i suppose you will need a bit of background!

dd1 and in pg was very down the birth was a 24 hr labour with a failed epidural was horrible a yr of pnd followed

dd2 was born when dd1 was 21 months pnd was well hidden and up to 7 months was ok spd was bad and depression seeped in and was induced early

the labour was about 3 hrs and went well until i had the retained placenta, pph and manual removal i remember nothing of my dd2's first moments and tbh i dont remember holding her or bonding at all

dd2 is now 2 and up until 8-10 weeks ago was stuggling badly with depression, i have however turned a huge corner and am off the tablets i am though under extra monitoring because of the depression and have been off work the last year now.

my dilema now is that i am slowly worrying more and more on the upcoming labour of my ds1

i am now 29+2wks pregnant and terrified that one i will have bad labour again with the bleeding and no bonding etc and 2 that this will happen and the depression will come back

i have only just in past 6 months felt a bond with dd2 i soooooo dont want this to happen with my ds1 and last child

i have been enjoying the pg and tbh this has been the best of the 3 (and my add this is the last!!!) spd is back with a bang but thats not what bothers me

i know that i have a 50% chance of the same happening and it terrifies me

i am under consultant care and have to be rescanned on the 19th as i have low placenta (cld this be due to scarring from the manual removal?) so will be back there again soon

but my consultant really isnt the easiest of women to talk to and is well known not to smile lol

i have been researching all angles like mad and i guess i just want advice....

i felt so out of control and the pain and panic of dd2s labour along with not remembering what happened when she was born etc and how i was after will scar me for life

please help me get things straight?!

i have been reading up on c sections... and i know i know its a major op but believe me i have been going over things over and over again.

my main concern is that i so desperately don't want to become ill and bad mum again i dont want to have this affect me badly again

and yet again i know that i cld have a norm delivery and worried about nothing but it doesnt take away how im feeling

thanks for reading if you got this far

its the most that they can charge from looking at the link
one more i need to call though see if they are any cheaper but tbh its looking to be alot

I'm due in December too and will be requesting an elective section due to my pervious birth being so horrific.

I've had a couple of midwives tell me that DS was just too big/long for me to deliver vaginally but they've both also said that there is absolutely nothing to stop me trying again - I just want the section because I am petrified of going through the same thing again.

I've also experienced years of depression (although mine was not PND) and my closest friend had PND with both of her pregnancies. I've even felt like I might be getting a bit of Antenatal depression this time but so far, I'm coping with it...

If I can help at all, just give me a shout!

oh GS had no idea on the depression bits too, good to know I am not alone
so far since being off the tablets about 7 weeks ago now i have been coping fine but the last few days i have gone into full blown panic and so worried

did you have a em c sec in the end or am i confusing you with someone else on our thread?

Yes, that's me missy . I had an emcs after a failed induction and 28 hours of labour. DS was in distress for 36 hours. I'm so lucky he's OK and just want DD to be safe!

I was treated for depression between 19 and 26 and was on Prozac for most of that time. I've been off the tablets for about 4 and a half years now. I'm doing really well.

I remember those first few weeks off the tablets being really hard. Like the first few times you drive without an instructor almost! Just waiting to fall.

It does get easier though - I promise

And there are lots of people on here who will help you. Me for a start

thanks.
felt bit silly putting this on our thread but glad you spotted it!
have you spoke about having a c sec with cons yet? i suppose tad easier if you have already had one? i have no idea?

Interview. See what you are getting for your money. My dh and I were concerned about the cost but my dd has just had her first birthday and we toasted the doula. DH said he would have paid 4 times the amount in hindsight.

It's not silly if you're scared! And who would understand better than a load of pregnant women!

I've had 1 appointment with the consultant and was warned beforehand by a midwife that they would try to talk me into a VBAC because they have to get thier section numbers down. She was right and the consultant did sing all the praises of a VBAC while ignoring the bad points but emotions got the better of me (because I was petrified at the time) and I broke down in tears She booked me in for a 2nd appointment on the 2nd November and said that if it was still what I wanted, they would book me in for a section then. I may not get the same consultant of course but it's looking good that I will get what I want. I think my 3 additional books of notes from DS's labour might have helped!. Cheeky cow even admitted to me at the end of the appointment that she's had an elective section with her second child too!!

I think of you are truely scared and are worried about another retained placenta etc then they have to at least discuss it with you. Maybe your midwife or doctor could make you a consultants appointment.

I had a meeting with the Birth Afterthoughts lady at the hospital too who went through my pervious notes with me and explained what had happened (including some more scary stuff I hadn't known about!!) which sounds a lot like what your midwife is going to do with you. I definitely helped make up my mind. I hope it helps you too.

yes thats what i am hoping i am hoping tomorrow makes my choices clearer

x fingers crossed x

I'll be online tomorrow evening if you want to chat about what she says??.

Or you could CAT me if you like?

yeah i will be about online but i may cat you if thats ok! thanks

That's fine. Will look forward to hearing from you

Hopefully she'll be able to explain about scarring and placenta's and injections and help you to work out the risks. She sounds great. Much better than my midwife!

I've got my 28 week appointment tomorrow so I'm hoping to have a good chat with mine then. Especially after Friday's wobble.

Will be thinking of you..

thanks will let you know and you can let me know your day too

Just a note, and it may not be very helpful: I had a retained placenta with my first delivery ... on verge of theatre, registrar manually removed etc. I was determined to avoid retained placenta with third child (second delivery so fast not sure what happened, but I did have the injection and placenta NOT retained) and did a lot of reading etc. I decided to go for a natural third stage but, you guessed it, retained placenta again anyway. Marvellous midwife manually removed but only by massaging abdomen and tugging umbilical cord so actually experience was fine. I nearly kissed that midwife!

What I am saying is:
a) You may find that even with a natural third stage you don't avoid the retained placenta. (I was pretty gutted. I'd had a lovely third labour waterbirth, not even gas and air, serene and then it looked like I was going to need an epidural and a trip to theatre despite my best efforts. But maybe that's the point, it's nothing to do with our efforts, is it? Luck.)
b) But it might not be as traumatic as previously.

Sorry, I don't want to make you worry more -- just offering my experience on the grounds that all information is useful?

Good luck.

every bit helps
thats my worry.... have great birth but retain again. having mine removed was so awful i don't want to ever re live it. thats one of the things that scares me so much it affected me more than i realised.
they tried for so long to get it out i was trying to push for a good while sat on a bucket
my cord had snapped also so i suppose i couldn't have a similar way to remove to what you mention?

i was being prepped up to be taken to theater when a young doctor had her arm inside me searching

i can't be at home i can't have a water birth (hosp no longer offer) so they were my 'options' to try and be relaxed out the window
just terrified tbh

Has she been yet missy? What did she say?

hiya went really well! i cat you but u will prob get that tomorrow lol

I got it and replied

So glad it went well. Mine was good too. Yey for us

grr at mn towers! will check junk mail lol

Your message went straight to junk mail!

Feel free to use my personal address if you'd like. Saves waiting for MNHQ to forward them...

still don't have it! grrr but when it arrives i will do personal one lol

lol, - has this become a secret society now?

Tell me, me! I wanna know how it went.

Hope it went well

lol
sorry!

ok so midwife brought around my notes;

lots there that i had no recollection of!

basically me not being able to remember much and feeling so badly about it would seem to have alot to do with the fact that when i was transferred from the ward (where i had been coping very well with gas and air and birthing ball) in a chair to the del suite i was clearly in the panic mode transitional stage, i was thrashing about the bed screaming for something to help me.

((Angry at myself for that!))

so reluctantly i was given pethidine (nasty drug) and then i started to want to push dd2 was born 10 mins later after only 4mins of pushing!

its at this stage where the pethidine kicks in and tbh i lose all memory

i did put dd to breast (don't rem ) tried pushing on a few attempts to get placenta out but no joy

it had become detatched but stuck in the vagina so just sat there basically, the cord had snapped so couldn't be eased out that way

i was given oxytocin to keep uterus contacting to help me push but no joy

also had a catheter had no idea!

i lost 800mls so not huge excessive amounts in relation to some but enough

a consultant came in and removed placenta with ease ( i just rem screaming get the f**k out of me)

so my labour in total from contractions starting lasted 3 hours to her being born! so very fast for a induction

i feel soooo much more at ease with the labour now and will be going for a natural birth again but this time i will have changes ie; i am aware of the fast labour, my spd will be managed better, i will not be laid on bed as i clearly cope so much better with my breathing when bouncing on my ball lol

i also had had my physio today for spd as thats got very sore now and i have a large tubi grip to help. hoping that gets no worse as next step is crutches

i have mentioned to the midwife about being induced early again if it does get worse and i will discuss that with consultant on 19th when i have had growth scan but that wld be no earlier than 38 weeks

sorry long post!!

Sounds like the pethedine had a lot to do with your mental state too. Horrid stuff.

Glad you're feeling a lot better. Don't expect to be 'sorted' though. If you are anything like me you'll feel okay for a bit and then need to play the 'real version' of labour in your mind and then go through coming to peace with that. i.e. given the pethedine reluctantly and your spd not being managed properly etc., but it is brilliant that you can use the correct version of events to inform your next labour and ensure it is a good one.

Good luck.

Yes its horrid and tbh I am angry with myself that i buckled and was demanding it when everyone was advising against it

I know from dd1's horrid labour that its awful stuff

I feel more sure in myself again now ie that I can do the VB again

And i have two great midwives that are aware of my 'problems' and there to support me

I see one every monday at aquanatal so feel like I have good relationship there and meeting the lady today (who I have actually met once before after all) was great too

Just need to keep focused

Not good i'm wobbling. felt so confident the other day. This is pants. I see my consultant on tuesday. (The depression one) will hopefully be better after that. Damn my anxiety