Would you let your 20 month old watch your homebirth?

[fastasleep]

That's it really.

oh, and I did find it extremely stressful to be in full-on labour and see my toddler so distressed. It really didn't help.

Prob not, but yesterday ds1 came home from school and wanted to watch some telly I said yes, and 5 mins later he came to tell me that this baby had "popped" out of this lady, and it was bleeding from its back!!! I told him I didn't hink he should be watching it, to be told " Mummy this is a very interesting and informative programme!" He's 5 fgs!

dd1 was 2.2 yrs when dd2 was born at home, and watched the birth although was sleeping for most of my labour, if that makes sense. We had planned ahead, and made sure she had her own nominated adult who she knew well for the whole of labour, delivery and for a few hours afterwards. We agreed that if she got even the tiniest bit bored or upset she would go to this persons house, to have a "special play time". We didn't need to do this, she was absolutely fine, and even helped DH to cut the cord. She was not in the least traumatised or frightened. She remembers it now, pretty much exactly as it happened, and loved to tell people about how she had helped her sister to be born.

I guess it depends on the child and the mother. dd1, even then, was a very cool customer, who wasn't phased by much. I withdraw into myself when in pain, so the shouty thing didn't apply. We just told her I was having to work very hard to get the baby out of my bump through my special bits so we could snuggle and hug it.

I'd say that going with your gut insinct is nearly always right; you know yourself and your little one best.

I dunno - if you feel comfortable with it, why not? I have a friend whose older children witnessed each following birth until she had her 5th and final child. presumably many children round the world witness birth? i think younger is better, in some ways.

I was in the doorway (an unauthorised stowaway)as my mother gave birth to my sister - I was 7. Couldn't see much, but will NEVER forget the wonderful look on my Mum's face as she took the baby in her arms.

For me, I would find the need to have one eye on my toddler a distraction, so I probably wouldn't do it, but I don't think it would be traumatising, especially.

Who should I get to take him away then if it all goes to plan (as if that'll happen!) MIL is a nurse, so would be great to have her around...DH is fantastic for handbreakings... I guess I'll have to arrange with grandad, and hope they all turn up before it kicks in properly!

Absolutely not, no way!
Leahbump - can I offer you some advice? I like your laid back, play it by ear approach to your birth but have you considered who is going to be responsible for your ds in the later stages of labour? If you want to do it like this I think you should arrange to find a friend or neighbour whose sole job it is to look after ds. Your dp will have to prioritise you and there should be someone looking after your ds and making sure that he really is ok with what he is seeing.

It's not so much seeing it as it is seeing you at all distressed. This frightens DD (23 months) and she usually runs to me for a cuddle.

Think it'd be better to have a trusted friend or family member to hand to mind a child this age - and to take them away from the house if need be.

In an ideal world cupcakes we would do that! But life is not all that easy as we live 200 miles away from our nearest family and only moved house 9 months ago!! We know few people and those we do are away.

We have basically come to the conclusion that I will labour alone if ds needs his daddy. Unless of course my mum gets the 2 1/2 hours notice to drive here in time (and she works so that all depends on her empoyers!).

Not everyone has the luxury of local family or neighbours that like kids!!

Leahbumps, just curious, I have heard so many "in other culture it works" which may be/is the case. But this is a new one to me. In which other parts of the world?

I would be too distracted making sure child no.1 was handling it ok - would totally distract me I think, so no.

I chose to have my third baby at home partly cos my second labour had been so much quicker than the first and I felt there might not be time to get to hospital. It was so incredibly fast that the midwife was on the doorstep and ds2 was delivered into dh's arms after 3 contractions! It was fantastic and ds1 and dd who were 7 and 4 at the time, came in and saw their little brother as soon as the midwife had been let in and cut the cord!
It was so short that there wasnt time for a lot of blood and noise but they do clearly remember the 'elephant' noises, which I think they wd have been very distressed by if they had gone on for any longer than 5 mins. As it is, they tease me abt it from time to time, and I think they were a little worried at the time, but didnt have time to get upset.
There is no way I would plan to have a child present for a birth (not planning any more anyway)for all the reasons others have given too. Too scary for them and too much for me and dh to think abt.
Fastasleep, good luck with yr labour however it goes. You're right that if it gets quicker than your last you may not have time to make arrangements. WE had lots of arrangements set up but it was middle of night and no time for anything other than pushing him out!

chandra- I think in places like latin america and parts of africa (will look up some links for you later and add them!).

How well do you get on with your near neighbours, Fastasleep? If it does happen very quickly then they may be the only people who are able to get there in time to lend a hand.

My labour was so fast that we didn't have time to get the neighbour i had made arrangements around but as i say luckily (I believe)dd was asleep, I got dressed but didn't have time to get undressed before baby was on the way - I even had my tights on!

But the neighbour was able to come in to take dd1 just after as I had to go into hospital after by ambulance for lots of stitches and dd2 was hypothermic. Couldn't have managed without good neighbours/friends.

fastasleep - I have very fast labours too, and with ds2 had him on the bathroom floor with dh 'delivering'. Ds1 was 22 months and did see some of it going on as we had been about to put him in the car to drop him at a friends before going to the hospital when I decided to go back into the bathroom - a few minutes later ds2 arrived, ds1 was meant to be in his room, but did come out onto the landing so would have seen something.
I was horrified that he might have seen anything, but minutes later he was playing happily with my parents who luckily turned up just after, and never mentioned it at all, never had any nightmares and had no problems bonding with ds2.
Number 3 is due in September and ds1 (now 3) surprised me the other day by asking if the 'men in green' would come when ds3 is born - he meant the paramedics who turned up 10 minutes after ds2 was born. So I think that has stuck in his mind rather than anything about the birth.
If it had been a planned homebirth - as number 3 will be, then I wouldn't have planned for him to be there - but being uncontrolled it was a bit chaotic to say the least. He had been with me for all the time leading up to the actual birth, but I had very few contractions and they weren't that bad (weird I know!) so he didn't see me distressed at all.

I don't know the neghbours at all which is a bit scary...maybe i should get to know them!

DS helping then lol

Of course when it comes to the moment you will cope however challenging the situation, you won't have much choice - but for peace of mind I would try to have some emergency arrangements in place so introduce yourself to any likely neighbours!

On one side is some kind of student accomodation (eep!) and on the other side is this huge family on benefits who never go to work (lucky them) I bet she's popped a couple at home! I might try them..

I grew up in latin america and up until recently not even men were allowed at birth. My mother has a deep interest in anthropology, so we grew up around all that info about different tribes, languages, etc. But it seems to me that, in more "primitive" (hate this term) cultures, the role of the sexes is far more defined than in the European culture, and birth is within the borders of the women world not to be invaded by children, or men. In some cultures women even withdraw from the village to give birth alone.

I'm sure that there should be exceptions (after all Latin America is huge), but I believe that the idea of giving birth in front of a child is far from being the regular ine, quite the contrary I would say...

Chandra
My Mexican grandmother gave birth to all six of her children at home. And children were definitely NOT present, or even around, at the time. My dad was 3rd, and although he remembers the birth of two of his younger siblings, it was not considered acceptable for children to be present whilst a woman was birthing. Nor were men.

No, if at all possible. Many adults can't even cope with it.

I think I might ask my SIL to come around...just for the pure evilness of it (she's not had babies!)

Am I wrong then in letting DD (she will be 3 in Sept so a bit older) watch all the preg and birth programmes on sky? They are her favourite type of programmes at the moment and would rather watch them than cbeebies.

Hi Expatinscotland! the other day reading at one of your posts (About a visit to the Mayan ruins) I started wondering if you were actually from there.

I agree so much with you, the sole mention of having the children present at birth would be rejected by the great majority of women in Latin America, it would send them in a rant...

I don't think it's wrong at all mum2ela, I don't think having your child witness the birth of their own sibling is wrong wither, I just personally wouldn't think it would work for us.
With Lottie at 3 and with special needs she wouldn't understand and would get very upset at hearing her mum shout and all the things we do and say when having our babies. She can't watch the bit in Lady and the Tramp when all the dogs in the pound howl and cry without calling me to give her a cuddle!