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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Maternity nurse dilemma

43 replies

sweetss · 06/07/2009 17:18

I am due in 3 weeks, and my husband would like to hire a maternity nurse to help me out at the beginning and when he goes back to work, especially at night. I hate the thought of a stranger in the house or anyone other than us handling our baby. For some reason I am already very jealous of our baby and cannot stand the thought that someone else takes care of her. I am planning to get our cleaner everyday for 3 to 5 hours, which should take care of house chores, shopping food etc. Am I crazy??? What are the pros and cons?

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thisisyesterday · 06/07/2009 17:23

i don't think you're crazy at all!

is it your first child? i only ask this because I do think that unless you are very sure of how you want to do things then you could end up doing things "her" way iyswim? and if it's your first child very often people aren't totally sure how they want to do things like if you want to introduce a dummy, how the baby will be fed, if to have a routine, whether or not to co-sleep.

now, i am not suggesting that maternity nurses all want to come in and take over. just that if you aren't sure about stuff then you might end up just doing what she suggests rather than what you really want to dol

does that make sense>????

anyway, you need to do what you're comfortable with. I know that I wouldn't be happy having someone in my house and looking after my baby for me.

i reckon a cleaner is a much, much better idea. you can rest and look after baby ,and someone else can do all the chores

Wonderstuff · 06/07/2009 17:27

I wouldn't. Cleaner is def. excellent idea, but for all the reasons you mentioned, plus I think it would surely make bfing more difficult to establish I would say no. Although if you had asked me when my baby was 3 weeks old i may have given a different answer! I have fond memories of night times with my baby, but I was VERY tired. Do you have any family near?

My inlaws took dd off my hands for a couple of hours one morning when I really hit a wall, was great I could ask them, an hours sleep and I was a new woman.

NigellaTufnel · 06/07/2009 17:28

You are getting someone in for 3 to 5 hours a day, and your husband still wants a maternity nurse?!

You will be absolutely fine.

One of things that we found is that having a newborn is great fun. Yes it's hard, but establishing your little family of three is one of the most important things you can do.

Picante · 06/07/2009 17:29

Yes agree. Either a cleaner or post-natal doula. I just have visions of maternity nurses being very matrony! And obviously if you're planning to bf there's not much they can help you with at night.

Original poster

sweetss · 06/07/2009 17:29

thanks so much, thisisyesterday. It is my first baby, yes. I have read plenty of books on baby care, attended to classes and feel like I have a clear idea of how I would like to run things. That's why I feel that another person with her own ideas will just get on my nerves.....

OP posts:

christiana · 06/07/2009 17:31

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sweetss · 06/07/2009 17:39

that's what I think, NigellaTufnel. He is just worrying that I may be too tired or sth... that makes me feel more confident that I have not gone insane...

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Original poster

sweetss · 06/07/2009 17:43

thanks Wonderstuff. I have no family around, which is why he is nervous i think. but i suppose i could always get someone to help if I feel I am going insane?

OP posts:

bellasmama · 07/07/2009 09:54

You will be fine, I have no family either and I got rid of my maternity nurse after a couple of days as she got on my nerves so much wanting to do things her way.

squeaver · 07/07/2009 10:01

Don't discount it. Get as much help as you can (and it looks like you will be with your cleaner) and just see how it goes. You can always get someone to come in in a few weeks when you'll really need a good night's sleep.

Your dh is only trying to help I think.

Maternity nurses are most excellent, especially if you go on a personal recommendation. They're not all Gina Ford, you know.

sabire · 07/07/2009 11:50

I'd get a postnatal doula as they'll do cleaning and cooking as well as help you with the baby. It'll also probably be considerably cheaper than getting a maternity nurse.

ruddynorah · 07/07/2009 12:02

goodness no not a maternity nurse, especially as you're already quite sure you'll hate having someone interfering. now a cleaner every day..that's a marvellous idea. especially if she'll put washing on etc, which is possible if she's there every day 3-5 hours. also it may help to look up ready meals, i mean posh ones not 5 for £1 from asda type crap, to tide you over for the first few weeks.

is your dh much help? does he work long hours? will he have 2 weeks paternity, can he take holiday on top to take longer time with you and the baby?

NigellaTufnel · 07/07/2009 12:28

Yes, unless your husband is completely useless I would say that you are covered. IN fact you'll have far more help that most, evnen those who have family, as mothers and MIL can be more a hindrance than a help.

I can't stress enough that if it is just you and your husband coping with your new baby, I think that it helps in the long run.
It will help with bonding with the three of you, and I must admit that our marriage was strengthened massively by going through it together.

Also I found getting bfeeding established v.v. difficult, and having anyone who wasn't my DH around made it worse.

And like I said, it's hard but great fun.

bellasmama · 07/07/2009 12:42

I agree with Nigella, as soon as the MN went we really all bonded together, it is a magical time, enjoy.

heron22 · 07/07/2009 13:21

sweetss i have 2 DC, DS2 is nearly 6 months old. for both of them, i had night nurse come at night to take over the night feeds until they started sleeping through the night. with DS1, i did not have help during the day. when DS2 came along, we found that, in order for our family life to continue as uninterrupted as possible, we needed to have help during the day. i had a mother's help come in the morning to do things i would normally do. she would leave around lunch time. then the night nurse would arrive at 8pm.

i agree with your DH, you need help. and a good maternity nurse will do what you want, giving advice where appropriate. if your maternity nurse starts dictating, then get another one! i went through a company called nightnannies.com. are you in london? they are based in london and surrey i think.

heron22 · 07/07/2009 13:24

do you plan to breastfeed? with DS1, i did not get a breastfeeding consultant and i did not do it right, ended up with sore cracked bleeding nipples etc.

with DS2, Claire Byam Cook came over to give me practical help on day 3. she stayed for about 2-3 hours until i got the latching bit right. it was amazing to get someone who knows what they are doing to show me how it is done.

frAKKINPannikin · 07/07/2009 13:31

From what you say you don't need a maternity nurse but I wouldn't discout the option of getting some extra help in.

A younger/less experienced/trainee maternity nurse (a nanny wanting to move into maternity work maybe) might be a good option for you. They're less likely to be assertive and take over!

Alternatively a post-natal doula might be a plan. There will probably be a point where you just want someone else to take the baby for a few hours just so you can go to the loo in peace, shower and nap without worrying

You should be able to find someone if you need to, especially just for night work - NightNannies is a good recommendation (I've worked through them in the past).

reindeermum · 07/07/2009 13:40

No no no you absolutely don't need a maternity nurse. Those first couple of newborn weeks are so so special and go so fast; why on earth have someone you don't even know taking part of that amazing time away from you (not to mention the huge cost of such a person!), however tired you are. If it is your first you have the luxury of being able to sleep during the day too when your baby does.

Cleaner excellent idea.

motherdoula · 07/07/2009 13:49

A doula will provide practical and emotional support-field phone calls etc so that you can rest and spend precious time with your baby.

If having a post-natal doula or a cleaner you can make sure that they come at times to suit you.

cookiedough · 07/07/2009 13:58

I reckon on getting yourself as much support as you can in the early days. Most helpful is people (friends/family/cleaner etc) to provide decent homecooked food for you and your husband every night for the first two weeks. Or cook up stuff now and freeze it. Other best piece of advice is definitely to sleep when ever the baby sleeps in the first two weeks. Too many people don't and end up too tired to enjoy their baby, which is a huge shame. If you feel after the first couple of weeks that you need some help you could always get a maternity nurse or night nanny then, but sounds like you will be well set up without that kind of help. Just don't say no if it's offered and you NEED it. It's about protecting yourself!

The right maternity nurse will not take over, or get under your feet, or try to get you to do things her way, so it is important to find the right one for you. If you are thinking you might want one maybe get in touch with an agency and look through some CV's and interview people now. That way you would get someone you really wanted and liked.

I'm a maternity nurse, happy to answer any specific questions if you want to CAT me. Hope this helps.

heron22 · 07/07/2009 14:33

rreindeermum the first few weeks are special true. they are also very very tiring. after delivering a baby, the mum needs to sleep at night. only waking up to breastfeed (if she is breastfeeding). this also makes sure her milk supply is kept up. also, her body needs to recover from the birth!

so a night nurse is great, if you can afford one.

bellasmama · 07/07/2009 18:20

I will admit I did have my DS privately and had 5 days in hospital which set me up. Maybe if I had my maternity nurse just for the night it would not have irritated me so much. Night Nannies agency do have a good reputaion. Heron, did Clare Byam_Cook come to the Portland to help you? Were you happy with the breastfeeding support at the hospital or did you feel you needed a guru? When I had DS at the Portland I had excellent breastfeeding support, one midwife sat with me practically the whole day helping me feed.

heron22 · 07/07/2009 19:33

hi bellasmama i had both DC at portland. with DS1 i cannot complain about the breastfeeding support BUT still got bleeding cracked nipples. so when DS2 came along did not want to risk it, so got Clare to come along. and the support she gave me was far far superior to what the portland nurse gave me. she taught me how to determine if the latch was on correctly or not. so never got cracked nipples. yes she came to portland to help me on day 3. and i went home on day 7 rested and happy.

tryingtobemarypoppins · 07/07/2009 19:55

Wow this thread is another world!
Private hospitals, night nurses, nannies...........

I'm off as I am soooooooo jealous!

bellasmama · 07/07/2009 19:58

Hi Heron I can totally understand why you took on Clare, just in case I ever need it, is she hard to book and do you have to do it months in advance? Despite having the fab suppoort at the hospital when I got home and didnt have the help I got sore as well and it sounds that getting the latch just so really is the key. Thank you so much.

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