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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Maternity nurse dilemma

43 replies

sweetss · 06/07/2009 17:18

I am due in 3 weeks, and my husband would like to hire a maternity nurse to help me out at the beginning and when he goes back to work, especially at night. I hate the thought of a stranger in the house or anyone other than us handling our baby. For some reason I am already very jealous of our baby and cannot stand the thought that someone else takes care of her. I am planning to get our cleaner everyday for 3 to 5 hours, which should take care of house chores, shopping food etc. Am I crazy??? What are the pros and cons?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
hedgiemum · 08/07/2009 00:10

I'm pregnant with DC4 and would have loathed having a maternity nurse with any of them. The newborn stage is so precious and goes so fast. As you don't have an older child you'll be able to sleep when the baby does. Just enjoy him/her!

The cleaner will be excellent help (make sure they know how to work your washing machine; newborns generate a lot of laundry) and if you do end up in dire straits then there are emergency maternity nurses available on short notice.

bellasmama · 08/07/2009 08:30

Sweetss, why dont you just register interest with an agency and see how you feel when the baby comes. Are you planning a natural birth and are you having it privately? The only reason I ask is that if you are NHS you will be out of hospital quickly even with a CS so you might be a bit shellshocked when you come home but you do have time to recover privately. Like I said I would play it by ear.

heron22 · 08/07/2009 09:41

bellasmama hi, yes she is very busy as you can imagine. you can get her number via portland hospital, third floor or first floor should have her number. i booked her 2-3 months in advance. cos i had scheduled c section, it was easy to work out when i needed her.

yes latching is the key. could not agree more.

so are you expecting?

DH wants to try for #3 and i said no way, #2 is barely 6 months old!

bellasmama · 08/07/2009 11:06

Hi Heron, thank you so much, no im not expecting but thinking about it. Blimey I dont blame you for wanting to hold off for no 3!

sweetss · 08/07/2009 15:13

thanks so much for the good suggestions. my husband will be able to take only one week off at birth, and hopefully another week after a few weeks. and he does work very long hours... he wants to be as helpful as he can, but realistically i think he will need to sleep to function so I plan to not involve him much at night...

OP posts:
sweetss · 08/07/2009 15:17

we are going private and yes, I plan to stay at the hospital as long as I need to feel confident that breastfeeding is working...

OP posts:
christiana · 08/07/2009 16:30

Message withdrawn

heron22 · 08/07/2009 17:27

that was another reason why we had nightnurses for both DC until they were sleeping through the night. because DH need his sleep in order to work! and he does work long hours.

the age gap between my DC is 5 yrs. so once LO is sleeping through and i have got my strength back and got a daytime routine sorted (this took around 3-4 months), i only need cleaner help.

i am not saying that it is an easy job being a stay at home mum with 2 kids. i am saying that it is doable and i have some kind of free time for myself now too!

Mumclare · 17/07/2009 16:17

sweets

I had exactly the same problem as you but i got an agency to find me one. they were great, i told them my worries and they found someone great for me.

she was discreet and really adapted to how i wanted my first borns routine to be. she was great.

i also agree with heron22, it is special time, bonding and breast feeding your baby but rest is what you need as well.

As for an agency, i recommend maternally yours but im sure there are plenty out there!

Pippamaiden · 09/08/2010 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

KatyS36 · 09/08/2010 19:37

I EBF DD but found on some nights I needed a lot of help from DH, with settling etc. I remember one night all I could do was lie and feed her, I was so exhausted. Fortunatly DH was able to provide the support I needed. Had he not a night nurse would have been a godsend.

I'd be inclined not to hire one in advance, but to get one in short term through an agency if you felt you needed one.

I had a nursery nurse for a week at 5 months, and it was fantastic. For me that was when I needed the help.

MigGril · 09/08/2010 21:59

You all live on a different planet. We had no family help and no other help either, yes it was hard work but we're still hear to tell the tail. And yes my OH wroks hard and needs his sleep so I did most of the night shift once he'd gone back to work.

The cleaner is a great idea though that's the one thing I wish we had done. Maybe will do this time round. To be honist I wouldn't have wanted anyone hellping with the baby. I think even having a clear idea as to what I wanted to do before hand doesn't nescarly prepare you for your baby as they are all different and seem to require slightly different parenting.

PinkElephant73 · 10/08/2010 22:43

I had my mum come to stay after both DCs were born, it was a time when I personally felt I really needed my mum - plus she obviously had been there, got the tshirt etc. she was there for me at 3am when DS1 would not stop crying and I did not know what to do. DH could not help, being clueless like me too!

we really bonded in a way I did not anticipate - when I became a mother there were so many things I wanted to share with her. I guess I was lucky, but I feel sorry for people who have to get hired help in rather than be able to call on close family and friends.

BigGLittleG · 11/08/2010 07:26

Sweets,

Like mumclare, my husband and I also went through maternally yours and found a maternity nurse who was absolutely wonderful and discreet.

Like you, I had no family around and a husband who was going to have to be back at work soon after the birth. I was also VERY apprehensive at the idea of a stranger coming into my home and taking over.

The actual experience could not have been more different because I was very clear about the type of person I wanted helping me. It is also worth keeping in mind that a maternity nurses' job is also taking care of YOU and not just the baby. Mine always made sure I was fed and rested and showered.....these are things which can be very hard to accomplish when you are all alone at home with a newborn.

Many women on this thread seem to mistakenly think that a nurse comes into your home and takes over -- NOT TRUE. There was never any doubt as to who was the mother and who was in charge and I spent most of the time holding my baby as I could not put him down!

We had ours for two weeks during which I learned so much about caring for a baby and gained a huge amount of confidence in my ability as a mother. Our nurse also helped me establish breastfeeding after a very rocky start at the hospital (even though we went private).

I certaily don't think everyone needs a nurse but i do think every women needs support from other experienced women, be they mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers etc.....Loving your baby is instinctive, learning how to breastfeed, bathe and care for a baby is not. These are all learned techniques and every women needs some sort of support in the beginning, be it from family or a nurse.

I hope this was helful and I wish you the best of luck!

xxx

PinkElephant73 · 12/08/2010 11:44

I just realised the OP dated from July 2009, so Sweetss' dilemma must have been resolved one way or the other by now!!!!!

Think a spammer must have resurrected this one - need to check dates before responding in future!

PixieCake · 13/08/2010 11:11

It may have been an old thread but I have found it very useful.

Is it easy to get a night nurse after the birth if you decide you need one? (eg if there a waiting list or can you just get one straight away if you aren't coping?)

Can anyone recommend a good agency that I could call up at the 11th hour if needed?

Thanks

MrsC2010 · 13/08/2010 15:52

See how you get on. I got home yesterday with DD1, who is 2 days old (and the best looking baby in the world by the way Grin) and am actually not too bad. I wouldn't want someone else in the house with us overnight, and wouldn't want to hand her over to someone else, however lovely etc. An hour or so with someone during the day in the early days might be nice, to reassure you or answer questions, look after baby while you're showering etc perhaps? Even once or twice a week. I know I'm trying to establish breat feeding etc and there are a few things I'm not sure on/panicking about, that sort of thing might be avoided with a little one on one help for you.

It is a lovely and very thoughtful gesture on his behalf, but perhaps suggest you put it on the back burner for a few weeks until you know what you need/want?

MrsC2010 · 13/08/2010 15:57

Blimey, people wanted to stay in for 7 days odd? I couldn't wait to get home!

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