Have you had a de-brief after a difficult birth? How long after? Did it help you?

[MamaG]

I know I touch on this every couple of months

I tried to get one and no one would listen.
4 years on it's ds1's birthday next week and it is still such a traumatic day for me, even though it shoud be happy

This is seriously a brilliant thread, am really chuffed I've had a chance to read everyone's experiences

hi all this thread has got me thinking whether i should get my notes from the hospital

is this a 'normal' birth?? my dd was 13 days overdue, i had gas and air on arrival at the hospital then was offered diamorphine when the pain got worse. straightaway i fell asleep & the labour almost stopped. much later i ended up with a spinal hours then after a real struggle to get DD out (almost 24 hours from when i started) - they had to cut me then use a suction thing on her head

then they gave me the vitamin K injuection, and the next thing, i am having some kind of fit - blacked out, projectile vomiting - DH said it was like a scene from the exorcist

no one debriefed me at all, and noone explained why i blacked out had a fit and vomited all at the same time. i was in agony for days after in my shoulders and i never found out why

i cringe when i look back,and wonder if i should find out exactly what happened, thank God my DD was ok

My experience wasn't half as terrible as most of the stories on this (brilliant, much welcome) thread - for example, chuffinel, I don't know what a 'normal' birth is but that isn't it. You must have been freaked out beyond words. If you'd had a fit in the street, nobody would have expected you to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and never ask about it again, would they?

More generally, I'm just shocked at how patchy the cover is - I had no idea that this kind of debrief was possible. I came out of my dd's birth (at the Homerton in east London) traumatized, disempowered, detached, and I've always been sure it contributed to my pnd, but nobody ever, ever suggested a debrief. Certainly not after the birth - Christ, I was lucky they even remembered to take my catheter out before discharging me. And not even now I'm pg again, and have been referred to the perinatal mental health team because of the pnd last time. The latter mostly only seem to want to talk to me about the eating disorder they think I have (I don't) and the amount of drugs I took when I was 18 (I'm now 36, a busy WOHM, haven't so much as got drunk in 4 years and frankly the chance would be a fine thing). The idea that pnd could actually be about, you know, the actual experience of birth and being a mother, is obviously far too crazy to entertain.

Sorry for the ramble. But I'm definitely going to ask about a debrief next time I go in, because it sounds damned useful.

Would be even better if I got to punch the midwife who delivered my dd, as part of the healing process.

chuffinell I thought the baby gets the Vit K not the mummy? I've only had one birth experience and it wasn't great but your one definitely doesn't sound 'normal'.
I think a lot of us brush it to one side as the main thing is that baby is okay but this thread is doing a great job of highlighting that mum needs to be okay after birth too, it's not enough that the baby is fine (although we are all mighty relieved at that bit).

I didnt know this was possible, but im going to bring it up at my booking in apt in a couple of weeks. Would it actually be with the midwife who delivered as I would prob punch her if I ever saw her again personally I think it would help me more if it was with someone who wasnt there iyswim??

mmmmmm - mine wasn't with the m/w / dr involved but the consultant (who I'd never met prior). ask at your booking appt who does them in your area, it seems to vary so much from hosp to hosp.

This is really interesting thread... I didn;t know there was such a thing.

I won;t go into my horrible induction story again here (see my other thread on Misoprostol for induction if you want some gory details) but there really was no aftercare (Homerton too... hmm...) and no debrief was mentioned.

I also had PND some months after DD was born andwhile counselling did highlight that some of it might be to do with a traumatic birth experience it really wasn't her field of expertise so we really didn't go into much detail.

I'm now pg with no2. and can't stop thinking about DDs birth - feeling quite cross and frightened in equal measure TBH.

Thinking this kind of debrief (with someone who know what's what medically) might be useful. I'd like to see my notes too - didn't know you could get them.

Will it do any good to ask my new midwife (different hospital) to get the ball rolling re:my notes or would this be pointless? Have an appt. next week anyway...

db
xx

Oh and hi Smac [waves from the due march 2010 thread]... sorry to see you here too...

I was so well surrounded by midwives and visited by them and the obstetrician in the days after what could have been a potentially horrendously traumatic experience that I actually feel as though I have been formally debriefed, in the sense that I have nearly all the information I need to make sense of what happened.

I still would like to know some fine details, such as did the baby cry when she came out, was she awake and looking around, precisely how tangled was the cord (I only know that it was wrapped around her tummy and five times around her legs) but I'm not sure even the obs or midwife would be be to recall that as they were probably busy trying to unravel her.

For me the best debriefing has been knowing that the EMCS was inevitable and that unless they done an ultrasound and looked for a cord problem, what happened was not foreseeable. That really helps. I just feel glad to have my baby, and that we're both well. It could have been a catastrophe, but it wasn't. Furthermore, the post-op pain was very well managed by all the staff concerned.

tbh, I feel worse about my first (natural) birth and it really wasn't that bad.

waves back at designerbaby - I think your new mw would easily be able to request your notes, definitely worth asking. If she says no then you can ask yourself. I just think I would like the mw to go over them as I'm not sure quite what to expect. If they are truly indecipherable then I will need her to explain.

Thanks for this thread. I had my baby at the Homerton three years ago and it still haunts me and I still suffer physical after-effects. Plus, I think quite objectively, post natal care at the Homerton was then (and probably still is) a shocker. Their SCBU (special care baby unit) and staff in that unit are pretty fab, however. I have been thinking of having a second child but as so many of you on here seem to be saying I realise I have unresolved fear/questions/trauma related to birth 1. I live abroad now but wonder if I too should seek notes from my birth and a debriefing session if possible. I wonder if by asking for my notes the hospital will assume I want to sue them or something (I don't) and make it difficult for me to get notes? Do we have a 'right' to read them (it would help to know before starting the process)?

sky - you are def. allow a copy of your notes. Here is a link which explains your rights to maternity records.

Thanks for the link swissmiss!

Thanks for all your support, my debrief should be on monday if I don't chicken about it .
I agree that talking about it with freinds doesn't really count, for some reason it is more emotionnal to talk to a MW and have a 'professional' point of view.

Coming back a bit late, but I did promise to hold your hand Hope it goes well today [hand-holding emoticon]

Thanks for your support. It did go OK. Was able to talk without crying , but I didn't talk about pain management (or lack of it) and bad aftercare. Waiting for the 34 weeks scan to make a decision about the way to go for birth this time and it makes me more relax. MW v nice not pushing for VBAC or ElCS, she is waiting for more info too, but said if problems resolve there should be no reason for VBAC not to work. I will probably ask her to be with me for the birth (not sure how much she takes but it is probably worth it) so I don't have the feeling like first time of being left alone and in the dark.