Would you let your 20 month old watch your homebirth?

[fastasleep]

That's it really.

With that I'm not saying that is incorrect (each to its own) but that the argument that these things happen in other cultures is not always very acurate.

Though as I sadi, it may be possible but is not the rule...

i actually think that in principle it's a wonderful idea, I just don't think it would be so wonderful in practice, not for us anyway.

I THINK from the discussions that I heard when working on a Marae (Maori 'homestead') that it seemed that as many of the family members as possible were present at any event, incl birth, death, funerals.I was invited to one hangi - funeral - and relatives dragged the body to the sea to give him a last dip, and shouted at him, and children were in amongst everyone else. I was working with a man who had been with his sister in labour and birth, as had his other brother, cousins etc.

M2E. I have a friend who is a doctor and she always tries to answer questions to his daughter as exactly as she can. When DS was born, her girl (then 4) wanted to know how babies were born and she explained everything to her, got some books from the library, and show her some pictures. The girl got obsesed with that and started pretending all the time that she was pregnant and was to have a baby (explaining the details to everyone who wanted to hear them ); so my friend had to explain to her that she couldn't be pregnant because she had not yet had a menstruation, then had to explain what menstruations are and how do you cope with them and finally, to try to convince her that she really didn't need to use pads at her age, but still kept finding pieces of folded toilet paper in her knickers for quite a while. IMO she was not yet quite ready for the knowledge... too much to worry for her age

Nope - think they could get really feaked out seeing their mum in such pain, particularly as they have no concept of what is happening. Personally, think it is possible to get a bit too "hippy dippy" if you'll pardon the expression, when it comes to including young children in the arrival of their sibling. So many potential problems - you need to be concentrating on the birth, not on your other child/children. Also, considering that your child is going to have to deal with having to share you, seeing the new love of your life appearing in such a fashion might not be the best introduction!

My grandmother was a full-blooded Mayan, and although she was Catholic in principle, she still clung to her Mayan beliefs. Women in childbirth were special - somewhat magical. It was therefore unacceptable to have children and men around whilst a woman gave birth.

Don't know if the same goes for other Latin American cultures, but as there's a thread of commonality running through most of the indigenous people of that region, I'd venture to guess having kids or men around isn't something that's practiced often.

yes, but even in the case of children being allowed at birth, it seems to me that to export (or import) small particular pieces of a culture may not be that healthy. After all, if it's part of the culture their society would be prepared and had the mechanisms for the child to cope with that, but when the child is not suposed to had the support of such culture things may go a bit pear shaped...

LOL at hippy-dippy!

NO!

push - get off the bed, X, - push - leave Daddy's mobile alone - push - gasp....

nightynight

LOL at Nighty Night too

Message withdrawn

I wouldn't let any child witness a birth but I know there are many women who would and rather than being traumatised the kids seem to take it with a pinch of salt

little bit 'i'm going to hug this tree whilst I fry my placenta with onions and knit my own nappies' to me but each to their own

Hmmm.. not read the whole thread, but I think probably not.

Nothing to do with traumatising, I think they pretty much take it in their stride, more to do with me not wanting her shoving her head between my legs to get a better look at what's going on!!!

Visions of me crouched there, head stuck out, and DD pointing right in the poor baby's face saying "Eye" "Nooooose"....

Hells bells, I don't even want them in with me when I'm having a bowel movement, let alone passing an 8 pound baby. Some things are like Terry's chocolate Oranges, just not for sharing

I'm hpoing to have a hb, and dd will be 21 mths old. My Mum is coming to stay from 38 weeks, and she is dd's nominated adult. I would like her to make her own choice about it. My mum has said there is no way that she, not dd, could cope with seeing me in labour, so that has scuppered that!
gail, 33+5

Fastasleep I wanted my ds and dd (aged 7 and 8) when I gave birth lasy year (at home) and it was lovely having them their to hold my hand during labour but at about 7cm dilated I felt I needed to concentrate on myself and not have them asking questions so mu mum took them away for a while and they came back conincidentaly just after the baby was born.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting your 20 month old there - it is a lovely idea to have the whole family take part but when it gets to the difficult bit you may want to focus on yourself and that would be very difficult to do ifhe is there.
Good luck whatever you choose to do xxxxxx

fast asleep-v similar situation to you and leahbump. Ds will be 22 months, last labour was around 70 mins, no family close by. Not PLANNING to have him there, but not explictly planning for him not to be-we'll just play it by ear. Planning HB.

I grew up in a fairly hippy type family and had certainly been at births by around 2 yrs old. I was present when my brother was born at home-I was exactly 4 (mother went into labour during my b'day party!). I don't remember ANY screaming, animal noises etc, although my dad tells me there were many, I also wasn't scared. I remember it extremely clearly though, as a positive experience.

The main thing I have got out of it is to see birth as a normal, everyday thing, not something to be scared of. Also didn't have to ask where babies come from ! Of course at 20/22 months they might be too young to take this message on board.

I DID bury ds' placenta and have knitted him some nappy covers though ! (really)

mm what does burying the placenta do - or were you joking?

I think it depends on how the woman is handling it. If hysterical and screaming (me) then no. But I saw a home birth on Sky a few months ago and the women gave birth in silence in front of her family - it was very moving.

But she was obviously as hard as nails!

agree with Mud and hmb

I was watching desparate midwives last night with the homebirth. The kids came in half way through (the youngest looked about three) and watched. Although the mum made it look really easy and didn't make any noise or have any trouble there was still a lot of blood and mess and the kids looked a bit shellshocked (it was the middle of the night so they could have just been shattered). I had to laugh when the dad asked if they wanted to kiss their brother and they all looked horrified (he was a bit sticky still!).

I would get a favorite video for emergency use. I seem to remember that thomas the tank engine could ensure at least 20 mins breathing time when ds was 20 months.

Just wanted to respond really-

I think I wasn't clear anough when i said that siblings attending births was more common in other cultures- I wasn't refering to specific places...what i was trying to say was 'in places where homebirth is more common it is more comon for siblings to be present'- this is ofetn either becasue of the understanding of the family unit or out of neccesity. Obviously Chandra you know far more about latin american culture than i do and i am crap at geography

irrespective of the cultural argument..
other people do this (both european and non european) and there is little evidence to say their children are harmed by the experience (just google homebirth and sibling). IF it works for other people there is no reason why it can't work for us- afterall we are always picking up ideas and customs from other cultures- that's how culture/society grows and develops!

It does seem though that best practise is to do what you think works best for your child and situation- and in all cases to allow the child space away from labour/birth if they want and need it.

It has been interesting to read peoples personal feelings and experiences about them and their children with regard to this topic- I won't be posting again though as I am a bit upset by the feeling it leaves me with...

I am not deliberately planning my birth to make sure that my son is there- just being realistic about the fact that he may be. My personal situation is not great in terms of planning a birth as I have explained. I am not a dippy hippy or a tree hugger- but simply trying to cope with my situation. Having researched myself i do not believe that the experince will harm ds- it could be very productive for all of us and dh will provide a space away if need be. (most people i know with kids having planned hbirths ended up giving birth when the kids were in bed...so u never know!)

....if a new mnetter read this overall it would look like 'you will damage your child if they are at the birth of a sibling'- This is just inaccurate information- nowhere have i found research that states this.

Leahbump - the whole point of fastasleep's question was to gauge our reactions - no pint in being upset by other's personal opinions. After all, this is a matter purely for the parents and children involved, so what other people think needn't affect you, if you don't want it to. Stick to your guns! Personally speaking, though, my dh found dd's birth traumatic (back to back) as I was in a hall of a lot of pain and there was damn all he could do, so I can't imagine how upset my ds (19 months at the time) would have been.

Absolutely not. I really cannot see the benefit to this at all. Infact really cannot understand why you would want them to.