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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

giving birth alone

26 replies

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:27

im only 21/22 weeks pregnant...and there is noone i trust to watch my dd who will be just over a year told, so dh will stay at home and i will have to give birth alone..i feel so sad, can't stop crying...i can't get my mum to watch dd as mil will kick up a fuss..the only way i got through labour last time was with dh

OP posts:
Disenchantegg3 · 04/04/2009 20:28

ask them both to come watch her?

so no favouriteism?

you can't do it alone

Reallytired · 04/04/2009 20:31

What about a homebirth? Or if you are really insistant about your dh looking after your daughter or have you considered getting an doula. What are his feelings on the matter?

I don't think you should worry about your mil kicking up a fuss, if you trust your mum. Its about what is best for you rather than pleasing your mother in law.

Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:32

i don't trust mil, she will kick up a fuss...as my mother lives 2 hours away...she will say why am i calling my mother...etc...

i feel so sad, since i found out i was pregnant i ahve been worried who will look after dd! last time after i gave birth, my mil did'nt tel my mum and my parents went all the way back home, and my mil turned up at the hospital with her bloody sister! who might i add, i can't stand!it still pisses me off she came, and my mum did'nt

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Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:33

can't ahve homebirth, i live in a small flat..not doable..dh said he will look after dd as he does'nt trust his own mother, and if my mum comes he knows it will kick up a fuss. u don't know my mil.

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Reallytired · 04/04/2009 20:35

Could you not invite your mother to stay close to your due date. I realise that room in your house might be an issue.

My mil thinks she has a gawd given right to smack my son. Hence she is NOT looking after him. My parents will be looking after him, even though they live an hour away. Thankfully I have my husband's backing and we aren't telling his parents until the baby is born.

Longtalljosie · 04/04/2009 20:36

Let her kick up a fuss! So what - she won't need to even know you were in labour until after the baby's born. Arrange for your mum to do it, and don't tell her what you've done till later. I know when people are a nightmare it's easier to take the line of least resistance, but don't let her do this to you.

fryalot · 04/04/2009 20:37

If your mum lives 2 hours away, can you not invite her to stay with you for a week or two, around about the time you are due?

Then she's there on the spot and MIL can't complain

Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:38

looool, i live in the same street as my inlaws they will know. that's what i thought to do first, but dh knows his mum very well. she can't look afte rher own kids, how can i trust her to watch mine...

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Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:39

guys my mil lives in the ssame street..my mum wont mind coming...at all! just the drama

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Longtalljosie · 04/04/2009 20:41

Well don't do it then. Invite your mother. What can your MIL do? Yell, sulk, strop, insult you both, blank you? Nuts to it. Inviting your mother is perfectly reasonable, just say you wanted your mother there, tell her it's a mother-daughter thing. End of story.

Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:44

ohhhhhhhhhhhh she does'nt get mother daughter thing! she did'nt tell my mum i was delivering my dd so my mum could stay abit longer and come hospital to see me, instead brought her flipping sister(mil's)...yup she blanke dmy bil and wife and his kid...when they did nothing wrong, cause abig drama!

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BoeuffinMum · 04/04/2009 20:44

I have had a home waterbirth in a minute flat with a poxy little water tank. My mw said not to worry about it as she had done one in a squat once. So if you can live there, you can deliver there.

Alternatively just take dd into hospital with you perhaps?

Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:45

i don't think you can take children...

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turtle23 · 04/04/2009 20:47

Have you considered having a doula? You can certainly have a homebirth regadless of size of your flat. Delivery rooms in most hospitals are smaller, I'll bet!!!

fryalot · 04/04/2009 20:47

or you could all go and stay at your mum's and give birth in her local hospital?

Jenf2306 · 04/04/2009 20:51

put yourself first and do what you feel is right. ask your mum and forget the mil.

it must be very hard for you and you don't need the worry

xxx

BecauseImWoeufit · 04/04/2009 20:51

Sorry, but you and your DH should grow some balls and stand up for what suits you and what you need.

Ask your mother to come and stay around your due date so that she can be there for you, and just don't tell your MIL when you go into labour.

Your MIL should not be allowed to have so much control over you - but you are both behaving in such a way that is giving her this amount of control.

The birth of your child is such a special thing I can't even begin to understand why you would let this woman interfere with your desires.

Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:57

she has a way of spoiling everything, she did it to my bil and wife...when they brought the baby home, she refused to see the baby, and stopped my little sister in laws seeing the baby, and lied to them telling them that my bil said he did'nt want them around..she is very ttwisted!

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Longtalljosie · 04/04/2009 21:40

Well, so she won't come and see the baby for a bit. Her loss. She's in the same street, how long could she keep that up for? And when your little SILs eventually see the baby say you've been hoping to see them for ages.

BecauseI'm is right. Stand up to her. Seriously, you're letting her bully you into giving birth alone. She's not that important. She is not.

And she'll only spoil things if you let her. And no matter what she does, it won't spoil things anyway near as much as you giving birth alone. That's got to be the worst case scenario, surely?

When I said to tell her it's a mother daughter thing, it wasn't to mollify her, it was to end the conversation. Whether she gets the idea of a mother daughter relationship, is immaterial. It's just a better explanation than "we don't trust you with DD"

Come on. Stand up to her. You can do it.

thirtysomething · 04/04/2009 21:46

It's all about what's right for your family - not what's right for your MIL.

FWIW we had to take DS (then aged 2) to hospital with us when DD was born as we didn't know anyone well enough to take him in the middle of the night (had just moved areas) and it took my parents a couple of hours to get there - DD was born very fast so no time. It was fine - the midwife just took him out of the room and some of the trainees/receptionists looked after him at the desk - then he fell asleep! They weren't happy about it but understood the predicament.

Shambolic · 04/04/2009 21:59

Are your BIL and wife nearby? Are you close/does DD know them?

maybe they could have her?

Just thinking out loud - personally I would just have my mum over and be done with it but I'm not you and I don't know your MIL...

BoeuffinMum · 04/04/2009 22:00

Yes, you could just say the person who was going to have her has been taken ill so you had to bring her with you. They aren't exactly going to insist you tie her to a tree outside, are they???

Shambolic · 04/04/2009 22:01

What does your DH say?

Have you asked about possibility of home birth on your ante-natal appointments?

There is a solution to this, everything will be fine, you will not be going it alone

Original poster
mama2leah · 04/04/2009 22:06

bil is movin abroad in a few weeks time, he was the plan...

hoem birth never thought about it...jus thought my flat to small, plus dh not keen on it.

i think i might jus have to pu tmy foot down

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Shambolic · 04/04/2009 22:10

That's a real shame.

Mama2leah yes you do have to put your foot down. Do what is best for you. Any fallout can be dealt with later.

Get your mum in. Maybe get DH to tell his mum that your mum was worried about you and just turned up or something? I don't know. But you need to sit down with DH and work out what to do and just do it, and forget MIL.