Would you let your 20 month old watch your homebirth?

[fastasleep]

That's it really.

Leahbump (and Fastasleep)

I'm sad that anything on the thread has upset you or you feel questioned about what you would like.

I don't think posters intended that - I think in the main the posts are a response to the initial question in the thread title..

I feel that it would probably be disturbing, or even traumatic, for the child to see someone they love in such pain. My dd1 (23 months) found it disturbing seeing me in pain in the early hours of labour (although I was toning down my reactions when she was there). It was a relief when she was removed by the grandparents.

Having said that, I did let her watch a birth programme on Discovery Health with me. I knew the woman whose birth was being shown on the programme and knew it was a straightforward birth without complications, also knew that because it was being shown b4 the watershed there wouldn't be any swearing or gore. DD1 was fascinated and amazed to watch the birth on TV, she kept exclaimg "baby! baby!" as it emerged lol.

Yes, absolutely - our dd who will be 2 years at date of homebirth will be attending.

I personally feel that displaying emotions in front of my child is a good thing because it gives her greater insight regarding the fact that I am human and have feelings. That I laugh, cry, shout and express myself just as she likes to do. I don´t perceive any psychological damage and prefer her to know where babies come from and this is a good way to show her. Early sex education I suppose! I don´t have family close by so it is difficult to exclude her from the birth anyway.

My barriers on sharing my life are open and I consider them to be natural and a way of learning.. like I leave the toilet door open - good for potty training experience.

I was a birth partner for my friend 2 years ago and it scared the life out of me.

i wouldnt let my 2 year old see me in that much pain as i think it'd traumatise him

yes - my 18month old watched his brother being born at home. He joined me in the birthing pool for a short while in the beginning. It helped that his granny and aunt were there to entertain him (10 hour labour). He was thrilled to see baby as he arrived and immediatly came to touch baby's hair and then pointed to his own and everyone elses to almost say that he is just like us.
We discovered the following day that he had been bothered by seeing me in pain as when we looked at the pics he said "ow, Mummy ow" and he rejected me for about 2 days.
Looking back, I definitely don't regret it and would do it again if we decide to have a third.

Leahbump, please, please, please, don't think I was trying to be rude, it's just that I find fascinating to hear some comments like this about L.A. when I believe that actually Europeans are more open to these things than we are back at home.

No way, much too scary. My mum can still remember her brother being born when she was two and says it was horrific and terrifying for her.

I've been think about this for a bit. For me this would fall into the catagory of 'something for adults'. I try to have a very open and honest relationship with my kids, but I think that some things are age dependent.

I also think that people have a right to privacy. there are things that I just don't want my children to see. have a baby would be one of them. yes, it is obviously a natural ocuurance, but then so is having sex, and I ahave a lock on my bedroom door!

I can't imagine how people coped in labour if they had a toddler round.....my dd would have been demanding too much attention for me to cope with!

lemonnice-burying the placenta under an apple tree means you get lovely apples the next year.

For us it was a part of ds's naming ceremony, transition to independent life etc etc. It looked after him (with help from me) for 9 months, so wanted to give it a decent send off! Each to their own.

I will say that I have NEVER hugged a tree though.

I too would not plan for ds to be there. I don't think that would be fair on him, he would need to have the option of leaving if it got too much.

I do think if there is any chance of a child being present, they need someone specifically to look after them, and that person needs to be confident and not about to go into a flap during the labour. In our case this means dp will probably look after ds. If the labour is long enough for my mum to get there, she will take over at some point. The important thing for me is that both carers are comfortable and confident about my birth choices, and so should be able to communitcate to ds that everything is fine, normal, etc. I just don't know anyone else who has a really down-to-earth, get-on-with-it attitude to birth apart from these two .

ds2 who was 5 witnessed me having ds2 on the bathroom floor. He just hopped round in circles singing "mummys got a baby hanging out her bum!" He's now year 2's nominated childbirth expert. Was a bit embarressed when his teacher told me he'd given the whole class a very graphic description.

we prepared my ds before hand by showing pics and explaining what was going to happen from at least a month before. I would not have done it if he was not prepared and if I did not have anyone to look after him - but that was all taken care of (see my earlier post)

I have seen very young chilcren attend their mother's subsequent births (I was the doula) and it's amazing how children react... very laid back ! I certainly have not witnessed distress... more like bored !
When you ahve home births and other kids are asleep - even when the mother shout the house down at the end - kids stay asleep, they are not frightened by the noise.
Recently a couple hired me because their 20 months old was a very light sleeper and he would definitely wake up (they had no doubt about this). Several times in labour she was conscious of this and told me she had to be more quiet not to wake him, her (short) 2nd stage lead to some good shouting of very rude words.... yet he slept through the whole thing! He was still asleep when I left at 7AM!

I watched my sister being born, actually got bored and wandered off at the most crucial part, but came back in and cuddled her immediately after ("errr shes all slimey"). I was 4 and was bored rather than disturbed, didnt like the slimey part though

cross posted Enid LOL

No, I wouldn't. The other thing that would scare me is if something went wrong - as happens with all births, not just home-births. If it did go wrong, I wouldn't want to subject a 20-month old to the worry, distress etc.
Chances are it wouldn't go wrong - but it can and does, unfortunately.

It really depends on the birth and is worth keeping an open mind. My dd3 popped in and out of bedroom where I was labouring and it was fine. (uncomplicated labour, born at home). She spent the rest of the time downstairs watching Toy Story. As soon as ds2 came I called her up to see the placenta and cord and have a poke. I'm really glad she was around for such a lovely placid birth. Perhaps she won't fear it when it's her turn. I'm realistic though and know many births are NOT spectator sports. Actually though the most important thing is for the mum to comfortable and relaxed. You don't want the anxiety of wondering whether kids are ok.

Fairi, that birth pool with 18 month old sounds really amazing. I think kids can be too sheltered. These life experiences are unbeatable. I've just had my fourth but he came in the night while other 3 slept (though I'll never know how they slept though my mooooooing!) They rehearsed 'twinkle twinkle little star' and came to the bedroom, stood in a line, and sang it to their new brother. Unforgettable!