After DH left, I felt completely abandoned on the Maternity Ward

[morningpaper]

After giving birth to dd, and after DH left, I felt completely abandoned on the Maternity Ward - because of the timing and length of labour neither of us had slept for three days, and he needed to go home for sleep. But I was hysterical from the moment the door banged on his departure until six hours later, when the Sister rang home and asked him to return. I found the Maternity Ward hellish and I hated it.

I am planning a hospital birth this time and I don't know how to deal with this aspect of things. I'd welcome advice and whether anyone else felt this way.

The problem is that in King's Private Rooms - i.e in the private wing cost £750 a day! And 'own rooms' on the post-natal stalag are hard to get unless you have had a CS.

V. interesting opinions and experiences.

They've apparently stopped doing side / private rooms at the Royal Free, London (if anyone's heard different in the last few weeks, do post). There are two rooms for private patients under a private consultant.

Perhaps there could be rooms for people who wanted things as quiet as poss, or no men etc. but one room where there was a seat / mattresss where a bloke could rest without getting hassled by the mws would be nice.

I understand if you have a monumental bust up with them they allow you to stay, but really that's no good for dw who needs to then be cared for by them for perhaps several days, and who needs a fight at a time like this ?

I know some hospitals don't do them at all, actually, vaguely remember from one of my endless articles on Things To Do With Having Babies. Sorry if it was idiotic suggestion.

They should let you out pretty quickly after a second if all goes to plan.

GP checks home birth babies, dammit. Although all mine really did was coo over her in suitably impressed manner IRCC.

Hub, we had side room (100 quid or so) at RF -- admittedly 3 years ago.
I thought they'd recently fancied up the RF Maternity Wing?

We have private rooms available for £25 per day and there shouldn't be a problem getting one - I think that will help, if I have to stay for a while.

So interesting to read all your experiences.

The Heath Active Birth Centre is super modern ultra lovely. The 'Medicalised' Labour ward is likewise super fancy, loaded with equipment and utterly fab. I think the staff on these two wards are supposed to be good (although some MNers have had bad experiences as well there).

The Scharlieb Postnatal ward is altogether a bit more grim. It hasn't had the refurb, the staff appear to be v. stretched and generally it's not perhaps the greatest place on earth.

Hub2Dee: I agree that space for a hubby to rest would be good. I don't know why they don't just have a few sun-lounger type chairs - especially when women are asleep/drugged up with epidurals etc. It's crazy that the partners can't have a rest too.

Postnatal ward = nightmare. Amenity rooms are never available, ime, so getting home asap is the best strategy. If I'd joined NCT earlier and had had Mumsnet I'd have tried for a HB just to avoid the PN ward.

Are there other things that might make you feel more at home/safer/more secure, MP? Sorry if that makes you sound like a small child, but I just wondered.

A bottle of gin helps to give a place that homely feel, I always think

Motherinferior: I really don't know. To be honest all I remember was being in so much pain that surroundings didn't make a blind bit of difference. I could have been in a skip in Catford for all I cared. So it's hard to think 'how could I feel more at home'.

I had an (elderly lady) friend who said that when she gave birth to her second she was so drugged up on sleeping tablets that her husband had to wake her up to let her know she was giving birth - now THAT I could do...

the hospital i was in was amazing when it came to visiting basically i could have visitors from 10-10 no matter who they were

Blu - 750pounds a night! Blimey. I was in five nights with ds - on insurance. So NOT worth the money.
Coo!

I agree go home as soon as you can, that way you have the best of both worlds, familiar surroundings but medical backup 'during'
I couldn't believe it when after an exhausting excruiating labour the nurses brought ds to the ward with me and said 'would you like him in your bed, or in a cot next to you'?! I think that's when the reality of parenthood first hit home!

I spent 8 (lloooonnnggg) nights in hospital 3 nights being induced, 1 night having dd by cs (not that it took all night but YKWIM) and 4 nights postnatally and hated every minute of it ! But, reading these posts realise I was very very lucky. On the Antenatal ward I had to share a double room which was fine once you'd lost all your dignity and knew your room mate knew you were having the gel etc... postnatally I had a private room (standard issue at my local hospital). All the time tho' DH was never asked to leave - Antenatally he stayed till about 1.30 am one night when I had had the first lot of gel and I was trying to get labour started and it was only me asking if anything was likely to happen they advised dh went home and slept but was not asked to. Postnatally dh often stayed till midnight to help me. I was supposed to be let out after the 7th night but my bp went up so they made me stay in another night and I was desperate to get out so gave evryone hell and so they offered to look after dd all night which was bliss !! As H2D said, dh was able to do things which I would have otherwise been bothering the MW for so it did help them too..... Obviously having a private room helped matters too.

Ah MP - does your reference to Catford mean that you will be going to Lewisham??

That was my second much less nice hospital experience!

Although as you said they had the amenity rooms which were cheap. Didn't make a blind bit of difference when it came to letting DH stay. He was booted out the second we hit the postnatal ward!

She isn't in Catford but I am. Have to say the experience of visiting Lewisham hospital at 37 weeks did more to strengthen my resolve for a home birth than anything else could.

I had a private room after the birth of dd, and found the loneliness of it freaked me out tbh - I had panic attacks which I have never experienced before. I was much happier being on a ward after having ds, even after a nightmare cs and throwing up constantly for all to see!!

I am a regular Catford visitor as DD does ballet there on Saturdays.

Lewisham was an odd experience for me. I had DD at teh Royal London which on all scores should have been a much more miserable experience for me than Lewisham. I remember at the hospital visit at Lewisham thinking that it was luxury to have only 4 beds to a bay. At the Royal London both wards have 25 or so beds in them. Lewisham looked nicer and newer IYSWIM.

When it came to the care though, the RL had a human touch and all of the many midwives I saw through a tediously long labour were kind and generous with their time and skills. The lady who delivered my DD was just the kindest and most caring person imaginable.

At Lewisham I just felt that I was in a baby hatching factory, and a pretty poorly staffed one at that!

Sorry must comment on this, as we had the Ped check dd and he sent her home fine, and what did the gp pick up the day after, when he home visited us, a Bloody Clicky Hip, which has had to have a Pavlik Harness on it.....our gp is worth his weight in Gold IMO! So much for the bloody hospital expert....

I had to be woken up to push for dd1 - was so drugged up was convinced I was throwing a party but got drunk before guests arrived. I spent my labour apologising for being drunk. I still remember opening the imaginary door now (very allegorical!)

In Bromley dh was encouraged to stay in the bed with me after problem with dd2 - no wonder ds arrived less than a year later.

Last baby in Ashford Kent. Couldn't wait to get out. Nurse showed me how to bath baby (she's no 4) and a midwife told me not to carry her round as I might drop her. Was rather rude to her as I remember.

I'd fully agree with getting home asap - it's when you start to get normal again and your skin rehydrates after ridiculous hospital temperatures.

Swedishmum: Now you've mentioned that, I was also told not to carry dd around in the Maternity Ward "in case I dropped her." WTF?!

I'm in the south-west (used to live near Catford though!).

(My only experience of Lewisham hospital was when I had spent 4 hours in A&E with a badly sprained ankle, they weren't prepared to give me crutches but they found me a massive taxi driver who was happy to carry me into the car and into my house! How weird is THAT?)

Oh this thread makes me so sad !

...and freaked out about going into hospital in two months time, I don't think I can deal with it all without hubby.

I can't believe how draconian they are here with the way they treat fathers!!! In the birth centre in NZ where I would have gone if we were there, fathers get their own bed (for a nominal charge) if you have a private room, but if you're in a shared room they can visit pretty much all day (think there is a break where it is 'rest time' which is fair enough) and you can also order meals for them for a small fee.

Would have thought that they would be pleased to have an extra pair of hands on the wards here, given how short staffed they are!! Amenity room in our hospital is £120/night, which is a bit steep when you consider how basic it is (have stayed in nicer youth hostels in Europe!!). Havng said that, am considering trying to get one (there's only 2), but am a bit worried about the possibility of getting left in there and forgotten about...

I'm going for a home birth with an independent midwife who has recently told me that the paediatric check can be done either by the GP, or by a suitably qualified midwife. The community midwife recently contacted her to say that she would be able to do it, depending on the time of day / week the baby is born. (My IM hasn't got that particular qualification at the mo.)

I'm assuming they come to the house - because you wouldn't want to take a new born child to the surgery within a couple of days of sprogging it...