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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

DH or DP's Guide to Birth: What to do and What Not to do

32 replies

alexpolismum · 04/08/2009 11:27

I thought it would be interesting to have a thread for all our dhs/dps to give them some advice on dos and don'ts!

I'll go first:

Do bring your dw chocolate/water/whatever she is screaming at you for, without asking her if she should really have that at this time

Don't (REALLY, DON'T) say "It can't hurt that much, women have children every day!" And if you are tempted to say this, don't be surprised if she punches you on the nose

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hassled · 04/08/2009 11:31

If your DC is born in the early hours of the morning, don't say "I'm so tired - I've been on my feet all night" afterwards. And no, Ex-DH, I won't ever let you forget that.

Hollyoaks · 04/08/2009 11:34

Snap hassled my dh said the same after 14 hours of me hanging round his neck during every contraction. He also said at one point, ooh I've got a really sore ulcer!!!!!!! .

Got to admit the g&a had me pretty chilled and I felt really sorry for him, especially when he nearly passed out.

susie100 · 04/08/2009 11:38

Don't scream PUSH ever (I think I had gathered that was what I was meant to be doing)

midnightexpress · 04/08/2009 11:41

Hollyoaks, your DP clearly didn't snaffle the G&A for himself then?

There's one to add to the don'ts list. It makes staying awake until 5am quite tricky, guys.

Original poster

alexpolismum · 04/08/2009 11:44

Hassled and Hollyoaks - I can hardly believe it! They were so tired!! At least that's one thing my dh didn't say!

OP posts:

mosschops30 · 04/08/2009 11:48

Dont say any of the following:

god it was soooo tiring
my hand was really hurting from rubbing your back so much
it was soooo hot in that room I had to keep going to the window

and dont ask your dw what her car reg is - because she will be able to recite every reg of every car she's ever owned other than the one she actually drove into the hospital

MrsBadger · 04/08/2009 11:50

do whatever the woman in labour demands, without reason or question

unless she is obviously unreasonable or insensible
(eg 'oh fuck off I never want to see you again!', 'stop all this right now and take me home!')
in which case use your brain and do something reasonable and sensible
without in any way letting her know she is neither

Original poster

alexpolismum · 04/08/2009 12:34

mosschops - did you actually drive yourself into the hospital to give birth??

I couldn't have even contemplated it!

OP posts:

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 12:36

Don't eat her toast and drink her tea. She may well kill you. Happy post-birth hormones are not strong enough to withstand that.

girlsyearapart · 04/08/2009 12:42

Whilst driving your in labour wife to hospital do not detour to look at 'points' as you are studying the knowledge to become a black cab driver. Yes he really did.

clayre · 04/08/2009 12:46

do not wear white trousers, i have no idea what was going through his head when he got dressed butthe trousers were not white by the time he left the hospital

Rindercella · 04/08/2009 12:46

Don't roll over and go back to sleep when your DW wakes you at 5am screaming to tell you she's in labour.

SummerC · 04/08/2009 12:50

Shut up....just shup up and do what she tells you. A woman in labour has the strength of a lion and a temper to match!! For your own sake - just shut up and do it

aquavit · 04/08/2009 12:56

Bring bendy straws so you can feed DW water/energy drinks/whatever, regardless of what position she's ended up in.

Make sure you know the birthplan/DW's preferences so that you can be clear/firm with midwives etc if necessary. (But don't interfere if DW decides that her no-pain-relief plan is no longer the preferred option.)

Don't snaffle the tea and toast.

REALLY don't claim it's harder to watch than to do (like some arse in the Grauniad the other day).

mosschops30 · 04/08/2009 12:58

alex - I was induced so nbot actually in labour when drove to hospital, also I have a staff parking badge on my car which is why I took that.
dh not a complete ass

Smuddy81 · 04/08/2009 13:02

I love this thread! I shall be watching it eagerly ready to print off for my own DH for his mental preparation for what is to come!
Thanks everyone! Keep them coming!
S
x

notsoteenagemum · 04/08/2009 13:02

My advice is for post-birth because Dh stayed virtually silent by my head for both births,
Don't go out to wet the babies head every night your DW is in hospital then come to visit saying how knackered you are.
Don't let your wife be the only one on the ward with no flowers.
Don't bring older dc to the hospital to visit in too small and mismatched outfits.
Don't say you know how to put the car seat in then spend half an hour putting it in the wrong way round.
Don't say you will cook the first meal at home then ask how to cook bacon or offer burnt pizza.
Do spend two hours rocking your screaming newborn outside in the garden so that you DW can get some sleep.
Do make tea and toast for the night feeds if only for the first few days.
Do tell your wife she looks gorgeous even though you both know she looks flabby and milky and exhausted.

Piffpaffpoff · 04/08/2009 13:03

If your wife is not wearing her glasses or contact lenses and asks you, exhausted, what the baby is seconds after delivering (and it is a totally unexpected and secretly much wanted girl!) don't keep saying "have a look yourself". I'm asking you because I can't see that far you fool!

BertieBotts · 04/08/2009 13:10

When everyone in the room is shouting at your DW, go up close to her head and tell her in a calm voice between her screams what they are all trying to say.

DH didn't do this - a midwife did, but it helped so much! Stupid everyone else were NOT HELPING.

Tell her you are proud of her!

Research forceps/ventouse deliveries beforehand and know what to expect so when the doctor tries to shoo you out you can say "It's OK, I know it will be shocking to watch, but I know what to expect and I want to support my wife"

If you are likely to faint or haven't prepared, don't do this! They send you out for a reason!

Insist on skin to skin contact after the birth - wearing a button shirt is useful for this. And get a midwife to take a picture.

Take a camera and use it! But only if your DW wants

LissyGlitter · 04/08/2009 13:14

Ditto the take a camera thing-we forgot ours and so the first pictures of our DD were taken by my sister visiting later, and she somehow managed to make every single picture into a blur!

BertieBotts · 04/08/2009 13:15

Oh no Lissy We didn't take a camera either but DP used the one on his phone. Those first photos aren't brilliant quality but they are precious.

midnightexpress · 04/08/2009 13:18

When your wife sends you to buy a new nightdress when the one she got to take to hospital still doesn't fit, don't, under any circumstances, come back with an oversized purple and pink t-shirt with an enormous picture of Eeyore on the front.

Do, however, bring her nice things to eat from M&S, as the hospital food is inedible.

Hollyoaks · 04/08/2009 13:20

Just to clarify, although my dh made some silly errors during my labour he was fantastic and supportive and worried about both of us the whole way through. He nearly passed out but managed to hang on in there when my mam left the room when the consultant arrived with the ventouse.

So he was full of do's as well as a couple of dont's. His do's included holding my hand or being there to hang on to from the very first contraction, collecting the messy g&a pipe from between my legs when I dropped it, coming with me to the toilet afterwards because I was frightened to go because of my stitches and helping me to have a bath after it was all over.

jujubean · 04/08/2009 13:27

Don't be texting people every 2 mins when your wife is starting in labour (I was induced). Don't act surprised when she tells you that if you don't put the phone down she will throw it out of the f*ing window. It's all about ME today ok, and I want your undivided attention!

MadreInglese · 04/08/2009 13:30

Even though you work on a farm please do not make any references to or comparisons with the labour habits of pigs, sheep or cows

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