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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Total mental blok with writing birth plan - suggestions or firm kick up the bum needed

39 replies

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 20:41

I'm nearly 35 weeks pregnant with DC2 and am hoping to have a home water birth. My doula strongly recommends writing a birth plan and TBH I agree, I just have no idea where to begin. I've got a total mental block.

I don't know if I should 'plan' for worst case scenarios (transfer to hospital / CS) or just stick with 'planning' for the birth I want.

I didn't have a birth plan last last time and I'm not sure it would have made that much difference really. I'd certainly never have thought to include anything that would have made a difference in the situation(s) that arose. I was really let down by my midwife (and mum too) and I think I had far to much trust in the Dutch system, but I guess that's beside the point...

Please help, I'm really running out of time

OP posts:

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ash83 · 01/05/2009 20:56

if i was you i would make a back up plan for if you need to go to hospital. so things like who will have dc1 in case of emergency.have a bag packed with hospital essentials like under wear,nightie,breast pads sanitry towels a dressing gown and toilettries for yourself plus nappies and babygros for baby.you may not need it but the last thing your going to want to do in an emergency is have to pack a bag. you can also plan if you want music on, where you want to give bith,ie floor, kneeling,who you want to cut the cord and if you want any pain relief.i hope this helped a bit.good luck

noshouting · 01/05/2009 21:00

Hi there, I would say plan the birth you want.
Sit and think about what you would like best and simply write it down.
Are you worried that what happened last time will happen again?

thisisyesterday · 01/05/2009 21:03

i would write a plan for the birth you WANT.
but I would also have a second, separate one for what you want to happen in case you transfer (ie, drugs, what you want to happen in case of c-section etc etc)

jennylindinha · 01/05/2009 21:10

Totally agree with the others, plan for the birth you want and then have a back-up plan in case you need to transfer.

I had a homebirth in October last year (amazing by the way and I would definitely do it again) and we never even got the plan out of the folder! It all happened so quickly that the midwife only arrived around 45 mins before DD and I never even got the gas and air!

However, I had to transfer to hospital later on due to post-partum haemorrhage and that was the only thing DP & I had not considered when we wrote the back-up plan... So bear it in mind.

Also, when you pack "the bag", do it together as your DP will need to know where everything is in case you are out of it like I was. I managed to give some orders instructions but I felt so woozy, even without drugs, that I'm not entirely sure what I was saying

Best of luck!

ash83 · 01/05/2009 21:16

i would agree.we had ds2 in november and we planned a hospital birth but the little monster had other ideas and i had him on the bathroom floor 20 mins after my first contraction. i to had to be transfered to hospital because baby was tiny and couldnt maintain his temp and incomplete placenta( trust hubby to be on a night out that night in manchester) i think its better to be over prepared than under prepared

allthetwinklystars · 01/05/2009 21:32

adh83!

I had two birth plans, didn't get to use the HB one but did get to use the hospital one. I don't know if anyone else read them but they really helped focus me on the choices I'd have to make, and meant I didn't have to explain what I wanted during labour as my dh already knew.

Write a birth plan that covers

labouring positions
if you want your mw chatty and cheering you on or quiet and in the background
any pain relief you want (including massage, baths etc).
birthing position
if you want to see/feel the baby's head, if you want to find out the sex yourself, if your partner wants to be at the 'business end' or not, cord cut straight away or not etc
3rd stage management
breast feed straight away or not etc

Also for a HB think about why you might end up in hospital - when would you say, yes, now's the time to go? How do you feel about if you have meconium when your waters break? Some feel this needs more attention, others not (sorry it's been a while, I can't remember all the reasons either way).

I tried to think about why I might end up in hospital. What would you want - bearing in mind your previous experience too. Are there any points where there would be a choice? If yes you can express your preference in a birth plan, if no then you know going in that what happens, happens.

In the end I had an induction, I spent the night before rewriting my birth plan, it did help me accept the situation. I think I just put on it that I wanted a less-to-more approach to pain relief, water if possible and to have a go without pain relief first if possible. It all turned out fine though - I had a 3 hour induction, no pain relief, no problems.

I hope that helps. Good luck.

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 21:33

Thanks all. I like the idea of a plan and a plan B, I was planning on packing an emergency bag anyway. I did last time too but it did/does somehow feel like inviting a transfer.

Any ideas on how I can clarify (in my own mind) what I do actually want? I think I know broadly what I don't want but what I do want isn't so clear. I've looked online for examples of birth plans but all the ones I've found seem to be based on hospital births and pain relief choices.

I guess I am worried about what happened last time happening again but it's not at all likely. There's NO way I'm going to push without the urge again unless there's a good reason. (With DD I was made to push as soon as I reached 10cm even though I didn't feel the need to push yet. Unsurprisingly after 3/4 hour or so when I did get the to push DD wasn't too happy and I was getting exhausted.)

ash83 - blimey! There's no planning for that is there. It sounds like you did amazingly.

OP posts:

Rosebud05 · 01/05/2009 21:33

Have a play around with Google. From what I remember with my dd, there are quite a few templates knocking about that give you a good idea of areas to cover and that you can fiddle around with without having to start the whole thing from scratch.
Good luck!

allthetwinklystars · 01/05/2009 21:34

ash83 not adh83 - sorry, didn't preview

allthetwinklystars · 01/05/2009 21:38

norktasticninja - I think on my birth plan I had that I needed checking for when I needed to push and telling, as first time round I pushed without really realising it, ending up having to catch dd myself as the mw had just gone off shift (which was actually quite a magical moment!) and having 2nd degree tears (not so magical). It was the only part of the birth where I wanted the mw to be loud!

I also had a birthing pool (unused - sob) so I said when I wanted to use it, whether or not I wanted to have the baby in it, where I wanted to have the 3rd stage.

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 21:39

allthetwinklystars - sasauge fingered X there. Your post is really helpful, thanks! I'll try that approach. Are your birth plans in the MN archive? I'd love to have a look.

Rosebud - I've not had much luck with google so far. Also, I don't want to get it too clear in my head in English first because I'm going to have to write it in Dutch and doing a full on translation would be much more difficult than just writing it IYSWIM.

OP posts:

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 21:40

sausage even

OP posts:

ash83 · 01/05/2009 21:42

it was a shock.i was more upset that i didnt get an epidural than anyhing i was the same as you ds was 8 weeks early and all te time i was pregnant 2nd time i was so scared that it would happen again. i did feel amazing after but i had joked with dh that one day i would call him up and lie id had the baby so when i did phone he didnt believe me.lol.the nice thing was that my 3 year old had woken up and sat with me while i had his brother.i thought hed be scared but he was so amazed.although me now tells anyone and everyone "my brother came out of mummys moo moo"

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 21:42

x again!

OP posts:

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 21:46

It must have been a massive shock ash. It's great to hear your DS managed so well though, children are truly amazing aren't they. I'm hoping DD (who'll be 18 months) won't be here for the birth, but as yu say there is no way of knowing what'll happen.

OP posts:

allthetwinklystars · 01/05/2009 21:50

Sorry, not on the archives or on my computer anymore - I think it all got deleted when we replaced our computer last year. I think I knew after DD what I wanted, just put that down. The HB plan is the ideal one, isn't it? Ahhh, still a little sad that I didn't get to do it.

You could do it as a series of answers to the following questions:

Who will be there/supporting you?
What role do you want the mw to play? (quiet/cheering, checked regulary or no unnecessary internals etc)
Where do you want to labour? (moving around, on your bed, in a specific room, on the floor etc)
What relaxation/breathing methods/pain relief do you want?
Where & how do you want to have the baby? (which room, which position, who cuts the cord etc)
When do you want help/intervention?

(reminders about when to push, when to consider going to hospital)

How do you want the 3rd stage managed?
How do you want to meet you baby?

(find out sex yourself, skin to skin, breastfeed etc)

I hope that helps.

hedgiemum · 01/05/2009 21:54

I have a paediatrician friend who said she wouldn't write a birthplan "becuase she'd never seen a midwife read one". I pointed out that I always talk the midwife through mine; she doesn't have a choice but to read it! So then the Dr friend wrote one. It just said this.

"I will NOT give birth to a breech baby vaginally."

Seriously, I think they're helpful for working out what you do and don't want. I made the mistake with first DC of not reading up about the things I instinctively didn't want, but being on mnet that is unlikely in your case! more important than a birthplan is making sure your birth partner is a real advocate for you, knowing what you want/don't want and why. Writing the birthplan with them alongside you helps with this.

spicemonster · 01/05/2009 21:56

If you send me an email/CAT, I will send you my birthplan which has both the waterbirth (hospital rather home) and the if I have to have a CS scenario. I used another MNer's as a basis and my MW said it was the best birth plan she'd seen

ash83 · 01/05/2009 21:56

my son was the best birthing partner i could of wished for he was actually 32 mths at the time and he held my hand and told me not to cry(i had massive bleed so got very upset) he even managed to put my key through the letter box so the paramedics could get in. i think having my son there stopped me getting so loud.i didnt want to traumatise him any more

allthetwinklystars · 01/05/2009 22:00

ash83. Your son sounds like he did a great job - as did you.

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 22:01

I'll give it a go allthetwinklystars, thank you.

I know what you mean about being a bit sad about missing out on home birth. Although I was lucky to be at home for most of the time it took me a while to get my head round it too.

hedgiemum - You're right about the advocacy thing, that's why I've booked a doula. She'd have a tough job if I can't manage to write a decent plan, I think I'll get there though.

OP posts:

Original poster

norktasticninja · 01/05/2009 22:03

x again. This is getting stupid

spicemonster - it'd be great if you could send me your plan, I'd be really interested to see it. My email is lith @ whale-mail . com

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 01/05/2009 22:05

Ash83 - your son sounds like a star. You must be very proud of him.

ash83 · 01/05/2009 22:05

it will all suddenly come to you.youll wake up in a cold sweat thinking 'i better write this down' i wouldnt worry to much about it as long as you no what you defo dont want write that down,remember you dont have to have a birth plan its just handy so every one is on the same page and you dont end up screaming when someone/something really bugs you

ash83 · 01/05/2009 22:08

thanks thecrackfox i am.he is a little superstar. he did me so proud i think i was crying the most because if he hadnt put those keys through the letter box i dont no how i would of got down stairs

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